Thursday, December 08, 2005

Eavesdropping With Matt (Episode One)

Dedicated to the rather large elderly man with the cartoon-hound-dog voice and the red-rimmed eyes on the trans-Pacific flight from Asia to America.

Comment #1 (to the TSA personell at the airport): Why aren't you stopping anyone else? This is totally inappropriate. I am going to write a letter to your airline and get you fired. Why aren't you stopping anyone else? This is the last time I am flying your airline.

TSA officer: (Stony silence as she goes about the grim work of patting him down)

Comment #2 (to the flight attendant; our eavesdroppee sits two rows behind me. I can hear him as well as smell the very powerful medicinal odor of something... I think a throat lozenge): You mut have some room in business class because I am going to get very uncomfortable in these here chairs. They are too small. And I'm going to write a letter about that security woman and get her fired.

Flight attendant: (good-natured laughter)

Comment #2 (cont.): No, I'm serious. Now see what you can do about this here chair.

Comment #3 (to the flight attendant as he is leaving the plane): Jesus loves you, and have a Merry Christmas.