Friday, October 02, 2009

The Traditional Airport Post: SECURITYYYYYYYYYY!

The longest lines at PDX that I've ever seen this morning, and as you might expect the beleaguered security people are hard at work and, yes, friendly!

Here are two things I saw while waiting in line:

1) An old lady! She hasn't flown in a long time. She didn't know that her liquids had to be in a quart sized bag so she put them in a GALLON sized bag! The security man tells her that she will have to pick her favorites and put them in a quart sized bag and toss, give away or drink the rest! She is dismayed! She is staring at her gallon sized bag of toiletries! Her lotions! Her gels! Her pastes! It is a hard life.

2) A soldier in the military! He is wearing his desert camos! People come up to him and thank him for serving. I also am thankful. He is a living weapon, that much is clear. The security man sees that the soldier had large, impressive, undoubtedly deadly boots on. Keep those on! he tells the soldier. No need to send them through the X-ray like the flip-flops of the man in front of you. After all, we know already that you are dangerous. Please walk right through. And this the soldier did, because he is accustomed to taking orders! A feeling of safety settles over the crowd!

MORAL: Terrorists will never get their shampoo onto a flight, unless they dress as soldiers and hide it in their boots.

THE END