A Comedy of Errors

On behalf of my friend Kelley I carried back some small gift items from Asia. I didn't look in the box she gave me, so I was surprised to find that my bag had been pulled off of the conveyor belt and I was ushered into an "examination room". I was told I could not have my boarding pass until there was "resolution" about my bag. Yikes.

The quite lovely TSA lady pointed to the X-ray screen (you know, the one you always look at as you walk through security and wonder how they can tell what anything is), pointed at a long, skinny object and asked, "What is that?"

Me: I don't know.

She: You will have to open the bag, sir.

Me: My friend is sending back gifts to America. I'm not sure what it is.

(I suddenly realize this sounds ridiculous... in this age, not to know what you are carrying for a friend onto an airplane! I see that I am in trouble. She points to the large, sealed cardboard box in my bag. I pull it out and she slits it open and starts unloading the contents... I am curious, too, to discover what this oblong and potentially dangerous object is and start digging through. I find... some chopsticks?)

Me: Is it these?

She (looking at the screen): I am not sure. Are they metal or wood?

Me: I don't know.

(At this point we both bend simultaneously over the bag and knock our heads together.)

She (rubbing her forehead): Okay. Pack it up again.

Me (rubbing my forehead): Is that what it was? The chopsticks.

(She shrugs. Me, too. I go to get my boarding pass.)