This special Premium Edition Post has now been made available to only our Elite Subscribers, due to the extreme hilarity it caused as well as the possibly poor taste of the author.
Lesson: always listen to your wife when she says, "I wouldn't put that on my blog."
Lesson #2: If you snooze, you lose. Content is always changing at BHR.
Lesson #3: If your friend writes a hilarious but inappropriate post on his blog, be sure to get a screenshot for later.