Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Eavesdropping with Matt Episode 69: FIRST CLASS!

Dedicated to the very nice lady who sat next to me on the plane last night.

"Welcome to coach, Mr. Fancy Pillow."
Lady (on the phone): I just switched my first class ticket for a middle seat in Economy so I could get home two hours earlier. Okay. See you tonight.

Lady (to me): Do you know if they bring the hot towels by in this section?

Me: No. No, they do not.

Lady (disappointed): Oh.

Me: There's also no electrical outlet between the seats. And they don't bring any food back here.

Lady: Oh.

Me: There will be a television that will drop out of the ceiling over that man in front of us.

Lady: Well. That's nice. I wonder what movie they will be playing.

More Eavesdropping with Matt.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

This is the animal my 4 year old and I saw on the walk to school today

There was a light fog, and we saw this deer trotting along the road ahead of us. It looked like he was favoring his back right leg.

M was on my shoulders, so we stopped to look and I took this picture. I'm sure we looked like a terrifying two-headed monster and if the deer had a camera he probably would snapped a pic, too.

I said, "We must have scared him."

M: I don't think we scared him. It's probably all the Halloween decorations.

A good point from the four year old.

As we passed by him and headed toward the school he started huffing and trotting toward us. I started to think he might come after us. I figured I could get M into a nearby tree in time if he started to charge. But I really didn't want to fight him, because ever since my antlers fell off I've been afraid to fight deer anymore.

Anyway, I dropped M off at school and came out to find him waiting on the road. As I walked closer, he ran between two houses, jumped the chain link fence between them and disappeared. Yes, he jumped the chain link fence. He's an urban deer, I guess.

This comic in honor of the #strangefire conference made me laugh

The only thing worse than destroying my theology with common sense is when you use the Bible. UGH!

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

This was my alarm clock when I was a kid. #starwars #geek

This is the alarm clock I had as a kid. My wife says that using it now is not really an option.


 Any suggestions on how to change her mind?

Monday, October 21, 2013

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Night of the Living Dead Christian is FREE for the next few days thanks to @tyndalehouse. Tell your friends!

In honor of the second anniversary of Night of the Living Dead Christian, my publisher is giving away the e-book for FREE. Please tell your friends, put it on your Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, G+, et cetera, et cetera. Thank you for passing the word along.

Night of the Living Dead Christian

Night of the Living Dead Christian


10/20 - 10/26
What does a transformed life actually look like? In his follow-up to the critically acclaimed Imaginary Jesus, Matt Mikalatos tackles this question in an entertaining and thought-provoking way—with MONSTERS!!! While Christians claim to experience…

Or, if you prefer the comedic stylings of My Imaginary Jesus, it's on sale for LESS THAN TWO BUCKS! Buy it up, people. It's a great time to give it as a gift to your friends and family!

My Imaginary Jesus

My Imaginary Jesus


10/20 - 10/26
Matt Mikalatos liked Jesus a lot. In fact, he couldn't believe how much they had in common. They shared the same likes, dislikes, beliefs, and opinions. (Though Jesus did have better hair.) So imagine Matt's astonishment when he finds out that the guy…

ETA: SWORD OF SIX WORLDS is now $2.99 on Kindle!

"Feels like a modern Narnia." Bookwi.se

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Names do matter to a four year old

My four-year-old (M) has a cold, and yesterday morning I went to give her some medicine.

M: Why is it purple?

Me: It's grape flavor.

M (sips it): Ew. I don't like it.

Me: It's like candy.

M (sips): Oh! Candy. Yum.

She then proceeded to drink it all.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

UFOs I believe in

Earlier this week I got home from speaking at a retreat in Iowa to discover this waiting in my mailbox:

Yes, that's a medieval king being married
to a robot by a tentacled Lovecraftian horror.

It's the anthology Unidentified Funny Objects 2, a collection of hilarious science fiction, fantasy, and horror. I had a story in the first anthology called "Working Stiff" about a down-on-his-luck vampire. I have a story in the second anthology, as well, a sequel called "A Stiff Bargain" in which my down-on-his-luck vampire battles the evil of... PRANK CALLS!

There are a lot of funny stories in here by big names in the speculative fiction community, like Robert Silverberg, Jim Hines, Ken Liu and Mike Resnick. And of course, a tiny little name in the speculative fiction community, Matt Mikalatos.

You can buy UFO 1 and 2 here, direct from the publisher. It's also available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and all the other places where you might like to purchase books. If you'd like to read a review first, there's one here (SPOILER: it's good).

If you like science fiction, fantasy, horror or comedy, check it out!

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

Top 5 posts of September

Dating Tips from 1946

I'm so sick of people bashing the Millennials

What my kids plan to be for Halloween

Thoughts on Christian Fiction

22 Non-fiction books about Justice

And a bonus from three years ago, and actually the post to get the most hits last month, How to Make A Point Without Being Preachy.

Do kids get reality and imagination confused? My 4 year old's contribution to the debate.

Put them together: MONKEY PANCAKES!
Last week I took my 4 year old, M, to the park to enjoy the last rays of the dying Northwest sun before it disappears forever leaving us in the unending gray of clammy Sister Winter.

I was helping her across the monkey bars, where of course, she was pretending to be a monkey. Every time she fell off I would say, "Oops, you fell in the lava" and take her back to the beginning. After a few tries I guess she got tired of that.

She looked me in the eye and said, "Don't pretend it's lava any more."

"Okay," I said.

She said, "Don't pretend it's water, either."

I said fine. But what should I pretend it is?

"Pretend it's a sidewalk," she said, an exercise I found relatively simple because it was, in fact, a sidewalk.

Later I was telling her to pretend to be a pancake. They do this in swimming class, where she puts her head on her coach's shoulder and spreads her body out flat while floating on her back. "Pretend to be a pancake," I said.

She put her head on my shoulder and said, "Just don't put me on the grill, because then I'll get lots of burns and need some band-aids."