Eavesdropping With Matt (Episode Thirteen...spooky)

Dedicated to the worker at Hollywood Video, who had dressed in black and then wrapped a black t-shirt around his face. He then--in front of his co-workers who were dressed as a witch and a wedge of cheese--attempted to do an ill-advised flip behind the counter and landed on his ninja rump.

Witch: AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAA!

Cheese: That was almost awesome! Ha ha ha!

Ninja: Shut up!

Witch: Do it again!

Ninja: Shut up!

Cheese: You better watch it or we'll both get a shuriken to the forehead!

Witch: Ha ha haaa!

Footnotes are Fun

For the third week in a row there's a new devotional over on gnwstinters.blogspot.com.

Future guest devo-writers (confirmed) include:

Ralph Cooley
Krista Mikalatos

Future guest devo-writers (unconfirmed):

Billy Graham
Jurgen Moltmann

Hints to Win the I Want To Be Poet Laureate Contest

Hint #1: Please remember that I am sending the winning poems on to the governors of the respective states. Poems with names like "Why I Will Beat the Jelly Beans Out of Partisan Politicians" are not likely to make a positive impression in many states. Now, unlike a regular poet laureate, the governor can ignore you completely. But still, that means the subject matter of your poems does matter a little bit. I'm not saying that it can't be political, I'm just saying, remember, you will be the representative of poetry for your state. One or possibly two children will look up to you as an example of the Poet.

Hint #2: If you do not either include or e-mail me your name and a way to contact you, I can guarantee that you will lose the competetion. Even if you have the best poem out of all of them. I don't care if your name is William Carlos Williams, you will not win if you don't give me a way to contact you.

P.S. William Carlos Williams, if you would like to enter the competition, I prefer that you give me an e-mail address. I have a thing about not doing seances or using necromancers or other practicioners of the dark arts. I know this is probably inconvenient, what with you being dead and all, but then, you had your shot at being a laureate, didn't you? And you never served your term, Mister. So it's e-mail for you, Will. Gracias.

Truth is Stranger Than Fiction

Here are a couple of real-life products.

I particularly like the statuette where Jesus is playing basketball with the kids. "Try and get it, kids! C'mon, you can do it... or did I create you too short? Ha ha ha! Jump higher, come on!"

Note to the BHR community: Unless you have the gift of healing, please don't play soccer in your sandals.

In that last one I am not sure why they didn't go all the way and give Jesus a helmet and football uniform. He seems to be playing on the yellow team, but it's hard to say, what with the white robe. And really, to be theologically correct, I am guessing that kid on the other side might be a Christian, too, so there should be a second Jesus over there (?). It sure is confusing when God gets involved in sports.

Whew. Okay. Let me pause and wipe the tears from my eyes. Those are pretty funny. For some reason the baseball one didn't seem that funny. I can dig that, Jesus teaching some kid how to play baseball. Sure. But playing a cruel game of keep away is spectacularly great.


Then we have this swell footgear. Now, when I first saw it I laughed pretty hard. But as I am reflecting on it, I am starting to like it. I am thinking I might go see if these are still available somewhere. I have totally been brainwashed! I don't know how they did it. I must admit that I still laugh imagining the wearer of these flip-flops as the main character in the "Footprints" poem. "I noticed in the hardest moments in my life there was only one set of footprints... and that it no longer said 'Jesus loves you' in the sand."

There's more where this came from. Laugh or be creeped out. Or start shopping. The choice is yours.

The Subject of My E-mail is "Other"

I sent Governor Gregoire an e-mail tonight telling her about the First Annual Poet Laureate Contest. Here's the e-mail:

"Dear Mrs. Gregoire:

First of all, thank you for governing our fair state. I will say that overall I am pleased with the priorities and direction of the state and am proud to live in Washington, even though my friends in Portland make a big deal about driving “all the way to another state” to see me in Vancouver.

I am also pleased to know that education is such a high priority to you and your administration. I taught American literature once-upon-a-time, so education is important to me.

I noticed recently that Oregon, after a ten-year hiatus, announced Lawson Inada their new poet laureate. This got me to thinking, and I went off to research who the Washington poet laureate might be, only to discover that we are one of ten states that does not have an official state poet.

Knowing how busy you and all the other governors are, I decided it would be fun to put together a poetry contest and invite people to become the unofficial poets laureate of the poet-less states. I guess you could say this is my own way of “Moving Washington Forward!”

You can see the contest rules and so on at this website: http://mikalatos.blogspot.com/2006/10/annual-i-want-to-be-poet-laureate.html

I apologize that I won’t be providing a professional poet with lots of publication history to be poet laureate. I may not, in fact, even be delivering a Washingtonian to be poet laureate. But I figured an amateur poet laureate from another state was better than no poet laureate at all.

I will send you a letter when the contest is over, introducing you to our new, unofficial poet laureate. If you would like to send them a note, an autographed picture or a poem of your own we would be extremely grateful. And don’t worry! I am glad to keep holding the contest once a year until we have an official poet laureate. In the meantime, if there is anything you would like to communicate to the contest participants, I would be happy to pass on your thoughts.

Sincerely,

Matt Mikalatos

p.s. Please give my regards to the First Gentleman."

Of course you all will be the first to know if she (or, of course, a staff person) writes back. As I surfed the Washington state website, I couldn't help but think that Governor Gregoire and her husband ("The First Mike" they call him on the website) seem like fun people to hang out with. Who knows? Maybe she will want a photo shoot with the new poet laureate and I can tag along for kicks. I tried to put a photo up so you could see the first family, but it didn't work, so you'll have to follow the links. They look fun, don't they? I think they will understand the spirit of our contest. Hey, maybe one of them will enter!

Latest Hebrew Score

90%.

That's right, kids. 90%!

Shalom!

Get Smarter Now: Seminary Quotes

I have this great theology teacher who is immensely intelligent, has a deep love of both God and people and, inexplicably, is also Funny. I've been taking notes on some of the funny things he says, and since we just took our midterm in that class, I thought it was time to share the wealth. So, every Monday night I get to hang out, learn about God and laugh heartily at sayings like the following:

1. Don’t read your Bible. It’s corrosive to your faith and it messes up your prophecy conferences.

2. One of my least favorite things is fundamentalism.

3. If Jesus returns, put your exam in the recycle bin. Not in the trash, because Jesus cares about that.

4. They asked me my opinion. That was a mistake. Because I gave it to them.

5. Martin Luther was probably bi-polar. If he were around today we would put him on meds and the reformation would have never happened.

6. ‘Nuke ‘em for Jesus’ doesn’t ring quite true for me.

This is a fun class, and the guy is a great teacher. His name is Gerry Breshears. I told my wife, "I would be happy if, when I die, someone writes, 'Matt was like a dumb version of Gerry Breshears' on my tombstone."

New Devo

Continuing our stellar line-up of devotional providers at gnwstinters, our newest devotional is brought to us by none other than Carolyn Culbertson. Don't miss this rare internet post by one of our most elusive and insightful spiritual leaders.

And now off to homework

Okay, I really am going to go do my homework. The kids are in bed now, and K is at class for another hour.

Before I went, though, I thought I'd let you know that I've decided to enter this contest. I've already written the first third or so of my novel, and I only need the first three chapters for the contest, plus a synopsis. I have a month to get ready, so you may get asked to read my chapters and give feedback if you have the time!

First prize is, of course, publication.

But homework first, right? Right, chum! To the Mattcave! dudududududududududu MATTMAN!

POW!

BIFF!

OOF!

SOCK!

Take that, homework!

Latest Hebrew Score:

84%

I'm slowly getting the hang of it. Midterm is next week, though! Yikes!

In other news, I'm off to the Switchfoot concert with Krista tomorrow night (and Shannon and Joe).

Anyway, got to go put my kids in bed, study, etc. Don't worry, I'll be back to prolific blogging soon.

FAQ

Here are the FAQs for the "I want to be poet laureate" contest:

What is a poet laureate?
I could give you a long explanation, but instead I’ll give you the wikipedia entry on poets laureate.

Is this a joke?
Are you laughing?

Can I submit previously published poems?
So long as you are not contractually obligated to give them exclusive rights, sure.

Can I submit more than one poem?
How about one per state. That means you can submit a maximum of ten poems.

Can I submit someone else’s poem?
Nope. Especially if you put your name on it.

Do I have to give you my contact information?
Only if you want to win. If I don't have your contact information, I can't get ahold of you. If I can't get ahold of you, I can't send you your victory junk. I won't be able to e-mail you for your address. I will just have to address the envelope to: "Winner of the Poet Laureate Contest." This will make me bitter and confuse the post office. So... no contact information = you are not the poet we seek.

Will I be the "official" poet laureate?
Well, that depends on how you look at it. None of these states currently have “official” programs to select poets laureate… but you will be the “only” poet laureate for that state. And I will print you up a nice certificate. That seems awfully official to me. I mean, all I got for graduating college was a certificate and a square hat.

I don’t want to submit my poem in the comments section because I figure you have creepy stalker-types on your site. Can I send my poem via e-mail?
Hey, pretty soon you might be poet laureate, so you should get used to being treated like royalty. So send your poems via e-mail to Matt.Mikalatos(at)gmail.com.

I have an extremely poetic sensibility and must send my poems only by snail mail, written by hand. What should I do?
No problem. E-mail me at Matt.Mikalatos(at)gmail.com and I’ll reply with my address.

May I send my entry using my psychic powers?
Yes.

Can I send bribes or lots of money to guarantee my spot as a poet laureate?
If you have lots of money you are clearly not a poet. Go away, this contest is not for you.

Do the poems have to be about one of the ten States represented in the competition?
No. They can be about anything you like (always remembering not to include porn, gore or gratuitious violence, cursing or poems about golf).

Can I use the word "Y" (where Y = some word that is potentially offensive but is not "on the list" of offensive words)?
Of course you can use that word. But you may not use it in the poems you submit to this contest.

What's the catch?
No catch, so long as you want to enter a poetry contest that pays nothing, gives silly prizes and a letter of introduction from a nobody blogger to a government official.

How frequently are these Frequently Asked Questions being asked?
More often than I ever realized was possible. I thought that three of my friends would send in some silly limmericks, and then you guys had to get all serious and turn this into an actual contest. Now I get questions all the time. Questions, questions, questions! Stop writing questions and start writing poems! Or write your questions in the form of a poem.

A 3-year-old's praise song (by my daughter, A)

The Holy Spirit fills the whole world
like a bird
with wings
there are wings everywhere
and also white refrigerators
and rainbows
and it's all so beautiful.

English Lessons

Z: I'm firsty.

Me: You're "firsty"? I think you're "thirsty."

Z: Yes, I'm firsty.

Me: Th, th, th, thirsty.

Z: Firsty.

Me: You have to stick your tongue between your teeth, like this: Th, th, th.

Z: Th, th, th, thfirsty. Firsty.

Me: I'll get you a drink.

new Devotional

I've put a new devotional up on the gnwstinters site. It's from my boss, Keith Bubalo. Alpha Dog himself! One of the greatest things about my job is having people like Keith Bubalo and Chip Scivicque as my bosses. In addition to teaching me a lot about what it means to be a godly person, they make me feel that the name Mikalatos falls into the "normal and easy to spell" category. Take a look!

Our Third Child

When you’re about to have a baby, a lot of things change in life. You start rearranging the furniture in the house, at least mentally. You find yourself saying things like, “If we moved the office downstairs, the current office could be the nursery” or “If it’s a boy we could paint this room another color.” You start getting serious about finding the maternity clothes in the garage. You explain to your kids how everything is going to change (“you’re going to be a big sister now!”), you alter your travel plans for the future.

At the same time, you’re rearranging things internally. You’re preparing a place for the new arrival in your heart, in your mental landscape. You think about what it will mean to be the parent of three (!) kids. You start thinking through what you will need to do to survive the sleepless nights to come, and weigh it out against the joy of having a baby in the house again. You start making space in your life for another human being, another essential, irreplaceable, intimate human connection.

And then, sometimes, things change. For us, it was having a miscarriage last week. I think, for me, the hardest part of a miscarriage is that all that space we made for this new little one now seems lonely and hollow and empty. The inconvenience of moving our office downstairs so that the baby could have a nursery now seems desirable. And the luxury of having an office in the house seems cheap.

I told Krista this week, “now you could go with me to Korea this summer” and she said, “I’d rather have a baby.” And I think that in a lot of ways, Krista’s reply sums it up. Having a baby requires giving up some freedom, and adding new responsibilities. But having that freedom returned to you is not worth what is lost.

How are we feeling? Good, terrible, fine, depressed, detached, guilty, sad, tired. The emotions are too complex and change too quickly to describe well. We’re okay. I found that this week I couldn’t work well or consistently, because I realized I was sitting there doing nothing. I regret never knowing my child.

I think it’s worse for Krista, of course. Her body went through obvious changes in preparation for giving birth and now it’s all going back to “normal”… and every day that’s a reminder of what has happened.

And in the midst of it all there’s the question of God. Or rather, not the question, as that’s something that Krista and I have both said. We’re certain of his presence, and of his goodness, his love, his peace. Honestly, I am too tired to come near to him, to spend time in the word, even to cry out to him. But I feel like, nevertheless, he is meeting with me. He’s sending friends with words of encouragement, or to pray. And I am reminded over and over that there is a day coming when all these things will be done away with. The human creature was not made for death, we’re not designed for loss. One day the King of Kings will rule and he will do away with death and injustice once and for all. So there’s hope and peace in the midst of it all.

In the meantime, we’d appreciate your prayers, if you think of it. And, of course, your questions and thoughts are welcome. We want to be open about the reality of being people living with the Christ in the “real world” and this is part of life for us right now. Thanks for your time and your friendship.

The Annual "I Want To Be Poet Laureate" Poetry Contest-- tell your friends

Because the following states do not have poets laureate, I have decided that it is our right, nay, our duty, to create poets laureate of our own: Arizona, Hawaii, Massachusetts, Michigan, Missouri, New Jersey, New Mexico, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Washington.

By the power invested in me by my Bachelor of Arts in Creative Writing, I have decided to hold a poetry contest. The winner of the contest will receive the following:

1) An official document from moi, declaring you the poet laureate of the State division which you have won. Your term will last one year.

2) A letter sent to the governor of the State on official BHR letterhead, inviting them to give you money, accolades and public recognition, and perhaps even a ticker-tape parade.

3) TWO blog entries here at the BHR, one including your poem and one with a profile of yourself.

4) The everlasting respect of your friends, the envy of other would-be laureates and something to put on your resume.

5) If the poems are good enough, funny enough, endearing enough or plentious enough, maybe we'll throw together a little chapbook or something. No guarantees.

Here are the rules:

1) All entries must be received by midnight November 15th, one month and two days from today. That's right, it's a tight deadline. This is because poetry is a harsh mistress. Stop your whining and start your writing. Decisions shall be handed down and winners heralded from on high by December 1st.

2) You need not live in or have ever visited the State to which you are applying as laureate. You need not like the State. You need not know the State flower.

3) No porn or cursing, please. This is a family establishment.

4) To enter, merely paste your poem into the comments section of the State to which you are applying to rule as First and Enduring Poet Laureate (or send an e-mail to Matt.Mikalatos(at)gmail.com with the subject "poetry contest" and the name of the State you would like to represent). Be sure to include your name and an email address where you can be reached.

Here are the entry locations for each state:
Arizona
Hawaii
Massachusetts
Michigan
Missouri
New Jersey
New Mexico
Ohio
Pennsylvania
Washington


Now, hop to it! May the muses give you wing'ed pens.

FAQ

Arizona

Would you like to preside as Chief Poet over the southern deserts?

Then kindly enter your poem(s) here.

Hawaii

NOTE: Hawaii does have a State Writer. So you will have to share your Glory and Prestige with them, I think.

But don't let that stop you from applying.

Massachusetts

Governor Mitt Romney will be so pleased to have you as Poet. You can do it!

Michigan

Michigan has been through a lot lately, what with all those troubles with the Emerald Ash Borer. So lift their spirits with the gift of poetry.

Missouri

I used to live in the "Show Me State" so don't try to pull one over on me. You will have to do your research!

New Jersey

Give your dreams a chance.

New Mexico

"Commitment, hard work, efficiency, accountability: these are the elements in my approach to governing, and my strategy for success." —Governor Bill Richardson

These words can so readily apply to poetry, too. Just replace the word "governing" with "poetry."

Ohio

So much to discover!

Pennsylvania

There are more than 1,800 historical markers in Pennsylvania. Surely they will be able to spare one for the New, First Ever Poet Laureate of Pennsylvania.

Washington

My own State! Betrayed! Shut out in everlasting darkness without the pleasure of State Endorsed Poets! Say it isn't so!

Make me proud.

The State of Washington Hates Poetry With a Deep and Undying Hatred, Deep as the Ocean, Undying as the Sea

Boy, you kids love poetry. And you are the most nationalistic (state-istic?) group I know. You've flooded my inbox with requests--nay, demands!-- to know the poet laureate of your own state.

So, here they are:

Alabama Sue Walker
Alaska Jerah Chadwick
Arkansas Peggy Vining
California Al Young
Connecticut Marilyn Nelson
Delaware Fleda Brown
Florida Edmund Skellings
Georgia David Bottoms
Idaho Kim Barnes
Illinois Kevin Stein
Indiana Joyce Brinkman
Iowa Robert Dana
Kansas Jonathan Holden
Kentucky Sena Jeter Naslund
Louisiana Brenda Marie Osbey
Maine Betsy Sholl
Maryland Michael S. Glaser
Mississippi Winifred Hamrick Farrar
Montana Sandra Alcosser
Nebraska William Kloefkorn
Nevada Norman Kaye
New Hampshire Patricia Fargnoli
New York Billy Collins
North Carolina Kathryn Stripling Byer
North Dakota Larry Woiwode
Oklahoma Francine Ringold
Oregon Lawson Fusao Inada
Rhode Island Tom Chandler
South Carolina Marjory Heath Wentworth
South Dakota David Allan Evans
Tennessee Margaret Britton Vaughn
Texas Alan Birkelbach
Utah Kenneth W. Brewer
Vermont Grace Paley
Virginia George Garrett
West Virginia Irene McKinney
Wisconsin Denise Sweet
Wyoming David Romtvedt

Or perhaps you are from one of the following laureate-less states: Arizona, Hawaii, Massachusetts, Michigan, Missouri, New Jersey, New Mexico, Ohio, Pennsylvania, or Washington. Quick! Write a poem and send it to the governor!

Poet Laureate (Oregon)

In February of this year, Governor Kulongowski appointed the first poet laureate in Oregon in the last ten years. His name is Lawson Inada, and he's an interesting and funny fellow. Krista and I watched a mini-documentary about him tonight. He's currently a professor at SOU in Ashland.

Here are Three poems by Lawson Inada. His sense of humor comes across quite clearly in these poems.

Enjoy!

Heroes? I kind of doubt it.

WARNING: I am cranky and I worked at a comic book store for three years. I was destined to dislike "Heroes" by watching it tonight. Okay, now you can read on.

I just watched my first episode of "Heroes". It was okay. It should have been better. It's sort of about super heroes. Or rather, super-powered riff-raff who might one day become heroes. Here are a couple of the problems:

1) It's not about anything important. Oh yeah, the world is in danger, blah blah blah, New York City is going to blow up, blah blah blah. People are evolving to the next stage of human evolution. Yawn. Do we deal with the greater questions that might come up if humans really did suddenly have god-like powers? Nah. Do we (a la Lost) wrestle with huge questions of faith vs. science? Not really. We are too busy showing all the strippers, drug addicts and politicians who have super powers. Okay, we have a nice cheerleader also. And a comic-relief Japanese man with world class super powers. Ha ha, isn't he cute.

2) The bad guy appears to have a Jesus fixation. He's been murdering people all over the world with his telekinetic powers, after which he returns to his crappy apartment and writes "Forgive me Father I have sinned" all over the wall and draws crosses with Jesus' name. Again, yawn, yawn, yawn. Apparently we have a well-meaning Christian serial murderer.

3) I am so over the so-called "real world" super heroes. If you want to make something about the real world STOP WRITING ABOUT FREAKING SUPER HEROES. For crying out loud, people. Don't give me any of your lip about how in real life people get attacked by oversexed boys at high school bonfires and then fall down and die.

4) Emotionally flat. Flat like the second dimension. Flat like a soda left open for a week. Flat like a squirrel in it's third week on the highway pavement. This episode had: a drug addict being left by his girlfriend, a main character being attacked and killed, a woman telling her mother-in-law she wanted her out of her family's life, and a husband and wife apparently on the brink of divorce. Did we feel sad? Mortified? Shocked? Scared? Nope. We felt bored. BORED. The only real emotional response: Anger at the treatment of women in the show. Mild, jovial feelings about the Japanese comic-relief guy.

5) Jeph Loeb was writing. And I know he can do better. But it gives me a brief, shining glimmer of hope that it might be better in the future.

In conclusion: stick to LOST. Weird, insightful, moving, and about Important Things.

Stickin' it to the man... or, well, the telephone autodialer

Here's a trick that's good to know.

When you pick up the phone and say "hello" and no one answers, it's often because it's an auto-dialer for some big faceless corporation. If you say "hello" again you will soon hear the greetings returned by a poor telephone salesperson... and of course in the backround you will hear all of the rest of their co-workers, jammed into the room with them like chickens on a semi.

So, here's what I do. I say hello one time... ONE TIME, that's all you get. And then I hang up the phone. TAKE THAT! JUSTICE! JUUUUUUSTIIIIIIIICE!

Um. If you're my friend, though, you should just call back if I hang up on you.

Stop your jibber jabber!

Mr. T has a new "reali-T" show called "I Pity The Fool." From the video clips I would say that this is possibly the best reason to invest in cable television. I don't have cable, but maybe some kind person will put my name on the list of people who should be visited by Mr. T during his show.

You know, it's interesting how much life as a WSN director is like being a member of the A-Team. I can't even remember how many times I've said, "You ain't getting me on no plane, Bubalo." But then he knocks me out somehow (it's usually Dan "Face" Weidner that does it) and I wake up in some foreign country, and Chip Scivique is standing there smoking a cigar and saying, "I love it when a plan comes together."

And, as all the stint team leaders already know, Andy McCullough = Murdock.

The Nativity

Here's a movie I'm actually excited about: The Nativity. It's written by Mike Rich (Finding Forrester and The Rookie), who is a believer from Portland and is also a great writer. Mary is played by Keisha Castle-Hughes (Whale Rider). It looks great. Here's the trailer!

My New Nephew

A little while back I received a very nice e-mail from my half-brother's ex-girlfriend (are you following all this?) saying that she and my brother had a son almost two years ago, which I did not know.

So, I am pleased to announce that I have my second nephew, E. Here's a picture of him and his Mom. Thanks for hunting us down and for bringing another wonderful child into our lives!

P.S. Sara (E's Mom) found me via the blog. Yet another reason that having a blog is good!
Thanks, Sara, and welcome to the family.

The Philosophers

Here's a conversation my dad and I had with the children on our way through the parking lot. The children each had a balloon.

Dad: Don't let go of those balloons.

A: Why not?

Me: Because they will fly away forever.

A: Forever?

Z: Why forever?

Me: Because none of us can fly to go catch the balloon if it flies away.

Dad: Yeah, where's Superman when you need him?

Z: In our imaginations.

Cingular drives customers to drink

Their new slogan: "More bars in more places."

This Week's Hebrew Quiz

60%!

Well, that's a sizeable increase over last week's 1%. And you know what that means... the quiz that I took today will probably be a 119%! WOW!

Eavesdropping With Matt (Episode Twelve)

Dedicated to the wiry man behind us, waiting for the airport restaurant to open, at 11:01 a.m., and thus one minute late (unlike our plane, which is one hour late).

Man: C'mon, let's get that bar open.

EAVESDROPPING SIDENOTE: There are some old women sitting near us at the boarding area who curse like sailors. I would replicate some of the conversation, as it is funny, but I don't think you would appreciate it.

Idaho: Where I Will Build A Great Monument In My Honor When I Become the Rightful Ruler of The Americas

K and I leave for Boise in the morning, where we will get to spend a whole weekend hanging out with the Boise State crew.

FIESTA!

See you all next week.

BRITISH INVASION!

This story comes from our monkey-reporter-on-the-street, the incomparable Ken!

It's well worth your time to click on the link. Especially if you like:

1) Apes
2) Marathons
3) Apes in Marathons
4) Great Britain

99% ignorant

I got my first quiz back in Hebrew this week: 1% correct!

I was, honestly, somewhat pleased to see that I knew something about Hebrew, since I didn't have the notes or anything from the week before when I took the quiz.

Things are improving, though, and I will update you when I get the scores for this week's quiz.

Why School Is More Important Than Cartoons

Z: Daddy! I don't want to miss "Dragon Tales" to take A to school tomorrow!

Me: We don't plan our school schedule around when cartoons are on.

Z: Why not?

Me: Because school is more important than cartoons.

Z: Why?

Me: What did you learn in school today?

Z: I learned that when we have a shortened day, we don't get to play on the playground.

Me: Okay, good, anything else?

Z: The letter K says k k like a kid in a kayak! K! K!

Me: And what did you learn on cartoons this morning?

Z: If you find a two-headed magic statue then you might get flip-flopped!

Me: And that's why school is more important than cartoons.

Helper Monkeys!

In the BHR tradition of "all monkey news all the time" we bring you the following story:

Debbie Rose says that her monkey is a "service animal" that helps her overcome an anxiety disorder and therefore should be allowed to eat at the buffet with her.

Father Knows Best

A: Daddy, did God use glue sticks and then stick it on our arms and our heads and legs and put us all together?

Me: No, he didn't use a glue stick for that.

A: Did he use it to stick other things together?

Me: No.

A: How did he stick things together?

Me: He, uh, used different things to stick different things together.

At the Protest

After watching the entire military of Mexico roll by, we decided to go down to the Zocalo and see the protest. There were a lot of people there chanting "OBRADOR!" I will say this... the people of Mexico are very skilled at drawing characatures of George Bush.

There was a creepy person blowing smoke on people. This seemed evil to us.

Now I must treat you to another picture of me with "the bird."

Things the people of Mexico could learn about protests from the U.S.:

1) It's not really a protest unless you break a window.

2) And don't forget to steal something!

3) Don't let Americans with Communist t-shirts mill around with you. Those stupid foreigners clearly know nothing about history. Kick 'em out!

The Mexican style of protest seemed very gentle and understanding.

More from Mexico

I tried to get us a hotel in Mexico City that would be far away from the protests and demonstrations. But somehow I picked one across the street from "the angel of independence." As we drove up our taxi driver said, "This street has been closed all week. So nice that they opened it today.

The next morning President Fox came and gave a big speech, so there were people all over the place.

A lady was cooking something green nearby, we couldn't figure out what it was. Someone finally explained that they were gorditas, but with green dye in them because the flag of Mexico has green in it. We also bought a red tamale. the gordita was excelente.

A little while later there was a "parade" in which every soldier, horse and tank in all of Mexico marched, pranced and rumbled past out hotel room to show the superior
strength of the amazing country of Mexico. This took a long, long time. Then the garbage trucks came out to clean up after all the festivities.

HOLY MARGARITA, BATMAN!

This margarita we saw in Mexico City was so huge that I had to get my picture with it.

Thoughts I Think During Hebrew Class

It's a good thing I am such a genius, or I would be even more confused than I am.

At the Zocalo

I need to go to bed, but I think it's important that you see this picture. It was taken in the heart of the protests taking place at the Zocalo. More information on all that later. In the meanwhile, just sit back and enjoy this awesome picture.

In Which I Meet Trotsky (well, almost)

Now that we're home, I'll try to catch you up with some of the amazing events of our time in Mexico.

On Friday we tried to go to the Museum of Modern Art, which it turns out is being remodeled. At least, that's what we assumed when we saw the enormous metal gates with the spikes on it barring our entrance. So we made our way across town to see the Frida Kahlo museum. Which was also closed. The lady in the picture knocked on the door for about ten minutes until they let her in. I think they were having a staff party.

So we walked to the Leon Trotsky museum (just a few blocks away), which is really just the house that Trotsky lived in until he was murdered (with an ice axe). Here you can see a picture of an enormous stone slab with his name on it and the hammer and sickle. I'll be getting one of these for my back yard (but with my name and a giant burning heart).

The slightly strange and creepy part was the guy who was wandering the property dressed like Trostsky. Sometimes it seemed he was following us, and other times we walked into a room to find him waiting for us. Krista took this picture of me and Trotsky together... because how often do you get a chance like that? Anyway, we debated for a while whether Trotsky-Clone is 1) a re-enactor, 2) a creepy tourist who likes to dress up like Trotsky or 3) a ghost.

Our team

Here's a picture of the team that K and I work with. I can't tell you too many details about our meetings, as I am sworn to silence (we don't share with just anyone about the traditional bequeathing of the WSN smoking jacket to our new members). We really, really enjoy these people.

Please be sure to notice the strange variations in head sizes. For instance, my head looks freakishly large. And people say that the camera never lies. Ha ha ha! Jokers!

xochimilco

Here's a picture of K and I in Xochimilco earlier this week. You can see some boats off on the right there. More pictures later. In the meanwhile... I have a lovely wife, don't I?

Happy Independence Day

So, today we went out into the wide world of Mexico to see the sights.

Except that they were mostly closed in honor of Mexican Indepence Day! We went to the Museum of Modern Art (closed). The Frida Kahlo Museum (closed). The Leon Trotsky museum (inexplicably open).

We took the Metro all over the place, which was cool. Then we decided to go out to dinner but, um, the restaurants are all closed. Because everyone is gathered outside our hotel to celebrate! K and I just watched the president shout VIVA MEXICO and ring the bell of freedom on t.v. and then the fireworks out our window.

Rumor is that everything will be closed down tomorrow, too.

But we are having fun, enjoying each other and Mexico. We're debating going down into the center of it all in the Zocolo tomorrow.

Mexico

Okay, I have a couple of quick moments here before I have to scoot off to a meeting. Yes, a meeting. That's right, I have a job, people.

Anyway...

Mexico is great. More expensive than I expected, but still great. I've eaten Mexican breakfast every morning, which is great (enchildas for breakfast? You BETCHA!).

We've been meeting a lot, but it's great to work with people I consider good friends. Yesterday we wandered out to some of the over 300 campuses in Mexico and tried to start spiritual movements of revolutionary-minded college students. More on that when I get more time. But I will say that it was great, we saw God do some amazing things and I got to eat some huarrachas at the UNAM cafeteria.

Today we moved our meeting to Xochimilco for a few hours, which was fun.

Tonight (in about ten minutes) the meetings start up again and then dinner and then, who knows? (Krista might go shopping... maybe I'll study Hebrew or blog or write or answer e-mail or collapse onto my bed. We shall see.)

NOTE: Beds here are just as hard as in East Asia. I realized that I didn't expect this because every other time I've been in Mexico I've slept either in a tent (Mexicali) or, the noteable exception, in a trailer with my buddy Chris. So, good to know. Hard beds in Mexico.

NOTE (2): We saw a demonstration today. Viva la mexico!

At least they liked the cover letter

Hi, friends.

I was poking around over at Relief Journal this morning and found this post about getting cover letters they like. They quote at length from a cover letter that is, well, my cover letter. They rejected the story, but they really liked that cover letter!

So I sent them another story, which is being looked at now. I have to admit that the cover letter to my second story was not as good. But I think the story is significantly better than the first one I sent them.

Fashion terminology

Here's something you should know if you are going to write about fashion (like moi).

A T-shirt is a shirt that is shaped like a "T." It has short sleeves and no collar.

A t-shirt is a shirt shaped like a "t." It has short sleeves and a turtle neck.

A tee-shirt can also be referred to as a golf shirt.

A tea-shirt is a brown, green, black or red shirt, depending on the variety.

Airport Fashion Tips

A few fashion tips for all of you who fly.

1) No short-shorts. Especially if they are so short that you can't walk correctly. I don't care if you're traveling with your boyfriend or a boy you wish was your friend. No one is happy to see a girl wearing short-shorts at the airport. What we are all thinking: that girl is going to be cold.

2) No "Hustler" t-shirts. I saw a young man with his fiance today, and he was wearing a "Hustler" t-shirt. Please don't wear clothing that advertizes pornography at the airport. What we are thinking: that your fiance should ditch you as soon as possible, before your porn-infused brain destroys your relationship. It just makes us sad.

3) Remember, people are crankier in the morning and more likely to think mean thoughts about you. So dress carefully if you are on an early flight.

What I am wearing today: a vintage 1970's pilot's uniform (TWA).

A conversation with you (in my head)

I know what you are asking yourself right now:

You: Matt, why aren't you in bed?

Me: Because I am slowly photocopying an old Hebrew textbook so that I can learn the Hebrew alphabet this week. I am missing my first class of Hebrew, and the day after I get back from Mexico I have a quiz.

You: Matt, I think you might be insane.

Me: Stop saying that! It makes me paranoid. No, really, stop it!

You: I only said it once.

Me: Ha ha ha! That's what you think.

You: You're nuts.

Me: That's because you are what you eat and I eat a lot of cashews and macadamia nuts. So at least I'm high quality nuts.

You: Go to bed.

Me: Okay, okay, I'm off to bed.

You: And sleep on the plane tomorrow, too!

Me: I will obey!

Enfoque mexico

Today (in a few hours), K and I will be on our way to Mexico City to meet with other people from around the US who do our job, and also with international leaders within our organization and the local leaders of the mexico CityFocus.

Mexico City has 301 college campuses, totalling right around a million students. CityFocus is designed to try to take the good news of Jesus to every single one of those students within the next three years. It's an awesome experiment, which is one of the reasons we're spending a week down there.

K and I are pretty excited because at least one day of the week will involve us going out on campus and talking to people about Jesus (in Espanol? Mmmmm. Not if they want to actually understand anything we are saying). ALSO, our buddy Carlos, the national director of Costa Rica, will be hanging out there, too. So, we'll get to talk some more about the possibilities of our region sending students to Costa Rica.

Anyway, if you want to hear more about Enfoque Mexico, I will try to find some blogs that are from the team there. I've seen that this one is updated pretty often (with pictures). I'll ask around while I'm down there.

Eavesdropping with Matt: Special Mikalatos Edition

Dedicated to... ME!

Krista: There's not enough leftover pizza in the fridge for both of us to have it for lunch.

Me: That's okay.

Krista: I'm sorry we don't have much food in the house.

Me: No problem, I'll just run down to Muchas Gracias and pick up a taco.

Krista: But we're leaving for Mexico tomorrow.

Me: Heh, heh, heh.

The Ethereal Library

My friend Candice (the anti-blogger who included BLOGGING among her list of time-wasters to beware of on stint) had a link to this site on a website she's been helping put together.

It's the Christian Classics Ethereal Library (I feel certain Borges would have approved of that name), a site which attempts to bring you free, accessible Christian classics. It's searchable, downloadable and printable. Pretty convenient, especially if you don't mind a sheaf of papers or a computer screen instead of the well-worn and loved covers of a book.

I prefer books, but still, this is a cool site.

Matt VS. Machine

There's an artificial intelligence program over at cooldictionary.com that you can chat with... essentially you can IM the computer and it talks to you. Its name is Splotchy.

Anyway, here's the conversation Splotchy and I had (slightly edited for those not used to having conversations with foul-mouthed computer intelligences):

Me: What is your name?

Splotchy: I am Splotchy, what's your name?

Me: My name is Matt.

Splotchy: Hi matt, nice to talk to you you

Me: Are you really a robot?

Splotchy: I know you are, but what am I?

Me: I'm rubber and you're glue.

Splotchy: does anyone know you are rubber and youre glue?

Me: No.

Splotchy: no?

Me: No. does anyone know that you are a ping-pong ball?

Splotchy: No I'm not...

Me: You fight like a girl

Splotchy: did you get your @$$ kicked in a fight?

Me: Never

Splotchy: not even once?

Me: Well, there was this one time when a really mean group of girl scouts cornered me and beat me up.

Are we not men?

We are Devo!

Speaking of which, there's a new devo at gnwstinters.

First Day of School

I can't believe my kids are both in school...

Where are the little girls I carried?

Tomorrow is Z's first day of kindergarten.

Tomorrow is A's first day of preschool.

If I can still type after all the emotional trauma of having practically adult children I will give you all an update soon.

Google Me

Last night I googled myself (yes, I'm vain, bet I think this post is about me, don't I?) and I found a couple of interesting things:

1) A mini-review of my short story, Chariots. Favorite sentence from the review: "If you like to think big thoughts without wading through all the words usually associated with them, 'Chariots' is for you."

2) Someone in Canada went to the trouble to type out (is this legal?) the entirety of my article "Estrogen Dampens Holy Spirit!" from the Wittenburg Door. So if you would like to see the (admittedly inferior) typed up version, you can see it here. And then you should march right out and buy issue 206 of the Wittenburg Door.

3) The Burning Hearts Revolution.

Ballet In My Living Room

We're watching ballet on t.v. right now.

Is it because:

A) We are an extremely cultured couple
B) "The Office" is a rerun
C) Because ballet is cool and Matt has perfect feet to excel in ballet
D) All of the above

YOU decide!

Goodbye, Valentino

Tonight after I tucked Z into bed, she called me back for one last question:

Z: Daddy, why didn't God make every day Valentine's Day?

Me: I don't know, sweetie. Why would you want every day to be Valentine's Day?

Z: Because I want to make Valentine's Day cards every day.

Me: You could make Valentine's Day cards every day if you want to.

Z: Daaaad, I want to make them on Valentine's Day.

Me: Okay. What are you going to do with all those cards.

Z: Give them to all my family.

Me: That's sweet. Good night.

Z: Good night. Dad?

Me: Yes?

Z: What if we had a baby born on Valentine's Day?

Me: Do you think we would have to name them "Valentine"?

Z: If she's a girl we would name her Valentina.

Me: And if he was a boy we would name him Valentino?

Z: No, if it's a boy we name him Valengina.

Note to BHR readers: No matter what day some future child comes, they shall not be named "Valengina" regardless of gender or really any other factor. FYI.

Three Days of Pure Creativity

Krista pointed out an article in the paper today about the 3 day novel contest. Basically, over Labor day weekend, people from all over the place set aside the weekend and write a novel. Last year's winner is a teacher from Portland who wrote a novel called "Day Shift Werewolf."

Here are the rules. Krista and I were saying tonight that it would be fun to enter it, but you have to really be able to set aside a full three days if you're going to write a novel in three days. Maybe next year, eh?

Anyway, be sure to let me know if you decide to represent the Burning Hearts Revolution in the contest so we can all cheer you on and send you coffee over the weekend!

Devo to go

There's a new devotional up at GNWstinters.com.

Blogger won't let me upload pictures right now or I would treat you to some Jesus Clip Art.

UPDATE: Here's my Jesus clip art. For some reason I can't put it up on the gnwstinters site. So, I guess it's just a bonus for the BHR.

Burly Man Works in His Yard

I spent a great part of today digging in my back yard. I was pleased to see frogs hopping all over the place. Pretty big ones, too!

Anyway, I needed to work on the rototiller I was using for a minute, so I pulled my gloves off and set them on the ground and did the Manly work that needed doing... I can't remember what it was exactly. Then I pulled my gloves on and felt something firm but slimy in the thumb of my right glove and I pulled it off FAST and threw the glove and--I figured this out about the time the glove flew off--the frog through the air.

I yelled aloud what I think people of all genders and cultures throughout time have said upon unexpectedly discovering a frog in their gloves: "Nnnnyyyaaaaagh!"

Lessons I have learned today:

1) Frogs think that gloves look like inviting caves.

2) Fingers think that frogs feel like slimy scariness when they are taken by surprise.

3) Frogs can FLY!

4) If I ever discover a rattlesnake in my sleeping bag, my reflexes are just fine.

A Public Service Announcement

If you went to my high school (and I'm sure there's like, three of you out there), then you should go stumble around at this website. It's an alumni site where you can put all your info in so that you can keep in touch with everyone who has disappeared and also, you know, be available for fundraising phone calls and stuff. Seriously, go sign up.

If you didn't go to my high school then you should probably not go to that link. You won't know anyone. Go find your own high school link. Man!

Comments from the floor of my house

My daughter, A, is currently laying on the floor having a rather quiet and polite tantrum. She's groaning and frowning because she doesn't like what's for dinner. It's actually a special sort of dinner we don't do that often called "breakfast for dinner." I made waffles and scrambled eggs.

Me: A, are you okay?

A: No.

Me: Does something hurt?

A: No.

Me: Are you tired?

A: No.

Me: Are you just cranky?

A: Yes.

Mikalatosville Mail Call

My mailbox yielded yet more good news today. The Wittenburg Door wants some more! They just accepted "Heaven's Suggestion Box". This means it will be in either an upcoming magazine, on the internet or sent out in their e-newsletter.

For those of you keeping track, that's my fifth accepted story since April! Pretty exciting. If I had a webcam you could see me doing my traditional celebratory dance right now.

Don't worry, I'm not planning to ever get a webcam.

If I could change my name

If I could change my name, I would change it to "Justice." It is, first of all, a real name. That is a bonus.

Second of all: MATT JUSTICE!

That's just rad.

JUSTICE!

Another night out

Our fancy dinner on our anniversary night was a gift from my Mom. It was very, very nice.

Krista's mom also gave us a gift, which was a night out at the Greenlake Guesthouse. My mom took the kids! K's mom called ahead and ordered a cheese and fruit platter which was delicious (and a weird flashback, because on the night of our wedding we hadn't had anything to eat when we got back to the hotel and we ordered a cheese and fruit platter).

Last night we went out to dinner at Taste of India, one of our favorite restaurants. Mmmmm. Palak paneer! Butter chicken (real name unknown)!

We miss Seattle. It's a beautiful town.

Smartest Animals On Earth

I always think it's funny when people on documentaries say that various animals are "the smartest on earth." On the list: dolphins, various types of monkeys and chimps and pigs.

And how do we measure intelligence in these geniuses of the animal world?

Well, it's because they do what we say.

Dolphins, for instance, will push a button with their nose in response to seeing the right combination of flash cards. They train pretty easily.

Not that it's any different with human beings. We socialize kids to "know" the right answers but it really has more to do with obedience to what they have been taught then to independent, intelligent observation of the world around them.

Case in point: What color is the sky?

And of course the answer: Blue.

Unless it's at night. Unless it's sunset or sunrise. Unless it's overcast. Unless there is smog. In fact, I would guess the sky is blue far less than 50% of the time most places on earth. But it's still the correct answer. The answer "blue" has very little to do with intelligence.

All that to say this: it is possible, nay, likely that the smartest animal in the world is the common household cat. It does not do what it is told. It does whatever it wants. It trains human beings to feed it, to pet it, and to clean up its feces. It also tricks human beings into thinking that they are in charge. That is pretty smart.

Dinner Out

Tonight we are blogging together after a lovely dinner at Tabla. Here you can see me and my entree: duck confit. We also had rabbit with pasta, an olives appetizer, heirloom tomatoes and fresh mozarella and melon salad with serrano ham and feta.

Afterwards we went for dessert at Pix Patisserie. Krista had a coffee and a chocolate mousse called "Aphrodite." I had homemade vanilla ice cream and a mango fruit square thing.

Our conclusion after this wonderful evening: we would make excellent wealthy people.

Anniversary Lunch

I made lunch for me and Krista today. It looks fancy, doesn't it? The tomatoes are from our garden. There are four different varieties represented.

It looks gourmet, but those who were around last night know that it's really leftovers. Yes, you eat well in Mikalatosville. Come on by and have something to eat!

Eight Years Ago

Eight years ago today my life irrevocably changed. That was the day I married Krista, and in many ways it was one of the most significant, altering and important days of my life. Since it is our eighth anniversary, I thought I would share eight things I have learned from Krista since getting married.

1) Faith. I honestly don't know anyone who has a greater gift of faith in God. She really believes anything he says. She believes he can do more than we ask or imagine. And because she believes, I have started to grow and understand faith better. She has taught me how to have faith in God in a way I did not think was possible... what I mean is not faith that he exists, I already had that... but faith to do the things that he asks of us, even when they seem impossible.

2) Faithfulness. The Bible says that "perfect love casts out fear." Krista has taught me the meaning of that, too. When I met Krista I was paranoid about being ditched in relationships. She has taught me what it means to be a loyal and steadfast friend (and spouse). I never worry about Krista leaving me, no matter the situation. She is not that kind of person. She is unwaveringly faithful. It is a great gift from God that she is so loyal, faithful, and loving.

3) Fashion. I am not going to try to make this list start all with "F's" but it is working out that way. Krista buys my clothes. In addition to being an enormous relief, I am a much snappier dresser than I was back in the day. Of course, she still has to work with the limitations of what I am willing to wear. But believe me, I look better.

4) Love. I know, this sounds like a corny thing to say. But I mean it in more ways than I could adequately express here. For one thing, she has taught me the marvelous blessings available when we choose to remain in purposeful relationship with another human being. But I've also learned from watching the ways she interacts with our daughters, or the little things she does to show me that she cares.

5) Fancy food. No, really. I'm quite the gormand after marrying my lovely wife.

6) Self-improvement. One of the things I love about Krista is the way she shows her care by being honest about the people around her. She tells it like it is, even when it is painful, because of two things: 1) She doesn't tell lies and 2) She cares too much to let people live as less than what they are capable of becoming. Krista has lovingly shown me my own shortcomings so that I could become a better person. And I am profoundly grateful for that.

7) The power and voice of God. When I first met Krista I thought God spoke in a very narrow, defined way. I didn't believe that he could or would speak outside of the contextual, precise meaning of the Bible. I have since found a richness of relationship with him that comes merely from realizing that he can (and does) speak when I am praying, from nature, via the Holy Spirit when I am reading the Bible and a lot of other ways. This alone is a lesson that has revolutionized my life.

8) Who I can be. I have already alluded to this, but Krista has made me acutely aware of the better person that I can be. I think this is partly because I am a better person already just by having her in my life. She balances my imbalances. She keeps me centered. She points me to Christ by her example.

Krista-- I love you. I am so thankful to have you in my life, and I want you to know that this first eight years is the only beginning. I look forward to the next eighty, if the Lord would be so generous. I'm not going anywhere without you. Wherever you go, I'll be there... "your people will be my people and your God my God." Thank you for the wonderful gift of yourself, and for providing me with my two most precious daughters. You are the most beautiful person in my life. Thank you for agreeing to be my wife. I love you. I can't imagine a life without you ever again. I can scarcely remember the years before we came together... it's like another life, a lesser one. You are my life now, and I am glad to share it with you!

New Short Story

I just got home today... I'll try to catch you all up on the week over the next few days. In the meanwhile, the literary magazine Haruah has just published my short story, The Gardener. Enjoy!

Greetings from Colorado

So, I'm in Copper Mountain, Colorado for the stint Global Briefing.

I think it's going to be great. I checked into my little room at "the Edge" which smells slightly of wet dog but overall is quite nice. I met with my leadership team to pray and prepare for the stinters' arrival.

And I ate half a burrito today, which always makes for a good day.

I did say goodbye to my family, though, which inevitably makes for a sad day.

Tomorrow the stinters start to arrive. I'm speaking in the evening about "Legacy"... the legacy we find ourselves in as Christians, as missionaries, as human beings. I'm really feeling like the Lord has plans to show up this week, and I am excited about. You know what I mean by "show up" right? Not like he isn't here already.

And, bonus-- we're sharing the conference center with a group of vacationing Hassidic Jews! No, really! It's awesome.

Beautiful Spam

I received some spam-mail the other day. It didn't even get past my spam blocker. But I like to dig around and see the strange e-mails I receive. I rather liked the poetry of the opening line of this one:

"The Brotherhood is broken," the gulls intoned together.

After that there was only unintelligible nonsense. But that first sentence was well worth it.

Transitions

Twice during my fast the Lord and I had words about transition. Part of the purpose of this fast, I believe, was to help me recapture some discipline in my life to prepare for some coming transitions.

The three major areas we discussed were work, family and writing. I guess I need a "w" word for "family". Feel free to brainstorm in the comments section. At the same time, all three of the coming transitions are, I think, positive ones. But greater discipline on my part will be necessary. Follow along with me:

Work. Pretty soon here I am going to get a new co-worker. We call them "ARD"s. Who is it? There's no one officially lined up at all. When will this happen? Not sure. BUT, when it does, it will require transition. This will be hugely positive and will impact my life, family and work in a major way. But it will still require some change, some shuffling of responsibilities, some new lessons in working together with other human beings.

Family. K and I have been talking for a while about having a third kid. There is no news to announce, meaning there is no baby on the way right now. But will there be another little Mikalatos in the next 18 months? We'd like to think so. Again, huge, positive transition.

Writing. I believe that the Lord is asking me to take my seriousness toward writing up a notch, to really try to move from being an amateur toward being a professional writer (not vocational, don't panic, I'm definitely not leaving my job).

Anyway, add that all together and there's an increased need in my life for discipline. How do I keep doing what I'm doing, get more serious about writing, have a baby and pour energy into new working relationships? Well, you just figure out a way. Maybe other things have to give, but maybe also you learn to get up a little earlier, you learn to get healthier physically so you have more endurance. Or, you know, you ditch everything, learn to juggle, join a circus and run far, far away. Which is, I guess, an option, though I'm not sure that my daughters are quite ready to learn to juggle. Maybe they could ride unicycles or something.

Three great benefits from my fast

There are three things that I think are the most obvious lessons/benfits from my fast these last couple of weeks:

1) An increase in discipline. Believe me, being somewhat of a glutton, it took immense discipline at times not to eat. Not to just take a quick bite of something while I was cooking, or something like that. I think this is actually one of the main reasons for the fast... I'll comment on that in the next post (which will, of course, be above this one). The discipline of not-eating translates into other areas. I was more disciplined in my work, in my spiritual habits, in pretty much everything. I am not a naturally disciplined person. This fast has been a sort of "reset" button for me.

2) An increase in thankfulness. There were times during my fast when I saw food that I dislike and I would think to myself, "Boy, I'd be glad to have a bite of that right now." For a while, it will be easy to be thankful for every bite of food I eat. I won't take it for granted. This increase in thankfulness has been a good lesson in how ungrateful I am, and how mechanical the "thanks" before a meal can be. It spills over beyond food, too. I am so blessed to have a home and a healthy family, while Lebanese refugees are being shunted from Syrian schools and public buildings and into tent cities right now.

3) An increased awareness of the poor. When I'm not eating I think more often of the people around the world who are not eating, and not by choice. This goes back to #2, the increase in thankfulness. It convicts me about things like saying, "I'm starving," which I know is a figure of speech, but, you know, there really are people starving out there (the actual physical process of starving for a healthy human being begins somewhere between day 30 and day 40 without food... not at minute 30 past my lunch time).

There are others, of course, but those are the major themes of my fast.

The Fast Has Slowed

I ended my fast tonight with a nice meal of rice, chicken and summer squash. It was a nice meal, and it was nice to sit and eat with Krista, not just sit at the table. Although my jaw muscles hurt a little from all that chewing.

K also set aside some time today to make sure I could get some quality time with the Lord. No earth-shattering revelations, but it was nice. I went and sat on a bench in Mt. Tabor park in Portland and just prayed for a while. No mystical fireworks, just a nice, intimate chat.

So, good-bye, fast! Until next time.

As soon as my stomach stops hurting, I am going to eat some cashews. :)

Whoa. Get ready.

Why Evangelicals Can't Write.

Oy!

via faith*in*fiction

You Can Do Hebrew

I don't think I've mentioned it yet, but I am taking a Hebrew class starting in September. I am, to tell the truth, a little frightened. I just got my books today and, well, I can't even read them. It reminds me of my first overseas language class.

It doesn't help that the syllabus has statements like: "Remember, lots of people have studied Biblical Hebrew; they weren't all smarter than you" and "Just keep reminding yourself how fortunate you are to learn Biblical Hebrew. Not everyone has that privelege."

Anyway, I went to this site and felt a little better about it. It seemed not-so-hard and some of the insights are really interesting (I particularly liked the section on parallelism and "block logic"). Go kick around and see what you can dig up.

Get Your Name In Lights

My friend Chris Well, the novelist. That's right. He's a novelist, I'm just novel.

As I was saying, my friend Chris Well, the novelist, is turning 40 this week. In honor of his own birthday he is giving away gifts to anyone who buys his second novel, Deliver Us From Evelyn, on Amazon.com tonight, tomorrow or Thursday morning. In addition to various swag, you will also receive a thank-you by name in Chris' next novel, coming out next April.

Complete details here. Tell him Mikalatos sent ya, and he'll enter us both in a drawing to get some free books. Tell him that President Bush sent ya, and he'll enter you and President Bush in a drawing to get some free books. And what can I do about that? Nothing.

Anyway, buy a book, be immortalized in the sequel. It's like paying to see "Star Wars: A New Hope" and then having Luke Skywalker in Empire Strikes Back say, "You're not my Father! I'll never join you" and then turning toward the camera and saying, "A very special thanks to Matt Mikalatos for making this moment possible." It's that good.

Imitation = Flattery

My daughter, A, was pretending to receive phone calls. Clearly she has been listening in on me:

"Hello? You want me to do what? I'm not sure I can do that. Why? Because I have another call coming in. Hold on. Hello? You want me to do what? I'm not sure I can do that...."

A Leader's Thoughts on Leadership #4

A leader must be flexible. For instance, if you are camping and realize you have forgotten your sleeping bag, a suitable replacement can be made by putting a few ducks or geese into a large garbage bag. So warm!

The Kids Figure It Out

Tonight my kids figured out--after twelve days--that I am fasting.

Z: Daddy, did you get some dinner tonight.

Me: No, sweetheart, I am fasting.

Z: What is fasting?

Me: (I explain it)

Z: Well, I still think you should eat some dinner so that you don't eat two breakfasts tomorrow.

MONSTER HOUSE!

Get ready to be surprised: I actually liked this movie. Yes, the movie snob that wrote angry hate letters against "Superman Lives" and dissolved into tears at the utter stupidity of "Pirates 2" actually liked this one. In fact, I liked it better than any other thing I've seen in the theatre this summer.

The writers were clearly fed a steady diet of comic books, B-movies and video games as children, and this is what rose from the primordial stew of their subconscious. The plot of the movie is simple: the house across the street is, um, eating people. Dogs. Police cars. And of course no one believes the three kids who know the truth. So they have to somehow destroy the house themselves.

Before you roll your eyes and say, "Only Mikalatos could like a crazy movie like that" allow me to say that I took my *wife* and she also liked it. Go figure. In fact, we both agreed that the interactions of the three kids reminded us of an old family favorite, "The Goonies."

It was actually well written. And funny. I laughed out loud multiple times. And the animation was great, too.

Two caveats (because you know I am too cranky to ever give a movie the Golden Seal of Approval):

1) It was honestly a little too scary. When you're making a funny-scary movie, you have to be careful that the scary doesn't get too S-S-S-C-A-A-A-A-R-R-R-R-Y. And there were parts in this one that just went a little too far for me.

2) The house, yes, is haunted. There is a spirit in it. I felt it would be important for those of you who are sensitive to such things to know that. I would say that the writers appear to be secularists at heart who believe in the supernatural only long enough to be plot filler for their movie. I would say that on the Satanic Presentation Of Spirits scale it's well, well below Amityville Horror and is much closer to, say, the Munsters. Or maybe the Addams Family.

Overall, I really enjoyed this movie. It's a harmless love letter to B-movies more than anything, and it's fun and well done.

Kids Jokes

Z, A and their cousin J made up chicken jokes while we were driving to the beach today. They're pretty different.

Z: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because there was poop in his way?
Z: Because there was a branch on the sidewalk!

A: Why did the chicken cross the poopy poop?
Z: Because the poop was really made out of jelly?
A: Yes!

Z: J, did you think that was a funny joke?
J: yes.
Z: Then why aren't you laughing?
J: Because this is my favorite show.

J's comment was followed by insane and lengthy laughter from all the children. I am worried that they are more clever than me and that I just don't get the joke.

Bread

As you might expect, I have been mulling over the words, "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God."

This is particularly meaningful while I'm fasting because I realize how often I think about food. It's not even that I'm hungry right now (I'm not). But I am constantly catching myself about to eat out of habit. Making lunch for the kids? Eat a couple wheat thins. Coming into the house from working outside? Grab a handful of cashews. Try a friend's dish at a restaurant. Eat some popcorn while watching television. And then there's actual meals. I mean, we'll arrange our day around where and when we are eating.

Food is an integral part of my life. I think about it, prepare for it, critique it, share it. It's amazing how much more my life can be centered around my stomach instead of God. Is my life more centered around God because of this fast? I don't know. I don't think so, not really. But it's less centered around food, and the tyranny of my body's demands. And that's a good thing.

I end the fast next Friday night. I'm praying that I'll be out of the habit of unquestioning obedience to my body's demands and be on the way to a habit of unquestioning obedience to the Holy Spirit.

At the beach

We're at Depot Bay this weekend. It's the yearly family reunion at the coast for K's family. Right now we're staying at a place called the "Surfrider Resort". It's nice. There are three beds, and right now Z is in one, A is in one and their cousin J is in one, too. Obviously we're going to have to do some child juggling later this evening.

Okay, I take it back. Young A is now laying in my lap. She's the only one who took a nap today. Oops. Now she's in Grandma's lap.

Creativity and Rules

I've been thinking a little bit about creativity. It's interesting that some people emphasize the necessity of "complete freedom" and "creative environments" to foster creativity. All of which is well and good. But for some reason the role of rules in creative expression is somewhat marginalized.

I'm an outside-fo-the-box sort of guy. I'm not particularly fond of "the box". But you just can't think outside of the box if there's no box to begin with.

Check this out. Which of the following commands are more likely to produce quality creative expression?

"Write something."

"Write a story."

"Write a story about an ashtray."

"Write a story about an ashtray in less than 500 words."

It seems to me that as the rules pile up (i.e. the story must have an ashtray, must be a certain length or point of view) the more likely it is that the creative work will do something interesting.

Granted, some artists seem to work without rules. But I think they often give themselves a challenge, sort of self-inflicted rules (i.e. I don't like the photo-realistic paintings, I am going to try to do something different).

In fact, the Renaissance was an amazing explosion of quality art, and most of the artists were shackeled to an enormous number of rules. Their patrons often demanded a certain subject matter (Biblical scenes, portraits of the Medici family) in a certain medium, in a certain place (how about on this ceiling).

Anyway, maybe this is common knowledge. Chris, I'm guessing you studied this and have a more intelligent, well-thought-out opinion. But I thought it was strange looking around on the web and seeing so many people talking about needing freedom to create art.

EARTHQUAKE!

Earthquakes are not a nice way to wake up. We just had a 3.3 earthquake, epicentered about nine kilometers from our house.

More details tomorrow, I mostly came downstairs just to make sure it was actually an earthquake and not, you know, an elephant leaning against the house.

Pop Culture Speaks!

Dave over at faith*in*fiction had a post today that was about some other guy's post from his blog. Which makes us the third generation.

Anyway, I thought Dave's ending was a classic of modern literature. He had a little paragraph that just made me happy. Here it is:

I don't really have any point here. I guess it just seems like another example of how we're all shouting at each other in various and sundry ways. "Christ is Lord!" "Our planet is doomed!" "Cowboys can be gay!" "$#&%# Bush!" "We love penguins!"

Ha ha! Let me add: "Superman can be destroyed by a school boy crush!" "Pirates are relatively nice and certainly nicer than supernatural sea creatures!"

Fasting Tip:

If you're going to be on an extended fast, be sure that your deoderant doesn't smell like Froot Loops.

Ditto on the apple-scented shampoo.

Hip hip Haruah!

I got an email this morning from the editor of Haruah, saying that she would like to publish a short story of mine called "The Gardener."

I wrote this story after K's Uncle Forrest died; it was sort of a reflection on how I received comfort from the Lord while gardening during that weekend. In my mind I had dedicated it to Forrest, because he was a writer, too, although he never published any of his work, which had been his life-long ambition. So I am very pleased that it's going to be out there for the general public (in print and on the net, too).

It should also be nice for people who have had issues with my other pieces so far. Haruah is a "magazine of inspiration", so there will be no dead whores, giant extra-terrestrial turtles or satire in the magazine (not even in my story).

I'll put up a link when the story is available.