Tuesday, September 18, 2007

It's not you, it's me

Several of you have mentioned over the last couple of weeks that Vancouver must be a dangerous place to live. I can see why you might think that since I've shared some stories involving police and Child Protection Services (by the way, the CPS situation has turned out well... the family involved is voluntarily in counseling, etc, etc).

But you need to understand that this is not because of Vancouver, it's because I am a sort of magnet of weirdness.

Case in point: This week, while in California for business and enjoying a coffee with Krista and a friend (nameless since I don't have permission to share this story, which includes her), a drunk man came and sat at the next table over. While he was sitting there, another man walked by with a guitar in one hand and a trumpet in the other, which he kept blowing on, and then looking at the trumpet like it was the crazy one.

The drunk guy started yelling comments at various people walking by. For instance, the truck driver who parked his semi to come get a latte. (YOU STEALIN' MY TRUCK?) Ha ha.

Eventually he managed to work up the guts to come talk to us. He started with a simple ice breaker... "I drink too much" and then tried to win me over by talking about sports.

After a short while he said something (I am trying to remember what it was, but, again, it was sports and I think my auto-delete on my memory got rid of it before he finished speaking) and then said to Our Friend, "High five" and she gave him a high five right as he said, "Spank me!"

Ah, the awkward moment.

Soon followed by the comment, "I just love blonde chicks" which involved him leaning over, grabbing our friend by the head and trying to smack a big fat kiss on her.

I stood up and said, "No no no" which was apparently enough to stop him, which was fortunate. Krista also added to the chorus of "NO!"

Krista and Friend got into the car while Drunk Guy said, "I didn't mean to offend you..."

So, as you can see, the weirdness has nothing to do with Vancouver. It just follows me around. Krista said later, "None of these things happened to me before I met you."

To which I can only reply, "Aren't you glad God brought me into your life, Sweet Darling?"