A video in which Millennials apologize for how awful they are

Last week I posted this rant in which I shared how tired I am of people saying how awful Millennials are. But then Clay Morgan sent me this video in which Millennials apologize for being terrible. I thought you might like it.

This commercial made me laugh a lot: New Spock vs. Old Spock

The new Star Trek movie is coming soon!

And you know we're all going to see it no matter what the reviewers say.

While we're waiting, enjoy this commercial:



Via ToplessRobot

What the car you drive reveals about your spirituality

Recent events have prompted me to think deeply about what the vehicle you drive says about your spirituality. This came about from a comment made at the Catlyst Conference (here's an interview with Brad Lomenick, the leader of Catalyst), where influential pastor Mark Driscoll said, "I know who made the environment and he's coming back to burn it all up. So yes, I drive an SUV." 

At first I assumed this comment was a joke designed to enrage the Internet and get some attention, but on further reflection I could see plenty of insightful lessons to be learned by looking at what type of car different Christians drive.

Here are a few insights about your vehicle and your spiritual life:

SUVs: Christians who drive SUVs believe that our current actions are, in the end, fatalistic reflections of the coming "do over" on all creation. They make decisions based on the essential meaningless of good behavior now in the face of the New Creation. This causes comments like Pastor Mark's, "I know who made the environment and he's coming back and going to burn it all up. So yes, I drive an SUV" as well as the popular sentiment, "There is no marriage in heaven, so I'm ignoring my wife now." BIBLE REFERENCE: 2 Peter 3:10

Mid-size cars: Biblical literalists tend to stick to cars like the Ford Fusion or the Toyota Camry, because they take the scriptures seriously. The strictest adherents stick to the mid-sized Honda because, "the disciples were all in one Accord."

BIBLE REFERENCE: Acts 2:1

Mini vans: Pastor Mark has also given us insight into this category, as he went on to say, "If you drive a mini van you're a mini man." Clearly he is referring to Biblical disciples like Zaccheus and the apostle Paul. There wasn't any scriptural backing for this one, but I think we can just take Pastor Mark's word for it. As a six foot, 220 pound man who drives a mini-van, I don't mind being called "mini" every once in a while.

BIBLE REFERENCE: Luke 19:3

Convertibles: Another popular choice with single men who take the Bible literally. Paul said men should not cover their heads, and so devout men everywhere have taken to driving convertibles. This gets complicated when one is driving a woman somewhere, as she is meant to cover her head. Nevertheless, this difficulty must be surmounted by those serious about following the scriptures. Especially popular with men who like to pray and prophesy while driving. 

BIBLE REFERENCE: I Corinthians 11:7

Trucks: Trucks are driven by two types of Christian men: those who believe in God's promise to gift them a good measure of treasure that is heaped up and spilling over, the sort of treasure that won't fit in a little trunk somewhere, and the manly man who thinks that SUVs are for yuppie suburbanites who are afraid to get their hands or vehicles dirty.

BIBLE REFERENCE: Luke 6:38

Subcompacts: Extra iddy biddy men, like the Roman guard who slept on his watch. And Kneehighamiah.

BIBLE REFERENCE: Acts 12:6

Pinning down what God Himself drives is tricky. It's likely that God, being the wealthiest being in the universe, owns many vehicles. We know that Jesus drove a Plymouth, because he drove the money-changers out of the temple in a Fury. We also know for certain that God has both a Pontiac Tempest and a Geo Storm. 

BIBLE REFERENCE: Psalm 83:15

How about you: What do you drive? And what does that say about your spirituality?

Super exciting news about Harrison Ford and Star Wars Episode VII

You won't believe Spielberg's next film: "OBAMA the movie."

And wait until you see Daniel Day Lewis as Obama. It's truly astounding.

Rollin' Safari

I'm in meetings all day today. This should keep you jackals busy:

These were all made for the ITFS festival coming up in April!

The invisible driver at the drive thru prank

I showed this video to my ten year old (A) last night and she immediately asked, "Dad, can we do that?" The answer, my child, is no. Because I'm your father, that's why.



Also, we are not ghosts.

I love the Internet a lot because it makes me laugh

I thought this video of a woman talking about cats on a dating site was pretty hilarious. I mean... she loves cats A LOT.



But the Internet can make anything funnier:



I love you, Internet.

Cat Arrested in South America for daring prison break attempt

You may have already heard about the recent incident where a kitty tried to break some people out of prison by packing in some files, a cell phone and so on. This "do it yourself" prison break kit was duct taped onto the cat.

Here's a video of the cat getting strip searched:



If that cat could speak, I'm 95% certain we would hear several of the following comments:

1) PLEASE DON'T USE DUCT TAPE when you put that stuff on me. Please!

2) Everyone keeps saying I can't talk. Did it ever occur to you that maybe I refuse to talk? Because I'm a tough guy? Because I'm not a stool pigeon? HUH? EVER THINK OF THAT?

3) Why do you keep calling me a "white cat"? That's racial profiling, man.

4) I don't understand. This totally worked last time.

I'm not sure what else the cat might say. What do you think?

My three year old makes me laugh

In the evening I lay down in bed with my three year old. Lately she has taken to putting her head at the foot of the bed (having moved her pillow there, too... I suppose making it the head of the bed, actually). I lay the other way, with my head on a stuffed owl.

We usually read a book (tonight was Curious George) or sing a song (often Eidelweiss, which I sang EVERY NIGHT to the older girls for many years). M will talk a bit, say things about the days, sometimes says terrifying things about scary creatures (two nights ago she had me close her window shade because she "saw a creeper" out there... a bit of information she delivered with absolute calm). Eventually, just before she goes to sleep, she says, "Good night, Daddy" and I say good night to her and then she sighs and falls asleep.

Tonight, she said, "Good night, Daddy" and I said, "Good night" and she said, "You have to say my name," so I said good night again only this time with her name.

About a minute later she said, "Is it time to go to sleep?"

That was an odd question, and didn't fit our nightly ritual, so I said, "Yes, it is."

Then she laughed and said, "I know, Dad, that was a joke!"

Good one!

And now she's asleep!

My three year old explains why she is afraid of monsters

At six a.m. this morning my three-year-old crawled into bed with me, put her head under the covers and said, "I have to hide from the monsters." She often mentions monsters and never seems particularly bothered by them. In fact, the whole putting her head under the covers was new. Still, she didn't seem particularly upset.

I assured here there were not monsters in our house (note that I used the qualifier "in our house"). I told her, the only people in the house are me, your mom and your sisters.

She pointed out into the darkness of the bedroom and said, "No. There's a monster right there."

I could see just well enough to tell that there was no monster where she was pointing, and I said so.

"I don't like scary monsters," she said. "When they come, they want to get me all dressed up."

"They do?"

"Yes. And I don't like getting dressed up."

Scary monsters. They're the worst.

The Terminator on Twitter

Compost-fueled cars

For those of you who love TED talks, I think you'll agree that this one really takes things to a new level.



"I'll be your visionary... and you do the things I come up with." Genius.

Eavesdropping with Matt (Episode Sixty-Three: Red, White and Blue Man Group)

Dedicated to the fine "Sparks" leaders at our local church's AWANA group and to the children who bravely and enthusiastically answer any question that is asked of them.

Everyone (singing): "Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in his sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world.

They are precious in His sight.

Leader: Who know what the colors in that song represent?

Child #1: Children with different colors of hair?

Leader: Nooooooo. Anyone else?

Child #2: The flag of the United States of America?

For more Eavesdropping with Matt, steel yourself and click on this link.

New "Living Dead Christian" short story: A Vampire in the Church Choir!

This month marks the first anniversary of the release of Night of The Living Dead Christian, a comedy theology novel about what it means to find true transformation in our lives.

I love this book, and I love the characters in it. Of course. I wrote it. One character in particular, Lara, became one of my favorites, and I wanted to write another story with her in it. Then I thought, "Wouldn't it be fun to write her story and then make it available online for free on NLDC's anniversary?"

And that is precisely what I did. 

You can get it any format right here (including Mobi, for Kindle readers, and Epub for Nook, Kobo and so on). 

Here's a quick description of the new story, A Vampire in the Church Choir:

Lara, the newest alto in the struggling church choir, the Sonshine Singers, has a secret. She’s a vampire. Keeping a secret like that – being (sort of) dead – isn’t easy, which is why she came to a Big Box Mega Church in the first place. But now the pastor is preaching on “Monsters In Our Midst” and the congregation is out with pitchforks and torches. Plus, Lara is starting to suspect that the pastor himself is not all he seems, despite the long list of accolades, accomplishments and his slavishly devoted fans. To top it all off, Lara is getting “thirsty” and that long-necked tenor is starting to look like a great big juice box… even worse, the choir's next performance is only three weeks away, and Lara has been “promoted” to soprano. Sounds like a disaster, one way or another, a disaster that Lara is determined to avoid, resist and out-sing. The stakes are high, and the notes are higher, but for the first time in years Lara feels like she has a challenge she can really sink her teeth into.

And hey, if your read and enjoy A Vampire in the Church Choir (or think you're about to read and enjoy it) please consider clicking on the Facebook or Twitter icons at the end of this post and tell a friend about this free ebook!

This book is free. How to download ebooks to e-reading devices and apps. 

Format	Full Book
Online Reading (HTML, good for sampling in web browser)	View
Online Reading (JavaScript, experimental, buggy)	View
Kindle (.mobi for Kindle devices and Kindle apps)	Download
Epub (Apple iPad/iBooks, Nook, Sony Reader, Kobo, and most e-reading apps including Stanza, Aldiko, Adobe Digital Editions, others)	Download
PDF (good for reading on PC, or for home printing)	Download
RTF (readable on most word processors)	Download
LRF (Use only for older model Sony Readers that don't support .epub)	Download
Palm Doc (PDB) (for Palm reading devices)	Download
Plain Text (download) (flexible, but lacks much formatting)	Download
Plain Text (view) (viewable as web page)	View

Cover art is by M.S. Corley.

Also, for those of you new around here, you can follow me on twitter, check out more about my books, or sign up for my super infrequent e-mail list.

Spider-Man harasses the people of Poland

When J. Jonah Jameson sees this, he's going to have a field day.

Eavesdropping with Matt (Episode Sixty-Two: Nature Runs Wild!)

Dedicated to the old Asian men riding their bikes down the bike path, who had stopped for a moment to rest beside the creek.

Man #1: Look at those dragonflies. The dragonflies are mating!

 Man #2: Yes.

 Man #3: They are cop-u-LATE-ing.

More Eavesdropping with Matt.

Dora the Explorer Live Action Movie

My three-year-old (M) and I were both home sick yesterday with an awful, cringe-inducing head cold. I    felt like someone had nailed me onto the couch, and she could barely lift her head off the floor in front of the television. Which means, of course, that I let her watch television for a decent part of the day.

Yesterday was a "Dora the Explorer" day. It made me think about all the cartoons I watched as a kid, like "He-Man" and "G.I. Joe" and "Transformers" and how eventually I grew up and then Hollywood tried to help me recapture my youth by making live action movies loosely based on my childhood cartoons.

These movies are not always particularly faithful to the source material. It made me wonder... what would a live action DORA THE EXPLORER MOVIE look like?

Now I know:

Downton Arby's

Krista and I watched the first season of Downton Abbey together, and I enjoyed it quite a bit. Krista watched and enjoyed the second season as well. It's the story of the Crawley family, the heirs of the Grantham estate (Downton Abbey) and the adventures of all who live there (the Crawleys as well as their servants). Much of the first season had to do with trying to find a male heir in the Crawley family to keep Downton from passing on to the next nearest relative.

That was all prologue to enjoying this show, Downton Arby's. The story of an upscale family trying desperately to hold onto their Arby's franchise. BEHOLD:

Guest post from author, Mike Duran: "Lord, Save Us From Our Stuffiness"

I recently read the debut novel of a cyber-friend of mine. The novel, which is called The Resurrection, is about how spiritual forces clash in a small town, kicked off by the resurrection of a dead child. I wrote Mike a note after reading the book, and told him that it reminded me quite a bit of the novels of Charles Williams, who also wrote spiritual/horror thrillers from a Christian perspective. Mike also writes an excellent blog, and is on Twitter and Facebook.

Anyway, I asked Mike if he might like to do a guest post here at BHR, and here's what he sent me. I think you'll enjoy it. Drop Mike a note and let him know what you think.

Lord, Save Us from Our Stuffiness

By Mike Duran

There is considerable debate about whether or not Jesus laughed. In fact, a Gallup poll once found that half of all Americans thought that Jesus was not fun loving. One need only to look at His followers to understand how this conclusion could be reached.

Through the ages, the saints have frowned on laughter. By the 4th century, church leader John Chrysostom had declared that Jesus never laughed. This is why many medieval paintings portray Jesus as serene and always sober. Christendom’s sense of humor didn’t improve much over the next millennium. In the 1400s, the Council of Constance decreed that any minister or monk who spoke “jocular words such as to provoke laughter” would be damned to hell. See, this laughter stuff is serious business!

Apparently, laughter has always carried a harsh sentence in the Church. The famed British preacher Charles Spurgeon was often criticized for his use of humor. On one occasion, he answered one of his critics by saying, “Ma’am, if you knew how much I held back, you’d commend me.” Nevertheless, the Church is still full of gloom-inducing Pharisees. H. L. Mencken once defined a Puritan as a person with the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. Is it any wonder many pastors are custodians of propriety, their stiffness akin to spiritual rigor mortis, and their houses of worship like museums of torture, with solemnity being the rack upon which their parishioners are painstakingly splayed?

Don’t tell this to the first-century believers. One of the greatest days in Church history was the day they were accused of being drunk. The Holy Spirit descended and a party ensued (Acts 2); thousands of new Christians “broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people” (2:46-47). Amidst the tongue-speaking, foot-stomping, rip-roaring revival, the only possible explanation was, “They have had too much wine” (vs. 13). What other reason could there be for such gaiety, especially when the religious leaders of the day were such unrelenting sourpusses?
And maybe that’s our problem – Nobody accuses Christians of being drunk anymore.

In his 1964 classic The Humor of Christ, Elton Trueblood suggests that we cannot begin to understand Christ’s life and teaching, without acknowledging the joy, wit and whimsy He brought to this world. In a way, humor may be the most neglected key to ciphering Jesus’ message.

Our journey to Christ-likeness means being saved from lots of things: bad habits, bad attitudes, and their eternal consequences. One of the things we need saved from is our stuffiness. I mean, how can we ever hope to woo people to Heaven, if our Leader can barely even crack a smile?