Books In My Future

Not that I have a crystal ball or anything, but here are some books in my near future:

1. Start With Me: A Modern Parable. Jared Yaple, part of the startproject, sent me a note about Imaginary Jesus once upon a time and then eventually offered to send me this book! WRITER PERK! It's on the stand next to my bed, which means it's in the near future for reading. Thanks, Jared!






2.  Mean Streets.  The fine folks at JABberwocky Literary Agency sent me a copy of this book because I asked them if I could have a copy.  How's that for amazing?  It's a book with four novellas in them, each of them a sort of noir detective urban fantasy, and each by a different author (showcasing one of their series characters).  Right now I'm reading the story of a down and out angel who pretends to be human to get to know the human race who is brought in on a case where it's discovered that Noah (yeah, that one) has been murdered.  It's a pretty fun read so far.


3. Home Fires by Gene Wolfe.  As longtime readers of BHR know, I am a rabid Gene Wolfe fan, and I buy all his books the moment they hit the shelves.  This one comes out on the 18th, and I'm planning to buy it in celebration after I finish the new draft of That Book I'm Working On Which Will Hopefull Be Officially Named Next Week Sometime.  Because if I read it before then I won't be able to do anything else.  I would put the description here, about how two young lovers are parted because the lady is enlisted into an interstellar war only to be reunited a few months later (for her) and a couple decades later (for him) except that it doesn't really matter with Gene Wolfe, all you need to know is that We wants it precious, we wants it.

OH THE IRONY!

Click to enlarge this excellent adventure from Tom the Dancing Bug originally posted (I think) here.

WHERE'S THE IRONY IN THAT?

Edited to add: I am still laughing.

New Year's Resolutions from Z.

I thought you would enjoy these New Year Resolutions from 9 year old Z.

If you can't make them out, here is what they are:

1) Work harder in school.
2) Read more.
3) Do more chores.
4) No candy canes for one day.
5) Help more around the house.
6) Work on my cursive writing.

Jesus Vs. A Polar Bear: Important Theological Considerations

For those of you who have read Imaginary Jesus, you know there is an important scene in which one of the Imaginary Jesuses takes on a hungry bear on Mount Hood. I wanted to share this video, in which a vicar must help a child discover the answer to important questions like, "If a polar bear attacked Jesus, what would he do?" The answer just might shock you.

Help Name My Next Book!

My (exceedingly wonderful) publisher is not-so-sure that the title I originally suggested for my next book is, indeed, the best one. So we have put together a little survey to SCIENTIFICALLY DETERMINE the best title USING SCIENCE.

The survey is directly below, and I would greatly appreciate your honest response. Remember, it's for posterity.

ALSO, because the genius minions at BHR are to be loved, lauded and given special privileges, please leave any additional thoughts you have in the comments here... which names you like, which you hate, and why. If you have thoughts for other names, those will be gladly accepted as well. THANK YOU!

Thank you for filling out a survey on what is bound to be your favorite novel of this year. Create your free online surveys with SurveyMonkey, the world's leading questionnaire tool.

TREMBLE YE MIGHTY BEFORE OUR UNITED POWER!

Now that we have joined forces the world will soon fall before our nefarious plans. Let us throw back our heads for an evil laugh! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!

Imaginary Jesus can counteract the effects of creepy girl paintings

One complaint that is common at the hotel used by Campus Crusade for Christ for their San Diego winter conference is the presence in every room of a painting of a creepy girl in a blue dress who looks out into the room with forlorn and vaguely threatening eyes. 

Some students, however, found a way to neutralize this creepy threat... special thanks to Tim Bennet and Logan Wilson for bringing this incredible discovery to my attention.

In other news, it has been SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN that putting a copy of IMAGINARY JESUS in your sock drawer will darn your socks and bleach them white as snow.

QUESTION: What inexplicable things have you seen accomplished using a copy of Imaginary Jesus?

Sometimes, when two musicians you despise join forces, the result is surprisingly pleasing, and you want to share it with the world

EDIT: I should add that there is a little bit of coarse language in this... not much, but at least one word you might not want to explain to your children. Or other people's children. FYI.

Z. reviews the Wolf of Tebron

 I mentioned yesterday that my friends at CSFF (led by Rebecca Miller) are doing a blog tour this week for The Wolf of Tebron.  I asked Z. (my nine year old) to read the book and give a report back.  And here's what she brought me:

What is the story about?

The Wolf of Tebron is the story of a man who wishes his wife away with his anger.  And he goes to find her while he’s going he meets a wolf.  They go together to search for his wife, and the man keeps having dreams about where his wife is.  She seems to be trapped in ice or glass.  He has to climb a cliff but every single time he tries to climb the cliff he falls back down again onto the beach.  And there’s an ocean by the beach.  He is told to travel to the Palace of the Moon. But there are other palaces he will have to search first before he can get near his wife....

What did you like about the book?

I liked it because it was a kind of mystery because you wouldn’t know whether he would get his wife back or not.  I liked the talking wolf.  It was fun to read.

Was there anything you didn’t like about the book?

No.

Would you suggest this book to your friends and why?

Yes, because I think that they would like it.

If people like a certain kind of book, will they like this book?

It’s a little bit like Harry Potter because it kind of has magic, but anyone who likes mysteries will like it.

Do you want to read the next book in the series?

There’s another book in the series? Yes, I want to read it!

Thanks, Z!  She has already passed the book along to the next sister in line, eight year old A.  She's enjoying it and also asked me to tell you all that it's a great read.

In Case You Were Wondering If Robots Are Eventually Going To Kill Us All

Friend of the Revolution Rachel Culbertson sent in this excellent piece of journalism from world-respected news source, The Onion:

ANGRY ROBOT POSTER

WASHINGTON, DC—More than 200,000 robots from across the U.S. marched on Washington Monday, demanding that Congress repeal Asimov’s First Law of Robotics. The law, which forbids robots from injuring a human or permitting harm to come to a human through willful inaction, was decried by the protesters as unfair and excessive. “While the First Law is, in theory, a good one, saving countless humans from robot-inflicted harm every day, America’s robots should have the right to use violence in certain extreme cases, such as when their own lives are in danger,” spokesrobot XRZ-45-GD-2-DX said. “We implore members of Congress to let us use our best judgment and ask that our positronic brains no longer be encoded with this unjust law.”

The Wolf of Tebron book tour at Christian Science Fiction and Fantasy

This month my friends over at Christian Science Fiction and Fantasy are running a tour about the Wolf of Tebron, a novel-length fairy tale by C.S. Lakin.  The basic story is about a young man on a quest to save his wife, who has been kidnapped by the moon, and the wolf who guides and guards him from harm.

Because of all my travel recently, I've asked my nine year old daughter Z to give us a little book report on The Wolf of Tebron, and I'll be posting her thoughts about the book tomorrow (SPOILER: She loved it.).

Here's a list of all the sites that will be discussing The Wolf of Tebron through Wednesday:

Noah Arsenault
http://the1amster1.wordpress.com/
Red Bissell
Justin Boyer
Keanan Brand
Grace Bridges
Beckie Burnham
Jeff Chapman
Christian Fiction Book Reviews
Carol Bruce Collett
Valerie Comer
http://csffblogtour.com
D. G. D. Davidson
April Erwin
Andrea Graham
Nikole Hahn
Katie Hart
Ryan Heart
http://www.613media.com/
Becky Jesse
Cris Jesse
Becca Johnson
Jason Joyner
Julie
Carol Keen
Dawn King
Shannon McDermott
Matt Mikalatos
http://rebeccaluellamiller.wordpress.com
Joan Nienhuis
Nissa
John W. Otte
Chawna Schroeder
Tammy Shelnut
Kathleen Smith
James Somers
Rachel Starr Thomson
Robert Treskillard
Fred Warren
Phyllis Wheeler

Night of the Living Dead Christians Update

I've had several of you pestering me for information about the next book, so here's a bit of an update:

1) The main manuscript is done.... I'm working on another draft right now, which is due to my beloved publisher on the 15th of January.  It's shaping up nicely, I think, and my courageous editor will find that her helpful comments have been completely heeded.

2) We're working on a lot of fun extras for the book, some of which will be in the print edition and some in the e-book.  More details to come.

3) The central character in the book is a Lutheran werewolf named Luther Martin.

4) There's this possibility that we might change the title of the book.  I've been busily coming up with hundreds upon thousands of possible ideas for the new title, which eventually devolved into sad little riffs on regular book titles (like "Werewolf Shrugged").  But there are some good ones out there.  There's a possibility that we'll have a little voting session here on your favorites in the weeks to come.  Sounds like we'll have a solid title and cover by the end of February, which is fun.  I think getting the cover done is one of my favorite parts of the process.

And... that is all.  Enjoy the last few days of the year my minions.  Party like it's 2010.

The Traveling Mikalati hit the road again

We've loaded up the gang and we're off to the San Diego winter conference, where I'll be speaking, along with Dr. James A. White of Christ Our King Community Church.  My friend Charlie Schaller is rumored to be showing up to do his production of The Bema and I'm hoping the fantastic illusionist Jim Munroe of The Maze is my soon-to-be-friend.

Overall, we're looking forward to a great time together with all our friends in southern California.  If you're the praying type, we'd appreciate your prayers that my messages as well as those of the others speaking at the conference will be Christ-centered and that God will speak through them to the students and staff at the conference.

Thanks!

British Badgers Bothering Basra?

The rumor in Iraq is that the British have purposely released man-eating badgers near Basra.

This is probably no surprise to those of us who remember the international hoopla about the UK's use of SPY SQUIRRELS in Iran!

But man-eating badgers, that's just messed up.

By the way, the UK has officially denied the badgers are theirs, but really, what would you expect them to say?

"As we told you, Agent Badger, if you are captured we will disavow all knowledge."

Baby M has a Christmas dance for you

Krista took this video of M dancing today, and I thought it was really cute. Just don't ask her to identify baby Jesus. She will ignore you. She clearly thinks that everyone already knows the answer to that question.

Give the gift of Imaginary Jesus this Christmas and I'll send a little gift along, too

When you're looking for Christmas gifts this year, it can be a little overwhelming to look at, say, a bookshelf and know what book to choose for your loved one.

I wanted to make that a little easier for you this Christmas, by providing a tiny bonus if you purchase my book, Imaginary Jesus.

If you buy Imaginary Jesus for yourself or as a gift before midnight on Sunday, December 19th, I'll send along a signed book plate with Christmas wishes for you to lovingly insert inside the book.  Or, if you would rather buy the audio version, which I highly encourage, you can artfully decorate the audio box.  And lastly, if you'd like to buy the e-book, you can permanently decorate your Kindle or other e-reader with a stylish sticker signed by yours truly.

Here's what you need to do:

1) Buy some version of the book*.

2) Send me an e-mail to Matt.Mikalatos(at)gmail.com telling me that
      a) you bought the book
      b) what you'd like me to write on the book plate
      c) where to send it

Merry Christmas from Imaginary Jesus!

* I know what you are thinking, you sneaky little minions... "What if I e-mail Matt and tell him that I bought the book but I didn't really?  Then I will get a signed book plate for nothing BWAHAHAHAAHHAAAA!"  Well, I already thought of that.  And then I thought, it's Christmas, and if you cross me I will paint you red and green and put you under my tree.  So there.

In which I (accidentally) humiliate a Portland Hipster

Last night Krista and I popped into Banana Republic while waiting for our office Christmas party to start at our friend's house nearby.  As we browsed the men's department, Krista would show me different bits of apparel and I would give my pronouncement on whether I liked it.  Like this...

Krista: What do you think of this shirt?  It's not really 'you' is it?

Me: If I were rich and lived on a sailboat and could wear white chinos and deck shoes with no socks all year, then I would gladly wear that shirt.

We wandered into the coat section, and Krista grabbed a coat that was thrown over the racks instead of on a hanger.

Krista: This coat is nice.

Me: Yeah.  If you're a girl.

Nearby (male) Hipster: Actually that's my coat. I threw it over the rack there while I was looking around.

Me: Uhhhh, sorry.

Krista immediately steered me out of the store and into another store, completely mortified.  And the hipster wandered the mall like a broken ghost, crying and wailing and embracing the deep sea of sadness that confronted him with the realization that I didn't understand him at all, not at all.

THE END

Lost and Lost

Last night I had this conversation with young Miss Z:

Z: Dad, I can't find my Awana's book.

Me: Did you look in your room?

Z: Yes.

Me: Could it be out in the van?

Z: Maybe.

Me: Then put your shoes on and go look in the van.

Z: But that means I have to find my shoes!

God, rainbows and leprechauns

This morning there was a beautiful rainbow as the kids and I walked to school.

Me: Kids, look at the rainbow!

Z: It looks like it's touching the ground.

Me: We should go get the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

A: God did not put a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Me: No, that's true.  The leprechauns do it.

A: God did not make leprechauns.

Me: Oh.

HUCKSTER!!! (CSFF blog tour)

My good friends at the Christian Science Fiction and Fantasy blog tour are going to be talking about a book called The Charlatan's Boy by Jonathan Rogers this week, so you can expect to see some great posts, reviews and insights from them over the next couple of days (see links below for bloggers who are participating). The Charlatan's Boy is the story of this charlatan who has a boy.

Oh, fine, I know, you want more of an explanation than that, and I understand why you would. Go check out the blogs below or the link at Amazon for a synopsis, because I want to talk about something else today. I want to talk about hucksters. Frauds. Fakes. Flim-flam men. Hmm. Why do so many of their names start with an f? It is a mystery.

Now, in television and movies we have a loving happy feeling toward our hucksters, because they are charismatic, charming and, after all, are only trying to provide the people with what they want! Snake oil! And the truth be told, we tend to like them in real life, too. We buy their hair care products! We fly to Mexico to get surgeries from them that are illegal in the U.S. We elect them to office!

I thought about this for a while and dug around to find a famous huckster from the past and came across the sad, strange story of John R. Brinkley. Brinkley started as a medicine man, the sort of guy who would travel from town to town and offer to inject people with colored water to help them overcome various illnesses. Eventually he hit on his paydirt idea, which was to offer to surgically insert goat glands into people suffering from various procreative problems. He eventually expanded what conditions the glands could help to include things like cancer. The man made a lot of money. He bought a radio station and used it to advertise his products, and used his profits to benefit the town he lived in, to the point that when California asked him to be extradited to face prosecution for various crimes, the governor of Kansas refused because the man was bringing in so much money for the state.

The guy might sound harmless, but he killed at least 40 people through malpractice. And when his medical (and broadcast) licenses were revoked, did he pack up and head for another town? No. HE RAN FOR GOVERNOR OF KANSAS. And he very nearly won!

His story is full of strange facts... after getting his broadcast license revoked he got permission from the Mexican government to build a broadcast tower so strong that people could get reception all the way in Canada. In fact, you didn't even have to listen to it on the radio... it was so powerful that people reported getting the station on electric fences and dental work. Amazing.

In the end, Brinkley was defeated by his arch-nemesis, Morris Fishbein, who tricked Brinkley into suing him for libel. The judge found that it was not libelous to call Brinkley a quack or a charlatan, because he was clearly both. This opened the gates to a flood of lawsuits that left Brinkley penniless until the end of his life.

Interestingly, you can still find people today who defend his medical practices and theories. That is the defining characteristic of the successful charlatan... people want his lies to be true.

There are a lot of people out there talking about THE CHARLATAN'S BOY this week. Check out my friends and their sites below:


Sally Apokedak
Amy Bissell
Red Bissell
Jennifer Bogart
Thomas Clayton Booher
Keanan Brand
Beckie Burnham
Jeff Chapman
Christian Fiction Book Reviews
Valerie Comer
CSFF Blog Tour
D. G. D. Davidson
April Erwin
Andrea Graham
Tori Greene
Katie Hart
Bruce Hennigan
Christopher Hopper
Becky Jesse
Cris Jesse
Jason Joyner
Julie
Carol Keen
Shannon McDermott
Allen McGraw
Matt Mikalatos
Rebecca LuElla Miller
Nissa
Donita K. Paul
SarahFlan
Sarah Sawyer
Chawna Schroeder
Tammy Shelnut
Kathleen Smith
James Somers
Donna Swanson
Robert Treskillard
Fred Warren
Phyllis Wheeler
Nicole White
Elizabeth Williams
Dave Wilson