Home!

I'm home from a great time speaking at the St. Cloud State Fall Getaway.  Which means that this morning I got to hang out with baby M!

First John and the St. Cloud Fall Getaway

I'm hanging out with the kids from St. Cloud State University this weekend, and we're going through First John all weekend.  Tonight was chapter one and the first six verses of chapter 2, where we talked about Jesus' offer to destroy our status quo and bring us into a revolutionary life of eternal fellowship with him.  A good time was had by all.

Afterward the worship guy got up and that horrible screeching tone that sometimes accompanies guitars and microphones being too close to one another went off.

Worship Guy: That's just my way of saying 'thank you' to you, Matt.

Me: Thanks for the feedback.

AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!  And that's what the poor St. Cloud kids are in for all weekend.

You can be praying for the talks if you're the praying type:  Tomorrow morning we'll be talking about transformation in our community relationships, tomorrow afternoon I'll meet with the leadership students to talk about leadership as a Christ follower and Sunday morning I'll be teaching on the great commission and being agents of worldwide revolution!

Lord, Save us from your Followers

Hey if you're in Portland looking for something to do tonight, you should go check out Lord, Save Us From Your Followers at the Fox Tower theatre. If you go to the 7 o'clock showing, Dan Merchant, the filmmaker and star of the movie will be around for the Q and A time. It should be a blast and I wish I could get out there! If you go, tell Dan that Mikalatos sent you.

The Traditional Airport Post: SECURITYYYYYYYYYY!

The longest lines at PDX that I've ever seen this morning, and as you might expect the beleaguered security people are hard at work and, yes, friendly!

Here are two things I saw while waiting in line:

1) An old lady! She hasn't flown in a long time. She didn't know that her liquids had to be in a quart sized bag so she put them in a GALLON sized bag! The security man tells her that she will have to pick her favorites and put them in a quart sized bag and toss, give away or drink the rest! She is dismayed! She is staring at her gallon sized bag of toiletries! Her lotions! Her gels! Her pastes! It is a hard life.

2) A soldier in the military! He is wearing his desert camos! People come up to him and thank him for serving. I also am thankful. He is a living weapon, that much is clear. The security man sees that the soldier had large, impressive, undoubtedly deadly boots on. Keep those on! he tells the soldier. No need to send them through the X-ray like the flip-flops of the man in front of you. After all, we know already that you are dangerous. Please walk right through. And this the soldier did, because he is accustomed to taking orders! A feeling of safety settles over the crowd!

MORAL: Terrorists will never get their shampoo onto a flight, unless they dress as soldiers and hide it in their boots.

THE END

Your Inner Weird Meets Your Book Proposal

I've got a guest post up today over at Rachelle Gardner's excellent blog, CBA Ramblings.  If you're a writer or want to be a writer, you should be reading Rachelle's blog regularly. My post over there is about how I learned to start writing what I love rather than what I thought other people wanted to see and how that, paradoxically, eventually got me an agent and got me published.  As a bonus feature for anybody stopping by the Burning Hearts Revolution today, I thought I'd give a concrete example of how "Embracing my Inner Weird" changed not only my book, but also my book proposal.

The difference is clearest when we look at the book's premise.  While many sections (the author bio, my platform, the audience) stayed mostly the same, the premise of the book changed pretty radically, despite having essentially the same theme.  Here's the premise as it appeared in my first proposal:

If I come across a bunch of people sitting outside my church selling doves and changing money, I know I should make a whip out of ropes and turn their tables over and yell at them.  But what is the most Christ-like action when buying my lunch at McDonald's?  Should I buy a Filet-O-Fish sandwich?  Should I turn a milkshake into wine?  I spend my life guessing what Jesus would do instead of living like him.  Is there a way I can get to know the real Jesus instead of inventing my own?  Imaginary Jesus will help identify places in our lives where we've adopted a false Jesus for our own convenience, and talk about real, practical ways to connect with the living, breathing Christ.

The man who eventually became my agent (Wes Yoder of Ambassador Literary), as I shared in my post on Rachelle's blog, told me to take another shot at it, but emphasizing the story-telling stuff and minimizing what he called the "Sunday School lessons."  That weekend I feverishly wrote about six chapters of "Imaginary Jesus Reimagined" and sent them off to Wes.  He got back to me right away, and here was the new and improved premise we used to describe the book once I finished writing it (now that it was fiction instead of non-fiction, I needed to finish the book, not just outline it):

Sitting in a coffee shop with Jesus, Matt Mikalatos realizes that the pleasant, robed man across the table is not the real Jesus at all.  During Matt’s attempt to destroy the imposter and find the real Jesus, Imaginary Jesus escapes.  Now the Lamb is on the lam and Matt is on a quest to find the living, breathing Christ.  With the help of the apostle Peter, a talking donkey and the mysterious Motorcycle Guy, he chases Jesus across the city of Portland, determined to exorcise his imaginary friend.  A fast-paced, hilarious novel, Imaginary Jesus explores what it means to be in relationship with a physically absent but relationally present Jesus. 

As you can see, that's a pretty drastically different book... although the title and "living, breathing Christ" made it into both.  I like that phrase pretty well.

Next Tuesday I'll post some thoughts about getting an agent.  For those of you who are in the process of looking for an agent now, I think you'll find it helpful... there are a lot of things I did that you can do just as easily.


I'd be glad to answer other questions you might have about writing, book proposals, finding an agent, Jesus, butterflies, the average speed of an African swallow or anything else that interests you.  You can leave a comment here or send me a note at matt.mikalatos (at) gmail.com.

Wonderful Wednesday: The public art of Joshua Callaghan

Check out this amazing work by Joshua Callaghan.  He likes to paint public objects to appear like the items which are standing behind them.  Which translates to urban camouflage.  I'm a fan.

I'm planning to paint our house to look like our back yard (don't tell Krista).

Three things I've learned while watching late night television with my infant daughter

1) Montel Williams is a really big fan of blankets with sleeves.   Every time I flipped around to him, there he was, talking about how great a blanket with sleeves could be for me.  I shifted underneath my precarious blanket wrap, baby in one arm and remote in the opposing hand and decided that I would not buy one of those around the time that the husband and wife said that they bought two to wear in bed so that they would never steal each other's covers.

2) Oscar Wilde spent two years in prison for "gross indecency." I had no idea.  But some movie from the 1960s knew all about it.

3) Apparently young singles in my area like to call "chat lines" while wearing skimpy clothing, lying around in their living room with candles, or while lounging in a hot tub.  Kids these days... go figure. 

Winners of the Holy BIble: Mosaic drawing

Congratulations to Ruthie Johnson and Erica Cheslock, the winners of the Holy Bible: Mosaic lot casting for free Bibles.  I've contacted Ruthie and Erica and their Bibles are flying through the air... right... now.

What's that?  You want to know how I chose from the more than 50 entries to come up with Ruthie and Erica?  Fine then.  I assigned each person a number (those who tweeted, commented and entered other ways got extra numbers) and then used a random number generator to choose between them.

While at the random number generator I got distracted by the coin toss feature, in which you can choose coins from throughout history to toss.  The way I figure it if you're going to toss a coin you might as well toss a Aurelian  Bronze Antoninianus from the Roman Empire.

Anyway, if you didn't win a copy, you can still purchase a copy.  It's a really fun, helpful Bible.

Eavesdropping with Matt (Episode Thirty-Eight: I Keel You)

Dedicated to the old man with the flat blue tooth and the two middle-aged sisters all drinking coffee together at Peet's coffee in Beaverton, Oregon.  And yes, I can identify you old man.  I'M WATCHING YOU!!!!

Old Man: -- think that the best solution is to kill him.

Sister 1: What does that solve in the long run?  The police would eventually trace it back to you and then you would go to jail for the rest of your life.  I just don't think that's a good solution.

Old Man: I don't think the police will do anything about him, so the best solution is to kill him.

Sister 2: I would get his address from google maps and then watch him for something that would get the police's attention.


How the police will find him out in the end if he ever did something drastic (sounded like the sisters eventually talked him out of this): turns out you shouldn't discuss murdering someone in crowded coffee shops and so on.  Who knew?

Your true colors are beautiful,,, like the wind

Little known fact about me: I have little names that I use for different outfits I wear.  For instance, I have these brown shorts that I sometimes wear with a striped brown polo shirt.  I call this my "prison outfit" because Krista once said that the striped shirt reminded her of something a prisoner would wear. I also have a pair of blue shorts that I wear with a grey shirt, and I call that my Civil War outfit because it is like the Union vs. the Confederacy, except that the Confederacy is in the North and the Union in the South.  I also have these khaki shorts that I wear with a green shirt.  This is called the green shirt outfit.

But my entire system was thrown into disarray when someone mentioned on Monday that the blue shorts of my Civil War outfit were grey.  In fact, they walked up to me and called me "Grey Man."  I asked Krista later in the day what color my shorts were and she confirmed that we could, at best, call them "formerly blue."  I was stunned.  No longer could I call this outfit my Civil War outfit.  Unless I was happy with the a-historical representation that  the Confederacy was winning out over the Union!  I don't think so.

So now I need a new name for the outfit.  Here are some of the choices.  Feel free to leave your suggestions or preferences in the comments to this post:

1) Grey Man. 
2) The outfit formerly known as the Civil War outfit.
3) The Antebellum South.
4) Portland Skies (Winter)

That is all.

Wonderful Wednesday: Jung's Red Book

Carl Jung kept a secret diary where he tried to break down the barrier between his conscious and unconscious mind.  His family has been keeping it private for decades, and it's being published next month.  Jung feared that people would think he was insane if they read the book.  Check out some of his drawings.

Here's an article about the process of getting the book and publishing it, and more details about the strange journey this book has taken to print, the slavish devotion of some Jungians and the Descendants of Jung.

You can purchase the The Red Book here.  Only a hundred bucks (!).  I'm pretty interested to take a look at this bad boy, but think I might have to make a date at the library.

Free Mosaic Bible here at BHR!

Great news! You may recall me gushing over the artsy beauty and theological richness of the new NLT Mosaic Bible-- a Bible that has devotionals built around the church calendar with art, creeds, quotes and hymns from across the centuries and around the world. Well, thanks to the generosity of one of its editors, David Sanford, I have TWO COPIES TO GIVE AWAY THIS WEEK!

I thought we would do it "random drawing style" to increase the appearance of casting lots. What could be more Biblical than that? I'll be doing the drawing this Friday night sometime, so get your entries in before Friday at 5pm Pacific.

You can get your name entered into the drawing up to four times. Here's how to do it:

1) Send me your email address using the form below. This DOES NOT sign you up for a newsletter. Don't believe the hype that will tell you otherwise. This just allows me to get your email in a way that keeps internet robots from learning your email address and telling you that you won the British lottery. 

Mosaic Bible drawing

Enter your email address:

Enter the 5-digit code displayed:

2) Leave a comment on this post. I will read all the comments, so feel free to try to sway me by saying things like, "A wild dog tore my own Bible to pieces and I really need this because it also got my wallet and my internet connection." But since this is a drawing it won't really matter. Make sure I have a way to contact you if you leave a comment.

3) Tweet about the giveaway this week. Be sure to include a link to this post, and if you want to make sure I see it you should probably put @mattmikalatos in your tweet, too.

4) Put a link to the giveaway on your blog. Again, you'll need to let me know about this (though I should see the incoming links).

So, there you have it. Four ways to win. I'll do the drawing on Friday, so the winners should be hearing from me this weekend. Good luck and may whoever is causing this terrible storm that is causing our ship to sink be the one to draw the shortest lot.

Dr. Horrible at the Emmys

In case you missed his appearance at the Emmys, here's Dr. Horrible's evil genius on display:



And if you have a higher standard of evil and don't think this video cuts it, I would suggest you check out this link.  Mooohwahhahahahahaaaaaa!

I knew it

Win a Free Mosaic Bible

Those of you who follow me on twitter know that I got a free copy of theHoly Bible, Mosaic a few weeks back. 

It's a really cool Bible that has quotes, creeds and artwork from throughout church history in a series of devotionals that follow the church calendar.  You can see more about it here:
Holy Bible: Mosaic NLT 

Anyway, I saw today that another (more generous) blog is having a contest where YOU can get a free copy of the book yourself if you enter.  Here's a link to that contest.  I think you have to enter by Monday, though, so you better get to it.

Also -- I know I've directed a few of you to blogger review programs for Thomas Nelson and NavPress, and I recently discovered Tyndale's, also.  Here's a link to that.

Alright kids, have fun and go win yourself a Bible (ah, what a special moment of church history we live in that we can raffle off Bibles).

The Traditional Airport Post

Yesterday, Krista and I flew Horizon.  Two events of note:

Wanda Gets Grounded.  A woman we later learned was called 'Wanda' came onto the plane and took a seat in the row ahead of us.  Then she got up and moved to the back.  Then a cop came on the plane and said, "Wanda, we need you to step off the plane." 

"Why would you do this to me?" Wanda asked.  "I'm just trying to get home."

"Step off the plane and we'll talk about it," the officer said.  Then they went back and forth for a while.  Why would you do this to me?  Step off the plane.  But why would you do this to me?  Step off the plane.  And then Wanda stepped off the plane, leaving all of us to make us stories about why she was removed.

My theory: Drrrunk!

Krista's theory: Wanda did something bad.  Then possibly snuck onto the plane.  This is one of the rare moments where Krista's invented history for another person is more dramatic than mine.


Missionary Aviation Fellowship.  We overheard the young lady behind us talking and realized she's a missionary that will be joining our friends Matt and Sharon in Slovenia.  Of course Krista and I are missionaries.  And the lady across the aisle from the missionary behind us seemed awfully familiar with a variety of missions organizations.  This is very strange when you consider the small percentage of Christians in Portland, that so many of us on the plane were missionaries.  Maybe that's why they took Wanda off the plane... she was a missionary and she was skewing the percentages on the plane.

In any case, when we got off the plane I saw this bumper sticker: IN CASE OF RAPTURE THIS PLANE WILL HAVE PLENTY OF LEG ROOM.

Wonderful Wednesday: DRAGON BOAT!

I'm not sure why so many of the Wonderful Wednesdays have to do with Japan, other than the fact that Japan is more wonderful than other countries. Check out this dragon boat:

Imaginary Jesus at the US Open

Keen eyed BHR correspondent Ken Cheung sent in this note and the picture on the left:

"I found Jesus at the us open ... he is married to kim clijsters."








P.S. I am a big fan of puns, but if one more sports writer says something about Clijsters staging "The Mother of All Comebacks" I am going to stick my fist into the internet to send them some electronic justice.

Imaginary Jesus Cover Art

Here it is at last -- the official cover to Imaginary Jesus!  The fine folks at Tyndale sent several rough drafts of possible covers to me back in July, and the early version of this cover was by far my favorite.  It made me laugh, and I love the haphazard look to it, like someone just took a sharpie to a guy and made him look like Jesus.  So, I'm pleased that this is the cover that was eventually agreed upon all around.

The cover was designed by Beth Sparkman, who sent me this behind-the-scenes note about the cover design:  "This image just jumped out at me as being so far out, and then when I scribbled the beard and hair on it with a half-dried up marker it got even more bizarre! But I thought it fit the wildness of the book so showed it to Nancy [marketing director at Tyndale] and Sarah [Tyndale acquisitions editor]. The rest is history. . ."

The picture should show up in places like Amazon starting next week.  You can preorder Imaginary Jesus
on Amazon and they will give you the lowest price between now and the release date in April!

Notice also the official tag line... brought to us by the ridiculously clever Sarah Atkinson.

Hope you enjoyed this little sneak preview. Now go out there, get a sharpie, and deface some posters.

Wonderful Wednesday: Zombie Bunnies!

Today's Wonderful Wednesday takes us to the land of handmade zombie bunnies. AAAAH! They live! They are so cute! And deadly!

This Song Is Stuck In My Head

And  I don't care because it's a great song.

Leave me alone, strange old man

I was sitting in my car minding my own business, with the AC on, reading a newspaper.  A rap on the window startled me and I looked up to see an old man making the "roll down your window" sign.  Since I was in a public parking lot I didn't think much of it, so I rolled my window down.

He said, "You need to keep your window rolled down."  I just stared back at him, trying to figure out what made him in charge of windows in this particular parking lot and, yes, why he could possibly care.  "Carbon monoxide," he said.  "It's odorless, tasteless and invisible and when your car is running it can come up through your floorboards and kill you.  So you need to open your windows if you're going to sit out here with your car running."

I couldn't think of what to say so I said, "Okay, thanks."  When he walked away I rolled up my window.  Then I thought, Really?  Am I at risk when I am at a stop light, then?  I should have asked him.

I wondered if I should be worried about dying every time I sat in the car with the windows up and AC on.  But then I started thinking about his description of carbon monoxide: odorless, tasteless, invisible, deadly. I suddenly realized he wasn't talking about carbon monoxidea at all... he was talking about iocane powder!  Fortunately, I've spent the last several years building up an immunity to iocane poisoning.

Take that, old man!

An Open Letter to the Twitter Skeptic

Dear Twitter Skeptic,

You know, I'm sick and tired of hearing you say that twitter is no good, that it's rotting our minds, that it can't hold anything of value.  I think, honestly, that you are repeating (RTing?) criticisms you've heard from other people.  There are plenty of great, worthwhile twitter accounts that make people's lives better.

I know you are a skeptic.  But I think that if you will look at this one twitter account you will see its potential.  So I beg of you, take five seconds and take a quick look at this twitter account.

Thank you, Twitter Skeptic.  Now that you life has been changed forever by the beautiful Twitter sentiments on that page, I think we can both agree now that Twitter is full of wonderful things and must be embraced fully.

Sincerely,

Matt Mikalatos

Wonderful Wednesday: Plaid

This guy made a plaid book when he was given the assignment to come up with the moment that he first "chose creativity."

How about you? When did you first choose to be creative?

Three attributes of leaders who are worthy of respect

Tomorrow morning is the first regular meeting of my team... we meet once a week for three hours to cover the most important issues facing us at the time. I'll be leading our devotional time tomorrow, and I'm going to walk us through three attributes that the apostle Paul said made a leader worthy of respect. This is all taken from First Thessalonians 5:12-15.

One, they work hard. The word used for “work” here means work which is both difficult and exhausting. A good leader works hard, and as a result they deserve our respect.

Two, our leaders should care for us. The word used here is proistemi which has a semantic range which can include being over someone or can mean to care for someone. There is some debate on which meaning is intended here (some saying we respect them because of their position, some saying we respect them because of their care for us), but it seems to me that the author (indeed, perhaps the Greek language) is making the assumption that to be over someone includes the prerequisite in the job description that you care for that person as well. This would fit easily with Paul’s statement in 1 Thessalonians 2:11 that he cared for the Thessalonians, “like a father with his children.” It’s simply a natural expectation that those who lead are not only organizationally above those they lead, but also that they will care for those who are their responsibility.

Three, our leaders admonish us. Since no one even knows what admonish means in English, let alone Greek, I’ll tell you that the word admonish (noutheteo) can mean to instruct or to rebuke for wrongdoing, or to warn someone about the consequences of their actions. Here it most likely refers to general teaching, but a few verses later (v. 15) it clearly refers to rebuking someone for wrongdoing (“admonish the idle”).

So, three reasons to respect our leaders.

Or, if you’re a leader, three standards to compare yourself to: Do I work hard? Do I care for those under my authority? Do I instruct those under my authority?

What do you think? Who is a good leader from your life history who led in these three ways? Do you have negative examples where leaders didn’t do one or more of these things in their leadership?

Into the (Scary) Land of the Unicorns

I noticed the other day that Z had just finished reading a book called Into The Land Of The Unicorns . The girl reads so much that it's hard to keep tabs on what she's reading or even where all these books come from. I decided I would read it, just to have an idea if the books she's reading are appropriate for her age.

I read the first couple of chapters, which were pretty intense, and then we talked about them:

Me: Your book is a little bit scary.

Z: It's not scary! It's exciting. You know nothing is going to hurt Cara because she's the main character.

(Pause)

Z: Do you want me to tell you what happens so you're not scared?

Imaginary Jesus now available for pre-order at CBD!

Well, CBD wins the race. To be fair, I didn't contact all the bookstores to let them know there would be a race. But if you're so fast that you win a race before other people know a race is happening, well, it's not your fault that God made you fast.

All that to say: BEHOLD! Imaginary Jesus available for pre-order at CBD!

My Last Seminary Class

I'm signed up for two classes this semester, still need to finish my summer course and then have one unit more to accomplish. So, I'm planning to do a unit of individualized study... basically a self-study course with a professor watching over you to make sure you learn something. Here's the syllabus I've submitted to the school:

Faith and Fiction

COURSE DESCRIPTION
“Story” is increasingly en vogue among evangelicals today. Books like Brian McClaren’s “New Kind of Christian” trilogy uses a narrative framework as a vehicle for presenting theology, and even Gordon McDonald adopted this in last year’s “Who Stole My Church?” Don Miller’s newest book is about using the framework of Story for discovering purpose in our lives. Even non-Christians are presenting theology using narrative, as is evidenced in books like “The Da Vinci Code.” This self-directed study course is designed to explore the advantages and disadvantages of conveying theology through fiction and story, looking not only at Biblical examples but also at the best (and worst) examples from our history and today. What are the appropriate boundaries between faith and fiction? If there are advantages to using fiction to convey theology, what are they? How can we do this well? How can we make sure that the message of Christ is getting to as many people as possible using this method?

COURSE OBJECTIVES.
Upon completion of this course you should be able to:
1. Communicate intelligently about the use of fiction in scripture
2. Have a basic awareness of the history of using fiction as a vehicle for Christian theology
3. Develop basic guidelines for using fiction well to communicate theological truth
4. Develop a list of exemplary Christian writings of and about fiction that could be given to others

COURSE TEXTS (at least 35 hours of reading selected from the following texts)

1. O'Connor, Flannery, Mystery and Manners.
2. Beuchner, Frederich, A Clown in the Belfry.
3. C.S. Lewis, The Abolition of Man and That Hideous Strength (these two books address the same theological concerns… the first is an essay, the second a novel)
4. McKee, Robert. Story.
5. Miller, Don. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years.
6. Bunyan, John. Pilgrim's Progress.
7. Berry, Wendell. Jayber Crow.
8. Doestoevsky, Feodor. The Brothers Karamazov.
9. Scripture texts: Ruth, Esther, Jonah, Ecclesiastes (?), the parables of Jesus
10. C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce
11. Hemingway, Ernest, The Old Man and the Sea.

ASSESSMENT
The student will keep a course diary to show how the 45 hours allotted to the course are spent."
The student will write a paper at the end of this course summarizing his findings and what he has learned.

I'm looking forward to this course. Like I told Krista, I tend to work harder on courses completely within my areas of interest... I'm likely to put in a lot more work for this one unit than is necessary or even wise.

Anyway, I still need to get approval from a few people at the school, but this is what I'm shooting for!

Book Berzerker presents Richard Stark's Parker: The Hunter

When I got home from class yesterday I was excited to see that my copy of Parker: The Hunter had finally arrived.

Adapted from Richard Stark's novel of the same name, Hunter is the story of a criminal named Parker who is double crossed by his wife and partner and left for dead. But he's not dead, and he shows up with a cold, calculating plan for revenge. Parker is played out with almost machine-like implacability, but that's just a mask for the raging emotions underneath.

This book (Darwyn Cooke's doing) has some of the most gorgeous sequential art I've seen in a long time. It's well worth your time to click through the link above and click "search inside this book" to see a few pages. The whole thing is done in black and white with blue shading. I'm about halfway through the book right now and if you're a fan of Chandler, Connelly or crime fiction in general, this is a book you're going to want to pick up.

Sermon on the Mount class with Bill Mounce this week

I'm taking a class at Western Seminary this week... a three day look at Jesus' sermon on the mount by Bill Mounce. If you're interested in seeing the sort of thing we'll be discussing, my professor has free podcasts of the two year series he preached on the sermon on the mount online. That's right, two years. I know. Read it again. Two years. He will have to talk fast to fit it all into 2.5 days.

I'm looking forward to this class. We're going to take a pretty deep look at this key sermon of Christ. I'll try to give you some worthwhile tidbits from the class later this week. In the meantime, if the internet causes you to sin, cut it off. It's better to enter Heaven without wireless than keep it and go to Hell. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Now it's time to play our game

One of these things is not like the others,
One of these things just doesn't belong,
Can you tell which thing is not like the others
By the time I finish my song?

Did you guess which thing was not like the others?
Did you guess which thing just doesn't belong?
If you guessed this one is not like the others,
Then you're absolutely...right!








A: It's me, Matt Mikalatos.

James Joyce reviews the Brothers Karamazov

I was on Amazon looking at The Brothers Karamazov. I have been debating reading it because I feel like an uncultured Philistine for not having read it yet. Anyway, this review by Irish author James Joyce (1882-1941) caught my eye:

"[Leo] Tolstoy admired him but he thought that he had little artistic
accomplishment or mind. Yet, as he said, 'he admired his heart', a criticism
which contains a great deal of truth, for though his characters do act
extravagantly, madly, almost, still their basis is firm enough underneath... The
Brothers Karamazov... made a deep impression on me... he created some
unforgettable scenes [detail]... Madness you may call it, but therein may be the
secret of his genius... I prefer the word exaltation, exaltation which can merge
into madness, perhaps. In fact all great men have had that vein in them; it was
the source of their greatness; the reasonable man achieves nothing." -- James
Joyce

Then I saw this:

"This text refers to the Kindle Edition of this book."

WHAT? HOW DID THEY GET JAMES JOYCE A KINDLE EDITION OF THIS BOOK TO REVIEW? That's amazing. He's been dead for almost 70 years and now he's reviewing books on his Kindle. Neat. Maybe he'll give an endorsement for my book! I'll have to ask Amazon about that....

Darth Vader in Love

I debated putting this up a few months ago. My friend Alan sent it to me again this week and I still thought it was funny. So, here you go: Darth Vader in love.

Philosophy Talk: Literature and Philosophy

As I was on my way to the grocery store last night I heard part of a radio show called "Philosophy Talk" which was discussing the relationship between Literature and Philosophy. It was a great discussion, but I didn't get to hear it all because I had to take a break and actually buy groceries in the middle.

It was a helpful show, though, as I've been thinking through how best to explain my book, which is both fiction and theology. I'm planning to listen to the rest of the show later. Here's a link if you want to hear it: http://www.philosophytalk.org/pastShows/PhilosophyandLiterature.htm

Daddy's Little Girl

It seems that Baby M's Mikalatos genes are already kicking in. I was teasing her about not being able to walk yet at 2 weeks old and she gave me this look.

The Age of Dragonflies

Riding in the car a few days ago, my daughter A was reading about dragonflies. Then she piped up with this:

A: Dad! This says that dragonflies first came on the Earth 300 million years ago.

Me: Oh yeah?

A: But I don't think that's right!

Me: Why not?

A: Because God made dragonflies. And he's been around a lot longer than 300 million years!

Return of the Mormons

My neighbor across the street, Derek, was standing out on his porch talking to the new Mormon missionaries assigned to our neighborhood. After a while I decided to wander over and say hello. I learned a few things (like when you're excommunicated from the LDS church you can still go to services but you're not allowed to pay tithes... weird). I asked about the second heaven that's so great that if we could see it now we'd kill ourselves to go there... and so long as you've been a good person that's where you get to go. One of the guys said, "Well, that's not really true, that rumor gets around but that's not really true." I told him that the person who told me that was the last missionary assigned to the neighborhood and he said, "Well, it's true but widely misunderstood." Oh.

The most special moment was as everyone was getting ready to leave Derek said, "Matt's an author." And then a minute later he said, "Tell them the name of your book, Matt."

Me: "Imaginary Jesus."

And then there was a long, awkward pause. Then I explained that it wasn't a book against Jesus.

Mormons: You should come to our church for services sometime.

News from My Neighborhood: The Jehovah Witnesses are Here

This morning I went out to my car to get something (okay, okay, my kids left their hairbrush in the car and couldn't find it themselves). As I bent over, rummaging through the detritus of accumulated child life in the back seat, a strange male voice floated over to me and said good morning.

I stood up and saw a man who had apparently just arrived from attending church in the 1950s. Next to him was a lady wearing a lovely floral dress to compliment his suit. He began, as I recall, by asking me if I had my Saturday chores all planned out. I told him we had a new baby and therefore wouldn't be doing chores. We exchanged baby related pleasantries.

I turned back to the car and bid them a good morning, and the man called for my attention once more so that he could show me a copy of the Watchtower, which would guide me through my confusion about the Bible by giving me a reading plan. Then he showed me how you could cut it out along the dotted lines. I liked how he assumed that I both wanted to read the Bible and also that I found it intimidating and difficult.

I told him that I didn't need his magazine, but thanks. He asked, "Are you a Bible reader yourself?" I told him yes. He asked if I had a special Bible verse for being a father. I wasn't sure what he meant. He said a special verse I went to as a father. I scratched my head and told him that so far as I knew they were all equally special and I hadn't really singled any out for special duty to me as a father. He quickly agreed and said good-bye.

I went out a minute later and they had moved on to our Russian neighbors, who never get up that early in the morning. At this time of the morning the father usually answers the door in his shorts. Then they went to the next neighbor down. He's deaf, and they seemed discouraged when no one answered. They got in their car (which, strangely, had two more JWs inside) and left the neighborhood.

I was a little disappointed that I didn't have the energy to engage in a lively conversation with them. Oh well. I'm sure they'll be back.

The Sassifier

We're learning a lot of new lessons with the a baby in the house for the first time in six years. Baby M took a pacifier for the first time yesterday... Z never took one at all, so I was glad to see that she might take one. When A saw her take it she said, "Hey! I thought you said that M didn't like sassifiers!"

And suddenly it all made sense. My kids never took pacifiers, which would have, one assumes, pacified them. No. They were using sassifiers. Which is why they are so sassy.

Now Krista and I know what to do when the kids are getting a little edgy with us. Confiscate the sassifiers.

Wonderful Wednesday: Powerbocking

Powerbocking is essentially jumping stilts. The guy who invented them had been studying kangaroo biology.

Here's what I made for dinner tonight

This salmon with fresh green beans from our garden, yellow peppers and dill pistou. Made some wild rice to go along with it. Then we went to Burgerville and had some fresh blackberry milkshakes for dessert.

All the adults present seemed to like the meal. Z refused to eat and went to bed hungry. A said she wanted this meal every night, but without the green beans.

An open letter to whomever designs my infant's clothing

Dear Designer:

I realized as I was changing my daughter's clothes this morning at 2 am that you probably don't remember or haven't experienced some of what I am about to describe.

Imagine for a moment that you are suffering from sleep deprivation. Not, I went to a party and stayed out late laughing with my friends sleep deprivation, but I woke to a hungry mouth calling from somewhere in my house (just like an hour ago) and this is going to keep happening for several days in a row sort of sleep deprivation.

Now imagine that as a result your manual dexterity has declined and that you have to be careful when, for instance, picking up a pillow that you don't somehow break it or rip it into shreds because your hands seem to ignore your brain's directions.

And speaking of brains, let's imagine that your mental acuity has suffered as well and you find yourself saying things like "I'm glad it's April finally" and just assuming that everyone will figure out that you meant "That other month that starts with an A". Pretend that it takes you upwards of two hours to even realize that you said April instead of the word you meant, and the only way you figure it out at all is because someone at the time decided to mess with you and said, "Yup, can't wait for Easter."

Now imagine that it's two in the morning and your kid has just emitted some sort of fluid onto her clothing and needs to change again, for the sixth time this day, and that as you try to get her little pajamas on you realize that this outfit like too many others has SNAPS! NOOOOOOO! WHy not a zipper? WHy seventeen snaps? And why is it that no matter how carefully you try to make sure that you get them all snapped, at the end of the pajama you're one snap off and are left a strange wrinkle mocking you and saying that you somehow missed the other piece? How many minutes have I spent staring at the pajamas and telling my brain you can do this, you can figure this out?

Of course, the sheer waste of time involved in me staring at the pajamas as if it were the Sunday New York Times Crossword puzzle is counter-balanced by the enormous amount of time I am awake in the day. So I guess we have that going for us.

But in conclusion, I would like to encourage you to contact your R and D department and suggest that they put a lot of work into designing some sort of clothing that would actually crawl onto children on command.

Sincerely,

Matt

In the House of God Forever

As I drove across the vast, nearly endless plains states on my way home from Colorado, a bank of dark clouds stretched away to my south, like a dark companion without beginning or end. A hole formed in the underside of the cloud at an angle that allowed me to see through it and up to the clear blue sky above. And I could see through that brief window that above the clouds there was the bright arc of a rainbow.

The stereo hummed along and soft voices began to sing wordlessly in gentle harmony, giving the whole scene a soundtrack that underscored its unique beauty. The thoughts of a covenant sign hidden by darkness but revealed as a promise of safety came to me, and then the voices that filled the car sang these words:

God is my shepherd
I won't be wanting
I won't be wanting.
He makes me rest
In fields of green
With quiet streams.

Even though I walk
Through the valley
Of death and dying
I will not fear
'cause you are with me
You are with me.

Your shepherd staff
Comforts me.
You are my feast
In the presence of enemies
Surely goodness
Will follow me
Follow me
In the house of God
Forever.

McGruff the Crime Dog says, DON'T DO DRUGS!

We're all moved in back home today... probably put up more pictures, etc. later sometime when we catch our breath. I will say that the new medical lingo referring to this time with a newborn as the "fourth trimester" is either mathematically challenged or purposely doing violence to our language.

Tonight I was getting Krista's pills out and A asked me something.

"Just a minute," I said to A, "I have to get Mom's drugs."

She looked at me intensely and said, "DRUGS?!"

In about three seconds every anti-drug advertisement and cartoon I had ever seen flew through my brain... from an egg representing my brain and on through the musical stylings of McGruff the Crime Dog.

"Uh," I said. "I meant medicine."

A looked at me skeptically. "Then why did you say drugs?"

"Some medicines can also be called drugs," I said.

And then she gave me the most withering look of pure disappointment. As if to say, Dad, I thought I raised you better than that.

Angel On A Train

John C. Wright, science fiction writer, former atheist, gentleman and (gasp) Christian has posted a free short story on his blog. You can read it here. It's the story of a man who discovers an incognito angel about to board a train and decides to buy a ticket to the same destination....

Baby M comes to stay

Our new baby was scheduled for August 7th, a planned C-section. We thought we had time to prepare. Yesterday we were talking about how we weren't quite ready -- and then Krista's water broke. A scene of film-worthy mayhem insued as I threw whatever I could lay hands

on into the van, half thinking we would get to the hospital and they would say it was some sort of mistake. But, no, within two hours I was giving our little one a bath:

She was born at 11:42 last night, and weighed eight pounds and just over an ounce. She's 19.75 inches long and she's gorgeous.

I got to wear this space suit for the momentous occasion. The doctor used to be a veterinarian and he performed a ridiculously fast surgery. I asked why he tied a cord onto the bar near Krista's head and one of the nurses told me it was because he was used to doing c-sections without any help.

Krista is doing great... much better than I've seen her do in previous deliveries. The staff here have been excellent. Krista hasn't gotten much sleep yet, but hopefully that's coming soon.

We let A come over in the middle of the night last night, and she was thrilled to meet her little sister. Z is at summer camp, so we called her this morning to share the joyous news. SHe was disappointed to miss the birth but said it was amazing to know she had a new little sister.

I'm so thankful to have a healthy new daughter, and that Krista is doing well also. We see Baby M as our miracle child... after two miscarriages our pastor preached on healing, and another one of the pastors prayed for us to be able to have another child... and here she is! Thanks to everyone for all your prayers and your friendship.

We'll be in the hospital at least through Friday... we'll keep you updated!

Wonderful Wednesday: We Will Love Watermelon! It is too cute for you!

Imaginary Jesus tagline CHAMPIONS!

Friends, I had a great deal of fun reading your entries into the Imaginary Jesus Tagline Contest. I naively thought there would be one spectacular entry that would trump all others, but I was mistaken. There were many excellent entries and after a lot of vicious indecision, I've come up with a list of my top three favorites, all of whom will receive the prize package... a free, signed copy, mention in the acknowledgments and my gratitude.

Here they are, in the order they were received:

1) "Imaginary Jesus: beyond the flannelboard" from Janet O. I like the Sunday School reference which reminds me of a lot of my childhood experience of Jesus. I have a soft spot in my heart for flannelboards. Also puppets.

2) Sam said... Imaginary Jesus: Hot pursuit of the most popular man who never existed. I think what I like about this one is "the most popular man who never existed." I like the irony of it.

3) I'm guessing we could never use this one, but it made me laugh so hard that I had to give Kyle a shout out and a free book. Kyle Collins said... Imaginary Jesus: De-robing the Messiah. That's so wrong that it is a sort of classic.

So, congratulations Janet, Sam and Kyle. The book comes out in April, so enjoy your long wait. As for the rest of you, lots of excellent entries... I've been talking with the people at Tyndale and I think we're going to have more contests in the months to come. Keep your eyes peeled (eww).

Cheese in SPAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

I couldn't resist linking to cheese in space.

The chairman of the endeavor says, "It seemed appropriate... that we should mark the anniversary of the first moo-n landing with a giant leap for cheesekind."

I am a little disappointed that no rockets are involved, so I have included the photo at left.

Photo via midiman.

Imaginary Jesus tagline winners announced tomorrow!

I have the tagline contest whittled down to the final round, and by tomorrow I will announce the winners! There are plenty of good ones to choose from, but I do have my favorites.

Stay tuned....

They used to get more love

There's a great article in the NYT this weekend about the search for a gender-neutral singular pronoun and the rise and fall and rise again of the plural pronoun as a solution to that problem. If you enjoy language, trivia or social and cultural insights, I think you'll find this article interesting.

It was interesting learning to speak a little Chinese, because in the spoken language there is no differentiation made between he/she. Everybody is ta, male or female. Ta went to the market. Learning the gender pronouns in English took some time for our Asian friends, so we would occasionally be treated to sentences like, "My boyfriend is coming to visit this weekend. She is very wonderful."

An interesting sidenote is that while in Chinese there is no differentiation whatsoever in the pronoun used for he, she or it, the written language does have that distinction: 他(he), 她 (she), 它(it), all three pronounced ta.

Robots: "How to Serve Man (the cookbook)"

Yes, the very popular EATR robot has been recently released. It can devour biomass. Rumor is that it can eat human flesh.

But no, says Robot Technology Inc. “We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission,” stated Harry Schoell, Cyclone’s CEO in a recent press release.

No, I suspect that mission belongs to another robot technology department. Besides, the military would probably not name a flesh eating robot "EATR" they would name it something like "SAM" or "NUMBER 5" or "WALL-e".

At last, something from my childhood movies is becoming reality. I may not have a rocket car or a jet pack, but thank God there will be Robot Vampires. Yay!

I know what you are wondering: Matt, how do you feel about the impending robot revolution?

Answer: Does not compute.

Wonderful Wednesday: Japanese Manhole Covers

Now it's time to celebrate Japanese painted manhole covers!

Let us also celebrate their fire hydrants!

It's only rock and roll but I like it

An interesting article in the Oregonian yesterday about Portland-based artists who specialize in rock and roll poster art, including people like Mike King, Guy Burwell and Emek.

I want one of these guys to make a cool rock show type poster for the release of Imaginary Jesus and then I'll ship them out to people and we'll put them up on telephone poles. It will be awesome. Now I just have to steel myself for the inevitable discovery that it costs lots and lots of money to get one of these posters made. Right?

In other cool art news, Sarah from Tyndale (she will be famous by the time my book finally gets published) sent me some cover ideas for Imaginary Jesus. There are five concept covers right now, one of which is my hands down, all around, can't see how other people wouldn't pick it first favorite. Krista would choose that one as number four or five.

Anyway, sometime this week we'll spend some time discussing the cover concepts and hopefully move toward some sort of consensus between me, Sarah From Tyndale, Wes The Agent, Nancy The Publicity Person and Whomever Else gets a say.

The traditional airport post

Here I am at the Denver airport with Krista and the kids, racing them home for a couple of days before returning to CO for our conference on Tuesday. I haven't seen the typical aberrant behavior at the airport that allows me to write entertaining posts so I will just have to make stuff up, I guess.

Z woke up in the middle of the night not feeling well, so we're traveling with a sick kid. I bought my ticket using miles and through some weird fluke of airline pricing I got a first class ticket for the number of points as an economy ticket would have been. I lovingly gave that ticket to my wife, though, because I thought that when an eight and half months pregnant woman is flying she should be treated like royalty. I'll be with the kids in the back, which should be fun.

Okay, off to the races. Have a great day, minions.

Last Chance

Today's the last day to enter the Imaginary Jesus tagline contest! So send your best, wackiest, worst and goofiest ideas in now!

Or else!

Let us now praise awesome dinosaurs!

Strange Horizons is an online, weekly speculative fiction magazine.

All of which is unnecessary prelude to the fact that you must read LET US NOW PRAISE AWESOME DINOSAURS! It is the story of Martian dinosaurs come to earth to do stunt car racing. No, really.

It starts off with a dinosaur trying to buy a handgun....

And, like many good things on this blog, I came across this via boingboing.

Wonderful Wednesday: Pomegranates

Some people say that the "Fruit of the Knowledge of Good and Evil" in the Garden of Eden was actually a pomegranate. I buy it. I think Adam and Eve took a bite and blood red juice got all over them and stained their skin.

Grenades are named after them.

It's also the inspiration for the best phone ever. I don't know if you can get it in the States yet.

One issue: don't you think it should be spelled "pomagranite"?

Superman vs the cops

Friend of the Revolution Ken sent us this link to a story about Superman using brute force against New York City police officers.

As always, Batman used his superior intelligence to sit nearby, handcuffed to a lawn chair.

Oh, Superman... it has all gone downhill for you since "Superman Lives."

On the bright side, that cop that is putting the cuffs on is going to be famous.

Soda, Pop, or Coke?

Stumbled on a weird and wonderful blog today that puts up strange maps and then comments on them in detail... everything from a Russian thinker's future US map (for after our financial collapse) to a map like the one above... detailing by color where people prefer to call soft drinks "soda" or "pop" or "coke." Click on the map for a closer look, it's well worth it.

Obviously the correct term is soda. But I grew up in California, so maybe that's just my cultural bias showing. Feel free to leave a comment defending your own preference.

Web Site Story

My sister Dawn sent me a note to check out this video, and I thought it was great enough to pass along to all of you. We talked for a while about the uses of technology and this is one of them... to create a video that looks like it's from the 1950's that talks about today's technology in the form of a traditional muscial:

I have a weak spot in my heart for comedy musicals.

Can't stop thinking about Japan

This is rice paddy art. It's made by planting different colors of plants in the rice paddy fields so that it makes a recognizable pattern. Certain areas of Japan are famous for their elaborate ones (like the samurai above, which is on display this year).


I had no idea about this until I read about it in Boingboing yesterday.

Imaginary Jesus tagline contest rules addendum

Sarah Atkinson, one of the acquisitions editors at Tyndale, talked with me yesterday about the Imaginary Jesus tagline contest.

She started by saying, "I have a bone to pick with you." I suddenly realized that I hadn't talked with anyone at Tyndale about my little contest. Uh-oh.

Then she said, "What do I get if I win the contest?"

I said, "The same thing as anyone else." Because she should really read the whole post instead of skimming, that's what I say.

But she pointed out that the likelihood that she would receive a signed copy anyway was pretty high since she's working on the book and I'll be crossing paths with her at various conferences and events in the future. I told her that I wasn't some pushover author that would just cave and give copies to someone just because they were pushy acquisitions editors. But she pointed out that she could probably wear me down eventually.

So I have to add this addendum to the rules: "If the winner of the contest doesn't want the other prizes listed, they may choose to receive instead an original Matt Mikalatos hand-drawn picture of a pony or unicorn. In color."

The End.

Rad full scale Gundam

I keep forgetting to post about this rad full scale Gundam model in Japan. My friend Alan sent me this link a while back. Neat!

Imaginary Jesus tag line competition -- tell your friends

The Contest:

We're working on a tag line for Imaginary Jesus (coming to bookstores near you in April 2010). Basically, in this contest I'm asking you to throw out your best ideas for a tag line. I'm looking for something clever and catchy that sort of sums up everything about the book. You can see a basic "back of the book" type description here. Here are some thoughts by someone about tag lines in general. I'm looking for a quick phrase that is humorous and sharpens the reader's expectation beyond what the title implies. A few examples:

Imaginary Jesus: Real as a Unicorn

Imaginary Jesus: The best friend you never knew you had.

Or preferably something better than those.

Rules:

1) Enter by posting your tag line idea in the comments section of this post. Post as many as you like.

2) I'll need some way to get ahold of you if you win. So anonymous, contact-less entries won't get a prize even if they win. YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE A BLOGGER ACCOUNT TO LEAVE A COMMENT! And if you want to send me your contact info, post your comment and then write me at matt.mikalatos(at)gmail.com.

3) It has to be original and it has to be yours. So taglines like "In space no one can hear you scream" or "Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh what a relief it is!" don't count. I guess you can post them just to be funny though, you sick, sick people.

4) Deadline for entries is July 17th, because that's my birthday and because I say so.

5) No whining if it takes a while to announce a winner, because I'm learning that the publishing world spins a little slower than the world outside. Whiners automatically forfeit all rights except for those specifically granted under the Magna Carta of 1215.

6) All entries must be type-written.

7) It's a tag line, not a poetry contest. Keep it short. Haiku length or shorter.

The Prize:

It's a three parter. TO THE WINNER GOES THE SPOILS! ONE, your name in the acknowledgements of the book itself. TWO, a copy of Imaginary Jesus signed by the author (when it comes out of course). THREE, my gratitude. I will even write a thank you note to you.

Of course you also get bragging rights, but that goes without saying.

Now get to work, people.

Legal Stuff:

Okay, I'm not a lawyer but just so you know this contest is illegal wherever such contests are illegal, and is not sponsored by Tyndale, Barna Books, Campus Crusade for Christ or anyone associated with those organizations. Final determination of who wins goes to moi (moi = Matt Mikalatos) and whomever I might choose to include in said determination. Moi reserves the right not to use a tag line, to use multiple tag lines or to use a tag line not generated by this contest. By leaving a comment and/or tagline here you are giving permission for it to be used in the publication and publicity of all kinds for Imaginary Jesus. Forever. In the whole universe. And other dimensions. Even other dimensions where, perhaps, you are evil instead of the pleasant, reasonable person whom you appear to be here in our dimension. Please remember that in the end this is all for fun. It's not like I'm promising, for instance, to make you the poet laureate of a laureate-less state.

The Fireworks Song: Happy 4th of July!

Please enjoy this video from Rhett and Link, celebrating the heroes of American Firework History:

LIghtning Safety Tips

Today a bunch of us from Xtrack went up into the Soapstone Prairie Natural Area to help the city of Fort Collins with weed control. There's an invasive species of weed and we were just the people to help get to the root of the problem.

Toward the end of the day a storm appeared on the horizon and a low grumble of thunder echoed across the prairie. Pat, our guide, immediately told us to grab out stuff and head for the van. We all made some jokes but he started telling us that lightning could strike from several miles away, and that we should spread out and not run and that several people die from lightning strikes every day. He didn't care for our jokes about lightning.

This suddenly reminded me of when I was in an earthquake in Seattle and people kept saying things like, "SHOULDN'T WE RUN OUTSIDE?" Which, of course, you should not. Then I looked down at the street afterward and people were walking around looking up into the sky. As if the earthquake had somehow come from the sky.

I decided that -- as a service to all the other non-Coloradoans living in Fort Collins this summer -- I would publish the strange and unfamiliar rules of lightning as found at the National Lightning Safety Institute.

Personal Lightning Safety Tips

1. PLAN in advance your evacuation and safety measures. When you first see lightning or hear thunder, activate your emergency plan. Now is the time to go to a building or a vehicle. Lightning often precedes rain, so don't wait for the rain to begin before suspending activities.

2. IF OUTDOORS...Avoid water. Avoid the high ground. Avoid open spaces. Avoid all metal objects including electric wires, fences, machinery, motors, power tools, etc. Unsafe places include underneath canopies, small picnic or rain shelters, or near trees. Where possible, find shelter in a substantial building or in a fully enclosed metal vehicle such as a car, truck or a van with the windows completely shut. If lightning is striking nearby when you are outside, you should:

A. Crouch down. Put feet together. Place hands over ears to minimize hearing damage from thunder.

B. Avoid proximity (minimum of 15 ft.) to other people.

3. IF INDOORS... Avoid water. Stay away from doors and windows. Do not use the telephone. Take off head sets. Turn off, unplug, and stay away from appliances, computers, power tools, & TV sets. Lightning may strike exterior electric and phone lines, inducing shocks to inside equipment.

4. SUSPEND ACTIVITIES for 30 minutes after the last observed lightning or thunder.

5. INJURED PERSONS do not carry an electrical charge and can be handled safely. Apply First Aid procedures to a lightning victim if you are qualified to do so. Call 911 or send for help immediately.

6. KNOW YOUR EMERGENCY TELEPHONE NUMBERS.

Teach this safety slogan:

"If you can see it, flee it; if you can hear it, clear it."