Tuesday, March 31, 2009

News from My Neighborhood: Airplane Edition!

Our trip home today was essentially uneventful.

In the Air But Need More Air. Except for the woman who collapsed and needed oxygen in the first couple of hours, causing calls for doctors over the intercom. They eventually laid her out in the galley and left her there.

Criminal Economy. Then there was some sort of inexplicable crime committed toward the back of the plane, which caused the police to be waiting for us when we arrived. That crime happened far back in the bowels of the dreaded and frightening "economy" section of the plane so we from "Economy Plus" aren't even sure what happened.

The Day the Earth -- YAWN -- uh, Stood... ZZzzzz. Also I made the mistake of watching the Keanu Reeves version of "The Day the Earth Stood Still." I would like to say that this is the worst movie of all time. The only thing preventing me from saying this is that I have not seen all the movies of the future yet. And let me just share this (***SPOILERS***)... poor Gort. Klatuu barata niktu! The next time genocidal aliens bent on erradicating the human race arrive on earth, please call Will Smith. Also, please don't try to tell me they are the good guys.

Eavesdropping With Matt: Please. Make. It. Stop. Two middle-aged wannabe Lotharios rendezvoused behind our seats to talk ad nauseum and longer about bars around the world and the women they (supposedly) met there. It never ended. I prayed for the seatbelt sign to come on so that an attendant would come shoehorn them back into their seats. But no, these guys had to talk on and on about Vegas, Australia, Thailand. If it went on much longer I was going to turn around and shout GET A GRIP YOU ARE FORTY YEARS OLD AND IT'S TIME TO GET A LIFE! But instead I just used my psychic powers to send them the following message: move along, move along, you are getting your sad lonely life all over the people around you. Then I put on my MP3 player and tried to drown them out. Then the seatbelt light came on! Yay!

D'escalator. As we moved (finally) toward customs in Los Angeles, Krista and I decided to take the stairs instead of the escalator. As we came to the bottom a horrendous crashing and sceams of people falling down the escalator with their luggage. Quick, I told Krista, we need to get away from the people on our flight. Everyone was fine from the Great Escalator Fall as was evidenced by the sound of the Wannabe Lotharios chatting about bars in Los Angeles behind us. RUN AWAY!

Jiggety Jig. It was a sweet moment to arrive home to the cold, wet air of Portland. We love you Australia, but it was great to see our kids again (and Mom and Dad and Janet)! Z and A are requesting blood oaths that if ever we return to Australia they will somehow be with us. We put the little monkeys to bed tonight with the old familiar rituals of story times and songs and it was really wonderful. Glad to be home to the Old Neighborhood.