Monday, April 24, 2006

Eavesdropping With Matt (Episode Six)

Dedicated to the two seminary students--both of whom no doubt speak Hebrew, Latin and Greek and can spend hours pontificating on topics of great eschatological import--who met in the hall between classes, grabbing a handful of Doritos and a quick swallow of water before returning to their class.

Student 1: Okay, Sauron is in his tower and he has the Ring, and Yoda is there and he has his lightsaber.

Student 2: Yoda would kick @$$.

Student 1: Yes, I agree. Undoubtedly he would kick @$$. But how would he do it?

Coming to a pulpit near you!


  1. Booooooooooooring. Yoda's not wearing a Ring of Power, so the One ring doesn't bind Yoda, removing the greatest power of the one ring.

    The minor powers, such as turning invisible, are all easily countered by judicious use of the Force.

    And if Isildur Elendil's son can cut the One ring off of Sauron's hand using a sword, then Yoda's lightsaber will be more than sufficient.

    So Yoda kicks Sauron's proverbial at-dollar-dollar by using the Force and his lightsaber. Duh.

  2. So. Who would be a good person to fight that little green wrinkle?

  3. Well, the clear front-runner in my mind is Death from Terry Pratchett's Discworld. I mean, really, all Death has to do is wait for the sand in Yoda's lifetimer to drain and Death wins. Beating Yoda can't get easier than just sitting around and waiting...

    In a hotly-contested second place is Stanley Kubrick's HAL 9000 (which you could argue should actually be attributed to either Arthur C Clarke or Douglas Rain). Yoda might have the mad combat skills, but I doubt he can out-logic HAL. Besides, HAL sees all, knows all, and proper English speaks, he does, hmmm?

    A very close third is going to be Douglas Adams' Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz. I mean, really, Yoda could take just about anyone one-on-one, but Jeltz will just blow up his whole planet and it's tough to fight that. Oh, sure, you could argue that the Empire had the Death Star and could have done the same thing, but the Vogons win out because they have a bureaucratic mindlessness that the Empire lacked. And killer poetry, too, which, again, hits Yoda where he's weak - on the language front.

    Whew. Now that that's sorted out I think I'll go do some work. >)

  4. I'd like to see these guys incorporate their discussion into a sermon. It would be unforgettable, thats for sure!