Welcome to a new regular feature of the Burning Hearts Revolution called "Unseen Movie Reviews." In this feature I will give you my thoughts about upcoming movies, using only the information available through trailers and my own comprehensive knowledge of movies both sublime and sucky.
Here's our first film, "The Astronaut Farmer" starring Billy Bob Thorton and Virginia Madsen, due to be released on February 23rd.
Let us watch the trailer together, after which I shall give you my verdict:
Here are my thoughts. First, this looks like a harmless enough feel-good movie. But I have to say that we have only two options at the end: one, the farmer successfully launches himself into space, has some troubles and makes it home safely (hooray!) or two, he launches himself into space, has some trouble, and burns into a tiny crisp on re-entry (boo hoo!).
If I thought they had the guts to go for ending #2, I would go see it. Maybe. There are several things that make me nervous about the movie. One is the writing. For instance, the main character's last name is Farmer. It's just too cutesy. I can't stand it. Two, Billy Bob Thorton has a long history of making lots of movies. But I've only liked a couple of them. Three, I think maybe it should have been called the Farmer Astronaut instead of the Astronaut Farmer and been the story of a guy on a moonbase who has a dream of making a garden outside of the oxygen dome. Everyone thinks he's crazy but he has a dream! He can do it! Everyone is against him but against all the odds he is going to pull it off and grow the tallest corn ever seen in the universe. Oh what a beautiful mooooooorning, oh what a beatiful daaaaaaaaay, I've got a beautiful feeeeeeeelin', everything's goin' my waaaaaaaaaay!
In other news, the movie is likely to make more sense and be more entertaining than this post.
Matt's Verdict: Wait for this movie to be on television. You won't regret waiting to see it, but you will probably regret spending money to see it.
Feel free to leave your own thoughts and reviews in the comment section.