Fasting Day Thirty: Fasting while the bridegroom is here

This morning Krista and I drove up to Seattle for an old friend's wedding. Actually, it's someone we met when she was just a kid... maybe eight or ten years old, the same age our kids are now! It was strange and moving to see someone we had known when she was a child getting married. Her dad was completely falling apart, of course, and I can only imagine that I will get to do that three times or so in the years to come. 

We can't go home to Seattle without a lot of memories. We parked near our old apartment above the Animal Eye Clinic, where we saw a steady stream of one-eyed puppies coming through for two years. Then, Krista and I went to lunch at the best Indian restaurant I've ever eaten at in America, Taste of India! It's actually the best Indian restaurant I've eaten at anywhere, but I figure there could be a better one in India. Maybe not, though.

Of course I couldn't eat anything, but I love that place so much that we ordered a meal for two and then we put the rest in a cooler we had cleverly brought along for precisely this reason and then lugged it around Seattle with us with the plan being to take it home and freeze it so I can eat it after the fast is over. Mmmmm, palak paneer. I don't know if that's the modern equivalent of turning rocks into bread or what, but I love me some butter chicken and palak paneer.

Krista and I also went for a walk around Green Lake (which might have been a bit much for me... I needed a nap in the car afterwards!) and then went down to U Village to buy a wedding gift and shop around a bit. 

Mmm, peanut butter banana wedding cake!

It's strange not to eat at the celebration of people you love. You can hide it a little bit by getting up to get people's drinks or something like that, but at the end of the day people notice that you're not taking part in the celebration and that's just weird. I think that's what Jesus was talking about when he said that his followers won't fast while he, the bridegroom, is with them. But when the bridegroom is gone they will fast, awaiting his return. 

We followers of Christ are waiting for the wedding feast of the Lamb. In the meantime there's some time of waiting and fasting, but a time is coming very soon when that will come to an end and we will all join in together and there will be no more fasting. In his presence, there will be no need for fasting again.... 

Day Twenty-Nine: No good reason to fast other than obedience

Today at the office, Bethany and Jesse asked if I was dieting or something. I told them about the fast and they asked the dreaded "why" question. I told them that I had “no good reason other than God told me” to fast. Which is true. I can't imagine a good reason to do this other than obedience.

I'm so tired... just making these notes of the fast seems like a monumental task.

I’m starting to wonder if anything of any real significance will come out of this time (i.e. a change, something different, God speaking more than he would speak on an ordinary day of interaction…). We’re running out of days. Tomorrow will be THREE FOURTHS of the way through. Crazy.

Fasting Day Twenty-Four: Do Over

Yesterday, in my attempt to get time alone with God, I found myself sucked into business and what was meant to be a day with God turned into a few hours of reflection. This is not too big a surprise... this happens often enough. So today, I started over and tried again.

I started the day off by driving up to WSU Vancouver, where I sat in the library and read Isaiah 58, where God talks about what fasting really should be.  It’s not about getting God’s attention or even about trying to get close to him. God says “they seem eager to be know my ways” and “day after day they seek me out” and are baffled why they’re not getting an answer, not getting what they want. And it turns out it’s because fasting and prayer doesn't counter-balance the fact that they’re interested in living their lives their own way. They want to keep mistreating other people and one another and they aren’t interested in doing what is right. And God says, that the best thing to do as part of a fast is to destroy injustice, to break enslaving yokes, to provide for those less fortunate than yourself. It made me think of people like Gandhi and Cesar Chavez, and how for them fasting was a tool to try to bring about justice on the earth. And it made me think that here I am, more than 3 weeks into a fast and I am still doing whatever I want. Thinking about myself, focused on my needs, doing wrong things because I like doing them.

Overall, it was a great day of reflection and prayer, with lots of interesting topics to consider.I spent a good amount of time looking at the story of Jesus' 40 day fast and comparing it to the 40 years in the wilderness for the people of Israel. If you compare the story of Christ's fast with Deuteronomy 6-8 all sorts of strange things come out... for instance, the first temptation to "turn the stones to bread" leads us to "man does not live by bread alone"... Jesus trusts that God will provide in a way that the Israelites did not. Some of the books I read said that we should see Jesus as a "new Israel"... if he can overcome the temptations set before him then he will be allowed to take us all into a new promised land. I'll put up a bibliography soon with some of the books I've been reading. I will say that one of the books (by John Piper) was called (like yesterday's post) "Hungry for God." I think if I ever wrote a book about fasting it would have to be called HUNGRY FOR GOD (AND CHEESEBURGERS).

I ended the day by meeting with Pastor Jim, the executive pastor of our church here in Portland, who said that for him fasting is like speaking in tongues… if God gifts him with it or tells him he has to do it, he’ll do it, but otherwise he’s content to let others do it. That's not all he said, but we had a good time together and it was a nice way to end my day with the Lord. I felt like God met with me and I learned a lot, and I was pleased that the day had gone well and without distraction.

40 Day Fast Day Three: Am I crazy?

Day three brought a sudden preoccupation with math. Things like, "40 minus three equals 37. Which means I am less than 10% done with this fast. In fact, I'm only barely nine percent through this fast." Followed by thinking about the next day and the day after that and how far along I could be soon. Which brought the inevitable question, "Am I crazy? Why am I trying to do this?"

The fact that I am asking myself if a long fast like this is crazy is only complicated by the fact that today is the first day where I've been around anyone other than Nurse Shasta for a meal, which means we come to the awkward "Why I'm not eating" conversation. Fasting isn't completely unheard of in the Christian realm, so most people assume you're fasting "for" something. In other words, they want to know why you're fasting... is it because you're praying for direction in life, or on behalf of world poverty (i.e. praying for God to give food to those in need or something, I guess). I can't help it, I feel awkward when people ask about it, especially because my answer is, "Well, I felt like God wanted me to go on a fast and I don't have a clear reason why." It's not a satisfying answer for them or me. Other people feel awkward, too, so they're not going to keep pushing for more details. Which is fine, but it leaves everyone feeling slightly weird, I think.

"Not only are we gorgeous, but we also get to EAT together."

Part of this, of course, is that even in a highly individualistic culture like our own, meals continue to have a community feel to them, especially at something like this conference we're at. Everyone eats at the same time, at the same place, around tables, and it's natural that you're going to come together and talk and laugh and get to know each other. This is one of the hardest things about fasting for me, the feeling that you are an outsider during community time, so I work hard to be a part of these things. I still sit at the table during community meals, even if I'm just drinking a glass of grape juice. When I get home next week, I'll still be a part of family meals, I'll still cook, I'll still help clean up the dishes, I'll still sit at the table and be a part of the family even though there's an empty plate in front of me.

There's a reason, I suppose, that Jesus went into the wilderness for his forty days without food. 

I think I mentioned this the first day, but the prevalence of food is pretty overwhelming when you're not eating. The billboards alone are these lovingly rendered pictures of juicy, alluring food. At one point I caught myself thinking, "mmmmm food porn." Advertising loves to show food that is absolutely beyond fantasy. It could make you hungry after you just gorged yourself, and it sure is making me hungry now.

One last weird note... tonight I found some popcorn in my teeth. What?! How can this be? It's been three days since I ate ANYTHING and I don't even know how long since I ate popcorn. And I don't think I want to know....

40 Day Fast: Day Two!

Here we are, day two of the fast done and gone. 

I'm traveling this week with my good friend, Nurse Shasta. We're in southern California for a training for people headed overseas on summer missions trips. We're helping coach the leaders and hanging out with the teams. I'm sure it will be a lot of fun.

Yesterday when we arrived here, Shasta made sure to take me out to the grocery to buy lots of juice for our week. She also pulled me aside at one point today to say, "I'm going to have a talk with you." She's worried I'm not going to take my health seriously during this fast, and she's concerned that I'll harm myself in some way. The hospital was mentioned. Ha ha. I have no plans of going to the hospital, that's for sure!

Trust me, you're going to want to shake the juice before you drink it.

I will say that Nurse Shasta has been really understanding about the fast... picking up the slack when I'm too tired to do everything I should be here at the training, and encouraging me to rest, take it easy, and drink lots of juice. The only place where she really crossed the line today was picking up one of my juice cans and popping the top before I had a chance to shake it! That's disgusting, because there is some sludge at the bottom of the can then.

I also had this moment today where I thought, maybe people would be interested in knowing about a 40 day fast, and what the experience is like for someone. Then I thought, this could be a book. I could call it “HUNGRY.” I thought some more about it and thought, This is an amazing idea. Then I thought harder and longer about it and wondered, "Is it possible that hunger is making me delirious?"