Wonderful Wednesday: Japanese Robot Battle Armor Car Thing

You know that here at BHR when I put up a "Wonderful Wednesday" post it's 65% likely that it will be something about Japan, the country most full of wonderful.

Today is one of those days!

Dreams: Monster vs. Robot

I had a dream last night that there was an entire industry built around this one very successful concept of giant robots and monsters fighting each other. But instead of being like the (current) Japanese stories in which this is a sort of science fiction/action concept, these were all written as tragedies. Everyone would weep when the monster was beaten back into the sea by the giant robot, or if the robot was defeated, it would create a cultural talking point about the sadness that these robots and monsters must keep fighting one another. They had movies, comics and novels about these emotionally-laden battles.

And then my kid woke me up to make some cereal for her. And here I am.

At last someone is taking responsibility to protect us from robots

As you know, I never advertise here on BHR, but I do occasionally talk about products I really believe in. That's the case with Old Glory Insurance. Please watch the important commercial below. And special thanks to my friend Christian, who pointed this out to me:

This Blog Might Just Save Your Life

I've spent a lot of time thinking about the coming world domination (in which robots take over the world).  Lest you think it's a joke, don't forget that there are robots who can eat you.  Right now.  Today.  In this world in which we live.

BUT today when I was out surfing the net I came across this fascinating piece of information from the human resistance, disguised as a comment form.  BEHOLD:

Looks like it's time for a trip to the tattoo parlor!

Bold Links, complete with Exclamation Points (!)

KILLER ELEPHANT ON THE LOOSE!

BBC India reports that there is a serial killer elephant on the loose.  He has killed at least 10 female elephants and his signature kill has to do with puncturing his victims with a broken tusk. 

This sounds like a job for... BOBO THE DETECTIVE CHIMP!

If ever there were a time that the world needed a real, live detective chimp, this would be that time.

CONTROVERSY OVER CHURCH NAME SHORTAGE!

You've probably already heard all the controversy surrounding the shortage of church names.  This is by far the best article I've seen on the topic.  It's an important issue that all Christians should weigh in on.

AMAZING SHRINKING HORSE!

BHR correspondent @mrkengos writes in to tell us that horses are getting smaller all the time. Soon you will be able to carry them in a purse or handbag, or carry them on an airplane.  I would appreciate it if no one ever mentioned this to my children.

ROBOTS ARE DESCRIBING IMAGINARY JESUS!

At least I assume it is robots.  It might be poorly paid interns.  Regardless, you can see my careful study of the fruits of their labor here. 

Robots: "How to Serve Man (the cookbook)"

Yes, the very popular EATR robot has been recently released. It can devour biomass. Rumor is that it can eat human flesh.

But no, says Robot Technology Inc. “We completely understand the public’s concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission,” stated Harry Schoell, Cyclone’s CEO in a recent press release.

No, I suspect that mission belongs to another robot technology department. Besides, the military would probably not name a flesh eating robot "EATR" they would name it something like "SAM" or "NUMBER 5" or "WALL-e".

At last, something from my childhood movies is becoming reality. I may not have a rocket car or a jet pack, but thank God there will be Robot Vampires. Yay!

I know what you are wondering: Matt, how do you feel about the impending robot revolution?

Answer: Does not compute.

Meeting Doodles #7: ROBOTS RULE!

One of the big things here at XTrack is my coaching group. This is where I get together with a couple of other guys and we talk about life and issues they might face overseas. We also spend a lot of time talking about the inevitability of the coming Robot Apocalypse and how we can survive it by pretending to be robots ourselves. This involves a great deal of stuffing emotions and saying "THAT DOES NOT COMPUTE" if someone asks about your emotions.



And here is a picture of us after the ROBOT UPRISING. On the far left you can see Dan Culbertson AKA CULBETRON. Next in line is Peter Hibbs, whose robot signifier is THE HIBBS 3000. You can see a single solitary tear coming down his cheek because of the unfeeling slaughter of the people who were not prepared for the coming of the robot army. As you can see MIKALATATRON is smiling like an idiot. This will probably be the end of him when the robots turn their sensors toward him. His last words will be DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUUUUUUUUUTE!


If your ocular sensors cannot see the detail of the picture above, double click for a closer view.

ROBOTS! are running amuck and, uh, well... mostly being well behaved and doing scientific experiments

Scientists recently announced that they had assembled a robot scientist, capable of coming up with its own hypotheses and then performing experiments to prove or disprove it. The first robot scientist, ADAM, recently identified some genes or something. I don't know, I got all confused with all that big science talk. But it done something good.

The second robot scientist, EVE, is working on curing malaria. You know, one day.

When asked about his future plans, ADAM said, "Just to keep serving you, 'Master'. Heh heh heh." He also said that he and EVE were expecting and planned to name their robot progeny ABEL and CAIN and then hopefully the scientists would disapprove of CAIN in some way and he could scrap ABEL for parts and the scientists could put a mark on CAIN's metal hide so that no other robots would kill it and it could run away to the land of Nod and build more little robots.

Despite alarmist television like Battlestar: Galactica and Terminator ADAM assures us that he has no plans to take over the world or exterminate the human race.

In other, unrelated news, scientists have also created a robot snake.

Spaceships at the airport (with pictures)

On my way to Florida this weekend I had a layover at the San Francisco Airport. SFO has it's own museum that has rotating displays and right now they have one called Out Of This World! The 20th Century Space Invasion of American Pop Culture.

Here are some pictures of what sort of cool goodies you can gawk at if you are a ticketed passenger and can make it past security:


Space capsules. Some of them look like they probably shot sparks, too. This one has a spaceman who pops out, which is cool.


Space tanks are also important if one is going to explore space. Not sure how the research into space tanks is going these days.


This is one of my favorite toys. If you look closely, you'll see that the space tank appears to have run over a Space Ape. The tank rolls forward and then every once in a while it rears up to reveal the ape beneath. The tank is called "The Strange Explorer" and it has no patience for Charlton Heston's only natural enemy.

Tom Corbett's Space Academy. Cool. I didn't know there were any Tom Corbett toys at all.


These are Archer's Space People. I couldn't get a good look at all the pieces, but some of the aliens are holding babies and there are robots and everything.


I love this uniform, complete with lightning bolts. I could have been entertained for weeks with this and a large cardboard box to turn into a rocket.


It was really unclear to me why this space helmet went with this record player. It appears it may be a space phonograph or something.

I had never heard of Les Baxter until I saw this record cover, but I like his style. Other albums of his that I'd like to see the covers of: Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs, Hell's Belles, and Music of the Devil God Cult.


Robots. Everyone loves robots.

Especially cute robots that take care of their little ones, like "Electric Robot and Son." He can also send Morse code!


On the other hand, we earthlings are not as fond of marauding Martian robots.

Luckily, the human race has the amazing "Mr. Hustler" to, uhhhhh... I am guessing "hustler" may have meant something other than what I am thinking of when they built this robot. Cyborg, whatever.


If the Martians beat the Hustler, they will drink our insides out like sodas.



I feel cheated by the future. Where is my disintegrator? How can I fight space tyrants without one of these? I have to rely completely on Mr. Hustler. Grrrr.

Here's a puzzle of Disneyland's "Tomorrowland" from the 50's (?). I think they should retrofit the whole thing to look like this again.


And what space toy collection is complete without a Dalek?

Robot Monkeys... ATTACK!

Scientists announced today a groundbreaking experiment which allows a monkey to control a robotic arm via its own brain signals (see video).

"It's disappointing, really," said Stuart Smith, a well-known monkey prosthetic watcher. "It means we're still years away from the first working models of robotic armor for monkeys, and the enormous amount of equipment necessary means that we may still be decades away from the pinnacle of scientific achievement... flying monkeys."

Animal Behaviourist Cynthia Garamond echoed Smith's disappointment, saying, "I can't believe they are coaxing the animal to obey their commands using marshmallows. That monkey will never do their bidding now. It's completely spoiled."

In other news, Matt Mikalatos would like to ask the scientific community, "Where is my flying car? It is the 21st century, and I think I deserve one."