Mikalatos: Neighbors! Attend to my call! Look unto the northwest region of our neighborhood! What do you see there?
Neighbor Chorus: Only the abandoned house which has become a garden of weeds, a haunt of ghuls, a repository of our curses.
Mikalatos: Look unto the garden of weeds, my friends. What do you see?
Chorus: Behold! The weeds have disappeared as silently as the neighbors themselves.
Mikalatos: Yes, for I took my lawn mower, whose name is Arondight, and I did a great and mighty work upon the monstrous weeds which had threatened to rule over us. And do you know what I found beneath those tree-like weeds?
Chorus: Was it a dead mouse?
Mikalatos: Yes, I did find a dead mouse. But that is not the thing of which I speak.
Chorus: Was it a phone book?
Mikalatos: Yea, verily, I did find even three phone books beneath the shade of the weeds, bereft of their plastic coats and discarded there by careless owners or strange miscreants of yellowed pages. But this also is not the thing of which I speak.
Chorus: Soda bottles? Beer cans? Hidden shrubbery?
Mikalatos: Yea, all these things and more I found. Arondight stutttered when first she found a phone book, and I feared she would not stir to life again. She cried out in a shriek of metal and plastic upon the discovery of the empty bottles. She held herself back at the sight of a hidden shrub, rescued by her twin blades from the desperate shadows which had threatened and choked it. Cigarettes I found and an abundance of discarded trumpery. But even these are things of which I do not speak.
Chorus: You amaze us with your tale. What did you find beneath those weeds, O Neighbor?
Mikalatos: A treasure, my friends, and one which I will take in payment for my mighty deeds of renown.
Chorus: We have seen no treasure. What treasure do you speak of? Is it the treasure of a job well done? Is it the treasure of a good deed which will bring you much pleasure? Is it the treasure of the pleasure of looking across the street and seeing your handiwork displayed for all to see?
Mikalatos: No.
Chorus: We are unable to continue. Our imaginations fail us and words come only haltingly to our tongues.
Mikalatos: Here is the tale of the treasure. After my task was completed I spied a hole in the ground, previously covered by the noxious weeds. A moment of contemplation encouraged me to thrust my arm into the hole and here is what I found: a tiny thing like a man in a blue coat, and his wife, who was like a rabbit. He thanked me bravely for my unasked for kindness, although I had nearly collapsed his home with Arondight. And in token of his favor he gave me a silver flute, marvelously small, and when I play upon it he has promised that my garden will grow in unaparalleled splendor, and money will fall out of all our pillowcases, and the frogs surrounding out house will sing lullabies for our children in voices sweet as honey.
Chorus: Whoa. That's really weird.
Mikalatos: I know, right? I thought that was weird, too.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Obviously, Mom is not around today
A (from upstairs): DAD! I DON'T HAVE ANY CLOTHES!
Me (Downstairs): YOU'RE CRAZY! I PUT ALL YOUR CLOTHES AWAY YESTERDAY!
A: MY DRAWERS ARE EMPTY!
Me: Come here.
A: WHAAAAT?
Me: COME HERE!
A: OKAY!
(thump thump thump thump down the stairs)
A: There are no clothes in my drawer.
Me: Do you remember yesterday when your drawer wouldn't close because I had put so many clothes in them?
A: Yes.
Me: But now there are no clothes in your drawer?
A: They are in the wrong drawer.
Me: So. Get your clothes. Out of the wrong drawer.
A: Okay!
(Thump thump thum--)
A: DAD! Z IS WEARING MY CLOTHES!
Z: THEY WERE IN MY DRAWER!
Me: Come here.
Z and A: WHAAAAAAAT?
Me: COME HERE!
Z and A: OKAY!
Z (upset): These aren't mine but they were in my drawer!
Me: Sigh. Listen. I put your clothes away yesterday. I can't always tell whose clothes are whose. So if you find your sister's clothes in your drawer... don't wear them. Give them to your sister.
Z (still upset): But now I can't get this shirt off! It's too small.
Me (helping her get the shirt off): A general rule of life is, "If you can't get the shirt on, it's probably not yours."
Z: I could get it on, I just couldn't get it off.
The children finally arrived, Z dressed with clothes from her drawers and A dressed in the clothes that Z had returned to her.
Me (Downstairs): YOU'RE CRAZY! I PUT ALL YOUR CLOTHES AWAY YESTERDAY!
A: MY DRAWERS ARE EMPTY!
Me: Come here.
A: WHAAAAT?
Me: COME HERE!
A: OKAY!
(thump thump thump thump down the stairs)
A: There are no clothes in my drawer.
Me: Do you remember yesterday when your drawer wouldn't close because I had put so many clothes in them?
A: Yes.
Me: But now there are no clothes in your drawer?
A: They are in the wrong drawer.
Me: So. Get your clothes. Out of the wrong drawer.
A: Okay!
(Thump thump thum--)
A: DAD! Z IS WEARING MY CLOTHES!
Z: THEY WERE IN MY DRAWER!
Me: Come here.
Z and A: WHAAAAAAAT?
Me: COME HERE!
Z and A: OKAY!
Z (upset): These aren't mine but they were in my drawer!
Me: Sigh. Listen. I put your clothes away yesterday. I can't always tell whose clothes are whose. So if you find your sister's clothes in your drawer... don't wear them. Give them to your sister.
Z (still upset): But now I can't get this shirt off! It's too small.
Me (helping her get the shirt off): A general rule of life is, "If you can't get the shirt on, it's probably not yours."
Z: I could get it on, I just couldn't get it off.
The children finally arrived, Z dressed with clothes from her drawers and A dressed in the clothes that Z had returned to her.
A touching moment of love... and murder
Krista and I went hiking up near Sunriver last week. It was the Three Creeks trail, headed up to the Green Lakes. It was a spectacular hike... I'm sure Krista will put up more pictures later this week.
Here's a moment early in the hike.
Krista (with her camera): Take another step backward.
Me (looking at the drop to the river below): Is this the part where you try to murder your husband?
Krista: (Silence.)
Me: Just remember, I have the car keys.
Krista: I have car keys, too.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Can you hear me now?
I received a phone call today on my cell phone.
Me: Hello?
Woman: Hi.
Me: Hi.
Woman: Hold on a minute. Honey, take the phone.
Man: Hello?
Me: Hi.
Man (in a deep voice): Where are you located?
At this point I needed to stop and assess my world view. There are a lot of answers to a question like "Where are you located?" My first instinct would be to say, "The guest room, folding laundry." Two problems with this answer: one, "Where are you located?" makes it sound like a more specific location is being inquired about. Second, he didn't ask me what I was doing.
So I thought some more. Perhaps I should say, "I am located in the center bedroom on the southern side of my house, a room which we refer to as the guest room"? I began to suspect that he *knew* where I was located and was testing me in some way. He wanted to know if I was honest, wanted to know if I was the kind to play cat and mouse games. But no, not me. Not with strangers. I learned my lesson that time I ended up running down the streets of Las Vegas, taking instructions from a creepy disembodied voice coming from my cell phone while a cabal of criminals tried to take their ill-gotten gains back from me. Or maybe that was a movie I saw, I forget.
Man (impatient): I am located on [some streets not near your neighborhood*].
Me: I think -- Yes. I think you have the wrong number.
Man: Is this Half Price Pots?
Me: No, it is not.
Man: You dialed the wrong number.
Woman (shrieking): Honey, I dialed the same number as last time!
*Click*
Me: Good-bye.
* They were, in fact, calling from Bellevue, Washington. They had put the wrong area code in.
Me: Hello?
Woman: Hi.
Me: Hi.
Woman: Hold on a minute. Honey, take the phone.
Man: Hello?
Me: Hi.
Man (in a deep voice): Where are you located?
At this point I needed to stop and assess my world view. There are a lot of answers to a question like "Where are you located?" My first instinct would be to say, "The guest room, folding laundry." Two problems with this answer: one, "Where are you located?" makes it sound like a more specific location is being inquired about. Second, he didn't ask me what I was doing.
So I thought some more. Perhaps I should say, "I am located in the center bedroom on the southern side of my house, a room which we refer to as the guest room"? I began to suspect that he *knew* where I was located and was testing me in some way. He wanted to know if I was honest, wanted to know if I was the kind to play cat and mouse games. But no, not me. Not with strangers. I learned my lesson that time I ended up running down the streets of Las Vegas, taking instructions from a creepy disembodied voice coming from my cell phone while a cabal of criminals tried to take their ill-gotten gains back from me. Or maybe that was a movie I saw, I forget.
Man (impatient): I am located on [some streets not near your neighborhood*].
Me: I think -- Yes. I think you have the wrong number.
Man: Is this Half Price Pots?
Me: No, it is not.
Man: You dialed the wrong number.
Woman (shrieking): Honey, I dialed the same number as last time!
*Click*
Me: Good-bye.
* They were, in fact, calling from Bellevue, Washington. They had put the wrong area code in.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Eavesdropping with Matt (Episode Twenty-Four)
Dedicated to the middle-aged checker at Winco who served me as I bought my morning groceries, and to the young woman who also worked at Winco who came out to speak to him as he scanned those same groceries.
Young Woman: I couldn't sleep at all last night. I got up at four in the morning.
Checker: I was sound asleep at that time.
Young Woman: Dreaming about me, right?
Checker: You're the only person worth dreaming about.
(The young woman walks away.)
Checker (to me): I know. She's young enough to be my daughter. I know.
Me: (Silence. Trying to think of an appropriate response.)
Checker: That's what my daughter tells me, too.
Young Woman: I couldn't sleep at all last night. I got up at four in the morning.
Checker: I was sound asleep at that time.
Young Woman: Dreaming about me, right?
Checker: You're the only person worth dreaming about.
(The young woman walks away.)
Checker (to me): I know. She's young enough to be my daughter. I know.
Me: (Silence. Trying to think of an appropriate response.)
Checker: That's what my daughter tells me, too.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
welcome to the Revolution
As you know, I like to occasionally point out the search engine queries that wash unsuspecting surfers onto our little island here at BHR.
Here are some of my favorites from today (I've included the links these poor people were subjected to, also):
First, we have the "Danger Ninja." Seems redundant to me, but if you were searching for a ninja before and found a "Safety Ninja" I could see that you might want to be more specific. Once bitten, twice shy.
"Hammer and Sickle, Burning Heart." We're number one on that search. I know you people all think BHR is communist, but I want you to remember the Ladies Revolution Pants, THE OFFICIAL PANTS OF THE BURNING HEARTS REVOLUTION. Once they were a figment of our imagination, and now they are being manufactured by North Face. Sounds like capitalism to me, Baby.
Someone came looking for the Portland office Christmas party. I don't remember this clearly, but I think we all went to Benihana's and tried to get the waitresses to come back to our party. This was in December. I guess it's never too late to plan for next year.
Some poor soul came looking for Men's Retreat Slogans and was directed to my Monkey Island Slogans from last November. Looks like the slogan for First Baptist Church of Miami's men's retreat will be recycled from Monkey Island. Several of the slogans would work just fine in either context.
Others came looking for movie stars who live in Florida, Captain Huggy Face, or to learn about the physical effects of fasting. Quite a collection of people we get around here.
Welcome to the Revolution, my friends. We're glad to have you here with us.
Here are some of my favorites from today (I've included the links these poor people were subjected to, also):
First, we have the "Danger Ninja." Seems redundant to me, but if you were searching for a ninja before and found a "Safety Ninja" I could see that you might want to be more specific. Once bitten, twice shy.
"Hammer and Sickle, Burning Heart." We're number one on that search. I know you people all think BHR is communist, but I want you to remember the Ladies Revolution Pants, THE OFFICIAL PANTS OF THE BURNING HEARTS REVOLUTION. Once they were a figment of our imagination, and now they are being manufactured by North Face. Sounds like capitalism to me, Baby.Someone came looking for the Portland office Christmas party. I don't remember this clearly, but I think we all went to Benihana's and tried to get the waitresses to come back to our party. This was in December. I guess it's never too late to plan for next year.
Some poor soul came looking for Men's Retreat Slogans and was directed to my Monkey Island Slogans from last November. Looks like the slogan for First Baptist Church of Miami's men's retreat will be recycled from Monkey Island. Several of the slogans would work just fine in either context.
Others came looking for movie stars who live in Florida, Captain Huggy Face, or to learn about the physical effects of fasting. Quite a collection of people we get around here.
Welcome to the Revolution, my friends. We're glad to have you here with us.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Be sure to read this post for at least half an hour
The National Endowment for the Arts has uploaded some fascinating research on reading. You can see changes over the last ten years in various age groups and education levels for recreational reading, standardized reading comprehension tests and more. It's great reading. Ahem.
Anyway, it's a long report, so just read the executive summary. Wouldn't want you to read too much. Ha.
Via Michael Miller.
Anyway, it's a long report, so just read the executive summary. Wouldn't want you to read too much. Ha.
Via Michael Miller.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Don't Let Yourself Go
One of my single friends recently told me that several of her friends have said, "Don't let yourself go or you'll never get married." I immediately sensed my own incipient rage building to intolerable levels. To prevent myself from flying off the handle (Yes, I have a handle.) I decided to use my enormous intellect to figure out why someone would say something like this. I came up with a traditional tri-lemma (the best ones use alliteration so you can remember the three choices without referring to a note card). Why would someone say this to a woman? It could be one of three things: One, they could be Idiots. Two, they could be Ignoramuses. Three, they could be Iniquitous. Idiot, Ignoramus, Iniquitous.
IDIOT. Perhaps they are too stupid to recognize the patent falseness of their statement. Perhaps they have never noticed that not every woman who gets married looks like someone from the cover of a magazine.
IGNORAMUS. Perhaps they, like the character in the 1615 play by George Ruggle, are simply ignorant. This is another way to say that maybe they are more inexperienced than Stupid. It's possible I guess.
INIQUITOUS. In other words, evil. I favor this interpretation, as the theory that a woman's main marriageable quality is her body is clearly one spawned by demons. Although some people will use the Bible verse, "Women, be sure th
at your body is thin and anemic so that your husband will be attracted to you -- for lo, a man cannot be attracted to a woman unless she looks like an air-brushed, half-starved, surgically-enhanced and unattainable cover model" I assert that this verse is taken out of context. In fact, it seems that women are regularly encouraged NOT to become caught up in their outward appearance. You know that old verse, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. " (I Peter 3:3-4 NIV)
Okay, some of you think I am being harsh. You are thinking, "C'mon, Matt, it could be that these friends are just victims of the culture which they live in and meant no harm by saying that your friend should be sure to focus on her outward appearance to make sure to draw a mate." I will grant you this point. But it seems to me that even if we are parroting the evil philosophy of our culture, that doesn't make the philosophy more acceptable. "The culture deceived me and I ate." Doesn't sound too convincing to me.
I am not denying that people care about exterior appearance. I'm not denying that many relationships start from across the room when someone says, "Hey, I like the looks of that person." I am denying that this is the most important aspect a woman should be concerned about in finding a prospective mate.
That's why I've taught my kids an important lesson. If a man ever comes up to them and says, "Don't let yourself go or you'll never find a husband" I have given them clear directions: Kick the guy in the crotch and say, "And you'd better toughen up or you'll never find a wife."
IDIOT. Perhaps they are too stupid to recognize the patent falseness of their statement. Perhaps they have never noticed that not every woman who gets married looks like someone from the cover of a magazine.
IGNORAMUS. Perhaps they, like the character in the 1615 play by George Ruggle, are simply ignorant. This is another way to say that maybe they are more inexperienced than Stupid. It's possible I guess.
INIQUITOUS. In other words, evil. I favor this interpretation, as the theory that a woman's main marriageable quality is her body is clearly one spawned by demons. Although some people will use the Bible verse, "Women, be sure th
at your body is thin and anemic so that your husband will be attracted to you -- for lo, a man cannot be attracted to a woman unless she looks like an air-brushed, half-starved, surgically-enhanced and unattainable cover model" I assert that this verse is taken out of context. In fact, it seems that women are regularly encouraged NOT to become caught up in their outward appearance. You know that old verse, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. " (I Peter 3:3-4 NIV) Okay, some of you think I am being harsh. You are thinking, "C'mon, Matt, it could be that these friends are just victims of the culture which they live in and meant no harm by saying that your friend should be sure to focus on her outward appearance to make sure to draw a mate." I will grant you this point. But it seems to me that even if we are parroting the evil philosophy of our culture, that doesn't make the philosophy more acceptable. "The culture deceived me and I ate." Doesn't sound too convincing to me.
I am not denying that people care about exterior appearance. I'm not denying that many relationships start from across the room when someone says, "Hey, I like the looks of that person." I am denying that this is the most important aspect a woman should be concerned about in finding a prospective mate.
That's why I've taught my kids an important lesson. If a man ever comes up to them and says, "Don't let yourself go or you'll never find a husband" I have given them clear directions: Kick the guy in the crotch and say, "And you'd better toughen up or you'll never find a wife."
News about the New Star Trek movie (For Kerri)
I have plenty of problems, but one of the biggest is my inability to be a committed enough fanboy to matter. I like comics, but I don't have a tattoo of Superman. I like(d) Star Wars back when it mattered but I never cared enough to cross-relate the comics to the movies to the novels. I never stood in line for the opening movie of any franchise dressed as the characters. I never had my face surgically altered to look like a Klingon. In the world of weird fans I'm just a mediocre side note.
But right now my friend Kerri is trying hard to become a Trekker, so I thought I would give her some early notice about next year's Star Trek movie. Here's the recently released teaser posters, with pictures of the new Kirk, Spock and Uhura, as well as the Romulan bad guy "Nero." Direction is by JJ Abrams, the LOST guy, so I think this might actually be worth going to see.
Oh, and Kerri-- don't make any plans for May 8th of next year.
Daddy's Birthday (A Story by A)
Today is daddy's birthday. So everyone comes to have some fun. There's ice cream and cake for everyone. So everybody that Daddy invites comes to his birthday party. It was a swimming party. Ha ha. Everybody swam. Once everybody had dried off we had cake and ice cream. And then everybody went home. THE END.
Goodbye doody. And story named by A.
Goodbye doody. And story named by A.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
I didn't feel like blogging yesterday
And yet somehow the world goes on. More Pearls Before Swine here.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Awwwww!
My beautiful wife put up a blog post for my birthday today. Thanks! And thanks to all of you who sent me birthday wishes and so on. I appreciate it.
We went out to lunch at Muchas Gracias. This is my favorite restaurant here in Vancouver. One, it is a Mexican restaurant. Two, it has "authentic" prices (it's a one '$' restaurant). Three, it's open 24 hours a day. Have I ever gone to it in the middle of the night? No. But it gives me a warm feeling of comfort to know that the option is there. Afterwards the kids bought me ice cream. Pralines and cream on a plain cone. Yum!
And, a few notes from "today in history":
1) In 1821, Spain cedes Florida to the U.S. Now that's just weird, because I just got back from Florida yesterday.
2) In 1955 Disneyland opened to the public. Also weird, because I just got back from Orlando yesterday, where we were going to Disney World.
3) David Hasselhoff turns 56 today. Which is weird because (a) it's David Hasselhoff... who knew I shared a birthday with him? and (b) I am 34, which is like "34-56". Somewhere there's a twelve year old kid with a birthday today who completes our numerical connection.
We went out to lunch at Muchas Gracias. This is my favorite restaurant here in Vancouver. One, it is a Mexican restaurant. Two, it has "authentic" prices (it's a one '$' restaurant). Three, it's open 24 hours a day. Have I ever gone to it in the middle of the night? No. But it gives me a warm feeling of comfort to know that the option is there. Afterwards the kids bought me ice cream. Pralines and cream on a plain cone. Yum!
And, a few notes from "today in history":
1) In 1821, Spain cedes Florida to the U.S. Now that's just weird, because I just got back from Florida yesterday.
2) In 1955 Disneyland opened to the public. Also weird, because I just got back from Orlando yesterday, where we were going to Disney World.
3) David Hasselhoff turns 56 today. Which is weird because (a) it's David Hasselhoff... who knew I shared a birthday with him? and (b) I am 34, which is like "34-56". Somewhere there's a twelve year old kid with a birthday today who completes our numerical connection.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Mikalatos Dance Fever!
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Movie Review: Wall*E
We all know the story:
In the 1980s a robot designed for war gets struck by lightning and develops a personality and a conscience, and sets out to spread his message of peace.
Wait, wait.
Let me try that again. Seven hundred years in the future a robot designed for planetary cleanup watches "Hello, Dolly" and develops a personality and a conscience, and sets out to spread his message of -- uh -- holding hands. And planetary cleanup (?). Even more spoilers await you if you choose to read on.
If you are an animation fan, you've already seen this movie. Yes, it's amazing in that sense. In fact, the interspersion of filmed clips into the animated bits is virtually seamless. It simply doesn't look that different than the excellent animation.
The story could have been a five minute Pixar short, however. The short before the movie, by the way, was hilarious and I would have gladly watched a movie about the magician and his trouble-making rabbit.
Things that bother me about movies like Wall*E are mostly related to the lazy world-building. Why did the world have a complete ecosystem collapse to make it uninhabitable for seven hundred years? Why would the first photosynthetic occurrence happen inside a refrigerator, where there would be no light (and presumably no rain)? How would this super plant survive the abuse it receives throughout the movie (including being exposed to hard vaccuum in space? Why did the people of earth have the technology to make enormous spaceships and complex robots but not the capacity to let the robots speak like people instead of like voice modulated answering machines? What has caused the complete collapse of human (and robot) personality to the place that the most affable and enjoyable beings in the movie are a beat up robot and a lone cockroach?
Why is it that even the villain is unclear? Is it the vast Wal-Martish corporation? Perhaps, but they are also the movie's saviors, as they invented Wall-E, kept the human race alive for seven hundred years and then returned them to earth. Is it the robot programmed to keep the human race alive and in space? I guess. He's about as threatening as a rogue paperclip, though. Or perhaps it is the combined forces of ubiquitous trash and an unstoppable flood of human obesity. Not exactly great enemies for a movie of this type.
Which may be why the kids kept trying to go to sleep. And Krista and I kept yawning. Don't get me wrong, the movie had its moments. But they were spread out over too long a period. If you had packed all the good stuff into a twenty minute mini-movie it would have been great. Award-winning, even. But as it stands it starts to give you that "I've been stranded in space for seven hundred years and I just want to go home" sort of feeling.
RATED G. Get a good night's sleep the night before.
In the 1980s a robot designed for war gets struck by lightning and develops a personality and a conscience, and sets out to spread his message of peace.Wait, wait.
Let me try that again. Seven hundred years in the future a robot designed for planetary cleanup watches "Hello, Dolly" and develops a personality and a conscience, and sets out to spread his message of -- uh -- holding hands. And planetary cleanup (?). Even more spoilers await you if you choose to read on.If you are an animation fan, you've already seen this movie. Yes, it's amazing in that sense. In fact, the interspersion of filmed clips into the animated bits is virtually seamless. It simply doesn't look that different than the excellent animation.
The story could have been a five minute Pixar short, however. The short before the movie, by the way, was hilarious and I would have gladly watched a movie about the magician and his trouble-making rabbit.
Things that bother me about movies like Wall*E are mostly related to the lazy world-building. Why did the world have a complete ecosystem collapse to make it uninhabitable for seven hundred years? Why would the first photosynthetic occurrence happen inside a refrigerator, where there would be no light (and presumably no rain)? How would this super plant survive the abuse it receives throughout the movie (including being exposed to hard vaccuum in space? Why did the people of earth have the technology to make enormous spaceships and complex robots but not the capacity to let the robots speak like people instead of like voice modulated answering machines? What has caused the complete collapse of human (and robot) personality to the place that the most affable and enjoyable beings in the movie are a beat up robot and a lone cockroach?
Why is it that even the villain is unclear? Is it the vast Wal-Martish corporation? Perhaps, but they are also the movie's saviors, as they invented Wall-E, kept the human race alive for seven hundred years and then returned them to earth. Is it the robot programmed to keep the human race alive and in space? I guess. He's about as threatening as a rogue paperclip, though. Or perhaps it is the combined forces of ubiquitous trash and an unstoppable flood of human obesity. Not exactly great enemies for a movie of this type.
Which may be why the kids kept trying to go to sleep. And Krista and I kept yawning. Don't get me wrong, the movie had its moments. But they were spread out over too long a period. If you had packed all the good stuff into a twenty minute mini-movie it would have been great. Award-winning, even. But as it stands it starts to give you that "I've been stranded in space for seven hundred years and I just want to go home" sort of feeling.
RATED G. Get a good night's sleep the night before.
Help is on the way... as quietly as possible
On the way out of the hotel today I noticed an enormous greenish-yellow fire truck parked outside. A hotel manager stood nearby, speaking to one of the firefighters.
Manager: --upsets our customers.
Firefighter: I understand, sir, and I've asked the ambulance to turn off its siren when it gets close.
Manager: --upsets our customers.
Firefighter: I understand, sir, and I've asked the ambulance to turn off its siren when it gets close.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
The Haunted Mansion
On the bus from Disney back to our hotel, A got into a conversation with the people in the seat next to us. Their favorite attraction at the park had been the Haunted Mansion, which we did not enter. A asked what it was, and I explained it was a house with pretend ghosts in it.
A: I don't think I would like going into that place, because I don't understand 'ghost words.'
Me: Ghost words? What do you mean?
A: I don't think I would understand what the ghosts are saying because I don't understand their words.
Me: What sort of words do you think the ghosts would use?
A: Words like 'Haunted' and 'mansion.'
A: I don't think I would like going into that place, because I don't understand 'ghost words.'
Me: Ghost words? What do you mean?
A: I don't think I would understand what the ghosts are saying because I don't understand their words.
Me: What sort of words do you think the ghosts would use?
A: Words like 'Haunted' and 'mansion.'
Favorite T-shirt of the Day
A simple and unattractive pink t-shirt with a slogan that read, "FASHION. It's all that matters."
Eavesdropping With Matt (Episode Twenty-Three)
Dedicated to the ten-year-old boy at Disney World who gave me a hearty laugh as I crossed from Adventure Land into Tomorrow Land. Well done, young man, well done.
Young Man: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! Where is he?
Young Man: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! Where is he?
When your kids team up against you
We picked the kids up at the Orlando airport yesterday. Krista's Dad flew in with them, and we loaded up into the rental car and headed for our hotel. The kids were exhausted after the long day of travel, and pretty much anything could set them off into fits of crying. But they still had the strength to double team me... watch this interaction.
A (crying): I want to go to Disney World right now!
Me: We're going to Disney World for two days starting tomorrow.
A (crying): We're only going to Disney World for two days? Waaaaagh!
Me: You know, when I was a kid we only went to theme parks for one day. We would go in the morning and then we'd leave when the park was closed. We never went to Disney for two days in row.
Z: Daddy?
Me: Yes?
Z: Tomorrow is your lucky day.
A (crying): I want to go to Disney World right now!
Me: We're going to Disney World for two days starting tomorrow.
A (crying): We're only going to Disney World for two days? Waaaaagh!
Me: You know, when I was a kid we only went to theme parks for one day. We would go in the morning and then we'd leave when the park was closed. We never went to Disney for two days in row.
Z: Daddy?
Me: Yes?
Z: Tomorrow is your lucky day.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Learn a New World
Today was "Learn a New World" day. Shane led us in the word again, and then Krista taught on the Biblical basis of missions, using several stories from the Old Testament. It was great, really well done. It's a privilege to be married to a woman of such extraordinary passion for God. She also led us in a lot of cultural learning, and Shasta helped out with a talk of her own and introducing us to some cultural games, which was great fun.
The big secret about tomorrow is that the provided lunch is going to be Indian food... taking a page from our church's handbook of mission's training. We're going to force everyone to eat without utensils, which should be fun. I'm looking forward to it. Maybe we'll get some photos. Ha.
I love our conferences like this. It's great to be with people headed around the world and I love being with our good friends and co-workers here.
The only real problem is the bed. I told Krista, it seems like you've been so far away all week. And she pointed out that the bed is four inches wider than ours back home. Which is about a foot and half too far.
Florida Moment of the Day: The cops were in the parking lot of the movie theatre tonight, taking a statement from a tiny bald person. A lot of kids dressed up like gang members hovered around, as if watching. Also, I learned that Kissimmee is pronounced KisSIMee. Not "kiss-a-me". Which means less Italian kissing comments. Oh well.
The big secret about tomorrow is that the provided lunch is going to be Indian food... taking a page from our church's handbook of mission's training. We're going to force everyone to eat without utensils, which should be fun. I'm looking forward to it. Maybe we'll get some photos. Ha.
I love our conferences like this. It's great to be with people headed around the world and I love being with our good friends and co-workers here.
The only real problem is the bed. I told Krista, it seems like you've been so far away all week. And she pointed out that the bed is four inches wider than ours back home. Which is about a foot and half too far.
Florida Moment of the Day: The cops were in the parking lot of the movie theatre tonight, taking a statement from a tiny bald person. A lot of kids dressed up like gang members hovered around, as if watching. Also, I learned that Kissimmee is pronounced KisSIMee. Not "kiss-a-me". Which means less Italian kissing comments. Oh well.
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