The tagline for the advertisement said, Stop Searching For Sad Love Songs. Get Her Back Now With These 6 Tips.
Now I was laughing out loud. Some pour schmuck got broken up with and is searching for sad songs on the internet and now some Evil Genius is going to try to GET MONEY OFF HIM while he's down. KICK HIM, KICK HIM WHILE HE'S DOWN!
I couldn't take it. I had to click on the link and hear the sales pitch. And here's what I heard (sales pitch in blue, followed by my thoughts):
"MEN ONLY: Learn How to Get Your
Girlfriend Back Into Your Arms — Even
If Your Situation Seems Hopeless..."
Awwww, how sweet! He just wants to get her back in his arms. He's surfing the net, looking for sad songs and thinking, "If only I could get her back in my arms." This nameless guy is starting to just make me sad.
If you've broken up with your girl and have tried everything to get her back... yet failed, then this FREE report will be the most valuable thing you read all year.
This is a pretty bold promise. More important than the directions on my tax return? More important than the booklet that tells me which transmission fluid to put in my car? More important than the words upon my barbecue that teach me how to insert the gas container without blowing myself up? I am suddenly looking forward to my FREE report!
Inside you'll discover...
- The 2 "tricks" you must never try with your ex (these will push her away to the point of no return)
- How many days does it take to get a girl back? Finally, a straight answer you can live with
- Are you still friends with your ex? Discover exactly what you stand to gain (and lose) with this arrangement
- The slight change in your approach that leaves her begging to be with you (this is so simple yet all guys overlook it)
- Why the pain you're feeling right now is killing your chances of getting her back (and how to turn it off like a light switch)
How to turn it off like a light switch: cigarettes.
- The 1 thing you must never tell a girl after a breakup... find out if you've already made this mistake and how to correct it before it's too late...
Send for this FREE report now... simply enter your First Name and a valid Email Address below, then click the ‘FREE Instant Access’ button and this report will be sent to your inbox immediately...
Wait a minute... this whole thing is free? Hold on. This sounds like a trick. Is this website run by ex-girlfriends? Is this a cruel hoax? Poor sad Ex-Boyfriend. Must she use him so terribly?
I HATE spam with a passion - your Email address will never be shared with anyone else.
Wow. You feel strongly about spam. Good for you. I wonder though, what if my ex were to write you and ask if I had been trying to get back together and she lost my email address... would you share it with her? Because that would be okay.
To Your Relationship,
Dr. George Karanastasis
Karanastasis? KARANASTASIS? It aaaaaaaaaall makes sense now. Dr. K is Greek. Like me. Wily Dr. Karanastasis.
Here's my guess: Dr. K's girlfriend broke up with him. He applied his superior intellect to figuring out how to get her back. He realized that gifts and kind comments would only push her away. His best bet was to become an online relationship guru so that women would always be saying things like, "I wish my boyfriend would listen to Dr. K." Then Dr. K's (ex) girlfriend would hear about it and be, like, "Hey, Dr. K used to be my boyfriend" and she would call him up and say Hey do you want to get together for coffee.
No, he would say, my own pamphlets suggest it would be an unwise boundary to cross. Should I risk my heart being broken again for one cup of steaming java?
Fine, she will say, let's get married then, and you can take me out for a cup of coffee in Hawaii on our Honeymoon.
Play it cool, thinks Dr. K, and he does, and pretty soon they are in Maui, married, musing over mochas.
You really are an expert, Dr. K. Well done, sir, well done.