When you go as long without blogging as I have just done, everyone wonders for a little while if you're going to have to give the blog CPR. Could it be that the blogger has lost all interest in what he blogs about? Is he about to change the name of the blog and then bring in a bunch of other writers to put up posts and then quietly slink away? Of course, all the enemies of this blog have been so pleased that it has been so long since I posted that they have been trumpeting all over the internet, THE BURNING HEARTS REVOLUTION IS DEAD!
But that is not so. Of course. Because, as I've already proven, I will continue to blog long after the fad is gone and it becomes a tool relegated to old men. Ahem. Like now. Also... I have auto-scheduled a blog post for the year 2057, so if it ever appears that the blog is discontinued you will know that there is one more post coming in the far flung future. I can say without reservation that it is the funniest, most poignant, most deeply moving piece I have ever written. It's worth the wait. Sometimes when I wake in the middle of the night I get up and warm a glass of milk and sit and read it over and over until the warm satisfied glow that comes after all the tears and the laughter and the reminder of halcyon days gone by washes over me, and then I curl up around the computer and sleep like a baby kitten in a pane of sunlight. It is that good.
In other news, instead of doing the traditional blogger apology paragraph where I tell you "boo hoo I love you my dear audience and I will never leave you again" I thought I would take the more honest route of saying that I hate you all, you magnificent horrible whiners. And rather than giving you one shred of actual clue as to why I've not been blogging, I thought I would put a poll up on the sidebar where you can decide for yourself. So stop sending me your little notes all the time saying "Are you all right, Matt" and "We're concerned for you because you usually are too much of a narcissist to keep from blogging for more than a day or two." So be sure to take the poll, and in the comments feel free to leave an impressive list of topics you would like to see me address in future blog posts.
That is all. You may now return to the inferior blogs you have been filling your life with since I have left you hanging.