Sunday, September 02, 2007

Fist fights, cursing and assault rifles

Last night at about 11:45 we heard an eruption of shouting and cursing coming from outside. I grabbed my keys and ran toward the sounds, to discover a knot of about seven people in the midst of an enormous brawl... a fist-throwing, people-being-dragged-on-the-ground, cursing, screaming chaotic mess of a brawl.

I got on the phone to 911 and they said they were already on the way... I started yelling at everyone that the cops were on the way. You could hear the sirens and eventually the crowd split in two and separated. In the meantime, my neighbor had walked out onto his front lawn carrying a shotgun.

The first officer on the scene leapt from her car with her pistol drawn and said, "PUT THAT GUN DOWN! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" She must have put the call in that there was a man with a shotgun before getting out of the car because all the sirens in the world roared to life and headed for our neighborhood and soon there was a police officer with an assault rifle of some sort pointed at me and the others on the corner shouting EVERYONE GET ON YOUR FACES NOW!

I spent the next half hour or so on the pavement.

About eight cop cars were lined up the street. Multiple people were arrested. The police went around and interviewed everyone... they almost forgot me, actually. The officer told me I had been polite and quiet. Don't hear that very often, ha ha. Something about assault rifles makes me really polite.

I got home about one a.m. and filled in Krista and the family on our night's events. Turns out that this whole thing started because someone was driving drunk, clipped another car and then, when her friends heard people asking her for insurance, they got belligerent and started pushing people around.

The Clark County police were professional, courteous and pleasant to interact with (although I could have done without the rifle I understand the necessity). All in all, it was one of those moments that you'll always remember... "the time I went out to break up a brawl and then all the police in Washington showed up to take care of it". More police officers in this county have been killed answering domestic violence calls than anything else. Second highest cause of death: accidents while driving at high speeds to respond to calls like that one. At least, that's what the officer said.

Anyway, everyone's safe and there's one more story to put in the "Is Mikalatos making this stuff up?" file.


  1. matt - this stuff only happens to you. I think god gifted you with this crazy life.

    but ... why the heck would you run TOWARDS shouting and cursing? And why didn't you at least get out there with your eye patch and your pet parrot?

    the most excitement i had this weekend was watching my school (umich) suffer the biggest upset in college football history. sigh.

  2. Ken--

    I run towards shouting and cursing because I think that I can somehow fix the situation.

    If the cops hadn't come as quickly as they had, I would have had to lay the smack down on some people.


    Matt "Don't Make Me Put You in The Lion Tamer" Mikalatos

  3. That...was...*AWESOME*!

    Seriously, I think one of these days you will get an honorary Ph.D. degree in "Wild Times in the 'Couv and beyond," from some prestigious institution. I'm glad nobody got gunned down, though..

    Maybe you should arm yourself! Just think, your very own semi-automatic assault rifle can be yours to wield. No more mister nice guy...we'll call you the Crusadinator.

  4. Anonymous11:02 PM

    hard to believe . . . but i guess i'll buy it

    ps i feel bad every time i bomb you in pirates because it shows your picture right before i hit the throw button. it's not so much you as your wife. i feel no remorse with you but i feel like im bombing krista.

  5. halfway thru I was actually thinking that you may have made it all up...

    But I believe you.

  6. Aw...that reminds me of the good ol' days growing up in Montana. Not that Montana is a dangerous place, it's just that everyone has shotguns.

  7. It's puzzling that you grabbed your keys before running out the door.

  8. Anonymous9:50 PM

    Suburban Vancouver is far too dangerous, obviously. Perhaps you should think about moving, maybe to another country. Perhaps you have one in mind.

  9. Matt--

    Because it was late at night, I wanted to be sure I could get back into the house without waking anyone. So, you see, even in those moments of extreme danger I am thinking of the well-being and well-deserved rest of those who inhabit my house.