I Used To Love My State Of Origin, But Now I Have My Doubts by Alexis Youngs, Poet Laureate of Washington

Washington, named after George
Beautiful mountains and concerts at the Gorge
Apples, coffee, rain, and sun
Evergreen, ever-gray, laid back and oh, so fun
Until they outlawed playing TAG!!!

The End.

Jill James, Poet Laureate of New Jersey

Jill James is a poet slash foosball prodigy slash air guitarist who was also a 1987 middle school knock hockey champion. She currently resides in Portland Oregon with 4 wild animals: Ace, Tobio, Molinsky Fish and Jesse James the Sheepdog. Ms. James is an alumni of Montclair University, NewJersey, where she completed an independent study in poetry. She is presently working on a first book of poems, Lullabies for Lunatics, to be published on expired pharmaceutical prescription labels.

Ms. James has ambitious plans for her term as poet laureate, including new holidays (Love Poem Day, Haiku Day, Poems Not Bombs), a poem chain letter, a New Jersey Poets Anthology, and cereals with poem prizes inside.

Ms. James has a fresh voice and an ability to write about the experiences of life with a sense of humor and deep intelligence. Please enjoy her poem, Puberty, posted below.

Puberty by Jill James (poet laureate of New Jersey)

the Hungarian girl
still haunts me

first
she was ice skating
upside down on the sky
holding a pointy paper airplane cup
up like a hat to her pigtails

I considered her the prettiest
and the cutest boy in corderoy
thought she was sex-eeeee

but yes (you may have already guessed)
the father was
very strict

& something happened
something disgusting

like a rat chewing through the sun

maybe her pants were too tight
or maybe the lawless look in her eye

cause then
her lights went out
her flight got cancelled
she started to play the wrong notes
on the recorder and trip
on her rainbow shoestrings in the hallways

we had to leave her there
stumbling through her Tchaikovsky routine

losing the music

we were in a rush
and none of us
not one of us knew what to do

Winners of the First Annual I Want to be Poet Laureate Contest

I am pleased to announce the winners of our first annual contest to make sure that every state in the Union is represented by a poet. I want to start by saying how surprised I was by both the quantity and quality of poetry submitted. I'd also like to say that some States--for whatever reason--received a larger volume of quality submissions (particularly New Jersey and Arizona), which made it very difficult to decide the poets laureate for those states. In fact, I couldn't make a final determination for the state of Arizona, feeling that the final two poems were impossible to choose between. So, I made the decision to award the state of Arizona two poets laureate. I know, that seems unfair to all the other states, but the Muses have spoken and gifted the poets they deemed necessary to gift. Arizona must need a little extra poetry right now.

So, thank you to everyone for participating in the contest. You are doing a service to the one-fifth of the U.S. that suffers alone in a dark corner of poetry deficient Statehood.

Without further ado, here are the winners of our contest:

Arizona: Rebecca Furlano Losing My Mother and Michelle Lawrence Down Reflection

Hawaii: Chronos The Sleep That We Dream Of

Massachusetts: Eva Ting Open Casket

Michigan: Steph Tower of Babel

Missouri: Rob E You Must Be Misstaken

New Jersey: Jill James Puberty

New Mexico: Kasey Martin Spun

Ohio: T.M. Baird The Flock

Pennsylvania: Adam Struble What Crazed Eyes Have Already Seen

Washington: Alexis Youngs I Used to Love My State of Origin But Now I Have My Doubts

Congratulations to our new poets laureate. In the weeks to come you can expect to see an introduction to each of our poets as well as their prize-winning poems.

--Matt

Beware of Elves

We cut down a Christmas tree this week. The kids loved running through the trees. I didn't see them much. But once, when A came back up to me, I gave her a stern warning.

Me: Be careful out there. Watch out for elves.

A: What elves?

Me: The tree elves.

A: Oh. Okay.

Then she ran off.

The Christmas Hierarchy

We were at a Mexican restaurant this weekend. In Mexico, you don't put the baby Jesus in the Nativity scene until Christmas.

Anyway, under the Christmas tree at the restaurant was a nativity scene and, just outside the circle of wise men and shepherds, Santa Claus on a sleigh. Z took a long look at it and then said:

"Santa Claus is waiting for baby Jesus to give him his orders."

I thought that was funny.

Casino Royale

We went to Casino Royale last night.

I'm not a huge fan of the Bond franchise overall. I've always thought he was a little silly. I can't really take it when Bond skiis down a mountain and jumps into a plane that's flying by, kisses the villainess and shoots the villain. Then he drinks a martini, blows up the plane and uses the parachute built into his watch to escape.

But, I have to say that overall I enjoyed this film. Bond is meaner, tougher, grittier and more human than in previous films. He could beat the stuffing out of all the other Bonds if you locked them all in a room.

Believe it or not, it deals somewhat realisitically with the world of violence and corruption that Bond runs in. The fight scenes make you cringe, because it's not cartoon fighting. There's blood on the knuckles (and the walls, and the clothes and everywhere else). And some of the characters have actual emotions as a result of seeing the violence. And Bond, who seems cold and aloof, is recognized as being a sick individual for "not caring" about the pain and violence.

Bond even has an emotional arc in the film, which is refreshing.

In fact, Krista and I agreed that the first 3/4ths of the film was really, really good. Of course it all falls apart in the last act... one of those last acts where everything makes sense for the ten minutes it takes to run across the screen and then fall aparts if you reflect on it for more than thirty seconds.

I had plenty of theories about how to make the last act better, but then K and I stopped at a bookstore last night and I took a look at the original novel... and they had already spruced it up considerably. I was, in fact, impressed by how far the screenwriters had taken it and fixed it up.

Conclusion: This is the best Bond film they've made. We could have done without several parts (the torture scene, for instance). But Bond is the most human we've ever seen him, and the part of Vesper (played by Eva Green) was a great foil for Bond.

PG-13: Intense sequences of violent action, a scene of torture, sexual content and nudity

Eavesdropping with Matt (imagined): The Casino Royale Writing Committee

Dedicated to the hard-working and no doubt underpaid screenwriters who penned the best Bond film yet.

Writer #1: We need yet another action scene.

Writer #2: But we've really hit the end of the movie. It should have a quiet resolution now.

Writer #3: I've written about fifteen minutes worth of quiet resolution but it just doesn't feel right.

Writer #1: We need some more action. Let's try to revive the already-resolved plot.

Writer #2: We already killed or arrested all the bad guys. I mean, we killed everyone who came near Bond.

Writer #3: You are thinking like a mere mortal, Writer #2! We are writers! We can do whatever we please.

Writer #1: What if we (deleted... spoilers).

Writer #2: But that makes no sense in the context of the film. It will destroy the characters.

Writer #3: It will cause everything to collapse into a Kafka-esque nightmare. We're not Pynchon. This is not "The Crying of Lot 49". Our conspiracies and plot must, at a certain level, make sense.

Writer #1: Nonsense. This is a movie. If we move it along quickly enough, if the action is engaging enough, no one will notice that we have thrown the plot, the characters and the real world out the window. No one will notice when the Very Smart people do Very Dumb things. They will notice only the bullets flying and things exploding, imploding, sinking, rising, et cetera.

Writer #2: You have a good point.

Writer #3: But what if someone comes to the movie and notices that we have massacred our own beautiful beginnings to provide just one more shoot 'em up ending?

Writer #1: Those sorts of people do not come to this sort of movie.

Writer #2: An excellent point.

Writer #3: Now, let us write. But we've run out of time. We'll have to do it at the next meeting. When shall we three meet again, in fire, lightning or in rain?

Writer #1: When the hurly burly's done, when the battle's lost or won.

Writer #2: That will be ere the set of sun.

All: Fair is foul and foul is fair. Hover through the fog and filthy air.

Exeunt.

At the "Bond Girl" auditions

Director: Can you fit into this dress?

Murino: Yes, I think so.

Director: Are you willing to take that dress off?

Murino: Yes.

Director: Will you wear a bikini and ride a horse?

Murino: Yes.

Director: Are you willing to have at least one scene where you rise seductively from the sea?

Murino: Of course.

Director: Are you willing to play a character who will be used and tossed aside with about as much attention as Bond gives to an empty pistol?

Murino: I would love that!

Director: You're hired!

Murino: Do you want to know if I can act?

Director: Why would I care about that?

Black Friday

Today is called Black Friday, in honor of the fact that it is one of the largest retail days of the year. I think you might have more fun celebrating Buy Nothing Day.

Also, I would like to protest using the words "Black Friday" as a celebratory term, since there are plenty of reasons we should leave it for tragic moments in history.

Thankful

For my wife, who makes life more than what it was before.
For my kids, who have brought joy and blessing.
For the beginning of the Christmas season.
For my parents, who moved to WA just to be near us.
For Krista's parents, who have been like new parents rather than "in-laws".
For my teammates, whose lives show me ways to become more Christ-like.
For my stinters, who remind me what it means to be passionate about serving God.
For my Wednesday night buddies.
For Chris "the Omnivore" who will be my friend no matter how often I forget his birthday (happy birthday).
For my sisters, twice the fun!
For my two brothers-in-law and my one sister-in-law.
For my two nephews!
For my SZ family... let's get together soon.
For my school.
For the BHR community, you wacky, wacky people.
For our many friends close to home and around the world.
For the Lord Jesus Christ, maker of heaven and earth.

On the Road to Korea

I'm starting a new blog. That's right. And it's a work blog. Yes. So I can blog while I work, like some sort of 21st century dwarf. Hiiii Hoooooooooooo! Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to blog I go...

Anyway, it's for CM2007, which is an enormous world missions conference in South Korea this summer. Feel free to drop by!

007

How is it possible that there could be someone in the world that I so clearly identify with?



I don't need to go see Casino Royale now. I'm just going to sit back and imagine the Craig Ferguson version.

Stranger Than Fiction

Will Ferrell stars in a movie about a man who can hear the narrator of his story. And he hears his narrator mention his "imminent death" which leads him on a journey to discover his life again.

And of course he has to fall in love, discover his genre, see a shrink, yell at disembodied voices and so on.

In the midst of it all, this movie actually works really well. You've never seen Will Ferrell like this before (unless you are his Mom, in which case, "Hi, Mrs. Ferrel!"). He's serious, nuanced and funny. No slapstick, no mugging for the camera. Maggie Gyllenhaal was spectacular, making you wish you knew the character she played so you could all just hang out at a bakery and enjoy some sort of crazy scones together. Emma Thompson is great as the narrator with a penchant for killing off her characters, and Dustin Hoffman, likewise great as the literature professor that Ferrel enlists to help him discover his genre. Queen Latifah somehow landed the only role that is played completely straight, and she does it well. I was amazed by the whole thing.

The best part about this movie is the way it balances the humor and the poignant emotional moments. The acting is terrific and the writing and directing are great. The whole "I can hear the narrator" bit is inconsistently enforced and essentially abandoned in favor of the love story, but I didn't mind. I actually wondered at some point if it wouldn't be better as two separate movies... the sweet romantic comedy and the fourth-wall-breaking thriller/comedy. But to be honest, it was balanced well enough to enjoy both. I'm usually one to prefer the fourth-wall-breaking over the romantic comedy, but the romance bits were so well scripted and acted that I found myself wishing for more of that and less of the author-in-crisis moments.

Overall, I have to say that I enjoyed this movie immensely. It was fun, sweet, silly, deep, nuanced and enjoyable. Go see it!

A Good Day

I took today off, since I've been away for a while. I spent the morning with Krista and the kids, and then in the afternoon we dropped the kids off at Mom and Dad's house. We went shopping for some Thanksgiving treats, and then K suggested the bookstore. And then we went to dinner and discovered the best Thai food we've had so far in the Portland area...Dok Koon. We had pad thai, yellow curry and coconut sticky rice. My mouth is watering again. It was like eating in Thailand.

Then K suggested a movie, so off we went to see Stranger Than Fiction, which was actually quite good.

And I got to IM with Ken, which was fun. And now I'm blogging in bed. Ha! Life is good.

My Children and the Baby Python

While I was out of town, Krista took the kids to see "Steve and the Creature Feature" at Z's school. Here are some pictures of Z and A holding and smelling an albino baby python. Pythons smell like buttered popcorn and feel like plastic. So if you're ever walking through the jungle and you start to think, "Mmmm, I could go for some popcorn right now"... RUN!

Collide

Any major collision will change your life forever, whether it's a car, a plane, an atom or two people in a grocery store. But this December in Portland, Oregon, there will be a collection of people who are interested in the question, "What happens when a human being has a headlong collision with God?"

Here's the website with all the info.

Here's the blog.

Here's the facebook group.

Check it out.

No Mo Po (etry)

The submission period for the First Annual "I Want To Be Poet Laureate" contest has officially come to an end. I will now print them all off, put on my wading boots and dig deep into the sea of words you've sent in. I expected approximately twelve poems, and am glad to say that you all sent in something closer to a hundred poems.

I'll do my best to have all the winners listed and contacted by December 1st!

King of Cartoons

I just returned home tonight from Reno, Nevada, where I spent a week with many of my beloved co-workers and didn't give even one slim penny to the money-grubbing casino fat cats.

Waiting for me upon my arrival home was (in addition to my three favorite ladies) a copy of my latest story in the Wittenburg Door. It has a very funny little cartoon next to it, so I thought I'd go see if I could find the artist on the web. His name is Jerry King, and apparently he's an accomplished cartoonist.

I thought that was cool. And his illustration goes prefectly with my story. I laugh every time I look at it.

Politics I'm Passionate About

Quasinaut01 sends an update on the political race we were all watching: incumbent vs. homeless man on the Ashland, Oregon, city council.

Be sure to note that the loser outspent the winner by a "ration" of 20 to 1. I'm not sure what that means. A "ratio" would make sense, though.

Just humor me and pretend to care

You can go see the new trailer for Spider-man 3 here.

I thought the first one was mediocre, and that the 2nd one was great.

Number 3 has an okay look to it. I always wonder, though... why does every "3" movie have to have three villains? Seems stupid to me. Oh well.

Sandman looks cool, though. And I'm glad that Harry Osborn isn't going to get a big dumb helmet like his Dad had in the first one. Mixed feelings on the black suit showing up already. I'll give it a shot, though.

Which means that Krista will have to go, too. Ha ha!

p.s. I was kind of hoping for the Lizard and Werewolf by Night. I guess there's always Spider-man 4.

Exclusive Story by Z and A Mikalatos

I've been teaching my kids to tell their own stories. We've been using the simple formula of: "Pick a good guy, pick a bad guy, pick a problem." I've also been introducing them to the oral traditions of our culture by telling them the story of Star Wars (which they've never seen).

So, here's my favorite story that the kids have come up with so far:

"Obi-Wan Kenobi got up in the morning and got dressed, but when he looked in the drawer... NO SOCKS! He looked in the dirty clothes... but no socks! He looked under his bed... and saw Darth Vader curled up under there, holding Obi-Wan' socks! Obi-Wan tried to get Darth Vader, but Darth Vader ran down the stairs and outside. Obi-Wan tried to follow him, but... he didn't have any socks, so he couldn't put his shoes on. The End."

The only thing I would add is Darth Vader saying, "Do not underestimate the power of the Dark Side." The Dark Side is just mean.

Pearls Before Swine

Click for a larger view. Or go here for more Pearls Before Swine.

Paycheck!

Today I received my third-ever paycheck for writing. Hooray! It's not enough to buy an ocean liner, but then again, I don't want an ocean liner. It is enough to pay a bill, though, and that's nice.

So, feel free to support the fine folk at Wittenburg Door, who are so kind as to occasionally pay me for writing.

P.S. They totally spelled my name right on the check. AND they fixed it on the website. They are good, good people.

adopt a pet

I know you all want to have mascots for your teams and whatnot. Here's a fun place to get one:

adopt your own virtual pet!

A Quote from My Wife

Me: (That guy) can talk a lot once he gets started.
My Wife: You are a lot like that guy.

Tippecanoe and Tyler Too

I voted today. I'm sure that all of you did.

I'm sure, like me, that you are eagerly anticipating the epic battle in Ashland, Oregon between the incumbent city councilman and his rival... a local homeless guy.

Don't worry, we'll keep you updated.

The Ape That Cried "Fire!"

Now that we have a gorilla in the house, I'm very interested to see what kind of problems they cause, and what is the correct discipline for them.

Here's an interesting story: Panbanisha the bonobo (pictured at left)pulled a fire alarm at her facility. The fire fighters arrived to discover a serious lack of fire. Panbanisha was promptly scolded, and the facility is now putting covers on all their fire alarms to prevent the apes from pulling the alarms.

My response: Well, I think that scolding the ape afterwards is much less effective than a little education on the front end. They should teach the apes that it's okay to pull the fire alarm, so long as there is actually a fire. Boy will those researchers feel stupid if a fire comes in the night, and when they get there in the morning they find this charred ape carcass right by the alarm, but its poor ape fingers couldn't lift the cover to call the firefighters.

Education is the key here. Unlike stupid robots, apes can be taught these things.

In Which I Complain About Automated Phone Systems

Why is it that automated phone systems say things like:

"Input your 16-digit code and then press the pound key."

Shouldn't they just know when you hit the 16th button that this is, indeed, the entire code? Can't these robots count?

Stupid robots.

Poets Laureate Confessional

I have to be honest that when I started the first annual "I Want to Be Poet Laureate" contest, it was meant to be this sort of tongue-in-cheek joke. I thought that a few friends might send in a limmerick about Arizona, or a silly three liner about New Jersey (thanks, Rob E!).

But now it's a real contest. I forgot how earnest and serious poets can be. It's been a true pleasure to get some poetry by people who take it very, very seriously. So seriously that they would never use the word "very" twice in a row like that.

And in response to my public challenge, even William Carlos Williams sent in a poem. I was suprised that he chose "The Red Wheelbarrow" since in later life he came to reject all that the Imagist movement stood for, but I suppose he's had lots of time to think about it, being dead and all. I suppose he really understands now how much depends on a red wheel barrow that is slicked with water and beside some chickens. White chickens. (Note to WCW: My wheelbarrow is blue, actually, but I know what you were going for.)

All that to say, keep the contributions coming. I've received well over thirty poems now, but that means there are some states with only a few poems. Remember, the deadline is November 15th, a scant ten days away.

And hey-- if you posted a poem but didn't give me a way to contact you (i.e. an e-mail address) you can still rectify this monstrous error by sending me an e-mail (matt.mikalatos (at) gmail.com).

Gracias, everyone. Stay strong and every state of the union shall have a poet laureate.

Can we leave this here overnight?

I cannot believe how funny this is. Some jokers in Sydney, Australia decide to sneak the Trojan Horse into various places to see if anyone has learned their lesson from history. There are two four-letter words for those of you who don't want to hear that (and those of you who particularly like it, I guess).



*sniff*

I am so proud to be Greek right now.

via Mir and the Claw.

The Several Advantages Of Owning A Gorilla

A few days ago I decided that we needed a gorilla in the house. So we got one, but he's not very smart. He thinks the kids are bananas. When the kids yell at him, he gets scared because he's afraid of little girls. And also, he thought they were bananas. Screaming bananas are frightening, I suppose.

There are many advantages to having a gorilla. For instance, if the kids start crying, I just say, "Stop it! You're upsetting the gorilla." That works right away. And if the kids get scared of someone coming into the house, I say, "Do you think the gorilla is going to let someone walk in the front door, right by his cage?" Of course not!

Tonight the kids decided they would name the gorilla Caramel. I thought this was a dumb name. "He has black fur, not caramel-colored fur. Why would you name him Caramel?"

"Because he likes caramel-covered bananas," they replied matter-of-factly. Which is true. So what could I say to that?

You know what else I love about having a gorilla? When I am walking home from the kindergarten where A and I went to pick up Z, and Z starts to talk about her gorilla and one of her friends says, "Do you really have a gorilla?" She says, "Of course I do." The kids look at me, and I say, "It sleeps on the love seat in the front room, in the cage." I think Z is probably famous at school.

Don't get me wrong, there are disadvantages, too. For instance, tonight Caramel took a bath and left so much hair in the tub that the kids refused to bathe.

But mostly, having a gorilla is pretty nice.

Mikalatos For Sale

The new issue of Wittenburg Door comes out today, and I have a story in it called, "Heaven's Suggestion Box."

Or at least, some guy named Mike Mikalatos does. Now my brand recognition is going to go down, because everyone is going to think that Mike and I are some brother-brother writing team. That's okay, though. Mike can write all the hard, edgy stuff and I'll write the children's books. Together we shall rule the publishing world!

Congratulations, Mike, on your first publication!

And now, A word from our Sponsor(s)

I am very pleased to announce that the Omnivore Digest has signed on as one of the proud sponsors of the First Annual "I Want To Be Poet Laureate" competition.

The word they would like to share: Hair-product.

Yes, I also think that the hyphen is a bit of a cheat and that they really took two words, but they are the only sponsor we have, so we can give them a little leeway.

Theology with My Daughter

A: Daddy, my teacher said that when Jesus comes back there won't be any night. Is that right?

Matt: Yeah, that's right. There won't be any night, because Jesus will be the light. We won't even need the sun. Isn't that weird?

(She thinks about this for a while.)

A: Is it because of his legs?

Matt: What?

A: Is it so bright because of his legs?

Matt: I don't understand.

A: Are his legs so white that it makes it so we don't need any sun?

Where does this come from? I don't know.

Eavesdropping With Matt (Episode Thirteen...spooky)

Dedicated to the worker at Hollywood Video, who had dressed in black and then wrapped a black t-shirt around his face. He then--in front of his co-workers who were dressed as a witch and a wedge of cheese--attempted to do an ill-advised flip behind the counter and landed on his ninja rump.

Witch: AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAA!

Cheese: That was almost awesome! Ha ha ha!

Ninja: Shut up!

Witch: Do it again!

Ninja: Shut up!

Cheese: You better watch it or we'll both get a shuriken to the forehead!

Witch: Ha ha haaa!

Footnotes are Fun

For the third week in a row there's a new devotional over on gnwstinters.blogspot.com.

Future guest devo-writers (confirmed) include:

Ralph Cooley
Krista Mikalatos

Future guest devo-writers (unconfirmed):

Billy Graham
Jurgen Moltmann

Hints to Win the I Want To Be Poet Laureate Contest

Hint #1: Please remember that I am sending the winning poems on to the governors of the respective states. Poems with names like "Why I Will Beat the Jelly Beans Out of Partisan Politicians" are not likely to make a positive impression in many states. Now, unlike a regular poet laureate, the governor can ignore you completely. But still, that means the subject matter of your poems does matter a little bit. I'm not saying that it can't be political, I'm just saying, remember, you will be the representative of poetry for your state. One or possibly two children will look up to you as an example of the Poet.

Hint #2: If you do not either include or e-mail me your name and a way to contact you, I can guarantee that you will lose the competetion. Even if you have the best poem out of all of them. I don't care if your name is William Carlos Williams, you will not win if you don't give me a way to contact you.

P.S. William Carlos Williams, if you would like to enter the competition, I prefer that you give me an e-mail address. I have a thing about not doing seances or using necromancers or other practicioners of the dark arts. I know this is probably inconvenient, what with you being dead and all, but then, you had your shot at being a laureate, didn't you? And you never served your term, Mister. So it's e-mail for you, Will. Gracias.

Truth is Stranger Than Fiction

Here are a couple of real-life products.

I particularly like the statuette where Jesus is playing basketball with the kids. "Try and get it, kids! C'mon, you can do it... or did I create you too short? Ha ha ha! Jump higher, come on!"

Note to the BHR community: Unless you have the gift of healing, please don't play soccer in your sandals.

In that last one I am not sure why they didn't go all the way and give Jesus a helmet and football uniform. He seems to be playing on the yellow team, but it's hard to say, what with the white robe. And really, to be theologically correct, I am guessing that kid on the other side might be a Christian, too, so there should be a second Jesus over there (?). It sure is confusing when God gets involved in sports.

Whew. Okay. Let me pause and wipe the tears from my eyes. Those are pretty funny. For some reason the baseball one didn't seem that funny. I can dig that, Jesus teaching some kid how to play baseball. Sure. But playing a cruel game of keep away is spectacularly great.


Then we have this swell footgear. Now, when I first saw it I laughed pretty hard. But as I am reflecting on it, I am starting to like it. I am thinking I might go see if these are still available somewhere. I have totally been brainwashed! I don't know how they did it. I must admit that I still laugh imagining the wearer of these flip-flops as the main character in the "Footprints" poem. "I noticed in the hardest moments in my life there was only one set of footprints... and that it no longer said 'Jesus loves you' in the sand."

There's more where this came from. Laugh or be creeped out. Or start shopping. The choice is yours.

The Subject of My E-mail is "Other"

I sent Governor Gregoire an e-mail tonight telling her about the First Annual Poet Laureate Contest. Here's the e-mail:

"Dear Mrs. Gregoire:

First of all, thank you for governing our fair state. I will say that overall I am pleased with the priorities and direction of the state and am proud to live in Washington, even though my friends in Portland make a big deal about driving “all the way to another state” to see me in Vancouver.

I am also pleased to know that education is such a high priority to you and your administration. I taught American literature once-upon-a-time, so education is important to me.

I noticed recently that Oregon, after a ten-year hiatus, announced Lawson Inada their new poet laureate. This got me to thinking, and I went off to research who the Washington poet laureate might be, only to discover that we are one of ten states that does not have an official state poet.

Knowing how busy you and all the other governors are, I decided it would be fun to put together a poetry contest and invite people to become the unofficial poets laureate of the poet-less states. I guess you could say this is my own way of “Moving Washington Forward!”

You can see the contest rules and so on at this website: http://mikalatos.blogspot.com/2006/10/annual-i-want-to-be-poet-laureate.html

I apologize that I won’t be providing a professional poet with lots of publication history to be poet laureate. I may not, in fact, even be delivering a Washingtonian to be poet laureate. But I figured an amateur poet laureate from another state was better than no poet laureate at all.

I will send you a letter when the contest is over, introducing you to our new, unofficial poet laureate. If you would like to send them a note, an autographed picture or a poem of your own we would be extremely grateful. And don’t worry! I am glad to keep holding the contest once a year until we have an official poet laureate. In the meantime, if there is anything you would like to communicate to the contest participants, I would be happy to pass on your thoughts.

Sincerely,

Matt Mikalatos

p.s. Please give my regards to the First Gentleman."

Of course you all will be the first to know if she (or, of course, a staff person) writes back. As I surfed the Washington state website, I couldn't help but think that Governor Gregoire and her husband ("The First Mike" they call him on the website) seem like fun people to hang out with. Who knows? Maybe she will want a photo shoot with the new poet laureate and I can tag along for kicks. I tried to put a photo up so you could see the first family, but it didn't work, so you'll have to follow the links. They look fun, don't they? I think they will understand the spirit of our contest. Hey, maybe one of them will enter!

Latest Hebrew Score

90%.

That's right, kids. 90%!

Shalom!

Get Smarter Now: Seminary Quotes

I have this great theology teacher who is immensely intelligent, has a deep love of both God and people and, inexplicably, is also Funny. I've been taking notes on some of the funny things he says, and since we just took our midterm in that class, I thought it was time to share the wealth. So, every Monday night I get to hang out, learn about God and laugh heartily at sayings like the following:

1. Don’t read your Bible. It’s corrosive to your faith and it messes up your prophecy conferences.

2. One of my least favorite things is fundamentalism.

3. If Jesus returns, put your exam in the recycle bin. Not in the trash, because Jesus cares about that.

4. They asked me my opinion. That was a mistake. Because I gave it to them.

5. Martin Luther was probably bi-polar. If he were around today we would put him on meds and the reformation would have never happened.

6. ‘Nuke ‘em for Jesus’ doesn’t ring quite true for me.

This is a fun class, and the guy is a great teacher. His name is Gerry Breshears. I told my wife, "I would be happy if, when I die, someone writes, 'Matt was like a dumb version of Gerry Breshears' on my tombstone."

New Devo

Continuing our stellar line-up of devotional providers at gnwstinters, our newest devotional is brought to us by none other than Carolyn Culbertson. Don't miss this rare internet post by one of our most elusive and insightful spiritual leaders.

And now off to homework

Okay, I really am going to go do my homework. The kids are in bed now, and K is at class for another hour.

Before I went, though, I thought I'd let you know that I've decided to enter this contest. I've already written the first third or so of my novel, and I only need the first three chapters for the contest, plus a synopsis. I have a month to get ready, so you may get asked to read my chapters and give feedback if you have the time!

First prize is, of course, publication.

But homework first, right? Right, chum! To the Mattcave! dudududududududududu MATTMAN!

POW!

BIFF!

OOF!

SOCK!

Take that, homework!

Latest Hebrew Score:

84%

I'm slowly getting the hang of it. Midterm is next week, though! Yikes!

In other news, I'm off to the Switchfoot concert with Krista tomorrow night (and Shannon and Joe).

Anyway, got to go put my kids in bed, study, etc. Don't worry, I'll be back to prolific blogging soon.

FAQ

Here are the FAQs for the "I want to be poet laureate" contest:

What is a poet laureate?
I could give you a long explanation, but instead I’ll give you the wikipedia entry on poets laureate.

Is this a joke?
Are you laughing?

Can I submit previously published poems?
So long as you are not contractually obligated to give them exclusive rights, sure.

Can I submit more than one poem?
How about one per state. That means you can submit a maximum of ten poems.

Can I submit someone else’s poem?
Nope. Especially if you put your name on it.

Do I have to give you my contact information?
Only if you want to win. If I don't have your contact information, I can't get ahold of you. If I can't get ahold of you, I can't send you your victory junk. I won't be able to e-mail you for your address. I will just have to address the envelope to: "Winner of the Poet Laureate Contest." This will make me bitter and confuse the post office. So... no contact information = you are not the poet we seek.

Will I be the "official" poet laureate?
Well, that depends on how you look at it. None of these states currently have “official” programs to select poets laureate… but you will be the “only” poet laureate for that state. And I will print you up a nice certificate. That seems awfully official to me. I mean, all I got for graduating college was a certificate and a square hat.

I don’t want to submit my poem in the comments section because I figure you have creepy stalker-types on your site. Can I send my poem via e-mail?
Hey, pretty soon you might be poet laureate, so you should get used to being treated like royalty. So send your poems via e-mail to Matt.Mikalatos(at)gmail.com.

I have an extremely poetic sensibility and must send my poems only by snail mail, written by hand. What should I do?
No problem. E-mail me at Matt.Mikalatos(at)gmail.com and I’ll reply with my address.

May I send my entry using my psychic powers?
Yes.

Can I send bribes or lots of money to guarantee my spot as a poet laureate?
If you have lots of money you are clearly not a poet. Go away, this contest is not for you.

Do the poems have to be about one of the ten States represented in the competition?
No. They can be about anything you like (always remembering not to include porn, gore or gratuitious violence, cursing or poems about golf).

Can I use the word "Y" (where Y = some word that is potentially offensive but is not "on the list" of offensive words)?
Of course you can use that word. But you may not use it in the poems you submit to this contest.

What's the catch?
No catch, so long as you want to enter a poetry contest that pays nothing, gives silly prizes and a letter of introduction from a nobody blogger to a government official.

How frequently are these Frequently Asked Questions being asked?
More often than I ever realized was possible. I thought that three of my friends would send in some silly limmericks, and then you guys had to get all serious and turn this into an actual contest. Now I get questions all the time. Questions, questions, questions! Stop writing questions and start writing poems! Or write your questions in the form of a poem.

A 3-year-old's praise song (by my daughter, A)

The Holy Spirit fills the whole world
like a bird
with wings
there are wings everywhere
and also white refrigerators
and rainbows
and it's all so beautiful.

English Lessons

Z: I'm firsty.

Me: You're "firsty"? I think you're "thirsty."

Z: Yes, I'm firsty.

Me: Th, th, th, thirsty.

Z: Firsty.

Me: You have to stick your tongue between your teeth, like this: Th, th, th.

Z: Th, th, th, thfirsty. Firsty.

Me: I'll get you a drink.

new Devotional

I've put a new devotional up on the gnwstinters site. It's from my boss, Keith Bubalo. Alpha Dog himself! One of the greatest things about my job is having people like Keith Bubalo and Chip Scivicque as my bosses. In addition to teaching me a lot about what it means to be a godly person, they make me feel that the name Mikalatos falls into the "normal and easy to spell" category. Take a look!

Our Third Child

When you’re about to have a baby, a lot of things change in life. You start rearranging the furniture in the house, at least mentally. You find yourself saying things like, “If we moved the office downstairs, the current office could be the nursery” or “If it’s a boy we could paint this room another color.” You start getting serious about finding the maternity clothes in the garage. You explain to your kids how everything is going to change (“you’re going to be a big sister now!”), you alter your travel plans for the future.

At the same time, you’re rearranging things internally. You’re preparing a place for the new arrival in your heart, in your mental landscape. You think about what it will mean to be the parent of three (!) kids. You start thinking through what you will need to do to survive the sleepless nights to come, and weigh it out against the joy of having a baby in the house again. You start making space in your life for another human being, another essential, irreplaceable, intimate human connection.

And then, sometimes, things change. For us, it was having a miscarriage last week. I think, for me, the hardest part of a miscarriage is that all that space we made for this new little one now seems lonely and hollow and empty. The inconvenience of moving our office downstairs so that the baby could have a nursery now seems desirable. And the luxury of having an office in the house seems cheap.

I told Krista this week, “now you could go with me to Korea this summer” and she said, “I’d rather have a baby.” And I think that in a lot of ways, Krista’s reply sums it up. Having a baby requires giving up some freedom, and adding new responsibilities. But having that freedom returned to you is not worth what is lost.

How are we feeling? Good, terrible, fine, depressed, detached, guilty, sad, tired. The emotions are too complex and change too quickly to describe well. We’re okay. I found that this week I couldn’t work well or consistently, because I realized I was sitting there doing nothing. I regret never knowing my child.

I think it’s worse for Krista, of course. Her body went through obvious changes in preparation for giving birth and now it’s all going back to “normal”… and every day that’s a reminder of what has happened.

And in the midst of it all there’s the question of God. Or rather, not the question, as that’s something that Krista and I have both said. We’re certain of his presence, and of his goodness, his love, his peace. Honestly, I am too tired to come near to him, to spend time in the word, even to cry out to him. But I feel like, nevertheless, he is meeting with me. He’s sending friends with words of encouragement, or to pray. And I am reminded over and over that there is a day coming when all these things will be done away with. The human creature was not made for death, we’re not designed for loss. One day the King of Kings will rule and he will do away with death and injustice once and for all. So there’s hope and peace in the midst of it all.

In the meantime, we’d appreciate your prayers, if you think of it. And, of course, your questions and thoughts are welcome. We want to be open about the reality of being people living with the Christ in the “real world” and this is part of life for us right now. Thanks for your time and your friendship.

The Annual "I Want To Be Poet Laureate" Poetry Contest-- tell your friends

Because the following states do not have poets laureate, I have decided that it is our right, nay, our duty, to create poets laureate of our own: Arizona, Hawaii, Massachusetts, Michigan, Missouri, New Jersey, New Mexico, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Washington.

By the power invested in me by my Bachelor of Arts in Creative Writing, I have decided to hold a poetry contest. The winner of the contest will receive the following:

1) An official document from moi, declaring you the poet laureate of the State division which you have won. Your term will last one year.

2) A letter sent to the governor of the State on official BHR letterhead, inviting them to give you money, accolades and public recognition, and perhaps even a ticker-tape parade.

3) TWO blog entries here at the BHR, one including your poem and one with a profile of yourself.

4) The everlasting respect of your friends, the envy of other would-be laureates and something to put on your resume.

5) If the poems are good enough, funny enough, endearing enough or plentious enough, maybe we'll throw together a little chapbook or something. No guarantees.

Here are the rules:

1) All entries must be received by midnight November 15th, one month and two days from today. That's right, it's a tight deadline. This is because poetry is a harsh mistress. Stop your whining and start your writing. Decisions shall be handed down and winners heralded from on high by December 1st.

2) You need not live in or have ever visited the State to which you are applying as laureate. You need not like the State. You need not know the State flower.

3) No porn or cursing, please. This is a family establishment.

4) To enter, merely paste your poem into the comments section of the State to which you are applying to rule as First and Enduring Poet Laureate (or send an e-mail to Matt.Mikalatos(at)gmail.com with the subject "poetry contest" and the name of the State you would like to represent). Be sure to include your name and an email address where you can be reached.

Here are the entry locations for each state:
Arizona
Hawaii
Massachusetts
Michigan
Missouri
New Jersey
New Mexico
Ohio
Pennsylvania
Washington


Now, hop to it! May the muses give you wing'ed pens.

FAQ

Arizona

Would you like to preside as Chief Poet over the southern deserts?

Then kindly enter your poem(s) here.

Hawaii

NOTE: Hawaii does have a State Writer. So you will have to share your Glory and Prestige with them, I think.

But don't let that stop you from applying.

Massachusetts

Governor Mitt Romney will be so pleased to have you as Poet. You can do it!

Michigan

Michigan has been through a lot lately, what with all those troubles with the Emerald Ash Borer. So lift their spirits with the gift of poetry.

Missouri

I used to live in the "Show Me State" so don't try to pull one over on me. You will have to do your research!

New Jersey

Give your dreams a chance.

New Mexico

"Commitment, hard work, efficiency, accountability: these are the elements in my approach to governing, and my strategy for success." —Governor Bill Richardson

These words can so readily apply to poetry, too. Just replace the word "governing" with "poetry."

Ohio

So much to discover!

Pennsylvania

There are more than 1,800 historical markers in Pennsylvania. Surely they will be able to spare one for the New, First Ever Poet Laureate of Pennsylvania.

Washington

My own State! Betrayed! Shut out in everlasting darkness without the pleasure of State Endorsed Poets! Say it isn't so!

Make me proud.

The State of Washington Hates Poetry With a Deep and Undying Hatred, Deep as the Ocean, Undying as the Sea

Boy, you kids love poetry. And you are the most nationalistic (state-istic?) group I know. You've flooded my inbox with requests--nay, demands!-- to know the poet laureate of your own state.

So, here they are:

Alabama Sue Walker
Alaska Jerah Chadwick
Arkansas Peggy Vining
California Al Young
Connecticut Marilyn Nelson
Delaware Fleda Brown
Florida Edmund Skellings
Georgia David Bottoms
Idaho Kim Barnes
Illinois Kevin Stein
Indiana Joyce Brinkman
Iowa Robert Dana
Kansas Jonathan Holden
Kentucky Sena Jeter Naslund
Louisiana Brenda Marie Osbey
Maine Betsy Sholl
Maryland Michael S. Glaser
Mississippi Winifred Hamrick Farrar
Montana Sandra Alcosser
Nebraska William Kloefkorn
Nevada Norman Kaye
New Hampshire Patricia Fargnoli
New York Billy Collins
North Carolina Kathryn Stripling Byer
North Dakota Larry Woiwode
Oklahoma Francine Ringold
Oregon Lawson Fusao Inada
Rhode Island Tom Chandler
South Carolina Marjory Heath Wentworth
South Dakota David Allan Evans
Tennessee Margaret Britton Vaughn
Texas Alan Birkelbach
Utah Kenneth W. Brewer
Vermont Grace Paley
Virginia George Garrett
West Virginia Irene McKinney
Wisconsin Denise Sweet
Wyoming David Romtvedt

Or perhaps you are from one of the following laureate-less states: Arizona, Hawaii, Massachusetts, Michigan, Missouri, New Jersey, New Mexico, Ohio, Pennsylvania, or Washington. Quick! Write a poem and send it to the governor!

Poet Laureate (Oregon)

In February of this year, Governor Kulongowski appointed the first poet laureate in Oregon in the last ten years. His name is Lawson Inada, and he's an interesting and funny fellow. Krista and I watched a mini-documentary about him tonight. He's currently a professor at SOU in Ashland.

Here are Three poems by Lawson Inada. His sense of humor comes across quite clearly in these poems.

Enjoy!

Heroes? I kind of doubt it.

WARNING: I am cranky and I worked at a comic book store for three years. I was destined to dislike "Heroes" by watching it tonight. Okay, now you can read on.

I just watched my first episode of "Heroes". It was okay. It should have been better. It's sort of about super heroes. Or rather, super-powered riff-raff who might one day become heroes. Here are a couple of the problems:

1) It's not about anything important. Oh yeah, the world is in danger, blah blah blah, New York City is going to blow up, blah blah blah. People are evolving to the next stage of human evolution. Yawn. Do we deal with the greater questions that might come up if humans really did suddenly have god-like powers? Nah. Do we (a la Lost) wrestle with huge questions of faith vs. science? Not really. We are too busy showing all the strippers, drug addicts and politicians who have super powers. Okay, we have a nice cheerleader also. And a comic-relief Japanese man with world class super powers. Ha ha, isn't he cute.

2) The bad guy appears to have a Jesus fixation. He's been murdering people all over the world with his telekinetic powers, after which he returns to his crappy apartment and writes "Forgive me Father I have sinned" all over the wall and draws crosses with Jesus' name. Again, yawn, yawn, yawn. Apparently we have a well-meaning Christian serial murderer.

3) I am so over the so-called "real world" super heroes. If you want to make something about the real world STOP WRITING ABOUT FREAKING SUPER HEROES. For crying out loud, people. Don't give me any of your lip about how in real life people get attacked by oversexed boys at high school bonfires and then fall down and die.

4) Emotionally flat. Flat like the second dimension. Flat like a soda left open for a week. Flat like a squirrel in it's third week on the highway pavement. This episode had: a drug addict being left by his girlfriend, a main character being attacked and killed, a woman telling her mother-in-law she wanted her out of her family's life, and a husband and wife apparently on the brink of divorce. Did we feel sad? Mortified? Shocked? Scared? Nope. We felt bored. BORED. The only real emotional response: Anger at the treatment of women in the show. Mild, jovial feelings about the Japanese comic-relief guy.

5) Jeph Loeb was writing. And I know he can do better. But it gives me a brief, shining glimmer of hope that it might be better in the future.

In conclusion: stick to LOST. Weird, insightful, moving, and about Important Things.

Stickin' it to the man... or, well, the telephone autodialer

Here's a trick that's good to know.

When you pick up the phone and say "hello" and no one answers, it's often because it's an auto-dialer for some big faceless corporation. If you say "hello" again you will soon hear the greetings returned by a poor telephone salesperson... and of course in the backround you will hear all of the rest of their co-workers, jammed into the room with them like chickens on a semi.

So, here's what I do. I say hello one time... ONE TIME, that's all you get. And then I hang up the phone. TAKE THAT! JUSTICE! JUUUUUUSTIIIIIIIICE!

Um. If you're my friend, though, you should just call back if I hang up on you.

Stop your jibber jabber!

Mr. T has a new "reali-T" show called "I Pity The Fool." From the video clips I would say that this is possibly the best reason to invest in cable television. I don't have cable, but maybe some kind person will put my name on the list of people who should be visited by Mr. T during his show.

You know, it's interesting how much life as a WSN director is like being a member of the A-Team. I can't even remember how many times I've said, "You ain't getting me on no plane, Bubalo." But then he knocks me out somehow (it's usually Dan "Face" Weidner that does it) and I wake up in some foreign country, and Chip Scivique is standing there smoking a cigar and saying, "I love it when a plan comes together."

And, as all the stint team leaders already know, Andy McCullough = Murdock.

The Nativity

Here's a movie I'm actually excited about: The Nativity. It's written by Mike Rich (Finding Forrester and The Rookie), who is a believer from Portland and is also a great writer. Mary is played by Keisha Castle-Hughes (Whale Rider). It looks great. Here's the trailer!

My New Nephew

A little while back I received a very nice e-mail from my half-brother's ex-girlfriend (are you following all this?) saying that she and my brother had a son almost two years ago, which I did not know.

So, I am pleased to announce that I have my second nephew, E. Here's a picture of him and his Mom. Thanks for hunting us down and for bringing another wonderful child into our lives!

P.S. Sara (E's Mom) found me via the blog. Yet another reason that having a blog is good!
Thanks, Sara, and welcome to the family.

The Philosophers

Here's a conversation my dad and I had with the children on our way through the parking lot. The children each had a balloon.

Dad: Don't let go of those balloons.

A: Why not?

Me: Because they will fly away forever.

A: Forever?

Z: Why forever?

Me: Because none of us can fly to go catch the balloon if it flies away.

Dad: Yeah, where's Superman when you need him?

Z: In our imaginations.

Cingular drives customers to drink

Their new slogan: "More bars in more places."

This Week's Hebrew Quiz

60%!

Well, that's a sizeable increase over last week's 1%. And you know what that means... the quiz that I took today will probably be a 119%! WOW!

Eavesdropping With Matt (Episode Twelve)

Dedicated to the wiry man behind us, waiting for the airport restaurant to open, at 11:01 a.m., and thus one minute late (unlike our plane, which is one hour late).

Man: C'mon, let's get that bar open.

EAVESDROPPING SIDENOTE: There are some old women sitting near us at the boarding area who curse like sailors. I would replicate some of the conversation, as it is funny, but I don't think you would appreciate it.

Idaho: Where I Will Build A Great Monument In My Honor When I Become the Rightful Ruler of The Americas

K and I leave for Boise in the morning, where we will get to spend a whole weekend hanging out with the Boise State crew.

FIESTA!

See you all next week.

BRITISH INVASION!

This story comes from our monkey-reporter-on-the-street, the incomparable Ken!

It's well worth your time to click on the link. Especially if you like:

1) Apes
2) Marathons
3) Apes in Marathons
4) Great Britain

99% ignorant

I got my first quiz back in Hebrew this week: 1% correct!

I was, honestly, somewhat pleased to see that I knew something about Hebrew, since I didn't have the notes or anything from the week before when I took the quiz.

Things are improving, though, and I will update you when I get the scores for this week's quiz.

Why School Is More Important Than Cartoons

Z: Daddy! I don't want to miss "Dragon Tales" to take A to school tomorrow!

Me: We don't plan our school schedule around when cartoons are on.

Z: Why not?

Me: Because school is more important than cartoons.

Z: Why?

Me: What did you learn in school today?

Z: I learned that when we have a shortened day, we don't get to play on the playground.

Me: Okay, good, anything else?

Z: The letter K says k k like a kid in a kayak! K! K!

Me: And what did you learn on cartoons this morning?

Z: If you find a two-headed magic statue then you might get flip-flopped!

Me: And that's why school is more important than cartoons.

Helper Monkeys!

In the BHR tradition of "all monkey news all the time" we bring you the following story:

Debbie Rose says that her monkey is a "service animal" that helps her overcome an anxiety disorder and therefore should be allowed to eat at the buffet with her.

Father Knows Best

A: Daddy, did God use glue sticks and then stick it on our arms and our heads and legs and put us all together?

Me: No, he didn't use a glue stick for that.

A: Did he use it to stick other things together?

Me: No.

A: How did he stick things together?

Me: He, uh, used different things to stick different things together.

At the Protest

After watching the entire military of Mexico roll by, we decided to go down to the Zocalo and see the protest. There were a lot of people there chanting "OBRADOR!" I will say this... the people of Mexico are very skilled at drawing characatures of George Bush.

There was a creepy person blowing smoke on people. This seemed evil to us.

Now I must treat you to another picture of me with "the bird."

Things the people of Mexico could learn about protests from the U.S.:

1) It's not really a protest unless you break a window.

2) And don't forget to steal something!

3) Don't let Americans with Communist t-shirts mill around with you. Those stupid foreigners clearly know nothing about history. Kick 'em out!

The Mexican style of protest seemed very gentle and understanding.

More from Mexico

I tried to get us a hotel in Mexico City that would be far away from the protests and demonstrations. But somehow I picked one across the street from "the angel of independence." As we drove up our taxi driver said, "This street has been closed all week. So nice that they opened it today.

The next morning President Fox came and gave a big speech, so there were people all over the place.

A lady was cooking something green nearby, we couldn't figure out what it was. Someone finally explained that they were gorditas, but with green dye in them because the flag of Mexico has green in it. We also bought a red tamale. the gordita was excelente.

A little while later there was a "parade" in which every soldier, horse and tank in all of Mexico marched, pranced and rumbled past out hotel room to show the superior
strength of the amazing country of Mexico. This took a long, long time. Then the garbage trucks came out to clean up after all the festivities.

HOLY MARGARITA, BATMAN!

This margarita we saw in Mexico City was so huge that I had to get my picture with it.

Thoughts I Think During Hebrew Class

It's a good thing I am such a genius, or I would be even more confused than I am.

At the Zocalo

I need to go to bed, but I think it's important that you see this picture. It was taken in the heart of the protests taking place at the Zocalo. More information on all that later. In the meanwhile, just sit back and enjoy this awesome picture.

In Which I Meet Trotsky (well, almost)

Now that we're home, I'll try to catch you up with some of the amazing events of our time in Mexico.

On Friday we tried to go to the Museum of Modern Art, which it turns out is being remodeled. At least, that's what we assumed when we saw the enormous metal gates with the spikes on it barring our entrance. So we made our way across town to see the Frida Kahlo museum. Which was also closed. The lady in the picture knocked on the door for about ten minutes until they let her in. I think they were having a staff party.

So we walked to the Leon Trotsky museum (just a few blocks away), which is really just the house that Trotsky lived in until he was murdered (with an ice axe). Here you can see a picture of an enormous stone slab with his name on it and the hammer and sickle. I'll be getting one of these for my back yard (but with my name and a giant burning heart).

The slightly strange and creepy part was the guy who was wandering the property dressed like Trostsky. Sometimes it seemed he was following us, and other times we walked into a room to find him waiting for us. Krista took this picture of me and Trotsky together... because how often do you get a chance like that? Anyway, we debated for a while whether Trotsky-Clone is 1) a re-enactor, 2) a creepy tourist who likes to dress up like Trotsky or 3) a ghost.

Our team

Here's a picture of the team that K and I work with. I can't tell you too many details about our meetings, as I am sworn to silence (we don't share with just anyone about the traditional bequeathing of the WSN smoking jacket to our new members). We really, really enjoy these people.

Please be sure to notice the strange variations in head sizes. For instance, my head looks freakishly large. And people say that the camera never lies. Ha ha ha! Jokers!

xochimilco

Here's a picture of K and I in Xochimilco earlier this week. You can see some boats off on the right there. More pictures later. In the meanwhile... I have a lovely wife, don't I?

Happy Independence Day

So, today we went out into the wide world of Mexico to see the sights.

Except that they were mostly closed in honor of Mexican Indepence Day! We went to the Museum of Modern Art (closed). The Frida Kahlo Museum (closed). The Leon Trotsky museum (inexplicably open).

We took the Metro all over the place, which was cool. Then we decided to go out to dinner but, um, the restaurants are all closed. Because everyone is gathered outside our hotel to celebrate! K and I just watched the president shout VIVA MEXICO and ring the bell of freedom on t.v. and then the fireworks out our window.

Rumor is that everything will be closed down tomorrow, too.

But we are having fun, enjoying each other and Mexico. We're debating going down into the center of it all in the Zocolo tomorrow.

Mexico

Okay, I have a couple of quick moments here before I have to scoot off to a meeting. Yes, a meeting. That's right, I have a job, people.

Anyway...

Mexico is great. More expensive than I expected, but still great. I've eaten Mexican breakfast every morning, which is great (enchildas for breakfast? You BETCHA!).

We've been meeting a lot, but it's great to work with people I consider good friends. Yesterday we wandered out to some of the over 300 campuses in Mexico and tried to start spiritual movements of revolutionary-minded college students. More on that when I get more time. But I will say that it was great, we saw God do some amazing things and I got to eat some huarrachas at the UNAM cafeteria.

Today we moved our meeting to Xochimilco for a few hours, which was fun.

Tonight (in about ten minutes) the meetings start up again and then dinner and then, who knows? (Krista might go shopping... maybe I'll study Hebrew or blog or write or answer e-mail or collapse onto my bed. We shall see.)

NOTE: Beds here are just as hard as in East Asia. I realized that I didn't expect this because every other time I've been in Mexico I've slept either in a tent (Mexicali) or, the noteable exception, in a trailer with my buddy Chris. So, good to know. Hard beds in Mexico.

NOTE (2): We saw a demonstration today. Viva la mexico!

At least they liked the cover letter

Hi, friends.

I was poking around over at Relief Journal this morning and found this post about getting cover letters they like. They quote at length from a cover letter that is, well, my cover letter. They rejected the story, but they really liked that cover letter!

So I sent them another story, which is being looked at now. I have to admit that the cover letter to my second story was not as good. But I think the story is significantly better than the first one I sent them.

Fashion terminology

Here's something you should know if you are going to write about fashion (like moi).

A T-shirt is a shirt that is shaped like a "T." It has short sleeves and no collar.

A t-shirt is a shirt shaped like a "t." It has short sleeves and a turtle neck.

A tee-shirt can also be referred to as a golf shirt.

A tea-shirt is a brown, green, black or red shirt, depending on the variety.

Airport Fashion Tips

A few fashion tips for all of you who fly.

1) No short-shorts. Especially if they are so short that you can't walk correctly. I don't care if you're traveling with your boyfriend or a boy you wish was your friend. No one is happy to see a girl wearing short-shorts at the airport. What we are all thinking: that girl is going to be cold.

2) No "Hustler" t-shirts. I saw a young man with his fiance today, and he was wearing a "Hustler" t-shirt. Please don't wear clothing that advertizes pornography at the airport. What we are thinking: that your fiance should ditch you as soon as possible, before your porn-infused brain destroys your relationship. It just makes us sad.

3) Remember, people are crankier in the morning and more likely to think mean thoughts about you. So dress carefully if you are on an early flight.

What I am wearing today: a vintage 1970's pilot's uniform (TWA).

A conversation with you (in my head)

I know what you are asking yourself right now:

You: Matt, why aren't you in bed?

Me: Because I am slowly photocopying an old Hebrew textbook so that I can learn the Hebrew alphabet this week. I am missing my first class of Hebrew, and the day after I get back from Mexico I have a quiz.

You: Matt, I think you might be insane.

Me: Stop saying that! It makes me paranoid. No, really, stop it!

You: I only said it once.

Me: Ha ha ha! That's what you think.

You: You're nuts.

Me: That's because you are what you eat and I eat a lot of cashews and macadamia nuts. So at least I'm high quality nuts.

You: Go to bed.

Me: Okay, okay, I'm off to bed.

You: And sleep on the plane tomorrow, too!

Me: I will obey!

Enfoque mexico

Today (in a few hours), K and I will be on our way to Mexico City to meet with other people from around the US who do our job, and also with international leaders within our organization and the local leaders of the mexico CityFocus.

Mexico City has 301 college campuses, totalling right around a million students. CityFocus is designed to try to take the good news of Jesus to every single one of those students within the next three years. It's an awesome experiment, which is one of the reasons we're spending a week down there.

K and I are pretty excited because at least one day of the week will involve us going out on campus and talking to people about Jesus (in Espanol? Mmmmm. Not if they want to actually understand anything we are saying). ALSO, our buddy Carlos, the national director of Costa Rica, will be hanging out there, too. So, we'll get to talk some more about the possibilities of our region sending students to Costa Rica.

Anyway, if you want to hear more about Enfoque Mexico, I will try to find some blogs that are from the team there. I've seen that this one is updated pretty often (with pictures). I'll ask around while I'm down there.

Eavesdropping with Matt: Special Mikalatos Edition

Dedicated to... ME!

Krista: There's not enough leftover pizza in the fridge for both of us to have it for lunch.

Me: That's okay.

Krista: I'm sorry we don't have much food in the house.

Me: No problem, I'll just run down to Muchas Gracias and pick up a taco.

Krista: But we're leaving for Mexico tomorrow.

Me: Heh, heh, heh.

The Ethereal Library

My friend Candice (the anti-blogger who included BLOGGING among her list of time-wasters to beware of on stint) had a link to this site on a website she's been helping put together.

It's the Christian Classics Ethereal Library (I feel certain Borges would have approved of that name), a site which attempts to bring you free, accessible Christian classics. It's searchable, downloadable and printable. Pretty convenient, especially if you don't mind a sheaf of papers or a computer screen instead of the well-worn and loved covers of a book.

I prefer books, but still, this is a cool site.

Matt VS. Machine

There's an artificial intelligence program over at cooldictionary.com that you can chat with... essentially you can IM the computer and it talks to you. Its name is Splotchy.

Anyway, here's the conversation Splotchy and I had (slightly edited for those not used to having conversations with foul-mouthed computer intelligences):

Me: What is your name?

Splotchy: I am Splotchy, what's your name?

Me: My name is Matt.

Splotchy: Hi matt, nice to talk to you you

Me: Are you really a robot?

Splotchy: I know you are, but what am I?

Me: I'm rubber and you're glue.

Splotchy: does anyone know you are rubber and youre glue?

Me: No.

Splotchy: no?

Me: No. does anyone know that you are a ping-pong ball?

Splotchy: No I'm not...

Me: You fight like a girl

Splotchy: did you get your @$$ kicked in a fight?

Me: Never

Splotchy: not even once?

Me: Well, there was this one time when a really mean group of girl scouts cornered me and beat me up.

Are we not men?

We are Devo!

Speaking of which, there's a new devo at gnwstinters.

First Day of School

I can't believe my kids are both in school...

Where are the little girls I carried?

Tomorrow is Z's first day of kindergarten.

Tomorrow is A's first day of preschool.

If I can still type after all the emotional trauma of having practically adult children I will give you all an update soon.

Google Me

Last night I googled myself (yes, I'm vain, bet I think this post is about me, don't I?) and I found a couple of interesting things:

1) A mini-review of my short story, Chariots. Favorite sentence from the review: "If you like to think big thoughts without wading through all the words usually associated with them, 'Chariots' is for you."

2) Someone in Canada went to the trouble to type out (is this legal?) the entirety of my article "Estrogen Dampens Holy Spirit!" from the Wittenburg Door. So if you would like to see the (admittedly inferior) typed up version, you can see it here. And then you should march right out and buy issue 206 of the Wittenburg Door.

3) The Burning Hearts Revolution.