Ninja + Roller Skates = HIGHWAY DANGER!

Stolen from Tokyo Mango!

Mikalatos Mention on McSweeney's

Some time ago I sent in some thoughts to McSweeney's "Convergences" contest. It was unclear to me whether the contest was still going... and as it turns out, mine was more of a meditation on a previously discussed theme than an original entry. But those swell folk over at McSweeney's went all crazy and mentioned my name anyhow. Here's the link, and below is the Mikalatos-specific content (which will look familiar to the BHR faithful).

Or, in another instance, remember the "Aftersquib to the Foregoing" (just before Contest Winner No. 18), how the rhyme between the image of a cross-channel swimmer being pulled onto the beach and a painting of Christ being lifted down from the Cross in turn provoked a whole slew of observations about paparazzi and the Passion

(not unlike those provoked by the Iwo Jima / Stations of the Cross and Beirut / El Greco analogies that immediately preceded that aftersquib)? Well, take a look at what correspondent Matt Mikalatos came up with in terms of the Passion of Peter Parker:

Banksy and the Grey Ghost

Every once in a while you stumble upon an epic of conflicting personalities of such scale that you hope that someone turns it into an opera... or at least a novel or a movie.

Such is the story of Banksy and the Grey Ghost. Banksy -- like any superhero -- keeps his identity secret. He's an artist who does public art. For instance, he climbed into the penguin enclosure at the London Zoo and painted a giant sign that said, "We're Bored of Fish."
(Also funny... he apparently convinced some people that his real name may be "Robin Banks." Ha ha.)

He also enjoys painting graffiti in New Orleans. With the 3-year anniversary of Katrina coming up, some of his work has appeared on the NO streets.


However, street artists across New Orleans watch in trepidation as the masked vigilante known as the Grey Ghost makes the rounds, covering over street art with gray paint. Banksy has thrown down the gauntlet, his recent art taking a shot at the Grey Ghost himself.


Meanwhile, the Grey Ghost is teaming with the city of New Orleans to battle the efforts of the group called NOLA Rising which is attempting to encourage beautification through street art.

I like the personalities at work here. The gifted artist who refuses to follow social norms, choosing to break the law although he could easily get his works in galleries... but doing it in such a spectacular way that you start to wonder why those laws exist. Meanwhile, the implacable Grey Ghost, without imagination, without appreciation, continues his crusade to remove the illegal art, replacing it with ugly, utilitarian grey paint, not even trying to match it to the colors of the buildings.

I look forward to seeing how this all plays out.

Keep Portland Weird

A common bumper sticker (I'm going to get one eventually) in this area says KEEP PORTLAND WEIRD. You might think that's just a silly slogan. But the video below from Weird America will show you that, yes, Portland is weird.

Switchfoot Studio Cam

You probably know this already, since half of you have become rabid Switchfoot fans that take pictures of Jon Foreman when the poor man is just trying to buy himself and enormous chocolate yogurt, but the band is working on their new album.

And they've decided to sometimes turn on the webcam while they're in the studio (see below). Yes, it's just like watching baby eagle chicks in the nest, my friends. Live. Day or Night. Pretty soon they are going to fly and you can say, "Hey, I remember when those little eaglets were just little gray fluffy fellas." Only now they are eagles.

Kids grow up fast.

Okay, it's not a perfect metaphor. Leave me alone, man, and just watch the studio cam.

Eavesdropping With Matt (Episode Twenty-Eight)

Dedicated to the ancient and dessicated man in front of me at the grocery store yesterday, and to the plucky young checker-lady who waited on him.

Lady Checker: Do you need help getting out to your car?

Old Man: No. But I could use some help when I get home. Carrying in my groceries. And then opening a bottle of wine --

Lady Checker: ha ha ha--

Bagger (after the old man shuffles off): I am taking notes from that guy.

Don't Hold Back!

A few weeks ago, the kids and I "rabbit-sat" for a friend. When the friends returned home to find the rabbit alive--at least, it was alive when I last saw it, I swear--they showed up at our place with a gift certificate for ice cream.

So yesterday I took the kids out for a frozen treat. When we go out for a frozen treat we have one rule: The total volume of ice cream must be larger than the dimensions of our own heads.






Even if it means that we have to take a little sit-down break before we get to the end of the treat:



Yes, even if it means we will enter into some sort of treat-induced coma, we soldier on:

I am proud to say that--like ballpark seagulls--my kids managed to slide the entire mess into their gullets with a minimum of squawking.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

If you haven't run across Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog, now's your chance. Poor Dr. Horrible. He's a second-tier super villain, constantly thwarted by a second-tier superhero. All he wants is to change the world for the better, preferably by ruling it together with the sweet girl he's fallen in love with at the local laundromat. But to do so he'll need to defeat Captain Hammer so he can join the Evil League of Evil.

And now you can watch his blog as he shares his thoughts and as he --yes -- sings about his deepest feelings.

I hate to admit this, but this little show lines up almost precisely with my sense of humor (other than a few sexual jokes as you get into acts two and three... so this isn't for the kiddies). The first act in particular gave me fits of laughter. Anyway, hope you enjoy it, and special thanks to Ken for forcing me to give it a try.

Anniversary Gifts

For our anniversary, Krista made me a "mix tape." Okay, I guess our society has evolved beyond mix tapes, but it was an Anniversary Playlist. In addition to proving that she knows me better than anyone, it is a great mix of songs. She bought several Weezer songs that remind us of Thailand, each other, and great rock songs of the past. The fact that she knew me well enough to know that I love Weezer but didn't have any of the songs she bought was impressive.

She also figured out (via our friends Kerri and Shasta) that I had expressed interest in the song "The Story" by Brandi Carlile during the Olympic commercial breaks. I love Carlile's voice, and I like the breadth of the song, how it moves from gentle love ballad to not-so-gentle rock ballad where you can tell that Carlile is putting every ounce of her self into getting those lyrics out over the music. I've included the lyrics in the post below. It's really a captivating song.

I actually cried when Krista gave me the mix. Partly because I am an old softy, I guess. And partly because she so perfectly expressed who she is and who she knows me to be in the songs she chose. I also liked the "High Fidelity" aspect of it.

We ended up liking the two Brandi Carlile songs on the mix so much that Krista went all crazy and bought the rest of the album last night. Good stuff.

Brandi Carlile -- The Story -- Lyrics

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Oh, because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do
I was made for you

You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what
I've been through like you do
And I was made for you...

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
Oh yeah, it's true that I was made for you

Bloggers, Monkeys and Burritos

Enough, already. I am fatigued by the incessant messages to my inbox demanding more monkeys on this blog. Some have begun to complain that there are too many, preferring that we instead discuss burritos and Mexican food in general. I love both these things, also, my dear friends, but how long can you clamor for both? I am merely a simple-minded blogger, not some cyber-servant for you to berate and confuse. I cannot meet all the demands put upon me by you, my internet audience.

Nevertheless, I will do my utmost to provide you with what you crave... nay, what you demand.

Click "Play" O Gentle Reader and have your deepest Burrito/Monkey cravings satisfied.

Ten Years!

Dear Krista--

Happy Anniversary! Ten years ago today my life changed irrevocably for the better. Thank you for saying yes and becoming my wife.

I spent some time yesterday out shopping for Anniversary cards. The ones I saw were terrible. There are two extremes. On the one hand you have the "funny" cards, which tend to be not-so-funny. Like so:

Or you have the overly-verbose sappy ones scripted over a watercolor that you can't read to the end of. Like so:

I wanted something offbeat but loving, something that would remind you of me. Something that would show how I picture our future. Maybe something like this:

Okay, that's a little closer, but honestly, it's too silly to capture my true feelings for you. You deserve something more like you, something classy. Something like this:

I am thankful for the ten years we've shared together. Every year with you gets better. I love your passion for life, for God, for our children, for people in general -- that they would find life. I deeply respect your commitment to learning and how you do your absolute best in everything you put your hand to. I am amazed by your patience with the kids, and with me, too. I appreciate your insights and wisdom... I love our conversations. Your intelligence and breadth of knowledge make talking with you one of my favorite things in life. And I appreciate most of all your love for me, how you have taught me what it means to forgive, what it means to love someone more than myself, what it looks like to know without a doubt that someone is committed to you without question. I look forward to many, many more years to know you better, to love you more, and to learn how to treat you the way that you deserve. Happy Anniversary. I love you!

Mikalatos Dance Fever

One of the stint teams this week had a scavenger hunt in which they needed to see Mikalatos Dance Fever in action. I recruited some background dancers (you might recognize The Autumn Film... they have caught the fever).

Eavesdropping With Matt (Episode Twenty-Seven)

Dedicated to the family at the boarding area at Gate B 35, Dad, Mom and two boys, aged nine or ten.

Mom: Here, son, you can scratch off the lottery tickets.

Son: Great!

Mom: Be sure to read the directions.

Son: I already know how to do it!

Mom: When you're done with that you need to do your math homework.

DIA One, Mikalatos Zero

Clean Hair, Dirty Teeth. Believe it or not, the DIA TSA caught my illegal toothpaste. I found that the, "It has less than three ounces in the tube" argument to be ineffective. Well done, TSA, well done. This round goes to you. On the positive side, I've had no shampoo all week, because my hotel room came with hand lotion instead. Yesterday I got a little container of shampoo from another hotel. Clever. And Clean.

Mikalatos Standing By. My bus dropped me off early enough for me to have a chance to stand-by to get home early. I would love to get home early and see my beloved wife and kids. And our roommates, too.

Breakfast Burrito. Nothing makes me quite so happy as having a burrito at nine in the morning. Chicken burrito with guacamole, extra spicy. Mmmmmm. I love travel breakfast.

One more Sign

Nevertheless, I made it safely to the airport.

HUGE! Mikalatos spots a specimen of the world's largest organism in Colorado (yup, there's a picture)

The stand of trees shown at the top of this picture is a stand of aspens. Aspens grow as a stand of genetically identical trees... in fact, they're technically stems. If you look carefully at the picture above you can see a large swath of them fallen on the ground. It appears that this entire organism is sick or dying, and I'm told that when a large amount of them falls, it will only spread to the rest of the stand.

The largest known stand of aspen is nicknamed "Pando." I have decided to call the stand that I've discovered here, "The Matthew Mikalatos Explorer of the Year Award Aspen (Copper, Colorado)."

Can't believe I missed it

Missing this wedding is the first time I've deeply regretted a travel conflict with my job. In addition to really really liking the bride and groom, a lot of good friends were at the wedding.

Krista has put up some great pictures at her site. The picture above is one of them.

Congratulations, Alexis and Jesse!

Yet Another Silly Sign from Colorado

"Two Great Locations To Wake Up At Copper." I am not sure what this means. I have not personally ever woken a location. Apparently both locations are Starbucks. Tomorrow morning I plan to burst into Starbucks and yell WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!

I am not sure what will happen, but I imagine it will involve the floor buckling and pipes reaching out of the ground like arms, lights flashing on and off and some sort of monstrous yawn.

This sign brought to you by the Men's Restroom Stalls of Copper Mountain.

BHR News Roundup

I don't have any monkey news for you today, but I thought I would share these two stories:

1) DNA experts say, "This so-called Bigfoot DNA is totally fake!" Meanwhile, believers in Bigfoot say, "Shut up you stupid so-called experts!"

2) If a polar bear and a shark are both chasing you, try to turn them against each other. If that doesn't work, take your chances with the bear.