Krista: What do you think of this shirt? It's not really 'you' is it?
Me: If I were rich and lived on a sailboat and could wear white chinos and deck shoes with no socks all year, then I would gladly wear that shirt.
We wandered into the coat section, and Krista grabbed a coat that was thrown over the racks instead of on a hanger.
Krista: This coat is nice.
Me: Yeah. If you're a girl.
Nearby (male) Hipster: Actually that's my coat. I threw it over the rack there while I was looking around.
Me: Uhhhh, sorry.
Krista immediately steered me out of the store and into another store, completely mortified. And the hipster wandered the mall like a broken ghost, crying and wailing and embracing the deep sea of sadness that confronted him with the realization that I didn't understand him at all, not at all.