Day Twenty-Nine: No good reason to fast other than obedience

Today at the office, Bethany and Jesse asked if I was dieting or something. I told them about the fast and they asked the dreaded "why" question. I told them that I had “no good reason other than God told me” to fast. Which is true. I can't imagine a good reason to do this other than obedience.

I'm so tired... just making these notes of the fast seems like a monumental task.

I’m starting to wonder if anything of any real significance will come out of this time (i.e. a change, something different, God speaking more than he would speak on an ordinary day of interaction…). We’re running out of days. Tomorrow will be THREE FOURTHS of the way through. Crazy.

Cru: a name "without meaning" and why that's (potentially) a good thing

Hey, kids, it's time for a multiple choice quiz. Here's your question: What does "Qdoba" mean?

A) It's an Aztec word meaning "womanly."

B) It's a shortening of the Spanish phrase "Que Adoba?" which means "What is that marinated in?"

C) It's a word that sounds like Spanish but really isn't, just like the food appears to be Mexican, but really isn't.

D) It means fast, friendly, fresh.

The answer, dear readers, is at the end of this post.

One of the common questions people have asked about the Campus Crusade for Christ name change is "What does 'Cru' mean?"

Now, obviously, for those of us who have been around and know where the name comes from, it's an abbreviation of the word Crusade from our current name (more on that tomorrow, in the post "Terrible, Horrible Things About Our New Name and Why We Still Chose This One"). But a lot of people seem concerned that they will be having conversations like this:

Me: Hi. I work with a Christian non-profit organization called "Cru."

Other guy: Oh yeah? What does 'Cru' mean?

Me: I have no idea.

Other guy: Really?

Me: Well, um, it's a sort of shortened version of the word Crusade.

Other guy: Uhhhhhh....

Me: Because 'Cru' is a way for me to downplay that my group was originally called Campus Crusade for Christ.

Other guy: You're creepy.

Me: I know. But do you want to hear about Jesus? He can totally protect you from creepy people.

What does "3M" mean?

To which I can only say, I doubt it. You're not going to have this conversation, and neither am I. At least, not very often. Let's face it, we have a very high tolerance for ambiguity and lack of meaning in our language. If you disagree, I would merely point out how many times you've used Scotch Tape without considering what it means. Duct tape, electrical tape, masking tape... these all have relatively straightforward clues as to their intended use in their names. But what about SCOTCH tape? Is it for use on alcoholic beverages? For laying out hopscotch boards? Or could it be a racist crack against Scotsmen? (Now that you're wondering for the first time in your life, here's what Scotch Tape means.) We rarely ask what things mean, preferring to know what they do. This is a far more likely conversation:

Me: Hi. I work with a Christian non-profit organization called "Cru."

Other guy: Oh yeah? What do you do?

Our previous name was a highly descriptive and concrete name. The name (originally) represented who we were and what we did. Namely, Campus (we work with college students) Crusade (we don't just "work" on campus actually, we have a cause, a mission on the campus) for Christ (the person and reason we work with college students). Over the last 60 years two things changed: our organization expanded, so that many of our staff don't work on campus, and the semantic range of the word "crusade" narrowed (at least in common usage) so that our name no longer describes us accurately. To most people who hear our name now it says Campus (our organization is only relevant to college students) Crusade (we will kill you in a religious war) for Christ (for Jesus).

Now, we didn't enter into the name change process having decided to choose a more abstract name. In fact, in the over 1,600 names we considered, there were many, many names that were descriptive. There's nothing wrong with choosing descriptive over abstract.

Take, for instance, two Seattle brands: Starbucks and Seattle's Best Coffee. Remember the first time you went to Starbucks? There's no doubt what Seattle's Best Coffee serves. Starbucks, on the other hand... WHAT DOES IT MEAN? I would guess, for most of us, we've attached our own meaning to it. Very few of us walk into the store and think, Ah, their name is a reference to the first mate of the Pequod, although in the plural rather than possessive. Ahoy! A cup of coffee, matey! No, we have an emotional reaction to the name. Starbucks hopes it's one that has something to do with rest, relaxation, a nice place to hang out and enjoy a beverage or have a conversation.

Lots of organizations have these names that don't precisely explain who they are or what they do: Google, Starbucks, Apple, Chevron, Twitter. Part of the reason Campus Crusade for Christ chose to move away from a more descriptive/concrete name was to allow us to have a shot at influencing people's opinion of the organization by way of their experience rather than their opinion about what our name describes.

So, the hope is that having a more abstract name will allow us to infuse the name with meaning ourselves, much as Starbucks or Qdoba or Google has done with their names. The exciting thing about this is that it will force people to look at our organization rather than our history (good or bad). People will look at their own experience with us rather than their expectations of what we should be (or what we were in the 1970s). The potential drawback to this is that people will see us for what we are. So, if we're not living up to our mission, if we're not following through on our promises to our people, if we're not the cutting edge organization that's committed to the Great Commission, that will be obvious and leave us with a poor reputation. I, for one, am proud of Cru and the things we've done in the last ten years, so I'm confident that when people look at us they'll see something attractive, something they want to be a part of.

By the way, this is why we decided not to make "Cru" an acronym... adding an acronym moves us toward descriptive again, whether it's "Community, Real life change, Uncommon opportunities" or "Christians Really Understand" or (my personal favorite via Chris Zaugg) "Christ Reaching Uthers." We don't want to tell people who we are anymore, we want to show them with our actions.

I hope you like what you see!


Qdoba answer: No one knows what Qdoba means. It's not Spanish. I sent a note to Qdoba a few days ago and haven't heard back from them yet!


Previous posts on this topic: 


* The criteria we used in the name change process and why they matter.
* Name change overview

Fasting Day Twenty-Eight:A fully developed fantasy life

Does this look like something you
should be putting in your body?

I woke up and drank some fruit juice this morning (the V8 juice I’ve been drinking since day one, and it tasted really weird and not good for some reason). It tasted way sweeter than I was used to, which was weird because I didn’t really remember it being so sweet, but it had been a while since I had drank any, so I thought maybe it just seemed really sweet compared to grape juice or something. But there was this weird aftertaste. Then my wife pointed out that I had accidentally bought a LIGHT version of the juice (it was only 50% juice it turns out) and that I had been drinking not only some sort of weird light version but also SUCRALOSE. Gross! I immediately recognized the after taste when she mentioned it. Of course it was the chemical aftertaste of sucralose. I was really bummed about it, and later in the morning I got a pretty bad stomach ache from it.

That's more like it!

Tonight I spent about 40 minutes looking through a Chinese cooking book, trying to find something I would enjoy eating. I think it's fair to say that I have a fully developed food fantasy life now. I hate to admit it, but Krista and I were watching "Master Chef" the whole time I was flipping through the cookbook. I find myself overly interested in what the amateur chefs are making, and, you know, most everything they make looks good in a sort of disinterested way. 

Anyway, I’m thinking about making the vegetable broth that’s in our Chinese cook book. But what I really want is the Shanghai style noodles. Mmmmmmm. Krista said she would be glad to eat lots of the meals in the cookbook if I cooked them.

We talked about Father’s Day, too, which will be one week before the end of my fast. Of course I won’t be able to eat, which totally derails the usual family plan (“take dad to eat where he wants to eat”). But Chinese food sounds so good… I wonder if I’ll be able to eat it soon after my fast, and if so how soon it will be!

Campus Crusade for Christ name change: The criteria we used and why they matter

Before you change your name, you need to know who you are. Most of us are given our names, and while a lot of parents give us a middle name to switch to, sometimes you can grow up feeling that your name has stopped representing who you are. That's how Richard Smith of Carlisle decided to change his name to "Stormhammer Deathclaw Firebrand" last May (I'm not joking... you can look him up).

Before we get to the criteria that Campus Crusade for Christ used during our renaming process, I thought it would be important to take a look at our "who we are" statement that we used to remind ourselves what we wanted people to know about who we are.

Here it is (all slides in this post are taken from this talk where Steve Sellers, CCC's vice president of the Americas, announced the name change):

In case you can't see the picture clearly, it says: WE ARE a caring community - passionate about connecting people to Jesus Christ - so they can experience Christ's life-changing presence and the opportunities to share Him with others.

Notice three main aspects of the statement above:

1) a caring community

2) connecting people to Christ/opportunities for others to share about him (evangelism remains a central part of what we do)

3) Life change. Campus Crusade for Christ has been and will continue to be about seeing people's lives transformed by the presence of Christ in their lives. As you can see, this continues to fit well with our mission and statement of faith.

A few news outlets chose to use our name change as an opportunity to manufacture controversy in the hopes of generating more traffic to their sites, but as you can clearly see in this "brand identity" slide, from the very beginning changing the name has been centered on the same values Campus Crusade for Christ was founded on.

Now, let's take a closer look at the criteria used in the naming concepts:

1. Can be used with the new brand strategy concepts. 

The "brand strategy concepts" could be a post all by itself, but basically it boils down to the brand identity above... that our name wouldn't conflict with our promise to be a caring community, to seek life change for people around us through connecting them to Christ, and that we would teach others to do the same.

For me, one of the saddest things from the research was when we'd hear a comment like, "I wish there was an organization that would care about me and help me to find answers to my spiritual questions." Our name prevented outsiders from seeing us that way... they saw us as a people with a cause who would treat them as something expendable. We wanted to make sure that our new name would allow people to look beyond that misconception and see that we would love them, connect them to Christ and teach them to do the same with others.

2. Leads to greater interest and encourages target audience to ask additional questions without being "overly religious."


For me, this boils down to the "airplane test." When Krista and I first joined staff with Campus Crusade for Christ, I was excited to tell people that I was a missionary (something we had been working toward for over a year). I remember being on the plane ride home, and the man next to me asked, "What's your business?" I told him that I was with a Christian non-profit called Campus Crusade for Christ and he immediately, without another word, turned away from me and held his newspaper up over his face. To my dismay, this was a common reaction... people would withdraw (often in a socially awkward or rude way) as soon as they heard our name.

Other staff I've spoken with have stopped using the name of the organization, at least in the early parts of a conversation. Many of us in the campus ministry say something like, "A Christian non-profit that works with college students." We do this not because we're ashamed of our name, but because we'd like to actually have a meaningful conversation with someone instead of being treated like a pariah.

I've been giving the new name the "airplane test" and here's how it plays:

Stranger: What do you do?

Me: I work with a Christian non-profit called "Cru."

Stranger: That's interesting. What does Cru do?

Aside from the unfortunate "Cru do" rhyme, I think we can all admit this is a great leap forward in keeping the conversation open and actually having a meaningful spiritual conversation.

3. Usable with all ministries and also allows for expansion over time.

One of the major drawbacks of our current name is the "campus" piece. While our ministry started on campus and the idea of "reach the campus today and the world tomorrow" continues to be central for us, God has blessed our ministry in allowing it to expand to many, many other places. The Jesus Film Project, for instance, is an important part of our ministry which is not well represented by the word campus. Our Military Ministry, Athletes in Action, Josh McDowell ministries, Family Life, Here's Life Inner City (and our ministries to professionals, politicians, the UN, Hollywood and so on) are all insufficiently represented in our current name. This creates a feeling of disassociation for many of our staff, who feel that the name doesn't include them, and creates confusion for outsiders, who don't realize that our organization has many ministries that aren't focused on college students. Our new name needed to be inclusive of all we currently do and flexible enough to allow us to expand in the future.

4. Taps into Campus Crusade's existing brand equities.

There are some really great things about our current name, and there are some great connections to our ministries which we don't want to lose. Our sixty year history of service is not something we want to lose, so if there was a name which somehow connected to our heritage, we wanted to make sure it had a leg up on the competition (when we look at names later this week you'll see how this played out).

5. Is uniquely ownable.

There was one name I really liked that we couldn't use because there's an organization of 50 who already use the name. Could we have bought it from them? Steamrolled them because we're a bigger organization? Sure, we probably could have. But it didn't seem like it was the best route. Likewise, one of the the early ideas I was really fond of was using "Life" in all our names... we already have Family Life and Here's Life Inner City, and in Australia our campus ministry is called Campus Life (EDIT: Actually, it's called Student Life. Campus Life is yet another organization). Our other ministries could have gone that way also... Military Life, Hollywood Life, whatever. The only real problem is our friends in Young Life. We get confused for one another already, and taking a name so close to theirs would only add to the confusion and frustration.

Add to that the fact that people have been trying to think up names for their Christian organizations for about 2,000 years and you start to realize how many names have been "taken" and how even the most original names are echoes or repeats or semantically close to others that are already out there.

So, there you have it... five criteria we used in the naming process. Tomorrow we'll talk about something that's been creating a decent amount of conversation within the ministry. Cru: why did we choose a name "without any meaning"? 

In the meantime... what do you think of the five criteria? Would you have added any? Dropped any? Any questions about the criteria and how they effected our name change or process?

Fasting Day Twenty-Seven: Losing Hope

Starting to re-think the
"fruit juice only"diet.

Reminder: these posts aren't in real time. My fast is over, all is well, I am healthy and doing fine. But that's not how I felt on day 27 of the fast....

Today was the worst I've felt in a long, long time. I felt terrible today. Nothing felt good. I woke up feeling unpleasant, and was immediately unhappy with the people around me (which meant, of course, my family). I lacked any strength whatsoever, and the thought of taking an extra step or reaching across a table made me feel a fatigue bordering on despair. 

On the way to school the kids and I basically inherited a little lost kitten, which in some ways made the day better in that I stayed home trying to find the kitten’s home instead of going to work. But I slept HARD when the baby went down for her nap and woke not feeling well.

I told Krista tonight that I had felt awful all day and she said, “you look awful” and that I was starting to look “a little bony.” We’re headed into that unhealthy look now… and almost two weeks still to go. Fasting doesn't feel like something helpful, or spiritually enhancing, or healthy or useful today. It feels like something dangerous. It feels like lying still in bed and wondering what it would be like to never have to get up.

Fasting Day Twenty-Six: A feast during the fast

Mmmmm, salmon!

Today’s big event is a bbq for Nurse Shasta and her nephew Jacob who has come to visit her. I’m basically in charge of dinner, and we’ve bought fresh rogue river copper salmon and it’s red and gorgeous, and fresh snap peas from the farmer’s market and we’re making risotto and then for dessert it will be Oregon strawberries and fresh cooked short bread cookies. It’s going to be an amazing meal, and I’m really excited for it, even though I don’t get to eat it! I’m looking forward to everyone else enjoying it.

Today at the grocery, I felt really terrible for a minute… I wasn't sure I was going to make it out of the store. I had to lean up against cart and use it to stand. I felt really weak and awful, but it passed in a few moments....

Fasting Day Twenty-Five: culture shock

Am I meant to eat this?

I had this weird moment today when I passed Burgerville and saw the drive-through menu. I could see all the burgers arrayed in their glory and in a split-second I thought, "What would you do with those anyway? Why would you want them?” It had a feeling of culture shock. I had this realization that there's something everyone else is doing that I’m not and, at least at this moment, it didn't make sense to me.

For me, food has become fruit juice, I guess. Today I drank some weird tasting white grape juice. I suspect it’s actually white/peach/mango juice that had been mislabeled. I wasn't sure, though, so I poured it out and went to drink some apple juice I've left in the pantry to keep it at room temperature (I don't like drinking things cold right now... I'm cold enough already). But the apple juice had molded. Disgusting. And I think I drank some yesterday. 

At church tonight Pastor Jim told Krista that pretty soon I would need a walker. He was joking (I think) and saying that I look weak and tired. I asked Krista if that's true, wondering if I'm starting to look really bad... last time I fasted for a longer period people were really concerned for me by the end. But she said I look great compared to that time, so I'm not too worried.

At dinner tonight, Krista apologized for talking about all the different times in the day when she’s hungry… I told her that I'm not hungry anyway, and I realize that it's true. I'm hungrier when I'm eating than when I'm fasting. 

The Campus Crusade for Christ name change

We had been told a change was coming. Many of our staff -- including Dr. Bill Bright, our founder -- had been debating for years whether to change our name from Campus Crusade for Christ to, well, something else. And this year is our 60th anniversary... sixty years since Bill and Vonette Bright decided that if they could reach the university campuses for Christ today, they could reach the world tomorrow.

But tonight, July 19th, 2011, we were going to finally hear the new name. It had been two years since Steve Sellers,  CCC's vice President of the Americas, had told us that this moment would come, and it was finally here. The energy in the room was high, and as Steve started out his presentation you could practically hear the projected thoughts of thousands of staff filling the gym at Colorado State University: JUST TELL US THE NEW NAME.  

Steve went on, explaining the reasoning behind the name change, the research, the compelling need to change it if we were going to be effective in our mission to tell people about Christ. Follow this link to watch that moment, and Steve's whole talk.

When he said the name, I was surprised that people clapped. Not everyone, of course, but there was applause. I was surprised because change is difficult and I thought any name would be met with skepticism. But there was, at least for some of us, enthusiasm. Some of us liked the name right away, some will get used to it in time, some will always dislike it. That's not a change... some of us disliked our current name. But I'm hopeful that overall we'll all come to embrace "Cru."

In the midst of change, there's likely to be misunderstanding, excitement, hurt feelings, elation, mourning for the past, optimism for the future and a thousand other feelings. But, as our leadership has pointed out over and over again in this process THERE'S ONE THING THAT WON'T EVER CHANGE. We can all take comfort in that.

Next week I'm going to do a series of blog posts about our name change. For the last year I've been on a "response team"... a small group of Campus Crusade for Christ staff members who have given input, opinions and feedback to our leadership in the name change process. I thought it might be helpful to get an "insider" point of view. In the meantime, I'll do my best to answer your questions or point you in the direction of someone who can answer your questions. Here are some of the frequently asked questions in the meantime... if you have a question you want me to address next week, feel free to leave a comment or question here on this post!

Have a great weekend! If you want more information to fill the next couple of days, here's a statement from our President, another from our VP, and one from the director of the United States campus ministry.

Fasting Day Twenty-Four: Do Over

Yesterday, in my attempt to get time alone with God, I found myself sucked into business and what was meant to be a day with God turned into a few hours of reflection. This is not too big a surprise... this happens often enough. So today, I started over and tried again.

I started the day off by driving up to WSU Vancouver, where I sat in the library and read Isaiah 58, where God talks about what fasting really should be.  It’s not about getting God’s attention or even about trying to get close to him. God says “they seem eager to be know my ways” and “day after day they seek me out” and are baffled why they’re not getting an answer, not getting what they want. And it turns out it’s because fasting and prayer doesn't counter-balance the fact that they’re interested in living their lives their own way. They want to keep mistreating other people and one another and they aren’t interested in doing what is right. And God says, that the best thing to do as part of a fast is to destroy injustice, to break enslaving yokes, to provide for those less fortunate than yourself. It made me think of people like Gandhi and Cesar Chavez, and how for them fasting was a tool to try to bring about justice on the earth. And it made me think that here I am, more than 3 weeks into a fast and I am still doing whatever I want. Thinking about myself, focused on my needs, doing wrong things because I like doing them.

Overall, it was a great day of reflection and prayer, with lots of interesting topics to consider.I spent a good amount of time looking at the story of Jesus' 40 day fast and comparing it to the 40 years in the wilderness for the people of Israel. If you compare the story of Christ's fast with Deuteronomy 6-8 all sorts of strange things come out... for instance, the first temptation to "turn the stones to bread" leads us to "man does not live by bread alone"... Jesus trusts that God will provide in a way that the Israelites did not. Some of the books I read said that we should see Jesus as a "new Israel"... if he can overcome the temptations set before him then he will be allowed to take us all into a new promised land. I'll put up a bibliography soon with some of the books I've been reading. I will say that one of the books (by John Piper) was called (like yesterday's post) "Hungry for God." I think if I ever wrote a book about fasting it would have to be called HUNGRY FOR GOD (AND CHEESEBURGERS).

I ended the day by meeting with Pastor Jim, the executive pastor of our church here in Portland, who said that for him fasting is like speaking in tongues… if God gifts him with it or tells him he has to do it, he’ll do it, but otherwise he’s content to let others do it. That's not all he said, but we had a good time together and it was a nice way to end my day with the Lord. I felt like God met with me and I learned a lot, and I was pleased that the day had gone well and without distraction.

40 Day Fast Day Twenty-Three: Hungry for God

That blindfolded horse makes me think it met its end at a firing squad.

I took a day with the Lord today. It was, to be honest, often interrupted and didn't really translate to a full day spent focused on God. I got a couple phone calls from overseas and basically got distracted by my job. I didn't spend much time in prayer, though I did take a trip down to Western Seminary to get a big pile of books on fasting from the library.

While I was sitting out on the Western Seminary lawn I saw my dear friend Callie Goodman. I haven't seen her much lately, but it was really great to run into her. She asked why I had so many fasting books and I told her that I was actually in the middle of a longer fast and she said "PRAISE JESUS!" I thought that was a funny response. I laughed and asked her why she was having such a strong response, and she said that just that day in her class they'd been talking about how Protestants don't really fast much. Her classmates couldn't come up with any examples among their friends or at their churches of people who fast (or at least, people they were aware of who fasted). We had a long chat after that, and it was a really peaceful, enjoyable time, and felt like a blessing from God that I had run into her.

Awww, look at that tiny little man! So cute!

Today, I was struck by this fact… if I’m really “hungry” for God, if I’m desperate to be with him and thinking about it constantly in the same way that I’m thinking about food all the time… why did it take me 23 days to set aside even a few hours of time with him? My "day with the Lord" worked out to 5 hours, cut short by a variety of things, and less time than I’ve spent at the grocery store and cooking meals and then eating them at plenty of other times. I've spent more time than that watching television plenty of times in my life. I love to say God is the most important person in my life, that he's the biggest priority, but my life sure doesn't show it. Not in my time management, not in my choices in how to spend my free time, not in anything. When we sing songs in church that say "I'm desperate for you" or "You're all that I want" and I sing the words, I am full of it. I'm not desperate for him. He's not all that I want. Not today. I'm not hungry for God. If I wrote a book about myself it would have to be titled "Hungry for God and Cheeseburgers." It's a sobering realization.

I think I should try a do-over tomorrow.

40 Day Fast Day Twenty-Two: Baggy Pants

Pretty sure these guys are fasting.

I took Baby M today and we went to the store to buy some new jeans. Mine have gotten so baggy that they're annoying to wear. I also took a long nap on the couch today. I was so cold that I put a blanket on and pulled my hood on over my head while I slept. One advantage to being so cold all the time is that at long last I can pay my wife back in bed with my ice cold feet. Mooowhahahahaaa!

Also... somehow my count of days is all off and I can’t figure out how. Krista pointed out that I had day 40 on our calendar a day early, and now somehow I’m a day behind where I thought I was, and I have to rearrange everything and push it back a day. Sigh. I can't even count right when I'm fasting. I'm pretty sure my body is trying to trick my brain into eating early. 

Tomorrow I'm doing a day with the Lord (at long last). Should be nice.

Some interesting theological works

I'm teaching a seminar EVEN NOW WHILE YOU READ THIS about moving beyond dry and boring theology into theology that actually reflects the vibrant, fascinating subject of the topic... God Himself. I did a short talk about it this morning which I'll hopefully be able to post eventually.

In the meantime, here's a short list of a few "theological works" that interest me. It's my list, obviously, so it reflects my own interests and ideas. Please feel free to add your own to the comments section! I'm not looking for theological books that everyone has read, I'm looking for really interesting, sort of offbeat things that people might be interested in. COMB THE INTERNETS MY MINIONS!

Anyway, here are a few works for your consideration:

GRAPHIC NOVELS

Blankets by Craig Thomspon

Creature Tech by Doug tenNapel

SONGS (I'll add links soon... in the meantime you can search them out you lazy, lazy blog readers)

“Doubting Thomas” Nickel Creek

“24” by Switchfoot

“The Seer’s Tower” Sufjan Stevens

“Letters from the Sky” by Civil Twilight

“Joy” Page CXVI

LITERATURE

Silence by Shusaku Endo

An amazing book about contextualization, persecution, forgiveness and the voice of God.

The Brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. The best Christian novel ever. So far as I know.  

The Complete Storiesby Flannery O’Connor. Probably the best theological writer and short story writer to come out of these United States of America. Her novels are also excellent. 

Peace Like a River by Leif Enger

The Power and the Glory

by Graham Greene

The Son of Laughter by Frederick Beuchner

Also, if you're interested in some fascinating theology and parables from outside your way of looking at things, check out a guy named Sundar Singh.

Painting/graphic arts

James B Janknegt http://uts.cc.utexas.edu/~janknegt/

Makoto Fujimura http://www.makotofujimura.com/

Mark Lawrence http://www.marklawrencegallery.com/

Carlos Cazares http://web.me.com/carloscazares/Art/Home.html

Jack Stockman  

Okay, kids. I showed you mine, now it's your turn. Add some movies in there, too. The only one I could think of was "In Bruges" and since it's rated R and a bit brutal I decided not to add it here for everyone to see. Ooops. Never mind.

Okay... give me something interesting to look at!