Dodge Fail

If you look closely in this picture you can see how I used my head to protect the ground from getting hit by a snowball. My right hand, blurred in the lower right part of the picture, has just released a snowball that flew so fast that it caught on fire before knocking my daughter down and causing her to slide down a hill, through traffic, up a ramp and into a tree. Overall, I think I won.

3-D Children

At the Desperaux screening we took this picture of the kids in front of the giant advertisement. Or did we shrink the children to mouse size? You decide!

Please note that the tiny pink poodle was not in the movie. That is my children's addition.

If you're trapped at home and hungry

You may find this website useful.

Our children this morning

The kids immediately went out to tromp in the snow. It had a decent layer of ice on top, so they picked those up so they had something to eat. Yes, they pretended those were popsicles.

Our front yard this morning

Notice that even the paint on the cars has turned white.

Noon to Midnight Picture Marathon

In honor of all you poor snowbound Portlanders we'll have a picture marathon here at BHR starting around noon and ending just before midnight. Every two hours we'll have a new picture with some brief commentary.

If the storm continues I should be able to clear out all those pictures I've been meaning to blog about over the last several months.

Beware of Cliff

We saw this sign on the way home from Thanksgiving.

I particularly like the part where the birds are flying around over the cliff. That's a nice touch.

Good deed of the day

It has been snowing all day today. Which, in the Portland Metro Area, means that very few people know what to do, I guess.

While I was at the post office/gas station (yes, it's both) today, a woman came in asking if anyone had a jack so she could get the chains off her car. I told her that I didn't have a jack, but that I couldn't imagine that she needed one and I would come out and take a look.

It turned out that some guy had tried to help her when one of her chains broke by telling her to drive back and forth. This had actually succeeded in causing her to drive on the wrong parts of the chains and had smashed one of the catches so it couldn't be opened correctly.

It was something I managed to fix after laying in the slush, pushing my head under the car, and working at it for a while. Then I worked on the other side, which eventually required that I borrow some pliers so I could break a clasp on the chain. When I was done the woman and her kids happily drove away.

One of the gas station workers looked at me in surprise when I brought the pliers back in and the woman drove away. "Weren't you with that lady?" she asked.

"No," I said. "I was just here and she needed some help."

Suddenly I was a hero. The gas station lady offered me free food or coffee or something to warm me up. But I told her that wasn't necessary, of course. I was just a little ways from home.

I thought about this as I drove home. If that had been my family with the broken chains I would have just been doing my duty. It's expected that you take care of your family. But if you treat some other member of the human race like family, suddenly you're a hero. That's a sad commentary on us as a people, I guess.

I started thinking about rewards... being thought of as a hero, free coffee, et cetera, and I realized I don't really need those, either. I have my own house, where I can warm up and take a hot shower after submerging myself in icy slush. I had a loving wife waiting for me, and kids on a special outing with their heavily involved and generous grandparents. I have a good relationship with the creator of the universe, too, let's not forget that. I have all the rewards I need right here in my little corner of the world. I think I can treat others with respect just so their world can be a little better, too.

Plus, it's snowing. It's beautiful outside. It's a beautiful, wonderful night. Merry Christmas, everybody.

Mother Night

I finished re-reading "Mother Night" yesterday evening. I've always liked this book... it's about a man who is an undercover American spy in Nazi Germany whose cover involved being a Nazi propagandist. The action of the novel takes place as he retells his story while being tried in Israel as a Nazi war criminal, because the USA refuses to acknowledge that he was their agent. And, of course, it's a comedy.

This is a great book... an amazing example of how to explore serious issues (Do the ends justify the means? Do we become what we pretend to be? Can we commit unforgivable crimes against ourselves?) in an entertaining, often hilarious way. Let's be honest, it's hard to write a comedic novel about the Nazis. But here it is. It's a great read and worth your time if you've never read it.

Christamstime is here -- cue the crying

We woke this morning to a winter wonderland, the snow in the night covering everything except for the manhole covers which are apparently warmer than the street.

We woke this morning to the excited scampering of children, who flew to the windows, looked outside and shouted, "OH NO! I HOPE SCHOOL ISN'T CANCELED!"

I woke this morning and trudged down the stairs to discover that yes, school had been canceled.

I walked back up and told the kids, "No school today."

"NO SCHOOL TODAY?"

"No school today."

"NO SCHOOL TODAY?"

"No... school... today."

Cue the incessant crying. No school means no end-of-the-year Christmas party.

Now Z is in the back yard playing in the snow and A is inside looking at the Christmas ads from the newspaper. And we're hoping that our friends' wedding tonight doesn't get canceled!

At long last I am going to be filthy rich (as I deserve)

I got a little e-mail today from somebody that just shows I am going to be rich. And not in American money. In British money. Awwwww YEAH!

Here it is:

Good Day

I am Mr. Paul Wolfenden, Manager of ABN AMRO BANK 250 Bishopsgate, London
EC2M 4AA . I have a business proposal valued at GBP£21,000,000.00 (Twenty-One
Million Pounds) from my Branch.

Please, get back to me to enable me furnish you with full information
concerning this letter by email.

Sincerely,

Paul Wolfenden.

I was curious. So I did a little checking and here is what I found:

1) Paul Wolfenden is real.

2) Despite the lack of vowels, ABN AMRO is real. Although it appears that Mr. Paul Wolfenden does not work for them.

3) I like how the author of this email puts the number of pounds in numerically followed by the paranthesis. I laughed about that for 30 seconds (thirty seconds).

4) Although the e-mailer tried to create a fake e-mail address, his real one came through. Mr. H McKinney of Austin Community College.... address = hmckinne@austincc.edu. Uh oh. Don't think Austin CC is going to be happy about British "business" being done on the school server. I hope the spam crawlers don't find his address and send him a lot of junk mail. That would be just sad.

5) I suppose it could be Ms. H. McKinney. Or McKinne for that matter.

6) Anyone trying to get me involved in a twenty-one million pound business deal is insane. They cannot be trusted with what little money I have.

On Fire

Today after meeting with my team, we all scattered to the four corners of Portland. I needed to go over to the seminary, so I decided to eat at this little Mexican place just off the highway. The last time I ate there the woman who served me spoke no English, and she felt that I needed a strong cup of coffee and provided it for free with my meal. Then she watched me carefully until I drank it.

Today I had a server who spoke fluent English. I gave him my order, then noticed that I could try "Fried Jalapenos" for only one dollar. I told him that I wanted an order of them. He looked me up and down and then said, "You mean you want some jalapeno poppers, right?"

"No," I said. "I want to try the fried jalapenos."

He shrugged and rang me up.

The fried jalapenos, when they came, were sort of like french fries. The jalapenos has been dropped whole into the boiling fat and then put in a sack. I took a bite off the tip, and it wasn't spicy at all. I took a bite toward the middle and it burned, but not too bad. I know that the seeds are what make it hot, and there are more as you move toward the stem. But I theorized that the frying process had somehow mildified them.

So I popped the rest of it into my mouth.

And it burned like the devil on Judgment Day. It was an eternal fire that followed that pepper all the way down.

My digestive system started sending emergency messages to my brain.

Digestion System: Someone is trying to poison us!

Brain: Remain calm, it's just a jalapeno.

Digestion: It burns like hot oil!

Brain: I admit that the jalapeno is fried.

Digestion: We're going to expel it!

Gag Reflex: Preparing to disgorge in three... two..

Brain: ABORT! ABORT! Do not... REPEAT... do not disgorge. We are in a restaurant. Can you please try to be civilized for once?

Digestion: It burns! It burns!

Brain: Feet and hands, find us something to douse this fire!

We eventually found some sour cream, cheese and water. The burn wore off in about fifteen minutes. My taste returned in under three minutes, so that was a plus. I shoveled Mexican food into my digestive system to keep the peppers down.

All in all, an excellent meal.

The Tale of Desperaux -- Movie Review

This last weekend we ended up being invited to a free preview screening of The Tale of Desperaux. Of course the kids were thrilled, so we trundled off to the theatre to see it. After a terrifying moment of perhaps not getting into the showing, we got the last two seats for the four of us.

The Tale of Desperaux is a computer animated adaptation of Kate DiCamillo's Newberry award winning novel of the same name.

It's the story of a young mouse who doesn't fit into mouse society because he wants to be a knight, not a cowardly rodent. He befriends and pledges allegiance to a human princess, and their fortunes are all mixed up with several rats, a castle maid, a chef, some sort of weird food genie, a dead queen and a mourning king.

As for the movie itself, I would say that (unlike many animated films) the best thing about it is probably the voice acting. Matthew Broderick, Sigourney Weaver and Dustin Hoffman all lend their voices, and all the performances of the actors are solid.

By far the worst thing about the movie to my mind was the ugly character designs. Even the characters that were supposed to be cute and charming were unattractive. And the ones meant to be ugly (like the leader of the rats) were so ugly as to be repulsive. Krista felt the same way, that the characters were a bit hard to look at. I think it may be that as CGI is advancing and characters look more lifelike, the exaggerations of certain cartoon styles begin to take on a sort of grotesque appearance. Maybe this is just us, though. The kids certainly didn't notice it.

I could have personaly done without the narrator, as well, who often distracted from the story by telling us the moral behind it by saying things about Forgiveness being the most powerful thing we can feel and so on. On the other hand, if you're going to have a didactic narrator, by all means, let's have Sigourney Weaver.

I actually liked a lot of the scene design... a lot of clever innovations in both the mouse and rat worlds (although my kids could have done without the skulls).

The movie was enjoyable, overall, and moved along nicely. It's not rip-snortingly funny or cute or adventurous. It watches a bit more like a fable... an entertaining story where every character seems to point us to a moral by the end.

At the end of it all, here's the most important thing. My kids loved it. Just adored it. They were thrilled to be there, loved watching it, and were bouncing around afterwards. So if you have kids and you're looking for a family movie, this is the one for you. And I can say without reservation that it was a million times better than that ridiculous trainwreck called WALL*E. Yes, feel free to send me your hate mail, but I was ready to send that little robot to the scrap heap. And my kids were bored in that movie. But they loved Desperaux.

Desperaux is rated G and releases this Friday, December 19th.

Here's the trailer:

The Morals Of Dan Culbertson

Z: Dad, did you put my fable on your blog?

Me: Yes, I did.

Z: Did you scan the picture in?

Me: Yes.

Z: Did anyone say anything about it?

Me: Dan Culbertson said that he thought that the moral should be, "Don't ever run."

Z (pause): Didn't anyone ever teach him about morals?

A's morning song (today's version)

Jesus and God you made the earth
let the sun shine bright
let the moon show us your love
let the sun shine and show us your love

love is always here
if you feel like you don't have anybody to talk to
Jesus and God are always with you
just believe in them and go to heaven
they'll keep you safe
believe in the Lord
stones won't protect you
only Jesus can protect you

Come soon in the sky Jesus
if it's not today
come soon!

103% Done

61,737 / 60,000 (102.9%)

Looking at the chart above, you'll see that I'm 103% done with the first draft of my book. This is a good example of statistics being misleading. I'm still a few thousand words from the end, but I've hit the 60,000 word mark. So I overshot my goal on the word count. This is okay, actually, as I'm planning on removing an early chapter and several pages in a couple of other places.

What this means, of course, is that I'll have the rough draft done before the end of the month. Soon I'll be looking for some suckers volunteers to read it and give me feedback.

Gnome Home

I spoke at Oregon State a few weeks ago and our friend Lindsey gave me an Oregon State gnome (which looks a little bit like the one on the left... the one on left being for Ohio. I have somehow lost the thing that lets me take pictures with my cell phone to put up here so I snagged this pic from elsewhere).

Anyway, much debating has taken place in my house. Is it a mascot for OSU? Is it Santa Claus? Is it meant to go on the Christmas tree? So far I am the only one who thinks it's supposed to go on the tree.

So today, before I left for a business trip, I snuck it onto the Christmas tree in an innocuous place. Here's the challenge I sent out to my family: If you can find and remove my gnome before I get home, then I'll keep it off the tree. But if you can't, then I get to keep it on the tree and move it to a place of honor near the star on the top.

Okay, it's a deal. You have until midnight tomorrow.

Your Batman Fix For the Day

Since Dark Knight came out, I know a lot of you have been wishing you could watch a little more of the Dark Knight in action. Here's a great little five minute clip that should give you a fix for a while:



This is why I'm afraid of sharks.

Let's Make A Deal

A day full of yardwork, housework and a trip to the doctor (where we discovered that A has a sinus infection and that the "goop" coming out of her eyes was actually mucous that couldn't find an exit out her nose. Gross.), Krista and I needed a night to vegetate and watch some television. We do that other nights, but tonight we were so tired. It just seemed like the right thing to do.

I wanted to sit with Krista on the couch and watch whatever she watched. So I got to see The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, the story of four girls who discover some magic pants that fit all of them even though they are different sizes. It also has magic powers or something, which was a little unclear. It helps you get boyfriends or something. Anyway, at the end of the movie (allow me to weakly warn you that spoilers are coming) somebody loses the pants in Greece where the one girl's estranged boyfriend lives and so the girls all go to Greece and the girl and her Greek boyfriend fall in love again but they never find the magic pants. And I just want to say, I know where the magic pants were. That Greek boyfriend totally stole them off the clothesline so that the girl would come to Greece and fall in love with him. Because that' s the way we Greek men go about things. We trick our women into loving us. P.S. Don't tell Krista.

After that I was needing a different flavor of show and Krista somehow agreed to watch an episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, which is the story of a killer robot who looks like a high school girl that has been sent back in time to protect a young man who is destined to become a freedom fighter who will lead the human resistance against the machines who have taken over the world. In the last third of the show I noticed that the robot girl Cameron had some jeans that looked really familiar. They looked... magical. Then there was a scene where she loving spoke to a Soda Machine and it seemed to really be into her. She was embarassed and coy, but I think it just might work out between those two crazy kids. She called all her best friends and they downloaded the whole night and studied it carefully.

Now it is time for bed. Good night, sweet revolutionaries. Sleep well.

News From My Neighborhood

Total Eclipse of the Bar. One of the neighborhood "clubs" called Club Eclipse recently went out of business, which has drastically reduced the number of bikini-clad mud wrestlers around here. The building was subsequently rented or bought by a church called North Creek Church, which is interesting partly because that the name of the church we attended in California.

Old Habits Die Hard. Last night two police cruisers pulled over a couple of cars at North Creek Church.

Christmas Decorations Going Up. Christmas cheer is coming the neighborhood. My favorite Christmas moment so far is that our neighbor several doors down has put up "singing" lights at his house. They play electronic carols so long as the lights are on. He did this just for our benefit, I'm sure, because he is deaf. So that was a nice thought on his part.

Econobama. Our Ukranian neighbor couldn't make a living from laying tiles any more, so he's spending some time as a trucker (which is what he used to do). I saw him driving up in his big red cab today, and I had a pleasant moment, reflecting that he was back in the neighborhood. Welcome home, friend. I hope Pres-Elect Obama is going to figure out a way that you can get back to laying tiles and spending time with your family again.

A Fable by Z (and a friend from school): The Puppy and The Horse

Once there was a puppy named Spot. His best friend was a horse named Sparkles. One day Sparkles started to brag about how fast she could run.

"I can run faster than you can, Spot," Sparkles said.

Sparkles and Spot decided to run a race. Spot warmed up by doing excercises. Sparkles warmed up by running back and forth. When the race started Sparkles was too tired to run a race so Spot won.

MORAL: Don't brag and your life will be better.

Do You Know Why Cats Have to Clean Themselves?

They won't let the Roomba do it.

Fiction Family

Fiction Family, the new band made up of Switchfoot's Jon Foreman and Nickel Creek's Sean Watkins is releasing its first album January 20th.

In the meantime, you can get a free download of the song "When She's Near" by signing up for their e-mail updates here.

They will be playing in Portland on February 4th. I hope to see you there. I hope to see me there, as well.

Your Animal Lesson of the Day

This photo was taken by Jason Kottke, who says he is not one to typically be squeamish but he was wigged out when he saw this little fella on his garbage can. It's a Coconut Crab, native to Guam and other Pacific Islands. They are really that big. And yes, they can open a coconut with one swipe of their claws. When you take into account Guam's snake problem, it's no longer surprising that the Guam Tourism Agency has chosen this slogan to advertise their country: "What's the Matter? Are You Afraid or Something You Big Scaredy Cat?"


Now, to counteract the creepy factor on BHR today, here's a Mexican Walking Fish:







Awww, isn't it cute? It's a kind of salamander. Looks like a Pokemon to me! I CHOOSE YOU MEXICAN WALKING FISH!

See more strange, creepy, disturbing and rare animals here. Via Boingboing.

"Still Alive"

On the way home from Sunriver yesterday, we decided not to stop for lunch since we had a late breakfast. Instead we passed crackers back to the kids anytime they said they were hungry. As I laid out dinner last night, one of the kids said:

"We lived a whole day without eating lunch!"

I thought that was a pretty good lesson.

BOLT in 3D

My parents and I took the kids to see BOLT, the new Disney animated movie in THREE DIMENSIONS today.

The last movie I saw in 3-D was Captain Eo.

Bolt is the story of a puppy who lives on a television set and believes he really is a super-dog with super powers. Through a series of events he ends up in the "real world" and has to try to save his owner with only the help of a delusional hamster and a cat "prisoner".

The movie was decent. The kids loved it. Little A cried at one point, she was so sad for Bolt. The television-show within a movie concept was a little confusing for both kids, as were the family situations (the owner had a single mom in "real life" and a single dad in "television life", and then an "agent" in real life who had sort of a paternal interaction with the kid). Overall, though, it was fine. Some good laughs, pleasant, no offensive message.

As for the 3D, it was fun to watch a 3D movie again. The glasses they hand out now are quality. Sometimes the movie distracts with the use of the 3D... "LOOK! The rock at the front of the screen is sticking out while the action goes on behind it"... but actually they were pretty relaxed about it, not a lot of things flying out at you all the time.

But let's be honest, 3D movies are meant to involve either space aliens or enormous monsters attacking things. And the best line from a 3D movie remains, "HOOTER ATE THE MAP!"

Truckin' Along

Officially in the final quarter of the first draft...

45,994 / 60,000 (76.7%)

It's like a marathon without all the sweating.

Another Thankful Day

The day after Thankgiving is usually when we go out and buy our Christmas tree. But since we're still out having fun with the fam we did some different stuff. We planned to go hiking up to a lake, but the road was closed due to snow. So here's us out on the road:



We also sent the kids racing down the side of the road (Shasta found a too-steep hill and pushed the kids down while no one was watching). Here's a picture of A snagging some air:



Tonight we went to see the Victorian Carolers, the tree lighting and the arrival of Santa Claus here at Sun River Lodge. It was a pretty dramatic affair, complete with fireworks, a parade and a dog fight. It was great and we had a lot of fun walking through the dark, lit only by luminarias.

My daughter A shares some Thanksgiving thoughts

Why do we celebrate Thanksgiving?

'Cause we're thankful for a lot of things.

When was the first Thanksgiving?

When the pilgrims celebrated at America.

What are you thankful for?

I'm thankful for my Mom and Dad and my Grandmas and Grandpas and Jesus' love.

What are you most excited about for Thanksgiving today?

Because it's almost my birthday.

Z shares some Thanksgiving thoughts

Why do we celebrate Thanksgiving?

To celebrate all the things that we give thanks for.

When was the first Thanksgiving?

When the pilgrims came.

What are you thankful for?

Daddy and Momma and the whole family.

What are you most excited about for Thanksgiving today?

The treats.

writing update

A couple of updates. As of last night I hit the 60% mark in the book! Yay! Right now I'm writing a scene involving Jesus, an inner-tubing contest and a hungry bear.

I've already mentioned to a few of you, also, that I recently signed with a literary agent. For those of you non-writers out there, this is a Big Deal and I am very pleased. It's a long story of how it came about, but essentially Gary Thomas gave me a couple of referrals and one agent agreed to represent me and the book I'm currently working on. My agent is named Wes Yoder, and he's the President of Ambassador Literary Agency.

Wes has been great to work with... insightful, helpful, available and he has a sense of humor. Once I get the book done and the basic information for a proposal together, Wes will try to sell the book, probably this January sometime. Assuming I have the book done... I have to write it outside of work time, of course, because it's my hobby, not work. So I work on it during weekends and at night.

Fun In the Car

It's always entertaining to be trapped in the van with the kids for several hours, as you are forced to listen to whatever it is they are doing, singing or saying. Two favorite moments from the children yesterday"

1) As we drove through a snowy pass, A said, "Dad, if the temperature was Zero Degrees would we turn into statues?"

2) Z started singing a Kwanzaa song. I asked her if she had any idea what Kwanzaa what it was and she said, "OOOOOOOOO KWANZAA!"

We're in Sun River now with my parents, Krista's parents and our good friend Shasta for Thanksgiving. So far the main rule is "Do whatever you like."

Slow Going This Weekend

Quite a bit less movement forward on the book this weekend. It was a busy one, with birthday parties and movies and a visiting sister. Good times were had by all.

33,798 / 60,000 (56.3%)

Despite the lack of forward motion, I have a good idea where we're headed for the next five or six chapters, which is good, and then we'll be well into the final third of the book! I think the Thanksgiving weekend will give me another good jump on it. We shall see.

News From My Neighborhood

Missing: One Farmer. While walking around the neighborhood, Krista and I came upon a wandering farmer. We assume someone is missing him and would like him to come home and drive the tractor. He is tall, Caucasian, white hair and is wearing the traditional red hat and jean overalls. As I recall he said, "Hi" to us. Please contact me if you need further information.

Helmets Perfectly Designed for Upsetting Your Mother. On the same walk, as we came down a hill and turned toward another neighborhood a kid zoomed by on his bicycle, doing wheelies. He had no helmet on. He did have a helmet, but it was attached to his backpack. Which we could see as he continued to do wheelies down the street.

Houdini Dog... Unleashed? Also on this walk, we noticed one of the neighbor's dogs sniffing around the yard in one of Houdini Dog's favorite areas to deliver packages. I went over to the dog (a little blonde yapper) and it immediately started growling at me and walking backwards. I decided to leave the dog alone, come back from the walk and see what deed he had done, cementing his identity. However, upon my return there was no excretory evidence of his presence. Which brought me to this question... was the dog actually Houdini Dog, and, aware that I was aware of his presence he cleverly avoided leaving those tell tale signs of his passing? Or could it be that he is some sort of Dog equivalent to a Police Inspector, doing his best to capture and prosecute Houdini Dog? Sneaky, sneaky Houdini Dog. I'll catch you next time, my pretty.

Eavesdropping With Matt (Episode Thirty-Five: At the Christian Book Store)

Dedicated to the young man and his mother in line ahead of me, and especially to the woman who was ringing up their purchases.

Cashier: Oh, is this book meant to be the Christian answer to Harry Potter?

Boy: Uh, no. Not really.

Cashier: Did you read those books... the Harry Potter books?

Boy: Yeah.

Cashier: Did you want to read them or did you get forced to read them at school?

Mother: He and his father read them together so they could discuss them.

Cashier: They're just terrible. I heard that a girl becomes a witch and flies around the room.

this post is the result of tough love related threats concerning me not working on my book and what ninjas will due to me if I don't get back to it

30,406 / 60,000 (50.7%)

Officially passed the halfway mark tonight. Yay!

AND watched Steve Martin on 30 Rock. Yay again!

GMAIL NINJA!

GMAIL NINJA! Gmail just rolled out "themes" for your personal mailbox. I chose the ninja, which is awesome. Cute little ninjas are dancing around with their deadly weapons. The ninja change when you're doing different tasks. When you're writing a note, for instance, a ninja appears on the right side of screen practicing his characters. It's great. I want to go to Gmail just to watch the little guys watch my email.

on my way to OSU

I'm off to speak at OSU tonight. It should be fun, I haven't been on campus in Corvallis in a while. I'll tell you how it goes.

When they won their last game, my Mother-In-Law celebrated with the kids by taking them out for pumpkin milkshakes, because OSU's colors are orange and black. I told the kids that the next time OSU wins they'll have to go out and get black licorice milkshakes. They didn't seem as excited as I had hoped.

Me, the PTA, and Burgerville

Imagine for me now, if you will, your good friend Matt Mikalatos, wearing an apron and working at a fast food restaurant.

I know, that's not a stretch for anyone to imagine.

Ahem.

My job at the PTA-sponsored Burgerville night was to hand out the food to the customers after the Burgerville employees cooked the food. I received no special training. I was neither asked nor required to wash my hands. But I did have an apron, setting me apart from the "customers" and also giving the impression that I was too inept to walk from the counter to the tables without possibly spilling food on myself.

Since the *last* time the PTA "helped" at Burgerville we apparently threw away too many of the little plastic numbers given to customers to let us know their order number, Burgerville now had us using sticky notes to discern who should get which order. The main drawback of sticky-note with a pen-written "108" vs. a plastic tent with a printed 108 has to do with ability to see the number. Add to this the strange human compulsion to roll sticky notes into little cigarette shapes and you suddenly have a lot of parents in aprons walking around and saying things like, "ONE-OH-EIGHT? A hundred and eight? One-zero-eight? It's a milkshake, people. For number one hundred and eight." The less bold parent helpers just walked in circles around the restaurant like Indy 500 racecars (only much slower), hoping that 108 would look over and snatch the milkshake from their hands.

The last time that the PTA hosted this event the teachers served the food, which resulted in our children clamoring to go see their teacher serve burgers, which is, after all, a rare event. Hundreds of people lined up, stretching out of the building and around the restaurant. Tonight the parents helped serve the food, which apparently children see every single day, so the crowd seemed smaller to me. Every few minutes the organizer would come over and say, "It's going to get really busy any minute!" She would look out the window, as if expecting a caravan of cars to pull in.

Burgerville donates 10% of the proceeds from tonight's event to the kids' school, and that's what really matters. So a huge thank you to Burgerville and the Sarah J PTA! And also to me for helping serve food.

Book Update

27,268 / 60,000 (45.4%)

This puts me just shy of halfway (obviously). I'm just starting chapter 18.

In other news, tonight I'm volunteering at Burgerville for the PTA from the kids' school. That's almost certainly going to provide something for the blog, don't you think?

This is going to be the best 28 seconds of your day

Here's a video of two rabbits fighting. Until two chickens intervene and break it up.



via boingboing.

Old Man Sweater

I have this blue cardigan that I wear pretty much every day. We call it the "old man sweater." But now it's coming apart. It's getting holes in the sleeve. It's wearing out.

Now I won't have old men walk up to me and say things like, "I wore a cardigan like that every day for twenty years when I worked at Albertson's grocery store."

No longer will I be able to say, "You know, in Europe this is considered fashionable."

No longer will I feel the warm fuzzyness of lamb's wool upon my arms.

Unless, of course, I just keep wearing it anyway. And that is what I am planning on doing.

OLD MAN SWEATER FOREVER!

Other independent films to watch for

When we went to see "Tell No One" there were two trailers I thought looked interesting enough to pique my interest. One's an animated movie about the reality of war. The animation looks fascinating and the story makes it clear this is a movie for adults, not children. No superheroes or fuzzy talking animals. It's called "Waltz With Bashir." Here's a trailer:



The second is called "Slumdog Millionaire." The basic conceit as I understand it is that the main character is on the Indian version of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and each question causes a flashback into his life that slowly helps us put together his story and the centrality of a long lost love to why he's on the show. Sounds interesting.



Krista says she'll watch "Slumdog Millionaire" with me, but "Waltz With Bashir" will be on my own. Anyone interested in watching a serious cartoon?

Tell No One

Krista and I went down to the Fox Tower Regal Cinemas tonight to see the French thriller "Tell No One."

A man's wife is brutally murdered. He's suspected of the crime, but we the audience know he's innocent. Eight years later he receives an e-mail that tells him his wife is alive... but to tell no one because he's being watched.

And that's pretty much all I can say. It was a good movie, nice to have a thriller with a slightly more sedate pace (i.e. not summer blockbuster style). The movie is really a meditation on family, justice and obligation. It was interesting and Krista and I had a good conversation about it on the way home.

Not Rated. There were several violent scenes where Krista needed to cover her eyes, and there was a great deal of swearing in French, also some brief nudity. The movie isn't rated, but I'm certain it would be rated R.

And now for something completely different

I'm writing a new book. It's called "Imaginary Jesus." It'll clock in somewhere around the 60k (give or take 5k) mark for words, so here's where I am so far:

20,838 / 60,000 (34.7%)

I'm having a lot of fun writing it. I'll fill you in a bit more in the near future.

News From My Neighborhood

Old Man River. There's this old man I often see after taking Z to school. He walks his poodle. He's the one who reads the Farmer's Almanac. Today as I walked by he said, "Nice to get a break from the bad weather for a couple of days, isn't it?" I looked up at the blue sky, stopped and noticed the balmy weather and said, "You know, it really is." Then I felt all thankful for the weather. Thanks, Old Guy!

She Loves Trash. You know how sometimes you see a lot of paper trash on the side of the street where kids are always walking to school? I always assume it's snotty junior highers. Why? Because I am ageist! Early this week I saw a cute little girl (about five or six) walking with her brothers, eating her breakfast off a napkin. Then she finished and placed the napkin in a bush, practically without noticing. Thanks, kid!

Ready for Y3K. On a walk with my wife today, she pointed out that one of the neighbors on another street has an entire garage full of beer and spaghetti sauce. Why can't they be like the rest of us and fill it with stuff? We are not sure. But cases of spaghetti sauce... so strange. Thanks, Chef Boyardee!

A little window into the differences between my kids

We took the kids to the book fair at their school tonight. My parents took them and then I met them there. It was also a "family fun night" where the kids could do crafts. I had a short conversation with each of the kids that points out a couple of their personality differences:

Me: Z, finish up your last craft and then let's walk through the book fair and I'll buy you a book.

Z: But Grandma already bought us each a book...

Me: That's okay, I'll still buy you another.

Then I went to another table to talk to A:

Me: A, finish up your last craft and then let's walk through the book fair and I'll buy you a book.

A: But Gran-- hmm. Okay, Daddy.

Revolutionary Advice With Matt

Q: Dear Matt, my pillar candles burn evenly and become lopsided. How can I prevent this?

A: I suppose you could carefully guard the wick to make sure it doesn't get to long, patrol the melted wax to make sure the solid to liquid ratio of the wax is correct, and keep the candle away from persistent draft.

On the other hand, it's a great deal easier if you never light the candle. It will never burn unevenly then.

Writing Updates

My kids are out of control writers all of a sudden. A is addicted to your comments and dictated another story to me last night so that she could hear from you again. Z has been holing herself up in my office for hours at a time working on a story about fairies and bears and wolves. It's long. You'll see it eventually.

Meanwhile, I have some writing updates myself, but I'm going to hold out for a little bit before revealing them. But it is good news, I think you will be pleased. I may even put out a public cry for help and readers.

In any case, the moral of the story is... keep writing. Keep it up, people.

This is the last book that A writed. We have the continuing.

Book Two: The Cat Meets The Bunny

Once upon a time there was a cat and a bunny. They lived at the same house with their owners, the mom, the dad and the girl. The bunny had lots of fun with her toys. One day they went to a cat field. And they saw a cat that they really liked sooo much that the mom and dad asked the owner if they could have it. And he said yes, but make sure to take very good care of her, only give her five buckets of food a day or else she will do something. And he said not until you give her four buckets a day.

Chapter Two: The Cat Finds She Likes the Bunny

One day the cat was in a rectangle play place. The bunny was in it, too. She talked and talked with the bunny. And one day they started to play together. They found playing together was more fun than playing with their old friends.

Continuing tomorrow…

Peace At Last

Thinking about Armistice Day today and the "War to End All Wars" made me think of that future Day I hope for when that will actually be true, and no one will dare ever raise their hand in anger against another person made in God's image, and no one need bring violence in the service of justice, because the Prince of Peace will have already brought justice to the Earth.

I stumbled on this painting by Jim Janknegt and really loved it. The Prince of Peace on his white horse, the saints behind him, and fiery angels overhead. From the woods the animals gather, peace even among them, and below the detritus of human society is done away with. Beautiful stuff.

Happy Veterans Day

Today is Veterans Day, which was originally Armistice Day, a celebration of the cease fire at the end of The Great War (on the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month... Nov. 11). A lot of people thought at the time that the "War to End All Wars" had finally taught us human beings a lesson, and that the world would never again stoop to such a bloody last resort. So Armistice Day, for many people, was a celebration of what they hoped would be a lasting peace.

In the 1950s, people started to clamor for a chance to honor the dead and living of other wars, too, and so Armistice Day became Veterans Day (interesting side note... the US government has officially declared that it is, indeed veterans (plural) not veteran's (possessive)).

So... happy Veterans Day to all the Vets here at BHR and especially to my Dad, Pete, for his time in the Navy and my Father-In-Law Terry for his time in the army. Also my grandfather, Everett Jones, Army man, my Uncle Tom (army) and my brother-in-law Todd, currently serving in the Navy. Feel free to give your favorite veteran a shout out in the comments.

Woman Loses Earring Two Thousand Years Ago

The Israel Antiquities Authority announced today that they had found a two-thousand year old earring underneath a parking lot in Jerusalem.

Some archaeologists have expressed dismay that they have only found one, and have committed to tearing up the entire parking lot if that's what it takes to complete the pair.

The original owner of the earring was unavailable for comments.

Me and My College Friends

Thanks to the miracle of Facebook, pictures of me in college are making their way to the internet. This one was uploaded by my RA (Kit, in the red sweater) at Lothian Hall at UC Riverside. These are many of my hallmates in the dorms.

From looking at this picture, you can probably tell why one of my nicknames was "White Boy." I miss hanging out with these guys, we had a fun time.

Credit Where Credit is Due

Z spent much of the afternoon typing out a lengthy story, which will no doubt find it's way to BHR eventually. It's the story of a group of fairies trying to figure out how to capture a grizzly bear.

But A became bored because of Z's desire to write, write, write.

Finally, I told A that if she wanted to dictate, I would type for her, and she could have her own story, too (see below).

"Can I put it on my own blog?" she asked.

"Let's just put it on my blog," I said.

"But then you get all the credit," she said.

For the record: I typed the story. I did not edit. I did not ask questions. I did not choose the font colors. It is all A's work.

A Story by A: The Bunny and the Cat

The Bunny and the Cat

Chapter One: The Bunny Meets the Cat

The man asked his wife, “When will we get a daughter and a pet? Our daughter would have the bunny and we will have the cat.”

One day they had a daughter. They were very happy, but it was only one year old. They wished it was seven. One day it was four years old. They were so happy. Soon after a few years she was seven years old. They were even happier than before, when she was only one. Soon they got the cat and the bunny. “One problem,” the daughter said. “I don’t like bunnies.”

The parents said, “Well, you’ll just have to deal with it.”

CHAPTER TWO: The Daughter Finds She Likes the Bunny

They went to a bunny field one day, when she was eight. The daughter thought is was beautiful and she just really wanted a bunny now. But there was still one problem. They had already run out of all the bunnies. Then she liked one of them so much in the field that the person just did it, he gave it to the girl. She was very very very very very happy.

CHAPTER THREE:

When she got the bunny she named it Strawberry. The mother and the father left to buy a cat. But – oopsie – they had gone to the wrong place, it was too far away. The bunny was very happy she got a carrot. She gave her a carrot and she loved her bunny for a long time.