Monday, January 31, 2011

Flame Off: Marvel Murders the Human Torch

I suppose that technically it isn't Marvel killing the Human Torch AKA Johnny Storm. Technically it's a big bunch of killer insect things that are trying to get his niece and nephew. With the last words, "Call me the Human Bug Zapper" Johnny heroically saves his relatives and loses his life.

This is a picture of the Fantastic Four. Try to guess which one is the Human Torch.
Well, since I'm a geek from way back, I'm sure many of you are coming to my blog to grieve the loss of The Human Torch and hoping I can give you some context for this terrible tragedy. And that is what I will do. Allow me to remind you that superheroes don't stay dead. It's not allowed.

What's that you say? You want more than that? Oh fine. Since I'm a professional writer, I did some research, called the Writer's Guild Of Insider Information and came up with the TOP SECRET plans for the Fantastic Four in the wake of the Human Torch's passing (my informant would like to stay anonymous). SPOILERS GALORE. But here are the three story arcs that will lead to the triumphant return of the Human Torch in 2012.

1) TORCH SONG: Increasingly distraught over the death of her brother, the Invisible Woman has descended into a depression she can't seem to shake out of. The Thing takes it upon himself to bring heroes from all over the Marvel Universe to share their stories of the Human Torch.

2) ETERNAL FLAME: Trying to assuage his own guilt for allowing The Human Torch to die defending his children, Reed Richards (Mr. Fantastic)begins looking into alternate time lines for how he could have done things differently... only to discover that the Human Torch is being systematically removed from every time line. Someone is murdering the Torch in every potential universe in existence. It's a mystery that only the Fantastic Four can get to the bottom of... but not without the help of... KANG THE CONQUEROR!

3) BLAZE OF GLORY: Setting in motion the massive "Scorched Earth" crossover through all the Marvel books (summer 2012), Kang the Conqueror returns from scouring the time lines with five Human Torches, including a familiar Johnny Storm he claims was saved from our own timeline. But why are the Avengers dead set against allowing the Torches to stay on Earth? And what does it all have to do with the sudden rise of cases of spontaneous combustion all over the planet? And how does it all tie in to the machinations of DOCTOR DOOOOOOOOOOOOM?
No one is sure why the Human Torch is being killed.But this picture is said to hold a subtle clue.

And that is all I have to say about that, except to point out that Galactus will almost certainly make a showing.


  1. You mean fictional characters don't have to stay fictionally dead? What kind of fictional world are they living in anyway? No wonder most people live in the real world. Fictional worlds are just too stressful and unpredictable.

  2. pongboy12:59 PM

    Perhaps this would be a good opportunity to introduce a new character: A FEMALE HUMAN TORCH! that should boost comic sales! And let the puns begin: "You're hot!" "You're on fire!" "Smokin'!" "Sssssss!" :D

  3. Anonymous8:46 AM

    I just found this via a search and am now wondering how these arcs will play out, especially since Amazing Spider-Man #657 is titles "Torch song" with Spider-Man recalling stories of Johnny with the surviving FF.

  4. Hey geosray--

    These are just made up by me, but I've been reading comics a long time. It's pretty funny that I got a title and at least a basic idea of a storyline right. Ha ha. Thanks for pointing it out!