Eavesdropping with Matt (Episode Fifty-Nine: Mama didn't raise no zombies!)

Black Ranger, Spider Ranger, Bat Ranger, Blue Ranger.

Every year there's someone charming at the door when Halloween rolls around. This year it was an eight-year-old kid who was wearing a Power Rangers costume with a Spider-Man shirt pulled over it, a Captain America helmet on his head and a Boba Fett jet pack on his back. His mom hovered just behind him for this conversation.

Me: What are you? A Power Ranger?

Mom: He likes super-heroes.

Kid: I'm a zombie.

Me: Ha ha! You're a zombie? Did you eat all those superheroes?

Mom: He is not a zombie.

Me: Ah, I see.

Mom: Look at his jetpack. He's a super hero.

Kid (under his breath, head turned away from mom): I'm a zombie.


NOTE: It is precisely this sort of parental denial regarding the zombie status of loved ones that will cause the infection to spread more rapidly than is necessary should there be an outbreak. Please be as dispassionate as possible when diagnosing your loved ones.