It's entirely possible that this is why God created the internet

A five year old has written the best comic of all time, and his 29 year old brother has illustrated it.  Get ready for its awesome goodness.  And when you are ready, click on this link.

Psalm 117 (NLT)

Praise the Lord, all you nations.

Praise him, all you people of the earth.

For he loves us with unfailing love; the Lord's faithfulness endures forever.

Praise the Lord!

Jogging Advice

Okay. I need some advice from some of you insane people who are always jogging. What the heck do you people do with all the stuff from your pockets?

Here's the stuff I carry:

My MP3 player. So that I can play MP3s.

My keys. So I can get back into my house before I collapse on the porch.

My driver's license. So if I get hit by a car they know where to take my unconscious body.

My cell phone. In case I fall into a tiger pit or something.

The problem is that while I'm jogging all this junk bounces around in my pockets. And then I end up running while holding my cell phone and MP3 player in one hand and my keys in the other, which means that I am woefully unprepared if someone were, for instance, to throw me a gold brick and shout "CATCH IT AND YOU CAN KEEP IT!"

I am at an impasse. And because there are thousands of you insane joggers out there, I'm guessing there is some sort of technology or common sense solution to this problem. So... please enlighten me.

Side note: I noticed tonight while I was running that if I look off to the side instead of straight ahead -- say, to look at a bird which has startled up out of the marsh -- that my body keeps running without my eyes watching the road. Good job, body! That's a great trick.

Better, Stronger, Faster

I am slowly getting back into jogging and exercise.  When I started I could barely breathe.  I mean, six steps of jogging would be followed by about six minutes of pep talk about, "You're not going to pass out, Mikalatos!  Because if you do there are wild dogs in this neighborhood which would eat your fingers off!"

But I am getting stronger.  As someone who has never exercised much, I'm always amazed by the physiological changes as I start getting more time exercising.  It increases my mental energy, and my interest for new topics is piqued.  I find it relatively easy to think and have deep prayer times while running, which in turn creates a deeper desire for spiritual health. I am more thankful for simple things.  Like oxygen.  And the smell of antique roses in the rain.  My thought processes seem to expand (not that they're ever particularly contained) and I see strange connections I hadn't noticed before.  I feel more calm.  Also, I have an increasing desire to lay on the floor and concentrate on breathing and reminding myself that although my legs are complaining all the time, they are not the most important part of the body.  OBEY ME, LEGS!  Don't worry, I will master them eventually.

Also getting stronger... my smell.  Man, when I run I create an impervious wall of scent.  If some gang of men were to come against me and raise their fists to me I would have only to raise my own fists and they would be down for the count.  When the police found them, the detectives would say, "It appears that they were struck down by a semi hauling a giant container of musk."  That's right.  Musk.

And now you are wishing you had stopped a paragraph ago.  But that is the sort of discipline you can gain only through regular exercise.  I know for me personally, I never read more than one paragraph or a blog,  sixteen words of any given e-mail, and 97 characters of anything written on twitter. I will share more about that some other time.  In the meantime, you should know that soon I will be appearing in body building magazines, and I didn't want you to be shocked by the transformation. Just yesterday I couldn't find my car keys and had to lift and move my car out of the driveway.  I mean, it's only a compact, but I suspect I'll be moving the van within a few months.

Signed,

Steve Austin

In The Mailbox!

In my mailbox today was Faithbook of Jesus by Renee Johnson.  Renee has written a devotional book aimed at 20-somethings, and I've heard great things about it (and her).  I'm looking forward to digging into it and seeing what she has to say!  Thanks, Renee and NavPress, for sending this along!

Time Machine, Take Us To The 1980's!

Tonight, because of our friend Justin McRoberts Krista and I started talking about George Michael tonight. And during that conversation Krista revealed that she had NEVER SEEN A MUSIC VIDEO FROM THE 80s! She somehow missed them all!

Which REQUIRED that she watch George Michael's classic video for "Faith." You gotta have it. It is awesome. And now you need to watch it. WARNING: Elvis dancing and 80's style abound in this video.



Where do you start with someone who has never seen ANY music videos? Well, I immediately thought of "Take On Me" by Ah-Ha!



Krista's comments included:

1) It is awesome.

2) That girl in the video had Krista's dream 80's haircut.

3) That girl from the video has the same stereo Krista had! She is stealing Krista's dream hair and her boom box!

I then turned Krista's attention to "Happy To Be Stuck With You" by Huey Lewis and the News.



Then she made me stop. In fact, she didn't make it to the end of the video. Even though it is funny and rad. And Huey Lewis.

Then I tried to convince her to watch a David Hasselhoff video. But she politely declined. You need not do the same:



I know, that last one is not from the 80's. But it could not exist without the 80's, could it? No, it could not.

DISCUSS: What 1980's music videos must we introduce to Krista?

What Little Boys Are Made Of

The kids came running out of swim class this week and A shouted, "Dad, dad, do you know what little girls are made of?"

Me: I don't know... puppy dog tails or something like that?

A: No!  Sugar and spice and all things nice.

Me: Oh.

Z: And do you know what boys are made of?

Me: No.

Z: Salamander tails and nails and all that fails.

Me: I've never heard that before.

Z: That's because I made it up.

A career in Beaver Dams

While learning all about the world's biggest beaver dam, I saw a link to get a "Beaver Dam Job."  I'm not sure what that sort of job is, exactly.  I'm pretty sure it's what I was thinking about yesterday... you're hired to do the beaver's job, you're given a pair of knives and sent out to build some dams.  Pretty exciting!

What's really cool about the CareerMatcher advertisment site is that you can make any job you want with a little editing of the address link.  So if you would like a job as a professional Burning Hearts Minion, CareerMatcher can help connect you with that. Or if you would like to be an UFO driver.  Or a dinosaur hunter.  Or pretty much anything you can think of.

Beavers, Dams and Serving Jesus

A couple of months ago I mentioned that I was headed off to have a Day with the Lord.  I meant to share a bit about that immediately afterward, but I find that I have a difficult time putting into words my serious spiritual experiences... I can't just slap them together and throw them on the blog for public consumption.

One thing that interests me on my little getaways like this is "applying my heart" to the things that I see.  The idea behind this comes from the Proverbs, when Solomon wrote that he saw a broken down wall.  He said that he applied his heart to what he saw and then comes to the proverb itself, "A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest and poverty will come upon you like a bandit, scarcity like an armed man."

I try to take this sort of thinking with me on days like this and see what I can learn from observing the world around me, and trying to listen to the Lord in the context of my surroundings.

On this particular day, I was pleasantly surprised to stumble upon my first close-up beaver dam and lodge.  It started when I saw this tree:

I had never seen anything like this.  In fact, my first thought was, "Hmmm... that's how it looks in a cartoon when a beaver has been eating a tree."  Genius, I know.

I was amazed as I looked around and noticed more and more trees that had been chewed down.  Some of the trees were fifteen or twenty feet tall, and some had been fell and then stripped of their smaller branches.  Then I came across the dam, which was actually quite impressive, when you stop to think about how it is made:

And here's the lodge:

The lodge, as you probably know, has a hole in the bottom so that the only entrance is through the water.  Inside the lodge it's dry and warm and safe from predators.

Anyway, as I spent time thinking about and reflecting on our friends the beavers (I never saw one, by the way... I assume they were safely snuggled up in their lodge) I thought about this: here we have an animal a little larger than a cat which can chop down trees, build dams and build homes for themselves.  The scale of their accomplishments seem ridiculous to me.  If, for instance, someone were to give me a set of sharp knives and tell me to build a dam and a lodge, I don't know that I could replicate their industrious constructions.

Beavers are designed to do this marvelous thing.  Through industry, perseverance and a singular vision they accomplish something that I would say is impossible if I didn't already know it existed.  I wonder if I can't be like a beaver.  Is there any reason that I can't take what meager abilities/skills/tools that I have and use those to accomplish unbelievable things for the glory of God?  I don't think there is.  Certainly if I am willing to work hard and persevere and follow whatever blueprints he gives me, I don't see why this couldn't be the case.  If a thirty pound mammal can alter the geography of an entire area, there's no reason that I can't accomplish something amazing for the Lord.

My good friend Shasta sent me an article about the largest beaver dam in the world, which has been built by several generations of beavers.  Pretty amazing.

Anyway, this was one small bit of my day, but I thought I would share.  I want to take every little skill I have and use it to accomplish unbelievable, amazing things for God....

Children, Freedom of Speech, Jesus, and Alternate Theories of the World's Beginnings

My daughters, Z and A, were sitting in the hallway sorting their jewelry (is this normal? Someone help me out here.), and as I came up the stairs I overheard this conversation:

A: You're not allowed to talk about Jesus at school.

Z: Why?

A: Because it causes fights. At least in my classroom.

Z: What do people fight about?

A: Well, Sophia will say that the world started when a giant mountain broke down and then made the earth. And then Jacob will say, no, that's not what happened. God created the earth. Then I will tell Jacob, we don't talk about that here, this is school not Awanas.

Z: Does Jacob go to Awanas?

A: No, but I just mean that you talk about Jesus at Awanas, not school.

I walked up later and explained that in this country we have Freedom of Speech, which means that you can talk about whatever you want in school (except hurting people or blowing up schools, that sort of thing). And that this meant that our friends (like Jacob) are also allowed to talk about Jesus at school. And Sophia can talk about how the world was made when a mountain broke down.

Honestly, though, Sophia. The world was made when a mountain broke down? zWhat the heck?

This Blog Might Just Save Your Life

I've spent a lot of time thinking about the coming world domination (in which robots take over the world).  Lest you think it's a joke, don't forget that there are robots who can eat you.  Right now.  Today.  In this world in which we live.

BUT today when I was out surfing the net I came across this fascinating piece of information from the human resistance, disguised as a comment form.  BEHOLD:

Looks like it's time for a trip to the tattoo parlor!

My Daughter Vs. Radio

Driving A to ballet on Saturday, she suddenly burst out, "WHY? DO YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS?  IT IS -- SO -- BORING!"

I was listening to A Prairie Home Companion, which is not boring.  But perhaps to a child it can be.  I tried to convince her not to listen if it bored her but she told me she couldn't stop listening because "It fills the whole car."

So I turned to a local Christian radio station. 

A: What was that song about?

Me: Uhh, something about God working in the lives of everyone and not giving up on them.

A: Is every song on this station the same?

Me: No, that was a different song.

A: But they're all about the same thing,

Me: Yeah. They kind of are.

A: Are they all sung by the same person?

Me: No, there are different singers.

A: Well, they all sound the same to me.

I Would Like You All To Fan Out Over the Entire World and Deface Road Signs In This Way

Bold Links, complete with Exclamation Points (!)

KILLER ELEPHANT ON THE LOOSE!

BBC India reports that there is a serial killer elephant on the loose.  He has killed at least 10 female elephants and his signature kill has to do with puncturing his victims with a broken tusk. 

This sounds like a job for... BOBO THE DETECTIVE CHIMP!

If ever there were a time that the world needed a real, live detective chimp, this would be that time.

CONTROVERSY OVER CHURCH NAME SHORTAGE!

You've probably already heard all the controversy surrounding the shortage of church names.  This is by far the best article I've seen on the topic.  It's an important issue that all Christians should weigh in on.

AMAZING SHRINKING HORSE!

BHR correspondent @mrkengos writes in to tell us that horses are getting smaller all the time. Soon you will be able to carry them in a purse or handbag, or carry them on an airplane.  I would appreciate it if no one ever mentioned this to my children.

ROBOTS ARE DESCRIBING IMAGINARY JESUS!

At least I assume it is robots.  It might be poorly paid interns.  Regardless, you can see my careful study of the fruits of their labor here. 

Get Page CXVI's HYMNS album for FREE (!!!!). No, really. Free.

Today through May 4th you can download, for free, the entire first Hymns album by up and coming rock band Page CXVI.  Here's the link for that album.  Page CXVI has an amazing sound, and I'm glad they're giving this album away.  Part of the idea here is that you will love the first album and want to buy the new one, which is releasing this week.  You will want to buy the new one.  I'm going to go buy it right now.


You may recall that I've written about this band before.  They are always trying to be all anonymous because they want people to focus on the music and not get caught up in a celebrity lifestyle.  Well, I don't want you to have to worry about it, so last year I revealed their identities.  I have listened to this album (the first one) about a thousand times.  It's really amazing, and it has done exactly what they designed it to do... brought new life to beloved hymns.  I love hymns, I really do, but frankly I do not listen to them outside of the church building.  Or I didn't before this album.  If you're skeptical (why be skeptical, it's FREE!), take a listen to a couple of songs.  I love their version of "Joy".  And, well, their version of everything.  It's powerful stuff.  Take a listen and leave your thoughts here, if you like.

Their name and logo, by the way, comes from C.S. Lewis' The Magician's Nephew. Page 116 is the page (in the edition they were reading) that Aslan sings the world into being.  They wanted to allude to the creative power of God and the power of godly music to transform and create. In my edition it's the part where the witch tears out the lamppost and goes after the taxi driver with it.  Which would have made a cool logo, if you try to picture it.

Look forward to hearing what you think!

If you're looking for Matt Mikalatos, this is where you can find him.

I've had a sudden surge in interest today here at the Burning Hearts Revolution, because George Barna sent out an article about people's opinions and thoughts concerning whether they feel connected to Christ. I thought I'd give a quick introduction about me and my book for all our new friends.

About Me.


My name is Matt Mikalatos, but I suppose you figured that out already. I live in the Portland, Oregon area, and I'm married to a gorgeous woman who has provided me with three gorgeous daughters. We go to a church called Village, just west of Portland. I just graduated from Western Seminary, and I work full time for Campus Crusade for Christ.  You can follow me on twitter or friend me on facebook.  No doubt there are other things you could do to me on other websites.  Here is one of my favorite pictures of myself, with an eagle on my shoulder, from when my wife and I went to the election riots in Mexico. Yes, the only thing I was thinking the entire time that thing was on my shoulder was, "TAKE THE PICTURE BEFORE THIS THING SCOOPS MY EYE OUT LIKE A GRAPE!"  We don't show pictures after this time until I could take the patch off.  I am a passionate follower of Jesus, and like him I have a lot of friends who aren't followers of Jesus.  And that's the way it should be, to my way of thinking.  And now I will stop editorializing and share a couple thoughts about my book.  I LOVE to speak at different events, and if you would like to invite me to speak at your event you can listen to a couple of talks I've done or schedule me for your event right here.

About Imaginary Jesus.  Imaginary Jesus is the first novel to be released by Barna, and it's a comedy theology novel.  If it sounds like I just said "It's a cat that lives underwater", then you can read the first chapter here to see what I mean. It's designed to be entertaining while simultaneously exploring our misconceptions about Jesus... and how to know and interact with the real Jesus. So far I've heard from atheists as well as fundamentalists who have loved the book, and I believe you could use it to start a conversation about Jesus with pretty much anyone.  Anyone who can read, that is, unless you just want to discuss the excellent cover.  You can order the book here, the spectacular audio book here.  You can also go to the IJ website, or ENTER A CONTEST to win a Kindle, iPod and a trip to hang out with me in Portland, OR!  Since we're throwing links around like they're free or something, you may as well go check out the cool book trailer that Tyndale House put together.

About the Burning Hearts Revolution.  BHR is my blog, which I put together several years ago purely to entertain myself.  I pretty much write about whatever pleases me.  I call the followers of the blog the BHR Minions.  I don't often put a lot of my more profound thoughts or spiritual experiences on this blog, though that's something I'd like to change.  But it takes me a long time to express those things adequately.  In any case, please understand this is just my personal blog, which I keep updated for kicks.  You can check out the Imaginary Jesus blog, which I keep updated for kicks, also, but which is more specifically focused on the content of IJ.  In any case, you are very welcome here, and we're glad to have you aboard!  Feel free to introduce yourself in the comments if you would like.

What It Looks Like When I Graduate From Seminary

Friday night Western held the graduation banquet, which was actually a lot of fun and brought to mind a lot of reminders about why we came to seminary in the first place. I'll put a post up later this week about that. Krista, our parents and my sister Dawn all joined us at the banquet and so did a lot of our friends from Western and their families, of course. And why the number 40 in this picture? Why, it's my class rank, of course. Goooooooo, number 40! Oh, fine. It was the number of our table. Goooooo number 40! In other news, the napkins at the restuarant were made to look like human hands. Creepy. Notice also the uncontrollable flame in front of Krista. Because she is HOT!

Here's the family, all celebrating together. No more class for Dad! Yay! The kids did an admirable job sitting through the ceremony. Here's the first picture of me with my Master's Hood. I liked it during the rehearsal when they kept referring to "The Hooding Place." It sounded creepy. It wasn't actually creepy, but that's how it sounded. The hood, unfortunately, was rented and had to be returned.


Baby M: "Dad, I am so glad you spent six years and many thousands of dollars for this great toy for me!  Yaaaaay, Dad!  It's attached to your head!"

Z: "Before I had a baby sister *I* would have been the one to yank those tassles."

Old couple in the background: "When I was younger, people had the proper respect for graduation tassles!  None of this letting babies touch them nonsense!"



Lastly, I told A she could take a picture of herself wearing my cap, but only if the tassle was on the right side of the cap, since she hasn't earned wearing it on the left yet. TAKE THAT you seven year old non-graduate! Don't worry, she is planning to defeat my school-going record. Go for it, kid!

Many thanks to all my family and friends who came to graduation and the party afterward. I love you guys and am thankful for all the hard work, understanding and patience you have given me over the years while I was working on this degree!

Taking Malaise Out of My Diet

Mmmm. malaise.

I went and worked out the other day after not working out for, oh, I don't know, a million years.  Yes, that's right.  A million years.  I realized during the workout that I had been experiencing a general feeling of malaise and I needed to kick myself into gear.  Yes, that's right, kick myself.  It's not as hard as you would think.  Man, you're really picking my every word apart, aren't you? 

ANYWAY, if you're all done criticizing every single thing I say.  Sigh.  What I was trying to say was that I was experiencing some malaise.  And while it sounds like something that might be tasty on a sandwich, it's not something you want to be feeling in life.  It's unpleasant.

And as I worked out I felt better.  I decided that I needed a goal to break out of this malaise.

Now, according to the height/weight charts I've seen, my "target weight" should be 167 pounds.  This is shocking.  The last time I weighed 167 pounds was the day I was born.  My skull alone weighs about forty pounds because the Good Lord wanted to make sure that my monstrous brain was well protected.  I weigh 208 pounds right now.  But it's strawberry milkshake season, so that could be about to go up.

I decided, as I was saying, that I needed a goal.  And so I've chosen to lose some weight over the next couple of months. I'm not going to lose 41 pounds because I don't want anyone to call me Skeletor.  Also, it is unreasonable to suppose that I am willing to live without my skull.  No way!  That would be uncomfortable.

I'm targeting 190 by August 22. 

But I am not going to start trying until May first because right now there is a large amount of white chocolate chip cookies in my house that require eating and I don't want my family to suffer through that alone.

Also on the to-do list: My next book, Night of the Living Dead Christians, is due by August 1st.  I will write it instead of eating.  That is the plan.

And now we return you to the regularly scheduled blog posts.  Thank you for your kind attention.

Babies Are Awesome

I was home with the baby today and got to spend quite a bit of good, quality time with her, which led me to this observation: babies are awesome.

And perhaps it's because their skulls haven't completely closed up yet, but you can see exactly what they are thinking most of the time.

For instance, when I walked into the bathroom and closed the door most of the way, she wiggled in after me and the door swung open and she rolled over in stark amazement and I could see her thinking, "WHOA! That thing totally swings open.  You just push on it and it totally... swings." 

Then she found the wastebasket and she was clearly thinking, "Oh.  This is where Mom and Dad put all that stuff they don't want me putting in my mouth.  It's some sort of... treasure box!"  And when you tip it over it spills its treasure all over the floor!

Also, babies are still learning a lot.  For instance, most people would know not to follow me if I am walking into the bathroom.  'Nuff said.

Right now she is drinking from a bottle.  I notice, by the way, that super markets never put baby formula on sale because they know we have to buy it anyway.  But they are worried we will steal it.  It's just covered in electronic sensors and in some stores it's kept LOCKED UP.  With the spray paint and the cigarettes.  If this ever gets out to the young hooligans in our neighborhood I'm sure they'll be tagging fences, smoking, and drinking baby formula.

All that to say: babies are awesome.  The world needs more babies.

THE END

p.s. Puppies and kittens also are acceptable.

Touché

On the way home from the video store....

Me: Home again, home again, jiggetty jig!

Z: I'll kick a puddle and then eat a pig!

(pause)

Me: That made no sense.

Z: It made as much sense as what you said.