news from my neighborhood

Big Wheels Keep On Turning. You may recall our cranky neighbors to the west who call the cops whenever something in the neighborhood does not suit their fancy. Well, our friendly neighbors to the NE have recently started leaving their giant truck parked on our sidewalk directly in front of Neighbor W's house. Yesterday the cops came and marked it to be towed, because it hadn't moved for several days. So Neighbor NE moved it into his driveway overnight, filled the cab with things from his garage, and then returned it to its previous location in front of Neighbor W's house. Looks like someone's going to get some hate mail!

Take You to the Cleaners. A couple of weeks ago a Kirby salesman came to our door. I told him I was busy, but he offered to come back. Krista was about to have a big party the next day and he said he would vacuum one room of the house. So I told him to come back at 4. He was late. He spent the next hour and a half cleaning my hallway. I kept trying to get rid of him so we could go to dinner. He kept saying things like, "What would I have to do to get this fine machine into your house?" And I would say things like, "I guess you could sneak into my house when I was out of town and put it in my closet." I finally asked him how much the Kirby went for and he said TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS. I laughed and told him that this was well out of my range. He said that I had to appreciate its value. I said that I did. He said that my neighbor to the NW did, too, and that he had bought one. He kept saying that. Your neighbor across the street there, he bought one. So finally I told him, that's good news. Because now I can borrow it from my neighbor for free.

Burgerville Update. The fresh milkshake of the season right now is apple caramel. Krista says it tastes like an apple pie with ice cream on it, but it's a milkshake. I wish strawberries were in season again.

Halloween decorations. Nothing makes a neighborhood feel homier than giant tarantulas, headless corpses, spider-webs and gravestones. One neighbor left their political endorsement sign on their heavily decorated lawn. Which makes it look like they are saying, "Vote for my candidate. SCAAAAARRRRYYY!"

Jam the Vote

I liked the JAM THE VOTE section of tonight Saturday Night Live Election Special. It's in the middle of the video below (at 5:12):



Tina Fey and Will Ferrel were on the show tonight, too. I noticed there was no Obama in tonight's episode. Could it be that SNL has a bias against Obama? I wonder.

Monkey Jockeys

The picture on the left is of Paprika the dog and her "jockey", Dirk the monkey.

The founders of The Kanine Derby said they couldn't figure out whether to call the new races they've put together Dog Races or Monkey Races, so they've settled for "The Kanine Derby." Training the monkeys and dogs to work together has been immensely difficult. I'll be watching the internet to see if I can get some video of the races.

Full story here.

Positivity

My team likes to tease me because I have the gift of "positivity." Seeing the bright side of things, so to speak. I'm sure it gets annoying for my co-workers sometimes. Like when my co-worker Jenny was having computer problems today and couldn't get her mouse to click correctly.

"I think I have a short in my mouse," she said.

I said, "That's better than a mouse in your shorts."

Yet Another Reason Not To Live in Prehistoric Times

Researchers have discovered the fossilized remains of a snake that was over 40 feet long, probably weighed more than a ton and was wide enough around that it would "probably have trouble" fitting through a doorway.

At the end of the article they say "it's a mystery as to what these creatures preyed upon."

Hmmm. I don't think so. I am guessing that they preyed upon everything.

Via Boing Boing.

You know, sometimes it really stretches credulity to continue to call these things "reality" shows

Bishop Thomas W. Weeks the third recently announced he's in negotiations for his own reality show. If you need a good laugh (or a good cry) be sure to click through to read the article.

Weeks is a twice-divorced church leader in Atlanta. He was last in the news for beating his most recent wife in a parking lot last August (07). His new show will be about him looking for his third wife.

During the show he'll be leading his international ministry and doling out relationship advice. His divorce lawyer will come on the show to give him relationship advice.

Which brings us to the Burning Hearts Revolution's Top Ten Rules for Relationship Advice and Reality Show Programming:

10. Don't marry a guy who beat up his last wife a mere 14 months ago.

9. Don't take relationship advice from a guy who doesn't have any successful relationships.

8. If you do choose to take relationship advice from a guy who doesn't have any successful relationships, you should always take his Opposite Advice. So when he says, "You have to think of your own needs" you can say, "That means... I should think of my wife's needs."

7. Don't take relationship advice from someone who makes a living off of the legalities of ending a relationship. Yes, I'm talking about divorce lawyers.

6. Unless your divorce lawyers has been married for thirty years and really wants to try to make things in marriages work out and he's become a divorce lawyer as a sort of last chance to save people's marriages.

5. If you want to star in a reality show, make sure your life is out of control, weird tabloid-fodder.

4. If your pastor who founded your church is always pulling funny little stunts like beating his wife, divorcing her, saying he is sad and lonely, saying he is healing and then decides he would like to go find a new wife--on a nationally televised reality show--you should give that guy a sabbatical. Just kidding. Fire him. Fire him now.

3. The devil did not make him do it.

2. And it sure wasn't Jesus who made him do it.

1. If your life does go all crazy, be sure to let the media outlets know so at least you get some publicity.

Mary Poppins on Broadway

Our last night in NYC we went to see Mary Poppins. We bought these tickets ahead of time because I love the movie and we thought it would be a good show.

And it was. The new music and the changes to the original music were done in conjunction with the Sherman brothers, the guys who wrote the music for the movie.

The acting was great and the costumes and set were spectacular. The set in particular caught my attention. It had enormous moving parts, and much of the show took place in some section of the Banks home, and the third floor and roof could be raised up and down onstage.

Also, Mary Poppins has an evil nemesis in the play. Which was good for a laugh, but of course MP is practically perfect in every way and she really had no trouble dealing with the interloper.

At the end, Mary flew up over the audience never to be seen again. Until she showed up for the curtain calls.

It was a great show to end a great week together.

A Typical Interaction

The following interaction is so typical of Krista and I that it has stuck in my brain. It took place on our plane going from Chicago to NYC.

(Terrible noises coming from beneath the floor of the plane. Enormous wrenching, screwing noises.)

Krista: That doesn't sound good.

Me: I'm sure it will be fine.

Captain: We have a problem with our hydraulic system. Looks like we'll be changing planes....

Liberty or Something Like It

This is my favorite picture Krista took of the Statue of Liberty. I've never seen one like it. It looks like Lady Liberty is striding through the forest, and we've happened upon her as we, too, journeyed through the woods.

I found our time on Liberty Island inspiring. I loved seeing the people from many countries taking their pictures with the Statue. Reading the history of the statue and listening to the audio tour was amazing, too. The way the French people came together to raise money for this gift to us, and then the Americans rallying to raise the money to build the pedestal was fascinating. I was struck by how this one piece of art required people from multiple countries, artists, architects, writers and others to come together and say, "Liberty and freedom for all people matters, and it should be the first thing people think of when they arrive in the United States."

The power of art to change lives and culture was a theme of our time in NYC, whether it was seeing the Canadian woman who has memorized every last bit of Wicked, or learning the history of the Statue of Liberty and hearing people on the audio tour talk about how they wept when they saw that great green monolith rising ahead of them, or seeing the memorial plates on the side of the fire department by the World Trade Center site.

The freedoms available to us in this country -- particularly the freedom of religion and the freedom of speech -- are things we should cherish and honor. Many in the world desire to come here to have a chance at that. One of the things that struck both Krista and I during our time at Ellis Island was how many of our immigration laws historically have been driven by racism and selfishness.

Last year we spoke with an immigrant from Mexico at our church. He told us, "Before we came to the United States, my children were hungry all the time. Now we have food to eat." That's the American dream right there, my friends. Many of our parents and grandparents came to this country to escape religious or political persecution, to climb out of the slow starvation of poverty, to find a place where they would have a chance to feed their families and be treated as equals. I'm all for us giving future generations a chance... and doing our best to make the United States a country defined by liberty and justice for all.

At the Met

On Thursday our day went like this:

1) Got up and took the subway uptown to go to the Metropolitan Museum.

2) Got lost. Ironically because our concierge got the subways backwards. Wandered in Central Park until we finally figured it out.

2) Went to the Metropolitan Art Museum.

3) Had a late lunch.

4) Went to see Letterman.

5) Grabbed dinner.

6) Went to see the 39 Steps.

7) Collapsed when we got back to the hotel room.

BUT I did want to mention an artist whose work I discovered at the Met. His name is Stephen Hannock. The Met has two of his pieces. The one above is actually eight feet by twelve feet, so you can imagine how this tiny internet picture is nothing like it. And then, the thing that I loved about it other than the beautiful painting, is that as you get closer to it you realize that he's written words all over the canvas, personal remembrances of the landscape. So the field in the foreground is actually made up of several paragraphs of Hannock's thoughts about the landscape. Places where his friends live are marked. Childhood memories (his or someone else's, I don't know) are written in along the riverbank.

The Met was great... a lot of impressive work and we could have easily spent more time spelunking the caves of art. But we had places to go, things to do! I think one could easily spend a lifetime in NYC and never exhaust all the activities available.

The 39 Steps

Thursday night Krista and I went to see "The 39 Steps" at the Cort theatre. The play is a sort of comic retelling of Hitchcock's movie of the same name, with the four actors playing about 30 or 40 characters, which sounds ridiculous and is. It's played up for comic effect, of course, and I, in response, laughed heartily. We had a good time. The staging was ingenious also, and the cast gladly pointed out from time to time how silly it was that they were pretending to be in car, or that they had one door frame to suggest every portal that must be crossed. It was a good show, and a lot of fun. Below is a short clip from the show that someone from the theatre uploaded.

Eavesdropping With Matt (Episode Thirty-Three)

Dedicated to the art-loving woman who dragged her husband to the Museum of Modern Art for the "free night" yesterday evening.

Woman: Do you even know who Dali is?

Man: Yeah. Dolly Parton.

Woman: ...

Man: I'm kidding! You need to simmer down. Just simmer down.

The New Colossus

I only have a few seconds here... Krista and I just got back from visiting the "Statue of Liberty Enlightening the World." We have great pictures and will put them on later tonight. But for now I thought you would enjoy reading the full text of Emma Lazarus' poem "The New Colossus"... the bottom bits of which are common knowledge, but I thought the poem overall worth reflection.

The New Colossus

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
"Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Letterman, McCain, Mikalatos... together again for the first time

This morning started with a few hours at the Met, which I'll tell you all about later when I have more time. I know what you really want to know is how my adventures with Letterman and McCain went.

Krista and I arrived and stood in line to pick up our tickets to the show. We talked with the various Late Show workers and they could tell we were something special. They told us secret code words. They gave us special sheets of paper with secret initials. They marked our tickets with a magic signal. All of this was designed to make sure that we were put in the Very Front row. They said it was because we were cute and smiley. We could not deny that this was true, and so we accepted their invitation to sit in the Very Front. In fact, Krista and I sat at Letterman's feet during his monologue. We could reach out and grab his fancy red and white polka dot tie. But we didn't.

I could feel in my bones that Letterman sensed my presence. And not just with his eyes or ears, but with his deep comedic sense. So I wasn't surprised when he walked down to K and me during the first commercial break and said, "If McCain won't come out to talk with me, I want you to come up and be interviewed."

I laughed. Ha ha ha! But I should have known that Dave is not one to joke. He was serious. Deadly serious.

Luckily, McCain *did* come out for his interview, which is for the best since I wasn't prepared. Dave went after McCain pretty hard during the interview, but McCain is a tough guy and he fought back with good humor until he saw me out of the corner of his eye. "Is that you, Mikalatos?" he cried.

"Yes," I said.

"You gave me a lot of trouble when I was in Arizona and people brought up your poetry contest to name new poets laureate!"

"I know," I said, "And I'm sorry."

Dave interrupted to say, "Matt, I've been thinking this over carefully and I want to hire you to be on the show. Would you like to be the Ed McMahon to my Johnny Carson?"

I frowned in deep thought. "I don't think that I can do that."

"You could just be a writer for the show," Dave said.

"No, I can't do that either. I have a job that is deeply important to me."

"What sort of job is it that you have?"

"I am... a missionary," I said.

"GOOD LORD!"

"Precisely."

Dave and McCain exchanged a glance. "How about we do a song and dance number together instead?"

I laughed, but Dave insisted. So McCain, Dave and I danced like a whirling storm of flying feet and sang a heartbreaking but hilarious song about Broadway, Presidential politics and Barak Obama's new plan to get us all kitties.

After that Ne-Yo came out and we had a dance off. I will admit that he won, though.

We all parted with manly hugs. I gave Dave my silver flute so that Dave and I would have no hard feelings. I still think it might be booby-trapped.

After all this Krista and I were tired, so we went out, grabbed dinner and then went to yet another Broadway show. Whew! It was a fun, exciting day. The next time I have a chance I'll give you a little update on the show we watched tonight (The 39 Steps) as well as our time at the Met.

Wicked, Wicked Broadway

We scrambled down to the Gershwin theatre this afternoon to attempt to win the "Wicked lottery." About two hours before show time the theatre draws about ten names, and those lucky individuals who are drawn get to buy front row (!) tickets for a HEAVILY discounted price. It comes out to about $25 a ticket, which is probably about a tenth of the price others in those seats are paying.

So Krista and I put our names in and, wouldn't you know it? We won! My name was the next to last name called, so I happily traipsed up to the front of the line and pulled out ID and cash to buy our way to the best seats in the house.

I know some of you are probably concerned that the system was unfair or biased in some way so that I won, and not the hundred other people who had put their names into the pot. I don't think that's true. Although afterwards, it was like we had left behind Kansas and our old black and white lives and somehow stumbled into a world of vibrant color.

Here's a picture of me with all the winners of the Wicked lottery (we're on the left):

I have never had such great seats. I actually found the beginning of the show slightly frightening, as it seemed the actors could reach through the fourth wall and grab hold of me with no effort at all, and the flying monkeys were gibbering and leaping about.

The main actors, Julie Reiber and Kendra Kassenbaum performed beautifully. The entire cast, in fact, was amazing. The music, the sets, costumes, everything was great. I loved it. Krista and I had a great, great time.

I have some thoughts about the story overall, but I think I'll save that for another time just in case there is some Wicked-equivalent to Clay Aiken fans waiting to jump me. I'll just say that taking fantasy narratives and bringing moral sophistication rather than clear, black and white morality to them is difficult and I don't think the play quite pulled it off without raising a lot of questions. I imagine that if any of the good citizens of Oz saw this play they would say "conspiracy nut jobs." But we don't have to worry about that happening, anyway. That didn't (at all) diminish my enjoyment of the play. I laughed. I cried. I believed a monkey could fly. Krista liked it enough that she signed off on our children having Broadway careers.

Tomorrow... Mikalatos, Letterman and McCain, together in one room. TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR A COMPLETE REPORT. Until then, your BHR correspondent in NYC is signing off for the night.

the temptation to abuse power

While Krista was busy outside listening to people saying how they like to be deceptive, I was inside asking a vendor if we were in the correct line. Enter... an NYPD police officer.

Officer: Is the bathroom right up these stairs?

Vendor: Actually, the lobby doesn't open until just before showtime.

Officer: Are you kidding me?

Vendor: Sorry. You'll have to use the bathroom at Starbucks just down the street.

Officer: You must not be from New York. You should try to stay friends with the police.

Vendor: Sorry, it's just theatre policy.

Officer: This is bad. You should try to make friends with the police. This is not good.

Vendor: It's the same for everyone, you can ask the manager.

Officer: Sure it is. I've used that bathroom before. This is not good. I'm just sayin'... you should try to stay friends with the police.

Then the officer exited the building. It's hard to express satisfactorily how threatening this all sounded. I have no problem with our police officers getting a break where they can get one. I would have no issue with them getting to use the bathroom when I, the customer, cannot. And I am sure that officers sometimes receive these little "thank yous" and I am all for that. However, when the officer slowly begins to think it is his right to receive something other than his pay for him to do his job, that is a problem. That is called bribery. It seemed to me (as ridiculous as it sounds) that the officer here was saying, "If you don't let me use the bathroom, the police won't be your friends, which means that bad things could happen." I don't care if the police are my friends. The police need to do their job for their friends or their bitterest enemies with complete objectivity or they are in danger of being consumed by their own authority. It was interesting to me that the officer's first barb hurled at the vendor had to do with whether the vendor was a true New Yorker. It's like a line from a western or something. "You ain't from around these parts, are ya? If you were, you'd know that the law in this town gets what it wants."

I watched the officer for a while after that while he stood outside venting to a couple of other officers. One of them went inside the building near the vendor while the first officer talked to him the entire time on a cell phone, I assume in some sort of strange intimidation technique. I was concerned enough about the whole exchange that I went and wrote down the officer's name. It was a deeply disturbing moment.

It symbolized to me the deep danger of authority and power... a subtle shift can take place concerning an unimportant, even trivial, issue and suddenly a well-meaning and even noble man can discover that he is abusing his power so that he doesn't have to walk down the block to use the bathroom. It's tragic, and I hope it was an exception in this officer's life. And I hope that I will catch any such moments in my own.

Eavesdropping with Matt (Episode Thirty-Two) with Guest Eavesdropper, Krista

While we stood in line for the "ticket lottery" for Wicked at the Gershwin theatre, Krista overheard this little gem in line behind her.

Lady 1: We have to give them our real names so that if we win the lottery we can prove it with our ID.

Lady 2: Oh. That's too bad. I like to use an alias.

Lady 1: Why?

Lady 2: I like to be deceptive.

Monty Python's Spamalot with surprise guest

Tonight I went to Spamalot, my first Broadway show, and I have to say that we enjoyed ourselves immensely. Part of the fun came from being with my beloved wife, without a doubt.

As we rounded the corner of the theatre, we knew little about the show. We knew it was based loosely on the "Holy Grail" movie from Monty Python and that Tim Curry, David Hyde Pierce and Hank Azaria had been in the Broadway debut. What we didn't know was that the big name in the show for right now was... Clay Aiken.

Krista and I laughed about that and she assured me that she hadn't known. I'm not a big American Idol or Clay Aiken fan. A lot of people in the audience must have been because they applauded and screamed every time he said his lines without messing up. He's famous, I guess. As the guy next to us in the theatre told his father, "Clay Aiken's the Announcer-Guy on American Idol."

The first act of Spamalot left me grinning. It's funnier than the film it's based on, honestly. "The Song That Goes Like This" kept me laughing, as well as our heroes and their encounter with the Lady in the Lake and the Laker Girls. I could have done without much of the second act.

I would have gladly gone my entire life without hearing or seeing performed the songs "You Won't Succeed on Broadway" and "His Name Is Lancelot." Attempting bravely to balance these two travesties out was "I'm All Alone" and watching the Black Knight get hacked to bits on stage, followed by the ferocious rabbit. Please, someone, let somebody else read the Holy Hand Grenade instructions instead of Aiken. It's outside his range, I think.

All that to say, we had a great time. They closed the mezzanine for some reason and moved us to better seats in the balcony. Oh, and then we went for dessert afterwards and saw P Diddy. Yeah, apparently he was watching "Lion King" and fought his way out through his fans afterwards with his entourage. So we saw Clay Aiken and P Diddy in one night. Life in NYC, I guess.

Good night, everyone! See you tomorrow.

Updates from my wife

If you're not following my wife's updates about our time in NYC this week, you should. You can leave her comments. She likes that.

1) Proof that she is happy being with me. So you can back off, she's mine.

2) Fun with Son.

3) Mikalato + Gelato.

We had a lot of fun spending time with Sarah today. We miss her on the Left Coast. My only complaint is that every time she took a picture of us she would say, "It's so white!" Sometimes it is hard when our friend says hurtful things because of our race. :P

Accosted on the street by strangers

As you move toward Times Square, nearly every corner is populated with men trying to sell you tickets to a comedy show. For some reason I am like an unpleasant mark to them. I have tried different ways to respond to them, all of which seem to make them angry.

The Polite Approach: In which I say, "No, thank you" when they ask if I would like to see a comedy show. To which they reply by shouting after me, "WHY DON'T YOU TRY SAYING YES, HUH? WHAT ABOUT THAT?"

The Ignoring Them Approach: In which I pretend not to see or hear them. To which they reply by shouting after me, "WHAT, YOU CAN'T HEAR ME ASKING YOU IF YOU LIKE COMEDY? HUH?"

I am not sure why they keep yelling after me. They don't seem to do it to other people. Is it my old man sweater? Is it the fact that I am with a beautiful woman and they are insanely jealous? Are they intimidated by my monstrous biceps? I do not know.

Here was my favorite interaction today:

Guy Selling Tickets: Do you like comedy?

Me: No, thanks.

GST: You know, Shakespeare was pretty funny.

Me (already out of GST's range; grinning): Yes, he was.

Krista: Is that going on your blog?

Me: Yes. That guy has just earned himself a place in history at BHR.

Tomorrow I have some new techniques to try out. My favored one at this moment is the "Pretend You Are A Foreigner" technique. I think this might work, since people in Latin America tend to think I am their countryman, I thought I might be able to get away with it here. I just have to say something in Spanish whenever people try to sell me tickets. We'll see how it goes.

Two more strangers on the street:

1) While in the Village, two guys with clip boards started sending hand signals to each other while we walked by and the second guy said, "Gay and lesbian rights?" I just stared at him. I couldn't figure out what he meant. Then he said, "Have a nice day." And then I was past him. I suppose I should have said "That's true" since gay and lesbians do have rights (?).

2) A fervent young man asked, "Do you have a minute to give to Obama and the Democrats?" I said, "No, I don't think I do." For one thing, I didn't see Obama there. I suppose if he personally wanted a minute of my time I would provide it. But I wasn't sure how the fervent young man with a clipboard was going to use my minute. And just asking him would use up most of the minute, anyway. Besides, I am on vacation. I am not giving any moment of this day to any politician or political party. They have more important things to do than spend my minute.