Showing posts with label unseen movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label unseen movies. Show all posts
Monday, February 06, 2012
Chronicle is here
This is a preview for a movie called Chronicle, about some teenage boys who make a strange discovery, which leads to them receiving spectacular super powers. I haven't decided whether to see the movie yet (it looks pretty dark), but let's be honest... this is exactly what would happen if 15 year old kids got super powers.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Other independent films to watch for
When we went to see "Tell No One" there were two trailers I thought looked interesting enough to pique my interest. One's an animated movie about the reality of war. The animation looks fascinating and the story makes it clear this is a movie for adults, not children. No superheroes or fuzzy talking animals. It's called "Waltz With Bashir." Here's a trailer:
The second is called "Slumdog Millionaire." The basic conceit as I understand it is that the main character is on the Indian version of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and each question causes a flashback into his life that slowly helps us put together his story and the centrality of a long lost love to why he's on the show. Sounds interesting.
Krista says she'll watch "Slumdog Millionaire" with me, but "Waltz With Bashir" will be on my own. Anyone interested in watching a serious cartoon?
The second is called "Slumdog Millionaire." The basic conceit as I understand it is that the main character is on the Indian version of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and each question causes a flashback into his life that slowly helps us put together his story and the centrality of a long lost love to why he's on the show. Sounds interesting.
Krista says she'll watch "Slumdog Millionaire" with me, but "Waltz With Bashir" will be on my own. Anyone interested in watching a serious cartoon?
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Unseen Movie Review: Underdog
Here at BHR we like to occasionally review movies that we have not seen. It's completely unfair and also fun.
Tonight's movie: Underdog.
Watch the trailer and then read on, MacRuff.
I am not the target audience for this movie, despite certain evidences to the contrary. The target audience is, I am guessing, eight-year-old boys. And I am reasonably certain that they will think it is somewhere between mediocre and okay.
The problem is that even this trailer is inherently unfunny... and trailers tend to try to take the best parts of a movie and squeeze them into a short space. I am not sure why a movie that is targeted at kids is making rather lame attempts at humor by imitating the 1970's Superman movie. Which is a great movie. In fact, the scene of Underdog talking to the "cat burglar" is pretty much a direct rip-off from that movie. AS is the Brandoesque voice over. But what eight year old is going to think that's funny?
The tagline for the film is blatantly offensive to me: "One nation under dog." The pun is not only common but also, once again, unfunny. If you're going to offend people, at least have the good grace to be entertaining while doing it. These are the sort of gems you will be missing when you, like me, stay home from the theaters for this one. Lazy, pedestrian writing.
A couple of predictions for you: this movie will have a few laughs. I am predicting three. The rest of the movie will be crap. And I imagine many of the jokes will involve crap. Dog pee. Perhaps sniffing people's rear ends.
And now, a special treat for you, my faithful BHR readers. I have included a complete cartoon from the ORIGINAL (and funny) Underdog cartoon. I laughed out loud several times while watching this. You will laugh, too, even if you are reading this from prison. "What's to laugh at in prison?" you ask. Watch and learn:
Ha ha ha! Now that's comedy.
Tonight's movie: Underdog.
Watch the trailer and then read on, MacRuff.
I am not the target audience for this movie, despite certain evidences to the contrary. The target audience is, I am guessing, eight-year-old boys. And I am reasonably certain that they will think it is somewhere between mediocre and okay.
The problem is that even this trailer is inherently unfunny... and trailers tend to try to take the best parts of a movie and squeeze them into a short space. I am not sure why a movie that is targeted at kids is making rather lame attempts at humor by imitating the 1970's Superman movie. Which is a great movie. In fact, the scene of Underdog talking to the "cat burglar" is pretty much a direct rip-off from that movie. AS is the Brandoesque voice over. But what eight year old is going to think that's funny?
The tagline for the film is blatantly offensive to me: "One nation under dog." The pun is not only common but also, once again, unfunny. If you're going to offend people, at least have the good grace to be entertaining while doing it. These are the sort of gems you will be missing when you, like me, stay home from the theaters for this one. Lazy, pedestrian writing.
A couple of predictions for you: this movie will have a few laughs. I am predicting three. The rest of the movie will be crap. And I imagine many of the jokes will involve crap. Dog pee. Perhaps sniffing people's rear ends.
And now, a special treat for you, my faithful BHR readers. I have included a complete cartoon from the ORIGINAL (and funny) Underdog cartoon. I laughed out loud several times while watching this. You will laugh, too, even if you are reading this from prison. "What's to laugh at in prison?" you ask. Watch and learn:
Ha ha ha! Now that's comedy.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Unseen Movie Review: The Number 23
Once again, we return to our Unseen Movie Reviews, the part of the blog where I review a movie that I have never seen, based purely upon the movie trailer and my own strongly brewed opinions.
Tonight we take a look at The Number 23, a new thriller starring Jim Carrey. So, let's take a look at the trailer.
NOTE: There are some disturbing images in this trailer. Many of them involve Jim Carrey. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Now, we all know that numbers can be scary. But as I recall, the scariest number is seven, because seven ate nine. But what has the number 23 ever done to anyone? As I recall, 23 has always been a kind, loving number. It has even sponsored episodes of Sesame Street. Sweet, sweet number 23.
I called the number 23 to get its opinion about this slanderous piece of trash.
Me: So, Number 23, I see that a movie is coming out about your life.
23: No, no, no. That movie is a complete lie. It's not about me at all.
Me: So, it's not true that you have driven people insane?
23: Of course not. I'm a pretty simple two-digit number.
Me: The number 13 could say the same thing.
23: I'm twice the number that 13 could ever be!
Me: Well actually, um, that's not quite true.
23: Whatever.
Me: What do you say to claims by the priest that the number 23 can become the "number of Satan"... by dividing 2 by 3?
23: Have these people ever taken a math class? For crying out loud. 2 divided by 3 is NOT ".666", it's ".66666666666666666666666666666666666667". It's just a stupid thing to say. Stupid and mean. It really hurt my feelings.
Me: Okay, I have to get back to my movie review.
23: Please don't say anything nice about this movie.
Me: Ha ha ha! Don't worry about that!
I can't believe silly trash like this gets made. I'm glad that they chose Jim Carrey as the main character so that Blockbuster can stick it in the comedy section and trick customers into renting it.
I would suggest that you buy a book by Jose Luis Borges rather than watching this movie.
For that matter, I would suggest that you stay home and do your dishes rather than going to this movie.
Matt's Verdict: If you pay to see this movie I will purposely fly to your house and kick you in the seat of your pants. Then I will take all your money so that you don't waste it anymore.
p.s. This movie review has been brought to you by the number 23 and the letter F.
Tonight we take a look at The Number 23, a new thriller starring Jim Carrey. So, let's take a look at the trailer.
NOTE: There are some disturbing images in this trailer. Many of them involve Jim Carrey. Don't say I didn't warn you.
Now, we all know that numbers can be scary. But as I recall, the scariest number is seven, because seven ate nine. But what has the number 23 ever done to anyone? As I recall, 23 has always been a kind, loving number. It has even sponsored episodes of Sesame Street. Sweet, sweet number 23.
I called the number 23 to get its opinion about this slanderous piece of trash.
Me: So, Number 23, I see that a movie is coming out about your life.
23: No, no, no. That movie is a complete lie. It's not about me at all.
Me: So, it's not true that you have driven people insane?
23: Of course not. I'm a pretty simple two-digit number.
Me: The number 13 could say the same thing.
23: I'm twice the number that 13 could ever be!
Me: Well actually, um, that's not quite true.
23: Whatever.
Me: What do you say to claims by the priest that the number 23 can become the "number of Satan"... by dividing 2 by 3?
23: Have these people ever taken a math class? For crying out loud. 2 divided by 3 is NOT ".666", it's ".66666666666666666666666666666666666667". It's just a stupid thing to say. Stupid and mean. It really hurt my feelings.
Me: Okay, I have to get back to my movie review.
23: Please don't say anything nice about this movie.
Me: Ha ha ha! Don't worry about that!
I can't believe silly trash like this gets made. I'm glad that they chose Jim Carrey as the main character so that Blockbuster can stick it in the comedy section and trick customers into renting it.
I would suggest that you buy a book by Jose Luis Borges rather than watching this movie.
For that matter, I would suggest that you stay home and do your dishes rather than going to this movie.
Matt's Verdict: If you pay to see this movie I will purposely fly to your house and kick you in the seat of your pants. Then I will take all your money so that you don't waste it anymore.
p.s. This movie review has been brought to you by the number 23 and the letter F.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Unseen Movie Review: The Astronaut Farmer
Welcome to a new regular feature of the Burning Hearts Revolution called "Unseen Movie Reviews." In this feature I will give you my thoughts about upcoming movies, using only the information available through trailers and my own comprehensive knowledge of movies both sublime and sucky.
Here's our first film, "The Astronaut Farmer" starring Billy Bob Thorton and Virginia Madsen, due to be released on February 23rd.
Let us watch the trailer together, after which I shall give you my verdict:
Here are my thoughts. First, this looks like a harmless enough feel-good movie. But I have to say that we have only two options at the end: one, the farmer successfully launches himself into space, has some troubles and makes it home safely (hooray!) or two, he launches himself into space, has some trouble, and burns into a tiny crisp on re-entry (boo hoo!).
If I thought they had the guts to go for ending #2, I would go see it. Maybe. There are several things that make me nervous about the movie. One is the writing. For instance, the main character's last name is Farmer. It's just too cutesy. I can't stand it. Two, Billy Bob Thorton has a long history of making lots of movies. But I've only liked a couple of them. Three, I think maybe it should have been called the Farmer Astronaut instead of the Astronaut Farmer and been the story of a guy on a moonbase who has a dream of making a garden outside of the oxygen dome. Everyone thinks he's crazy but he has a dream! He can do it! Everyone is against him but against all the odds he is going to pull it off and grow the tallest corn ever seen in the universe. Oh what a beautiful mooooooorning, oh what a beatiful daaaaaaaaay, I've got a beautiful feeeeeeeelin', everything's goin' my waaaaaaaaaay!
In other news, the movie is likely to make more sense and be more entertaining than this post.
Matt's Verdict: Wait for this movie to be on television. You won't regret waiting to see it, but you will probably regret spending money to see it.
Feel free to leave your own thoughts and reviews in the comment section.
Here's our first film, "The Astronaut Farmer" starring Billy Bob Thorton and Virginia Madsen, due to be released on February 23rd.
Let us watch the trailer together, after which I shall give you my verdict:
Here are my thoughts. First, this looks like a harmless enough feel-good movie. But I have to say that we have only two options at the end: one, the farmer successfully launches himself into space, has some troubles and makes it home safely (hooray!) or two, he launches himself into space, has some trouble, and burns into a tiny crisp on re-entry (boo hoo!).
If I thought they had the guts to go for ending #2, I would go see it. Maybe. There are several things that make me nervous about the movie. One is the writing. For instance, the main character's last name is Farmer. It's just too cutesy. I can't stand it. Two, Billy Bob Thorton has a long history of making lots of movies. But I've only liked a couple of them. Three, I think maybe it should have been called the Farmer Astronaut instead of the Astronaut Farmer and been the story of a guy on a moonbase who has a dream of making a garden outside of the oxygen dome. Everyone thinks he's crazy but he has a dream! He can do it! Everyone is against him but against all the odds he is going to pull it off and grow the tallest corn ever seen in the universe. Oh what a beautiful mooooooorning, oh what a beatiful daaaaaaaaay, I've got a beautiful feeeeeeeelin', everything's goin' my waaaaaaaaaay!
In other news, the movie is likely to make more sense and be more entertaining than this post.
Matt's Verdict: Wait for this movie to be on television. You won't regret waiting to see it, but you will probably regret spending money to see it.
Feel free to leave your own thoughts and reviews in the comment section.
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