You may recall the Christian literary magazine, Relief and its terrifying spin-off Coach's Midnight Diner. I've been helping out with a little editorial work here and there. You can see my official bio here.
I bet you'll learn something new about me if you read it.
Or maybe you already knew about that. I'm sure some of you expected the truth.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
The 20 Horses By Z and G
Z and her best friend G teamed up to write me a story for Christmas. Here is it's world debut:
The 20 Horses
Once there was a girl that was very poor. She went to school with all the other girls of the neighborhood just like any other girl. One day a girl asked her how many horses she had.
In the time she lived everybody had at least one horse. And she answered, "I have twenty horses of every kind."
Now one other girl was poor. She said, "Now can't you see that she's lying?"
But all the other little girls thought that the poor girl actually had twenty horses of each kind! The other poor girl thought that the other girls might start asking her how many horses she had and she would be embarrassed to say that she only had one horse and that horse was a carriage horse and he belonged to the whole family.
The other poor girl's best friend was not poor. She was not rich, either. She was just like you or me. Every day she rode a beautiful thoroughbred horse to school. Everybody thought that the thoroughbred horse was the most beautiful horse ever. But the poor girl insisted that her Thoroughbred horse was the beautifullest thoroughbred horse ever. But everybody called her names. So one day they packed up and left.
THE END
The 20 Horses
Once there was a girl that was very poor. She went to school with all the other girls of the neighborhood just like any other girl. One day a girl asked her how many horses she had.
In the time she lived everybody had at least one horse. And she answered, "I have twenty horses of every kind."
Now one other girl was poor. She said, "Now can't you see that she's lying?"
But all the other little girls thought that the poor girl actually had twenty horses of each kind! The other poor girl thought that the other girls might start asking her how many horses she had and she would be embarrassed to say that she only had one horse and that horse was a carriage horse and he belonged to the whole family.
The other poor girl's best friend was not poor. She was not rich, either. She was just like you or me. Every day she rode a beautiful thoroughbred horse to school. Everybody thought that the thoroughbred horse was the most beautiful horse ever. But the poor girl insisted that her Thoroughbred horse was the beautifullest thoroughbred horse ever. But everybody called her names. So one day they packed up and left.
THE END
Monday, February 09, 2009
Z The Cartoon Genetecist
Z told me on Friday that she is planning to make a unicorn.
Me: How will you accomplish this?
Z: By breeding a horse with a rhinocerous.
Me: You think that will work?
Z: Yes.
Me: Why don't you just attach a horn to a horse?
Z: Because it will fall off and everyone will know that it's not a unicorn. No animal has a horn exactly like a unicorn.
Me: The narwhale has a horn that looks a lot like a unicorn.
(A lengthy conversation about how to catch a narwhale ensues, including a comment about "will it fight me")
Z: I will breed a horse and a narwhale to make a unicorn.
Me: How will you do that?
Z: I will get a giant tank of water, and stable the horse next to the narwhale. Then I will put a paper cutout of a heart on the tank, so that whenever they look at each other they will think they are in love.
Me: What if, instead of a unicorn, you get a whale with horse legs?
Z: I will still be famous, because I will have made an animal that can walk on land and swim in the sea.
Me: How will you accomplish this?
Z: By breeding a horse with a rhinocerous.
Me: You think that will work?
Z: Yes.
Me: Why don't you just attach a horn to a horse?
Z: Because it will fall off and everyone will know that it's not a unicorn. No animal has a horn exactly like a unicorn.
Me: The narwhale has a horn that looks a lot like a unicorn.
(A lengthy conversation about how to catch a narwhale ensues, including a comment about "will it fight me")
Z: I will breed a horse and a narwhale to make a unicorn.
Me: How will you do that?
Z: I will get a giant tank of water, and stable the horse next to the narwhale. Then I will put a paper cutout of a heart on the tank, so that whenever they look at each other they will think they are in love.
Me: What if, instead of a unicorn, you get a whale with horse legs?
Z: I will still be famous, because I will have made an animal that can walk on land and swim in the sea.
News From My Neighborhood
Kyle the Bad Alley Cat. Walking Z to school this morning I found three crumpled, abandoned packs for cigarettes. I knew immediately who had done it. Those three strange cats who have been hanging out on the corner. Past experience tells me that one of the more innocent neighborhood cats will soon have a litter of kittens.
Brennan, the terror of South Neighborhood. Also walking Z to school this morning, a large dog from the neighboring neighborhood came barreling out of nowhere, sniffing our shrubbery and then barking barking barking at me and Z. It came close and growled, baring its canine teeth (I guess all of its teeth are canine teeth) at us. A woman in a car drove up and started yelling BRENNAN KNOCK IT OFF! BRENNAN GET IN THE CAR! which sent him into a wild flurry of running between the fifteen different people converging on the school to bark threateningly at them. She eventually wrestled that monster into her car. Z was frightened, but I told her the dog had been after me. Because he was trying to take over my kingdom. Well, it's more of a fiefdom, but nevertheless. I'm not the sort to barge into someone else's neighborhood and bark and bark when I am attempting a coup, however. I will say this... Sir Brennan, when next we lift dog bowls together you had best taste the draught within to make sure there is no bitter flavor. Hint, hint.
Good Morning, Neighborhood. The sun lifted carefully over the neighborhood today, as if being cautious not to fall on us. She gently turned the ice to steam, and turned the steam from the fenceposts golden. I had the feeling that the whole earth was stretching and sleepily looking around with an ineffable sadness, the sadness that comes from seeing too much beauty in small pieces of the creation and realizing that this is not enough, that there is a deep well within yourself wanting much, much more of it. It's the sort of realization that makes you see a man on the highway with his car broken, the green hills rolling off behind him and you think, He's going to have a good day. He's going to put down his phone and wait for the tow truck and realize, look! How beautiful the hills are... and if my car hadn't broken down, I would have never stopped to see it. It's the kind of day that makes you stand up from your desk and walk outside and wonder, is the whole world this beautiful? Is all of creation dressing herself in muted splendor, just wondering if we'll notice? Look out your window, friend. It can't only be my neighborhood. It has to be out your window, too, I'm sure of it.
Brennan, the terror of South Neighborhood. Also walking Z to school this morning, a large dog from the neighboring neighborhood came barreling out of nowhere, sniffing our shrubbery and then barking barking barking at me and Z. It came close and growled, baring its canine teeth (I guess all of its teeth are canine teeth) at us. A woman in a car drove up and started yelling BRENNAN KNOCK IT OFF! BRENNAN GET IN THE CAR! which sent him into a wild flurry of running between the fifteen different people converging on the school to bark threateningly at them. She eventually wrestled that monster into her car. Z was frightened, but I told her the dog had been after me. Because he was trying to take over my kingdom. Well, it's more of a fiefdom, but nevertheless. I'm not the sort to barge into someone else's neighborhood and bark and bark when I am attempting a coup, however. I will say this... Sir Brennan, when next we lift dog bowls together you had best taste the draught within to make sure there is no bitter flavor. Hint, hint.
Good Morning, Neighborhood. The sun lifted carefully over the neighborhood today, as if being cautious not to fall on us. She gently turned the ice to steam, and turned the steam from the fenceposts golden. I had the feeling that the whole earth was stretching and sleepily looking around with an ineffable sadness, the sadness that comes from seeing too much beauty in small pieces of the creation and realizing that this is not enough, that there is a deep well within yourself wanting much, much more of it. It's the sort of realization that makes you see a man on the highway with his car broken, the green hills rolling off behind him and you think, He's going to have a good day. He's going to put down his phone and wait for the tow truck and realize, look! How beautiful the hills are... and if my car hadn't broken down, I would have never stopped to see it. It's the kind of day that makes you stand up from your desk and walk outside and wonder, is the whole world this beautiful? Is all of creation dressing herself in muted splendor, just wondering if we'll notice? Look out your window, friend. It can't only be my neighborhood. It has to be out your window, too, I'm sure of it.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Going Down Slow
Tonight after an excellent meal of pizza from the Blind Onion -- Krista ordered us a pizza with olive oil instead of tomato sauce and it was excellent -- I threw the cardboard box into the garage to break it down for the recycling.
Something about the way I threw it down the one step into the garage reminded me of a wrestler falling in the ring. So I thought, hey, I'll leap in the air and stomp on it. Like a wrestler. So I threw myself into a monstrous parabolic arc, my feet pointed like jack hammers at the cardboard. It gave no resistance as my soles broke it into two dimensions.
And then the cardboard began to slip forward. Causing me to lose my balance and slide backwards, my head now headed for the thick metal door behind me. It flashed through my mind that I was about to smack my head into either the door or the step, and that my skull would crack open like a ripe watermelon on a rock. It was a lousy way to go, but at least the box would get recycled (I try to look on the bright side of things). "THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, MOTHER EARTH!" I thought but could not say aloud.
Then I regained my balance.
Which means that the score is now:
Mikalatos: 1
Cardboard Box: 0
Next week:
Mikalatos vs. Milk Carton
Something about the way I threw it down the one step into the garage reminded me of a wrestler falling in the ring. So I thought, hey, I'll leap in the air and stomp on it. Like a wrestler. So I threw myself into a monstrous parabolic arc, my feet pointed like jack hammers at the cardboard. It gave no resistance as my soles broke it into two dimensions.
And then the cardboard began to slip forward. Causing me to lose my balance and slide backwards, my head now headed for the thick metal door behind me. It flashed through my mind that I was about to smack my head into either the door or the step, and that my skull would crack open like a ripe watermelon on a rock. It was a lousy way to go, but at least the box would get recycled (I try to look on the bright side of things). "THIS ONE'S FOR YOU, MOTHER EARTH!" I thought but could not say aloud.
Then I regained my balance.
Which means that the score is now:
Mikalatos: 1
Cardboard Box: 0
Next week:
Mikalatos vs. Milk Carton
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Evil, evil butterflies
Check this out.
Moral of the story: Don't let butterflies near your babies. Or any queens you happen to know.
Also... GREEDY BUTTERFLIES! LAZY BUTTERFLIES! BAD BUTTERFLIES!
I would try to catch you to spank you but your crazy loopy-dee-loop leaf falling flight makes you too hard to catch.
NEXT TIME, SNEAKY BUTTERFLY! NEEEEEXT TIIIIIIIME!
Moral of the story: Don't let butterflies near your babies. Or any queens you happen to know.
Also... GREEDY BUTTERFLIES! LAZY BUTTERFLIES! BAD BUTTERFLIES!
I would try to catch you to spank you but your crazy loopy-dee-loop leaf falling flight makes you too hard to catch.
NEXT TIME, SNEAKY BUTTERFLY! NEEEEEXT TIIIIIIIME!
News From My Neighborhood
Trouble Brewing. Yesterday morning I woke to find not one, not two, but three cats on my front porch. Which is mystifying as I own... zero cats. The black and white cat (which has more toes than is natural) was staring with undisguised malice at the fat grey cat. The sentiment was mirrored precisely. The white cat with the brown face lounged indolently nearby with a practiced look of indifference. Since that moment they have been taking turns watching the house. Right now the Many-Toed One is sitting by my back window with Miniature Tiger. One of them is watching the bird feeder, and one watching the house. I'm getting nervous.
Leader of the Pack. VROOOM! The Beautiful Ukranian Girls next door took out their bicycles yesterday, but they had the saddest looks on their faces. I quickly diagnosed the problem. "You're wishing your Mom hadn't sold your tiny motorcycle, aren't you?" They both immediately chimed, "YES!"
Spring Has Sprung. The ridiculously warm weather of the last week or so has been a nice counter-point to the bizarre and unending winter around Christmas. The first spring bulbs are sticking their pointy green heads out, looking around for summer. The confused ducks and geese of the Willamette Valley continue to fly east and occasionally west. There's some sort of exchange program going on, I'm almost certain.
Leader of the Pack. VROOOM! The Beautiful Ukranian Girls next door took out their bicycles yesterday, but they had the saddest looks on their faces. I quickly diagnosed the problem. "You're wishing your Mom hadn't sold your tiny motorcycle, aren't you?" They both immediately chimed, "YES!"
Spring Has Sprung. The ridiculously warm weather of the last week or so has been a nice counter-point to the bizarre and unending winter around Christmas. The first spring bulbs are sticking their pointy green heads out, looking around for summer. The confused ducks and geese of the Willamette Valley continue to fly east and occasionally west. There's some sort of exchange program going on, I'm almost certain.
Changing
I have these new jeans that are cut like slacks. What I mean is, instead of having pockets in which your hands enter from above, these jeans have pockets like slacks, in which the hands enter horizontally. Also, the jeans have a button fly.
What this means is that I often try to put my hands in my pockets, but through force of habit I end up trying to put my hands in regular pockets and I end up rubbing my thighs. Then, after I use the bathroom I button up and after buttoning up I then try to zip up also. Which is just confusing.
Which brings me to the question... Do I change my pants often enough?
What this means is that I often try to put my hands in my pockets, but through force of habit I end up trying to put my hands in regular pockets and I end up rubbing my thighs. Then, after I use the bathroom I button up and after buttoning up I then try to zip up also. Which is just confusing.
Which brings me to the question... Do I change my pants often enough?
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Fiction Family in Portland last night
Let's start off by admitting that the picture on left is totally ripped off from the Fiction Family blog. The pictures that Krista and I took were more, um, artistic. But the smears of color were certainly beautiful.
Yesterday was one of those days where it seems like everything goes right. I took seven-year-old Z in for an MRI and she performed well, looking at the doctor in strained disbelief when he kep asking her if she was scared. "Why should I be scared?" she asked. She appeared to have fun and told me she almost fell asleep during it (Doc says all is well and nothing to worry about).
Then Krista and I met up and went into Portland where she had a couple of appointments, and I worked, with a brief break in a sunlit park to eat a street food burrito. Then we checked into a ridiculously fancy hotel that is having a sale because of the economy, so the overall price was about how much it costs to keep our house warm overnight. We grabbed some Lebanese food and then headed over to the Aladdin theater to see Fiction Family!
Molly Jenson opened the show. She did a fine job, she has an easy way of interacting with the audience and setting us up for what would come later. Sean Watkins came out and joined her on one song, and she ended her set with "You Are My Sunshine" which involved perhaps the funniest moment of the night when the sound/light guy made a shining sun appear on stage behind her and we all burst into laughter while she tried to sing the song in a serious, mournful way. She made good sport of it and we had a big sing along.
Then our fictional family took the stage, and I will say that the whole concert had a bit of the feeling of a very talented family hanging out together and doing an impromptu talent show. "Jon-boy, go get your banjo!"
Krista and I were talking last night and we both admitted that this show was better than the last Switchfoot show we went to (I KNOW... sacrilege... put down those rocks, my friends, do not kill me over this brief lapse). It was just fun, and you could tell the musicians were having fun, too. They sang some FF songs (this is from memory and not in order, folks... When She's Near, War In My Blood, Closer Than You Think, Betrayal, Throw It Away, Mostly Prove Me Wrong, and one they haven't recorded yet that made me laugh out loud and sit there with a goofy grin on my face called, I think, Rob Me or something along those lines). Sean sang a couple of songs as well, and (special treat!) his sister Sara was there, too, and they sang one of the best of the Nickel Creek songs, Somebody More Like You. Jon sang Resurrect Me and also Your Love Is Strong. the whole gang also teamed up for a fascinating, stripped down version of Radiohead's Idioteque.
Overall, it was a great mix. The Watkins siblings are superior musicians, and watching Sean play guitar was amazing, and of course Sara is ridiculously good on the fiddle. And Jon's vocals are always exceptional. I'm interested to see how this all plays out on the next Switchfoot album, as it's pretty clear that Jon is picking up some tricks from Sean.
It was a concert that made you feel good. It was a concert where you walked away thinking, it was fun to sit there and listen to my friends make music, and sing along and have a little conversation, and you were sad at the end of the night to say goodbye and it felt almost rude to walk out the back door instead of hanging around to say good night to all your friends on stage.
So goodnight Jon, Sean and Sara... and yes, Drummer Guy and Bass Player, Jon never introduced us but I assume we would be friends also. Good job everyone, and I hope that the next time you all are in Portland you'll stay with Krista and I. She'll get out her guitar and A will play piano and Z will sing and I will stand around with a goofy smile on my face or something.
I mean it... you guys better call us.
Adios!
As for the rest of you, you still have a chance to catch the end of the tour if you're on the west coast. Here are the shows yet to play:
TONIGHT at 7-- San Francisco
FRIDAY at 7-- San Diego
SATURDAY at 7-- West Hollywood
Tuesday, February 03, 2009
Moldy Lunches
Apparently some people have problems with co-workers stealing their lunches out of the fridge.So the fine folk here have come up with plastic baggies designed to make it look like your sandwich is moldy.
Which of course means that your co-workers will throw your lunch in the trash. But at least you'll know where it is.
As for me, I like to forget my things in the fridge and get real mold on them. Then I tell my co-workers, "Oh, no, this is not really moldy, it's a fake plastic baggie that makes it appear moldy. Why don't you take it home with you? Oh, yes, I'm sure you'll love it."
I am very popular around the office.
My daughter makes an excellent point while walking through a frosty morning on the way to school
Z: How many chucks would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Me: I don't know. How many?
Z: Why would I ask you if I knew the answer?
Me: I don't know. How many?
Z: Why would I ask you if I knew the answer?
Friday, January 30, 2009
Sign on the way to Sisters
We're in Sisters, OR, this weekend for the OSU retreat.
On the way we passed a restaurant that had this sign on the road:
"CHICKEN
STEAK
SEAFOOD
KIDS"
I hit the gas and we rocketed past. I'm never going to that restaurant.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
News From My Neighborhood
A Veritable Slip. Walking Z to school this morning I came across humanity's old foe... BLACK ICE! I stepped onto a manhole cover slick with it and immediately swapped the position of my head with that of my feet. Z sweetly asked me if I was okay, I told her I was, and then we paused and reflected on the impressive prat fall I had entertained us with. I told her it was a good thing we hadn't been holding hands, because she might have gone down with me. "No," she said, "I would have recovered and walked on."
HOW TO LOSE THIRTY POUNDS IN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS! Once a week or so I weigh myself (before my weekly shower). Today I was thrown off by the numbers... I had lost thirty pounds! This seemed not only irresponsible but also unlikely. I evaluated the scale to discover that a toy mermaid had slipped her tail under the scale. I removed her scaly backside and found that I had returned to my regular corpulent self. CLOSE ONE!
Your Dreams Really Can Come True. I had this dream last night that I stepped in a prodigious amount of dog poo and that I had to walk through all the neighbor's yards to try to get it off. I mentioned my dream to Krista and she asked if it was because of the entrance to the kids' school. In fact, I think that is precisely the reason. Some monstrous dog did its duty earlier in the week. Then the freezing weather and clouds came and covered it in snow. Then many school children walked over it. Then the rains came. Now there is a nasty mess that will not be easily cleaned that I have to walk past every day. I know what you are thinking, and no, it was not Houdini Dog this time. It appears that it was Elephant Dog or Dinosaur Dog or one of their relatives. I would like them to get out of my dreams*.
* But not into my car.
HOW TO LOSE THIRTY POUNDS IN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS! Once a week or so I weigh myself (before my weekly shower). Today I was thrown off by the numbers... I had lost thirty pounds! This seemed not only irresponsible but also unlikely. I evaluated the scale to discover that a toy mermaid had slipped her tail under the scale. I removed her scaly backside and found that I had returned to my regular corpulent self. CLOSE ONE!
Your Dreams Really Can Come True. I had this dream last night that I stepped in a prodigious amount of dog poo and that I had to walk through all the neighbor's yards to try to get it off. I mentioned my dream to Krista and she asked if it was because of the entrance to the kids' school. In fact, I think that is precisely the reason. Some monstrous dog did its duty earlier in the week. Then the freezing weather and clouds came and covered it in snow. Then many school children walked over it. Then the rains came. Now there is a nasty mess that will not be easily cleaned that I have to walk past every day. I know what you are thinking, and no, it was not Houdini Dog this time. It appears that it was Elephant Dog or Dinosaur Dog or one of their relatives. I would like them to get out of my dreams*.
* But not into my car.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
WORDSspaceWORDSspaceWORDS
I took Z to the hospital today to get a strange bump on her finger looked at.
As we drove to the hospital she started telling me about a young man in her class who is her "boyspacefriend." Charmed, I asked her more about this concept and she explained that unlike a "boyfriend" a "boy-space-friend" is a friend who happens to be a boy. I asked her who had come up with this way of saying it and of course "oh, everybody says it." I suppose it's from a television show we don't get or something along those lines. But I like the appeal to the written language in the midst of the oral one. Krista assures me that I won't stop hearing about boys for years and years to come. I told her that was fine so long as it was boy-space-friends we talked about.
Next new word of the day came from Z's doctor who told me that she was suffering from an exossification. And, although I am not a doctor I do know quite a bit of Latin, enough to know that this is another way of saying "a bone that sticks out." But when you have spent so many years in school, it is nice to have another way to say things to show how much you have learned.
Which is why, as a creative writing major, I've learned to say things like onomatopoeia instead of saying "hey that words sounds like the thing to which it is referring." BOOOOOOM!!!!
As we drove to the hospital she started telling me about a young man in her class who is her "boyspacefriend." Charmed, I asked her more about this concept and she explained that unlike a "boyfriend" a "boy-space-friend" is a friend who happens to be a boy. I asked her who had come up with this way of saying it and of course "oh, everybody says it." I suppose it's from a television show we don't get or something along those lines. But I like the appeal to the written language in the midst of the oral one. Krista assures me that I won't stop hearing about boys for years and years to come. I told her that was fine so long as it was boy-space-friends we talked about.
Next new word of the day came from Z's doctor who told me that she was suffering from an exossification. And, although I am not a doctor I do know quite a bit of Latin, enough to know that this is another way of saying "a bone that sticks out." But when you have spent so many years in school, it is nice to have another way to say things to show how much you have learned.
Which is why, as a creative writing major, I've learned to say things like onomatopoeia instead of saying "hey that words sounds like the thing to which it is referring." BOOOOOOM!!!!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Punless
I was feeling a little out of it last night, so I think I might have missed any puns that my church history teacher threw out there. I am, however, looking forward to the middle ages because I think the term "flying buttress" deserves several pun mentions.
There was one little interchange that made me laugh, though. Our professor was pointing out that Ireneaus (I totally butchered the spelling there, I think... point is, he is a good guy) made an argument against the gnostics (the bad guys) that was essentially the same as the one the Catholics made against Martin Luther. This upset many people in the class (I'm sure this was on purpose, as the professor was trying to get people to think through the church's and Luther's predicament).
One student said, "Martin Luther was smarter than the average bear."
To which my professor replied, "See, I don't get that. Because bears aren't very smart."
There was one little interchange that made me laugh, though. Our professor was pointing out that Ireneaus (I totally butchered the spelling there, I think... point is, he is a good guy) made an argument against the gnostics (the bad guys) that was essentially the same as the one the Catholics made against Martin Luther. This upset many people in the class (I'm sure this was on purpose, as the professor was trying to get people to think through the church's and Luther's predicament).
One student said, "Martin Luther was smarter than the average bear."
To which my professor replied, "See, I don't get that. Because bears aren't very smart."
Monday, January 26, 2009
Dent May And His Magnificent Ukulele
You guys know I am a music snob. And I think you will agree that I rarely steer you wrong when I talk about great music you should Go. Listen. To. Now.
With that in mind, allow me to introduce you to Dent May and His Magnificent Ukulele. His debut album comes out next week and you, me and everybody ought to buy it.
Until that great day, please enjoy this video of the song, "Oh, Paris!"
I know what you're thinking... how is that Matt is so far ahead of the cultural curve? How does he find these things? He rips them off from Paste, that's how.
With that in mind, allow me to introduce you to Dent May and His Magnificent Ukulele. His debut album comes out next week and you, me and everybody ought to buy it.
Until that great day, please enjoy this video of the song, "Oh, Paris!"
I know what you're thinking... how is that Matt is so far ahead of the cultural curve? How does he find these things? He rips them off from Paste, that's how.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Alas, Poor New Mexico
As you no doubt recall, we at the Burning Hearts Revolution care deeply about the people of disenfranchised locations around the globe. In fact, one of our Great Campaigns Against Injustice was enormously successful, causing all the poet laureate-less states of the Union to receive their own unofficial laureates. In response, Washington even created an official position. Yay.
But one of those tragically under-loved states was New Mexico. And though the letters of adoration have been pouring in from the maligned people of New Mexico, profusely thanking me for crowning Kasey Martin the New Mexico State Laureate, I have learned of yet another problem facing our beleaguered friends in the Newest portion of Mexico. They need a new governor.
So, I contacted some of my friends in Hollywood to see what I could do. And I am proud to say that one of them has answered the call... our good friend, Val Kilmer. Yes, the voice of KITT from the new Knight Rider. If you're looking for a governor, he's your huckleberry.
That's all I got.
But one of those tragically under-loved states was New Mexico. And though the letters of adoration have been pouring in from the maligned people of New Mexico, profusely thanking me for crowning Kasey Martin the New Mexico State Laureate, I have learned of yet another problem facing our beleaguered friends in the Newest portion of Mexico. They need a new governor.
So, I contacted some of my friends in Hollywood to see what I could do. And I am proud to say that one of them has answered the call... our good friend, Val Kilmer. Yes, the voice of KITT from the new Knight Rider. If you're looking for a governor, he's your huckleberry.
That's all I got.
Friday, January 23, 2009
On the way to the video store
A: Dad, did you see that Beebah?
Me: What is a Beebah?
A: That's what I call a store that I think is a video store but when I look at it more carefully I realize that it actually isn't.
Me: What is a Beebah?
A: That's what I call a store that I think is a video store but when I look at it more carefully I realize that it actually isn't.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Lord Save Us From Your Followers
Quite a while back I interviewed a guy named Dan Merchant for the Wittenburg Door. Dan made a documentary and wrote a book called Lord Save Us From Your Followers. Dan was immensely generous, spending part of an afternoon hanging out and answering all the questions I could come up with.
If you've not seen the film, it's about Dan's quest to find an answer to a simple question, "Why is the gospel of love dividing America?" So, like any sane man would do he set out to find answers: he dressed in a jump suit covered in contradictory bumper stickers; he held a “reverse confessional” at the gay Pride Northwest event, apologizing for Christian behavior toward homosexuals; he set up a “family feud” style game show pitting the atheists and Christians against one another; and he traveled the country asking people like Al Franken, Tony Compolo, Rick Santorum, Michael Reagan and people on the street, “Why is the Gospel of Love dividing America?”
Dan is selling DVD copies of the film on his website for a limited time. He's in talks with some distributors, so this is a limited time offer.
If you've not seen the film, it's about Dan's quest to find an answer to a simple question, "Why is the gospel of love dividing America?" So, like any sane man would do he set out to find answers: he dressed in a jump suit covered in contradictory bumper stickers; he held a “reverse confessional” at the gay Pride Northwest event, apologizing for Christian behavior toward homosexuals; he set up a “family feud” style game show pitting the atheists and Christians against one another; and he traveled the country asking people like Al Franken, Tony Compolo, Rick Santorum, Michael Reagan and people on the street, “Why is the Gospel of Love dividing America?”
Dan is selling DVD copies of the film on his website for a limited time. He's in talks with some distributors, so this is a limited time offer.
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