Thursday, January 29, 2009

News From My Neighborhood

A Veritable Slip. Walking Z to school this morning I came across humanity's old foe... BLACK ICE! I stepped onto a manhole cover slick with it and immediately swapped the position of my head with that of my feet. Z sweetly asked me if I was okay, I told her I was, and then we paused and reflected on the impressive prat fall I had entertained us with. I told her it was a good thing we hadn't been holding hands, because she might have gone down with me. "No," she said, "I would have recovered and walked on."

HOW TO LOSE THIRTY POUNDS IN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS! Once a week or so I weigh myself (before my weekly shower). Today I was thrown off by the numbers... I had lost thirty pounds! This seemed not only irresponsible but also unlikely. I evaluated the scale to discover that a toy mermaid had slipped her tail under the scale. I removed her scaly backside and found that I had returned to my regular corpulent self. CLOSE ONE!

Your Dreams Really Can Come True. I had this dream last night that I stepped in a prodigious amount of dog poo and that I had to walk through all the neighbor's yards to try to get it off. I mentioned my dream to Krista and she asked if it was because of the entrance to the kids' school. In fact, I think that is precisely the reason. Some monstrous dog did its duty earlier in the week. Then the freezing weather and clouds came and covered it in snow. Then many school children walked over it. Then the rains came. Now there is a nasty mess that will not be easily cleaned that I have to walk past every day. I know what you are thinking, and no, it was not Houdini Dog this time. It appears that it was Elephant Dog or Dinosaur Dog or one of their relatives. I would like them to get out of my dreams*.

* But not into my car.


  1. Anonymous9:07 AM

    Matt. Really. My co-workers are giving me the stink eye because I'm laughing out loud.

  2. Nice Billy Ocean reference. We actually talked about this song over dinner in Nerja last week.