Thursday, July 21, 2011

40 Day Fast Day Seventeen: Reacting and Overreacting

You're nuts!
Gauging my emotional responses is difficult after two weeks with no food. Undoubtedly, there have been some rough things going on today... I'm in the middle of two international crises with work, and I had a pretty big fight with a close friend and co-worker, someone I rarely even disagree with. All of this works out to a big emotional mess (ironic given yesterday's post about feeling overly relaxed). The big question is: am I overreacting? The fact is that I have no way to tell. My current reactions feel completely justified and "normal." But I have this sneaking suspicion that if I were eating I wouldn't be reacting so strongly.

Fasting has this way of bringing out the "true me." Maybe I could hold it together and act like everything is fine if I were fat and happy, full of food, rested, rich and young. But I'm not, and not-so-deep-down I'm having an emotional crisis in response to my current situation. I don't think it's going to be alright. I don't think all will be wonderful in a few days (okay, to be honest, even in the midst of all this I'm still an optimist and I actually DO think it's all going to be alright... but I don't FEEL like it's going to be alright).

My lovely wife, as always, has an excellent suggestion: she said I need a day with the Lord. She often suggests this when I'm having a rough time, probably because experience shows that it helps!

And, lastly, I'm making a lunch appointment with someone I don't know, and it is awkward deciding whether to tell him that I'm fasting. I hate to come across like it's a big deal, and I hate to even mention it. But it's sort of one of those things that I need to do before the fast is over... sigh. I'm sure it will be fine. Because everything is always fine eventually. Right? Right? Am I right?