School's starting again! Pics of my kids on the first day of school.

Z and A are back in school as of today.

Z is off to seventh grade, believe it or not, and A is in fifth!

Here they are:

I can't believe it. These are two great kids and I'm really proud of them.

M's preschool doesn't start until next week. It's possible we might get a picture, if she's feeling generous that morning.

My three year old is really hilarious. This is what it looks like when she does push ups.

This morning I wrote that my daughter was making me laugh so hard that I couldn't do any push ups. Some of you were skeptical that the issue in my inability to do pushups was really my daughter.

So, I took a video of her doing push ups to show you. I defy you to do push ups while a three year old does this six inches from your face:

Now you have to believe me. I can actually do push ups. And my daughter is hilarious.

Awww! Cute kid reading Sword of Six Worlds.

A friend of mine wrote me this week to say that her little girl (who can't read yet) picked up a copy of Sword of Six Worlds at their house and started "reading it." She said it's the story of "a mama fishy and baby fishy eating yummy pudding."

In which case, I think we got the cover wrong. But still... super cute.

Merry Christmas, Little Pigs, little pigs

Merry Christmas everyone!

Right now 3 year old M and I are playing in a fort we made on the couch. It's not quite large enough for me to fit in (so I may have to stay in the stable).

Also, I think I have some catch up to do either with telling M more stories or working on her listening comprehension, because this is the conversation we keep having:

Me: Knock, knock.

Her: Who is it?

Me: The big bad wolf! Little pig, little pig, let me in.

Her (cheerfully): Okay!

Then the "door" swings open and she lets me in. Tomorrow's lesson: The three little pigs, natural selection and when to open the door.

But for today, it's Christmas! And even the big bad wolf should get invited in sometimes.

Okay, we're on our way out to a big Chinese meal for dinner! Merry Christmas!

My three year old makes me laugh

In the evening I lay down in bed with my three year old. Lately she has taken to putting her head at the foot of the bed (having moved her pillow there, too... I suppose making it the head of the bed, actually). I lay the other way, with my head on a stuffed owl.

We usually read a book (tonight was Curious George) or sing a song (often Eidelweiss, which I sang EVERY NIGHT to the older girls for many years). M will talk a bit, say things about the days, sometimes says terrifying things about scary creatures (two nights ago she had me close her window shade because she "saw a creeper" out there... a bit of information she delivered with absolute calm). Eventually, just before she goes to sleep, she says, "Good night, Daddy" and I say good night to her and then she sighs and falls asleep.

Tonight, she said, "Good night, Daddy" and I said, "Good night" and she said, "You have to say my name," so I said good night again only this time with her name.

About a minute later she said, "Is it time to go to sleep?"

That was an odd question, and didn't fit our nightly ritual, so I said, "Yes, it is."

Then she laughed and said, "I know, Dad, that was a joke!"

Good one!

And now she's asleep!

My three year old daughter sends her first emails

My three year old was playing with Krista's iPad the other day and then started sending me emails. She has never sent email before, certainly not without help, so here are the three emails she sent me. All of them came with pictures.

Number One. 

V b bc m c.  .  L $ m. .cv l @huh bm'c.    $!3 e?)?$3&?hvkfdncn.   C. X. C. V.  C.  C. Bvbnngngnfnnfnfnngngnvnnnnvbnv@ bdbnnmv vf, nmcnvnvn ,hbbbgtngkrgjgjjkkjjkylykjffhfbdbdvbfdvgdbngbnbfdjfbffnfbfhfhhhhghhghhghhgbnxj. Bd nbmcbnd. N 

Email number two:

Email #3:

Congratulations, kid, on your first three emails! Now they are immortalized forever on the internet.

QUESTION: How about you? Do you remember your first email?

Can you tell me how to get to Sesame Street even though it's early in the morning and you'd rather be sleeping?

Z the middle schooler (!) started out the school year getting up early and happily getting ready for the day. Then, a few days ago she started waking up and saying groggily, "Five more minutes" and then, on Tuesday she woke up and groaned, "Twenty more minutes!"

Having gone to the Secret Academy of Fathers, I know that there are three basic ways that are SAF-approved for waking children and getting them out of bed:

1) The use of lights of various intensities and colors

2) A constant barrage of bad puns

3) The use of singing and/or musical instruments

I chose option #3 and since I had just seen baby M starting Sesame Street downstairs, I started to sing this song:

"Sunny days! Chasing the clouds away.
On our way to the where the air is clear!
Can you tell me how to get...
How to get to Sesame Street?"

Z listened to this song from beneath her covers before finally casting them off her face and saying, "Go straight down Boring Avenue and then take a left and you'll be on Sesame Street!"

Shocking. But you know, she never really liked Sesame Street, even as a baby.

And it got her out of bed. Tomorrow: It's a wonderful day in the Neighborhood.

Dora the Explorer Live Action Movie

My three-year-old (M) and I were both home sick yesterday with an awful, cringe-inducing head cold. I    felt like someone had nailed me onto the couch, and she could barely lift her head off the floor in front of the television. Which means, of course, that I let her watch television for a decent part of the day.

Yesterday was a "Dora the Explorer" day. It made me think about all the cartoons I watched as a kid, like "He-Man" and "G.I. Joe" and "Transformers" and how eventually I grew up and then Hollywood tried to help me recapture my youth by making live action movies loosely based on my childhood cartoons.

These movies are not always particularly faithful to the source material. It made me wonder... what would a live action DORA THE EXPLORER MOVIE look like?

Now I know:

Kids are extremely honest

This is not my daughter's teacher.
But I'm sure this is how she felt.

I took my 3 year old (M) to meet her preschool teacher this week. It was, in her defense, an evening open house and she was tired.

We walked into the classroom and had a nice chat with her teacher. We saw M's cubby. We looked out the window at the playground. We talked about all the fun school would be.

Then M burst into tears and shouted (very clearly), "Daddy! I don't like my teacher!"

Kids are funny

Earlier this week I told my three year old it was time to go to bed. She started throwing a tantrum, which is not typical (evidence, I suppose, that she needed to go to bed). As I carried her up the stairs, she pulled her hand back to slap me and I quickly said, "No. You will not hit me." She put her hand down and started crying harder.

When we got to her room, I laid her in her bed and she started kicking and flailing. I told her I would go out in the hallway and she could call me in when she had calmed down. Pretty much immediately she started crying and calling, "Daddy, daddy, come hold me!" Which was sweet. So I did.

So, while I was laying there on her bed, with her arms wrapped around my neck, she started to relax and finally she said, "Daddy, I really want to hit you so bad. But I never want to hit you." Then she gave me a kiss.

Kids love giant pythons so much!

If you don't like snakes, you will not like this video.

Apparently this kid loves snakes a lot.

My kids teaching kittens to go down the slide

We recently got three kittens. The kids named them Blizzard (he looked white when we first got him, but he's quickly turning orange), Raven (because you should always name at least one of your cats after a bird) and Sweetie (because a three year old was involved in the naming).

The kids are pretty dedicated to the idea that their kittens should be trained. So, using a regimen largely involving kitty treats and sticks, the kids have taught their kittens to climb the stairs of the slides in our back yard and then slide down.

See for yourself:



The cats do this gladly, and will even wait in line on the ladder (at least for a minute or so). I have more videos to share with you, but I'm having trouble getting them off my phone and onto the computer. I'll try to put them up later this week!

In which a child is wearing a faux coonskin cap, to my pleasure and his chagrin

Dropping my girls off at school, I noticed a young man wearing a faux coonskin cap, set at a jaunty angle upon his head. It reminded me of my own youth, of a strange little (actually functioning) horn made to look like it came off an animal, and of Disneyland which is, I think, where I got my own coonskin cap (faux save for the tail which was REAL and no, it never occurred to me at the time that there was a maimed raccoon out there, sitting on someone's back fence and lamenting his lack of a striped tail). Strangely, I had been singing the "Davy Crockett" theme song to myself only the day before (or, that is to say, I had been singing the phrases I remembered so that it sounded like this: "something something something something, killed him a 'bar' when he was only three...").

In any case, as I passed the young lad with the mammal-inspired cap I casually said, "Great hat.  It's really cool." 

And the boy's face fell.  I could tell I had ruined his whole day.  It was one of those moments where you can see a phone book length missive written in the disappointed eyes of a child, and I knew that several topics he was dealing with included: why a lame old man thought his hat was cool; I thought I was going to be a rebel wearing fur this close to Portland and now I am being encouraged by an authority figure for my act of daring; and, not least by any stretch, oh no have I made a terrible wardrobe choice and will my friends mock me instead of giving me an amazing nickname like Coonskin Cody.

I wanted to grab the kid and tell him it was going to be alright and that he could always take the hat off, but you and I both know that once you wear the coonskin hat into class you have to wear it all the way home.  There's no backing out.

So, kid, if you're out there, I hope you had a great day and were universally praised by your peers for your coonskin hat.  And if they mocked you and made fun of the hat, don't be ashamed.  Don't give them that power over you!  Wear your hat proudly, and, if you can, take it a step farther.  Get a pet raccoon and take it to school.  They won't be making fun of you then.  It's not too late, you can still turn this into a reservoir of cool the likes of which will cause them to the remember you from the fourth grade to the retirement home. I was proud to see your genesis, Coonskin Cody. 

I love you, World (in a strictly platonic sense)

I feel good tonight because tomorrow Krista and the kids will catch up with me in Colorado at long last! I am excited to see them! We've decided that this separation shall remain our longest one from here on out.

You know how sometimes you are so excited and happy that all is forgiven between you and the rest of the world? I feel like that.

I stumbled upon this picture by Scott Campbell that expresses it nicely.

If they can love each other, so can we all. Awwww, sweet Alien.

You can purchase Scott's art here.

Our children this morning

The kids immediately went out to tromp in the snow. It had a decent layer of ice on top, so they picked those up so they had something to eat. Yes, they pretended those were popsicles.