News From My Neighborhood

I'll have the frog's legs, waiter, but hold the frog's legs. The neighbor's kitten is growing up and prowling our backyard for snacks. I scared her off today to see what she was eating and discovered two frog's legs, crossed neatly like a fork and knife on a plate. Krista says this is proof that cats never need to be fed. I say it's proof that animals do not consider members of other species to be cute. Frogs are cute. Kittens are cute. But you put them together and someone is going to end up dead. Sometimes it's the frog, sometimes it's the kitten. Usually the frog, though.

Matt Vs. The Barf Fairy. The Barf Fairy visited our family this weekend, starting with an explosion of mango and yogurt from A. Within about five hours my stomach hurt, but I was determined to defeat the flittering little trouble-maker. This morning I could barely get out of bed, but I ate the traditional Honey Nut Cheerios breakfast in pure defiance. Followed by some more time in bed, working on our newsletter. Then I ate some toast. Tonight I was feeling well enough to make some homemade pizza. Tomorrow I'll either feel great or terrible. No middle ground for me!

But The Cat Came Back. Yesterday it looked like she was prowling after the kids. In fact, at one point, A started yelling at me to keep the cat away, because she thought it was going to attack her. It thinks it's a tiger or something. If it had another hundred pounds or so of weight there could be some real problems in this neighborhood.

I Gave You Life... I Can Take It Back Again. Our neighbor to the southwest spent a lot of time destroying his front lawn, cultivating the dirt and re-seeding the grass... only to fail to water it now that it's hot out. He's like a mad scientist, toying with life. He must be stopped.

The Plague of Grasshopper(s). I discovered a grasshopper in our house, happily perched on our walls which are painted "celery ice" green. I snagged it and threw it outside. I showed it to Z and she said, "Oh, I saw that go inside last night." Now I see another one (the same one?) on the wall again. Could it be another nemesis for me? As if Mad Scientist, Miniature Tiger and Houdini Dog are not enough! Can I be expected to add a Grasshopper to my Rogue's Gallery? And how will it contribute to the Mystery of the Squeaky Attic?

In Other News. No sign of Houdini Dog. He may have escaped for good this time. I shake my fist at you, Houdini Dog!

Princess Leia Sings Star Wars

The animated Clone Wars movie reveals George Lucas' deep commitment to destroy his entire Universe. We first suspected this with the advent of the Ewoks, and then the prequels assured us that all of Star Wars' child-like wonder was being emptied out like the last few coins from a broken piggy bank.

We should have realized it sooner, I guess, but we were kids and didn't see the signs of the cheesiness that was to come:



Happy Life Day, everyone.

Cool Space Toys

Krista and I were briefly in the San Francisco airport today, where we walked quickly through a cool show of old tin toy robots and spaceships and other rad evidences of everyone loving outer space. You weren't allowed to take pictures, though, which was lame.

Here's a link to the show, even though you can't see any of the pictures.

A Good Time With Jesus

Last Sunday, Krista suggested I go work out, but the gym was closed. So I went on a bike ride to a nearby park that we recently discovered. There's an off-road trail that leads to this beautiful pond. I saw a snake there. I haven't seen a wild snake in Vancouver in a couple of years.

I enjoyed the quiet time and spent some great time in prayer. I felt God's presence clearly, and experienced a deep peace during our time together.


I found this patch of ripe blackberries. People in the Northwest think of blackberries as a weed, because blackberries will fight you to the death for a square foot of land. To those of us who grew up in California, this is a shame. It's hard even to find blackberry bushes that haven't been poisoned, so it was a special treat to find this little clutch of berries.


I always like running across strange graffiti like this. Appears to have been drawn with a sharpie. I will reveal my ignorance here by saying I have no idea if this is a brand name, a logo, a famous band icon... no idea. Appears to be a snake on an iron bar cross with a crown and wings over it. Weird but interesting.


The river running through the park is beautiful, too. I enjoyed the space provided by the park, and was thankful for the people who donated the acreage to the city of Vancouver.

Upside Down Z

Z has been practicing her playground skills.

First Hamburger

Last week, on her first day of kindergarten, A agreed to try a hamburger. It was actually a buffalo burger, with fresh tomatoes from our garden. She loved it.

Signs of Daytona Beach, Florida

This (slightly modified) sign seems to provide evidence that someone from Portland, OR beat us here. Unless it was one of my co-workers. In which case, I suspect Colorado. :)

Aaaand, here's a sign that proves that we're *not* in Portland. Just in case you were wondering which foods were neither organic, made from organic ingredients, nor all-natural, here's a handy guide to which foods those might be.

The Visitor

In a rare travel moment, Krista and I watched a great movie on the airplane today. It's called The Visitor. The movie is about Walter Vale, widowed university professor, who heads to New York City for a conference, only to discover that his long abandoned apartment has been, unknown to him, rented out to illegal immigrants. In a moment of unexpected kindness he invites them to stay, and a friendship begins that starts to return life and purpose to Vale's existence.

The writing and acting are great. The story is powerful and moving. I laughed out loud and got caught up in the story... while on the airplane. Amazing. A movie like this could easily veer into preachy politics, but it doesn't. It's a story about people, and the characters take center stage. The symbolism is carefully planned and almost never heavy handed. An excellent movie that Krista and I both really enjoyed.

The Visitor releases on DVD October 7th, and I highly recommend you watch it when you get the chance.

Here's the trailer:



Rated PG-13 for brief strong language. At a moment that deserves some strong language.

New Article at Discipleship Journal

I got an e-mail tonight from one of the editors at Discipleship Journal and they've accepted another one of my articles. I originally sent a shorter article and they asked for me to rewrite it as a feature article. Which I did. Then they asked for a few more re-writes, which I did, and now there's a contract on the way! I'm thrilled, of course. Not only to have another article in DJ, but also because I'm excited that some people might read the article and use what they learn in it.

I'll let you know when I have an idea which issue it will be in.

A Fun Airport Game

When you fly United, there are clear classes of people. First class, of course. Followed by the premiere executives. Followed by the peons. Then the serfs. Each category is treated differently (the serfs, for instance, are not allowed to use the restroom on the plane).

I like to try to do at least one thing that's above my class. My favorite thing is to step on the red carpet, even though I'm not allowed to do so. Take that, first class! Ha ha ha! My foot went where only your foot is allowed to go! Ha ha ha haaaaaaaa.

The traditional airport post

Krista and I are on our way to Florida today, to meet with everyone else in the US who does the same job as me.

It looked like Hurricane Ike might make our planned meeting place (Daytona Beach) difficult, so everyone sent in their thoughts for alternative meeting places. Which means that I'm sitting here thinking, "Why am I flying to Florida instead of Hawaii, Paris, or Amish country?"

Nothing of great importance to note today at the Portland airport. I am struck by how everyone looks familiar after you fly enough, and you're stuck there trying to figure out if you've actually been on a plane with these people before, or if you're inventing things in your mind.

The guy who looks most familiar is a white-haired old gentleman with a handlebar mustache. He's wearing a blazer and a checkered shirt and he has that harmless, friendly look that guarantees that as soon as you turn your back he's going to shove a cloth soaked in chloroform over your mouth. Or maybe that's only in the movies, I get confused.

Also here, the Japanese girl reading a book while wearing noise-canceling earphones. The young family with a baby. The woman whose lips are so close to her cell phone that it looks like she's kissing it. The fat guy with too many bags. The business guy who's flying first class, but he's still standing as close as he can get to the jetway so that when the attendant calls first class, he'll be the first one onto the plane. The tattooed lady with the nose rings and conservative scarf. The mariachi band. All old friends, although I don't know their names.

Be safe today, my friends. And stay away from the old guy with the handlebar mustache.

News From My Neighborhood

Houdini Dog on the Loose (Again). We don't own a dog. But two weeks ago while mowing the back lawn I discovered evidence of a dog. You know the sort of evidence of which I speak. Digested evidence. I supposed that the side gate had been open. I've been making sure that the gate is closed now. And yet, today while mowing the lawn I smelled (before I saw) further evidence. How shall I say it? Fresh spoor of the beast. I unintentionally mowed it. The point, however, is that said dog could not have entered our yard by traditional means. It is a mystery which I intend to solve. Is a neighbor opening the gate and letting their dog into our backyard? Is someone collecting leavings and launching them over our fence? Is there a flying dog? A Houdini dog? The title reveals my prejudice on this question. Rest easy, friends, I will chain him again soon enough.

The Squeaky Attic Mystery. For some time now Krista and I have been the victims of this squeaky thing that appears to live (?) in the vent directly above my side of the bed, connecting to the attic. It squeaks once or sometimes twice after the lights go out in our room. Rarely in the day. It doesn't seem irregular enough to be an animal, and we never hear scratching sounds or the sound of tiny claws running around. On the other hand, I'm having a hard time coming up with a non-living cause for a thing that squeaks at night when the house turns dark and quiet. Could it be the sound of Houdini Dog squeezing back under the eaves of the house and into his home in our attic? I'm not sure. A bat? A rat? A squeaky -- thing? I don't know. The curiosity drives me crazy at night, but during the day I forget about it. Now that I've shared it here in the BHR community, maybe I'll do something -- take off the vent cover and take a look. Feel free to share dire warnings about why I shouldn't do that.

My, what an impressive vocabulary you have

Yesterday my five-year-old daughter A was harassing me and trying to keep me out of the bathroom by hanging onto my legs. I pried her off and said, "Hey, what's that over there?" And she said, "You're just trying to make a diversion."

Then tonight after "family fun night" she had a good comment, too. She had completely destroyed me and then Krista at Wii tennis, and she said that she had "dominated" us.

This from the same girl who didn't know any ghost words. I can't wait until she can read... who knows what she'll be saying then?

Eavesdropping with Matt (Episode Thirty)

Dedicated to the old man at my parents' neighborhood barbecue tonight, and to the youngish female doctor that he sought out for friendly conversation.

Old Man: Did I hear you say that you work at the hospital?

Lady: Yes.

Old Man: I don't want to go to the hospital.

Lady: You could just stop by to say hi.

Old Man: I do that sometimes. I'm (I couldn't hear the number) years old.

Lady: Well, you certainly don't look your age. You must be doing something right.

Old Man: I chase my wife around.

Lady: ha ha. That keeps you young, I guess, chasing after your wife.

Old Man: I could chase after you instead... but I would never catch you.

Ice: Friend or Foe?

Z recently started ice skating lessons again. They make the kids wear bike helmets, which I suppose should be called ice-skating helmets for that half hour on the ice.

Not all the kids remember their helmets, though.

Last night I saw a kid take a dive on the ice. He landed forehead first on the ice. Much wailing and many tears followed. His parents tried to go out to him on the ice, but they were wearing flip flops. So instead they stood at the entrance to the rink and shouted encouraging messages. "It's okay, buddy!"

Eventually the instructors delivered the distraught ice victim to his parents.

Then his parents went and got some ice to put on his forehead.

Putin Vs. Tiger

As if he wasn't frightening enough. Putin single-handedly stops a Siberian tiger from mauling a camera crew.

Cheryl, Eric, Ashley, 'Jamin, we would love an update from you on this situation.

My favorite art at the Maryhill Museum

Yesterday (also for Krista's birthday) we went to the Maryhill Museum of Art. I was amazed by the quality of the pieces on display there. Right now they have a Warhol show going, and an impressive amount of Rodin in the basement, which is apparently part of the permanent collection. The international chess sets were neat, too.

But by far my favorite installation was this one:

I debated telling A that she wasn't allowed to put her own work up in the museum, but in the end I decided that I didn't want to squelch her artistic temperament.

Z also did some art in the kid's room, too:

Dr. Horrible on Your iPod

The fine (but strange) folk at Dr. Horrible have just released the Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog soundtrack.

I am listening to it right now with a silly smile on my face.

Non-Discrimination Policies

We took Krista to Multnomah Falls for her birthday breakfast yesterday, and while at the falls I saw the Multnomah Lodge's non-discrimination policy. They have included icons to make it clear which people shall not be discriminated against. Feel free to include your own guesses in the comments section. I have included mine below:

People Who Believe In a Round Earth. Hey, just because you choose to believe in a round earth rather than a flat earth (which is manifestly obvious to anyone who looks around them), that's no reason for us not to hire you here at Multnomah Falls. Sure, when you drop things we'll laugh at you when they don't roll away down the so-called curve of the earth, like you think they should. But we'll still hire you even though you're a little dumb.

Dating Couples Who Have to Be Touching At All Times. Okay, we'll admit that you make us nervous, and that sometimes we feel a little sick seeing that you can't keep your hands off each other long enough to have normal social interactions with the rest of us. But that doesn't mean we'll discriminate against you. We might put you in your own little corner of the restaurant where we don't have to see you playing footsy while you feed each other bites of pancakes and sip from the same cup, but we are guessing that either you won't notice or won't care.

People Who Clap With Their Hands Perfectly Aligned To One Another. We -- like most people -- prefer the slightly unaligned and "cupped hands" version of clapping. In addition to giving a fuller, rounder sound to the clapping, it also looks more natural and prevents an audience from appearing to be a faceless collections of automatons. We'll still hire you, and we'll still serve you. Perhaps we will watch you carefully, suspecting that you are a robot sent from the future to kill us because we are the only ones who can defeat SkyNet. But that's self-defense, not discrimination.

Two-Faced Liars. We know you don't trust us, because you think everyone is a dirty liar just like you. But the fact is that we are prevented by law from discriminating against no good filthy liars. Also two-faced jerks and people who wear masks on the back of their heads. We don't like it, but it's the law.

Happy Birthday!

Dear Krista... the kids and I wanted to wish you (another) happy birthday. There aren't a lot of birthdays out there that make us as happy as your birthday does. There are many reasons to celebrate you coming into the world. I love you and hope you have a spectacularly good year this year.