Thursday, November 06, 2008

The name game

You may have heard that UK youth George Garratt has changed his name to Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined.

Let us think about this critically. First of all, the Flash is clearly the fastest hero in this list, despite the occasional farcical race in which Superman ties him (yes, that's right, I am referring to Superman #199 and Flash #175). Let's be honest, here, the Barry Allen Flash could run at speeds approaching the speed of light... so that's pretty fast. Superman is a close second. However, Batman is an ordinary human being. So his speed would drastically lower the average. In fact, none of the others can come remotely near the speed of light. If we combined these six heroes together they would scarcely be able to break the sound barrier.

I will mention, however, that I had a small white stuffed cat in high school that we named using the same technique that Captain Fantastic Faster than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined used. His name was Lyle Kyle Roscoe Shane Fuzzy Thing Jelly Doughnut Bat-cat Psycho Brain Gush.

P.S. Poor Captain Fantastic spelled his own name wrong. It's "Spider-Man" not "Spiderman." That's just sad for him.


  1. I had not heard about the crazy Brit who added himself to the list of "Weird People Who Do Strange Things Which They Will Inevitable Regret Later." But it seems to me that what he's aiming for in saying, "combined" is the sum total of all their speeds. As in, "Flash, but with the minimal speeds of all these other guys thrown in which makes me just a hair faster than the Flash." He might have said instead, "Captain Fantastic, twice as fast as Flash." But maybe he was acting on impulse. Or possibly he was drunk when he thought of the name.

  2. I think that if your name is going to be that long, you might as well take the time to clearly spell out what you mean, like thus:

    Captain Fantastic Faster than The Flash, Batman (ETC.) By Which I Mean Faster Than Their Linearly Added Speeds, Not The Speed At Which They Could All Achieve If Running Simultaneously.

    I'm told his friends just call him "Captain." So there's that to consider.