Thursday, April 10, 2008

Concerning Selfish First Class Passengers

Krista and I were upgraded into first class on our flight home today. Which has a few advantages, although on a short flight like ours it means you get to drink your ice water out of a glass instead of a plastic cup.

One of the things you'll notice if you ride in first class is that some of the passengers are big jerks. Often this is how they made enough money to ride in first class. Not all first class passengers are this way, of course. But SOMETIMES some mean old man might stand up when it's time to get off the plane and box you in so that you can't move and then put his arm out in front of your wife and block her way so that he can get off the plane before her. Because, you know, being the sixth person off the plane is not good enough for him. And then, as if to prove that he is a complete control-freak idiot he gets off the plane and then stops to tie his shoe and maybe you and your wife pass him.

I know you might find this sort of behavior intimidating, so I've included below a few tips for dealing with those nasty first class customers:

1) If you encounter an aggressive customer in seats 1A or 1B, stare him down, as these are the worst seats and the passenger is actually a "coach" passenger who has been upgraded. If they are in another seat, avoid their gaze at all costs.

2) In both cases, back away slowly; don't run.

3) If you stumble, run and climb a tree. The more aggressive first class passengers are too obese to climb trees.

4) If these tips don't seem to be working, try to stand still until they forget about you.