What single people wish married people knew

My friend Kate Hurley is the author of  Getting Naked Later: A Guide for the Fully Clothed

a humorous and touching book about being a single Christian. I invited Kate to share some content from her book here at BHR, I thought some of you might be interested. You can buy the book here or on Amazon and connect with Kate on her blog or go check out her music here (yes, she's also a musician). Enjoy the post!

My friend Jess is a beautiful, single blonde girl who has been a missionary in Italy for 10 years and is the same age as me. One day, an Italian woman, let’s call her Mamma Carmen, came up to her with a little charm necklace that had a picture of a saint on it.

“What’s this?” asked Jess.

(Cue in accent of Italian mama who doesn’t speak much English)

“A necklace for you. A picture of Saint Anthony. “

“Who is Saint Anthony?”

“Is-a- the patron saint of lost-a things.”

“And what have I lost, Mama Carmen?”

“Oh, you know sveetie. “

“No I don’t know. What is that I have lost?”

“You lost-a your husband.”

“Mama Carmen, isn’t that usually the saint you pray to for a lost sock or car keys-things like that?”

“Yes, but not for you. For you, pray to him for husband. More important than sock.”

Mama Carmen’s Formula:

Lost Husband + Praying to Patron Saint of Lost Things + Ten Hail Marys= 1 wedding, 5 socks, 2 spoons, and 1 bracelet you thought you gave to your friend Jill.

I had my own formula concocting conversation with a ministry leader of mine a few years back. Let’s call her Emily. The conversation looked like this:

“Kate, do you remember our babysitter Joann? Well, she went through a season of really struggling with being single like you are going through. She cried and battled and finally brought her burden to the Lord. She let go.

Two weeks later, she met her husband. And he looks just like Ryan Gosling.

I said, “Emily, I am really happy for Joann.  But she is twenty freaking years old.”

“So? What does that have to do with anything?”

I respected and loved this leader, but I just couldn’t brush the comment off this time.

I said “I have had a decade longer than her of wrestling with God over this issue. In all my wrestling, I have had several seasons where I have been content as a single person, embracing the thought of God as my husband. But often, those seasons fade, and I’m struggling again. It is a cycle that happens.  I don’t think God laughs at my cycles of frustration. I think he understands. I think he wants to meet me there. “

Emily continued to argue with me, saying that I just needed to let go, insinuating that it was my own fault that I was still single.

I said, “Em, please understand me here. If you had a friend who was not getting pregnant or who was having multiple miscarriages, someone who had been struggling with barrenness for ten years, would you say to her ‘If you just trusted the Lord more with your barrenness, he would give you a baby?’ You would never say that! You recognize how much she is mourning that loss, and so you careful with her words. You don’t want to hurt her even more by making her feel like it might be her own fault.
Well at times, I feel barren. Not only barren in my childbearing, but barren as a lover as well. I don’t have children or a husband, and so I really have no immediate blood family. Please, please, be sensitive to this barrenness in me. Please don’t tell me that I have done something wrong in not letting go, and the result of that shortcoming is my barrenness.”

I know that sounds pretty heavy, but it is how many of us feel at times.

In the very thick book of popular theology that is not actually in the Bible, a book I like to call First Assumptions we have this formula:

Not letting go=being single.


Letting go= being married.

Most singles I have talked to have had this formula given to them in one way or another. Many of them dozens of times. Almost every time I mention writing my book on singleness, single people give me some kind of version of this story.

Most of us, when we first heard this formula as a young person, grabbed our journal and bible and went to a quiet place. We turned our sweet young faces to heaven with tears in our eyes and said “Lord, I let go. I give my husband to you.”

Do you know why we were saying this? Because we wanted a husband. And according to the formula, if you wanted a husband, you had to let go of him first. So we were letting go of him in order to get him.

Quite ironic, isn’t it?

But as years passed, when that formula didn’t work, we started cringing when someone told us we just needed to let go. We couldn’t put our finger on why it irked something deep inside of us, but it did.
I have a theory about why it frustrates us so much. At the root of this formula is the idea that all single people have done something wrong and all married people have done something right. Married people, I know you probably never meant to make us feel that way, but it is the nature of that formula.

It kind of reminds me of the story of Job. Here is the formula we can get out of his story:
Tragically losing everything+wife that is pissed+hideous boils all over your body+annoying friends telling you that you must have done something wrong to deserve this+being totally frustrated+God’s booming voice telling us humans that we don’t know as much as we think we do and that he doesn’t fit in our formulas and boxes+ praising God even through horrible circumstances and singing “Blessed Be Your Name”= even more stuff than you had before.

Sound familiar? That story is one of the oldest in the bible. One of it’s lessons? Don’t make formulas. Meet him, wrestle with him, praise him even when you don’t understand, but never, ever, put him in a box.

As Donald Miller said, “As much as we want to believe we can fix out lives in about as many steps as it takes to make a peanut-butter sandwich, I don’t believe we can.”

My married friend Becca explained to me that married people don’t often have bad motives in their formula making. She said that when human beings don’t understand something, they make formulas. They want to feel like they are giving their friend some control over the situation. They even make their own life journeys into formulas. Sometimes we singles cling to the formulas given to us because we want some control over the situation as well.

I really appreciate that we had this conversation because it reminded me that married people are not the enemy. They love us.

But out of love, I want our married friends to understand why these formulas are so hard for us to hear.
These formulas makes us feel like our being single has nothing to do with God’s will or our choices or the enemy or any other theory you have on why hard things happen.

It has to do with our lack.

We already struggle with feeling like we lack when we wonder why we haven’t been chosen. Please don’t cut that wound deeper.

This formula also makes us feel like our not being married has to do with our relationship with the Lord, which evidently is wanting.

For most of us, our relationship with the Lord is the most sacred one that we have. Please, please, don’t criticize that relationship as well. Don’t tear down the one relationship where we feel loved and accepted. Even if you mean well, just don’t do it.

I think a good rule of thumb for both parties is to do less formula making and pat- answering and do more listening. Listening to what the Lord has to say, and listening to each others’ journeys with compassion.

Restrain yourselves from formulas. But don’t restrain yourselves from giving each other a hug. We probably both need one.

Be encouraged that we all have our own journey, and that all of our journeys our valid.

Guest Post from Author Renee Fisher: DEAL BREAKERS!

My friend Renee Fisher has a new book out called Not Another Dating Book: A Devotional Guide to All Your Relationships. I asked her if she would be willing to share a little excerpt from the book here to give you all an idea of what the book is like, and she graciously sent this along:

Deal Breakers

People who wink at wrong cause trouble,

but a bold reproof promotes peace.

PROVERBS 10:10

Do you just hate it when a guy blasts the music too loud when you’re in his car? Or when a girl can’t seem to tear herself away from her cell phone long enough to say hello? Maybe you’d never date someone who has a tattoo, doesn’t laugh at your jokes, or has a lot of baggage from a previous relationship—beliefs we’re not willing to compromise. But what does the Bible say our deal breakers should be?

Same spiritual beliefs. “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” (Amos 3:3). If a couple’s beliefs are lopsided or unequal, they will never be able to grow together. Similarly, Paul warns us not to “team up with those who are unbelievers” (2Corinthians 6:14).

Accepts authority. The Roman officer whose story is told in two gospels had soldiers and slaves under his authority. He was a powerful man, and yet he accepted Christ’s authority (Matthew 8:5-13). Does your date accept the roles God gave all of us? Does he respect those in authority? Does she accept God’s authority over her life?

Hygiene habits. This isn’t about how often your date flosses or what kind of deodorant he wears. It’s about the state of his heart. Does he or she care more about the outward appearance than the inside? Beauty only scratches the surface of the skin. If your date’s daily spiritual habits are as regular as a shower, you’ll be able to see the fruit in his daily life.

Financially free. Can your date manage his or her pocketbook? Did she spend her rent money on a new pair of shoes? Did he blow his next paycheck on the latest GPS? Scripture tells us to “Give to everyone what you owe them: Pay your taxes and government fees to those who collect them…Owe nothing to anyone—except for your obligation to love one another” (Romans 13:7-8).

All our deal breakers are different. Some of them won’t really matter in the long run (he’ll probably turn down his stereo when he has a baby in the backseat!), but don’t compromise on a life partner whose heart isn’t full of Christ.

Adapted from: Not Another Dating Book © 2012 by Renee Fisher. Published by Harvest House Publishers, Eugene, OR. Used by permission.

Guest Post from Author Anna Broadway: Is Change Possible?

My friend Anna Broadway sent me a note the other day about an upcoming prayer event called "Pray for the Johns Day"... a prayer time specifically set aside to pray for the men who pay for sex, that God would intervene in their lives. I thought it was an interesting idea, and I asked her to write a blog post for us, which she graciously agreed to do! So, here it is. If you would like to know more about Anna, check out her website or her book, Sexless in the City: A Memoir of Reluctant Chastity.

I knew from the moment I read about Jesus getting punched in the face in a Portland coffee shop that Matt Mikalatos is not one to write cautiously. No, both in his wonderfully zany narratives and his choice of themes, he avoids the easy path. I especially appreciated him taking on transformation in his latest book, Night of the Living Dead Christian, because I think it’s one of the thornier issues of the faith.

Sometimes people change behaviors in conjunction with coming to Jesus, but their underlying motives and heart postures remain the same.

Other times, there’s a genuine repentance and change of heart, but behavior shifts are more gradual and slow to happen.

Or in some cases, a few major things happen in the beginning, then the drama quiets down and sometimes things are so quiet behind the window shades, you’re not sure Jesus is even in there working, aside from his initial improvements.

Of course, that’s not a question we like to admit to, but when you’ve been in the church a while, you can start to wonder. I was born into this, which means I’ve spent more than 30 years around Jesus’ followers, but I can probably count on one hand the conversions I’ve seen from before to after. Maybe even one finger.

Sometimes that’s left me doubtful God is really real or makes much difference. But then I always come back to the example of my father, who became a Christian at 19, when he was in Tennessee for boot camp, and went on to become a person who, by the reports of his own siblings, is completely different from the troubled adolescent he was before Jesus.

One time I got to sit there with him at a meal, while he explained to a colleague how he used to live. The man’s disbelief was visible as my responsible, clean-cut father described his former self. “You were like that?!! How did you change?”

Others who’ve heard me tell Dad’s story have suggested that maybe the reason for his transformation was not so much Jesus as him figuring out that certain behaviors worked out much better than his old ways.

Certainly, the discipline and self-control that the Christian life encouraged in him have proven beneficial. After he married my mom at 25, Dad went on to get a bachelor’s and master’s degree in engineering, to which he recently added a Ph.D. If you count their happy, 34-year marriage, that’s at least four major accomplishment that all require significant, short-term self-denial in service of long-term goals.

But in some ways I think of my dad as weak man who’s done many things requiring strength not because he was or thought himself to be strong, but because he went out every day and tried to be obedient to God and his responsibilities that day.

Maybe it’s like he’s a man who’s been walking a tight rope across a river for several decades. The people who come to see him might ooh and ah at his experience and surefootedness, but if they stood close enough to watch him get on the rope each day, they’d hear the words of someone attempting it for the first time.

“I want to cross,” he’d say. “I believe I can, and I hope I will, but I can’t say for certain I shall, so I’m just going to do my best and move my feet one step at a time.”

I think it’s the faithful power of Jesus in him that’s produced a life of such consistency, but that has prevailed because of Dad’s humble, constant acknowledgment of his own frailty and need for God. A man more confident in his own strength and resolve would be too proud to depend so greatly on his savior … and would have probably taken a lot more dunks in the river.

But it isn’t just my dad’s life that gives me hope in the power of God to make a difference. I can think of other friends I’ve known who are now quite different people than when I first met them. The cause was not always conversion, exactly; sometimes they just started to take God more seriously.

There are things that happen only when you give up your right to say, “yes, but” and start just saying “yes” to God. I can think of many moments past where everything hung on my willingness to give up what He was calling me to sacrifice. It was often something quite small in an objective sense, but because of what I truly worshiped, that small thing had become ultimate.

More recently, though, I’ve had chances to say “yes” not to a sacrifice but an opportunity. One night last November, I got an idea to organize a Valentine’s day of prayer for the men who buy sex: Pray for the Johns Day. The main work to be done was clearly pretty quickly. But would I do it?

A part of me was hesitant. I’ve had ideas before, some of which I even pursued, but often those attempts came to nothing. To pray for the johns is to ask for transformation on a very large scale indeed. We’re asking not just that God turn men from their sin and bring repentance, but that He transform them into men who take up what good works God may yet have for them to do.

At the very least, to ask that risks disappointment. And yet, I think such a prayer is to take the heart of the gospel seriously. The Bible says sin cut off man’s life-sustaining connection to God, without which we become increasingly monstrous (as Matt describes so creatively in his book), and the world around us overgrown and menacing. Jesus came so that we could be rehumanized and the whole creation restored to God’s good purpose for it. If that’s true, then transforming lives is a central part of the plan. That change may not come easily or quickly — as in the case of Matt’s friend, the vampire — but it’s possible.

So if you have five minutes or ten or even a lunch break free this Valentine’s Day, would you consider praying for the johns with me? 

Guest post from artist Josh Alves: Putting Myself in Perspective

Here's a guest post from freelance illustrator and artist, Josh Alves. Josh and i have exchanged a couple of emails here and there after he read Night of the Living Dead Christian. Then he sent me this really cool illustration that he did of characters from the book. Behold! Here it is (click to see it in all its glory):

Intrepid Neighborhood Watchman, Matt Mikalatos, standing beside the Hibbs 3000 and
Dr. Culbetron. In the background, well-meaning zombies and werewolves lurk!

Pretty awesome, huh? I like it! Josh mentioned he would be willing to do a graphic novel adaptation of the book if there were ever demand for such. Good to know! So, let Josh know what you think about his post, and if you're ever looking to hire an illustrator, drop him a note! In the meantime, you can check out his blog, his website, twitter and Facebook.

"And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature." Romans 7:18

2011 was the year I made the jump into self-employment as a freelance illustrator/designer. The year I got my first children's publishing contract, and the year I got to work on projects for companies all over the globe.

It was one of the best years of my life, but for none of the reasons you might think.

If it were named after one of the books of the bible, it would be titled "Revelation". Not because my world ended or I saw pregnant prostitutes and crazy dragons. 2011 is when I feel like God started making Himself known to me. Peeling the scales off my eyes and giving me a touch of understanding about what it means to live a life transformed by the power of Jesus Christ.

And it's a lot different than what I thought.

That's probably the biggest reason why I resonated with the message of Matt's "Night of the Living Dead Christian".

After years of talking about it, my wife and I made the decision to take the plunge into full-time freelance work at the beginning of last year. We had been pursuing self-employment for a while and felt the "go ahead" to take the jump.

When I would talk to friends and family about this unconventional career move (I was leaving a well-paying, management position with a company I had been with for nearly a decade) I would talk about the faith I had that God was in it and that He'd take care of me and my family.

If only I believed that.

It wasn't until Summer when the words of Paul struck me upside the head. "And I know that nothing good lives in me..."

That includes me, and I hadn't quite gotten that yet.

Those that know me describe me as intelligent, creative, and talented - it's all very complimentary. Those are all the things I had placed my faith in as I started working on my own. I had the smarts to know how to earn projects. I was skilled enough to provide for my family. I could do it.

Then that sentiment from the converted Saul got me thinking. Anything in me that I could define as good - wasn't me. Any "talent" gifted to me was exactly that - a gift. I did not wire my own mind to think the way it thinks or to visualize the way it visualizes.

The idea that it could all change instantly - that God could flip my "know how to draw" switch in my head - humbled me. I felt as if I was able to put myself in perspective.

My prayer is that I continue to give credit where credit is due and give glory and honor to His name.

Now please don't misunderstand me, I haven't "arrived" or anything like that. From a professional perspective, there are many things I still need to learn and areas of my work to constantly improve. I now see training and education as stewardship - not something that will help get me recognition and fame. Likewise, I don't have all the answers about what it means to be a follower of Christ - but I'm encouraged by the fact that I KNOW I don't have it figured out and am actively pursuing Him.

Thanks to Matt for gifting me with this opportunity to share with you! You can learn a little more about what I do at www.joshalves.com.

Also, my treasure of a wife has started an encouraging, motivational blog geared toward Christian women at http://amyswomantics.blogspot.com that you are also invited to check out.

The 300 Pound Pastor: Guest Post from theologian and author, Gary Thomas

Today's guest post comes from Gary Thomas. Be sure to follow him on his Twitter feed. Before I met Gary, he had already had a profound impact on my life through his book, Sacred Marriage, which is the best, most helpful and practical marriage book I've read. I read through multiple of his other books and found them insightful, eye-opening and profound. Then I met Gary in person, when I took one of his seminary classes at Western Seminary. I was pleasantly surprised to find that Gary is not only insightful, but deeply spiritual and someone who practices what he preaches. Gary has consistently shown generosity, patience and kindness toward me, and his deep love for Christ is evident to anyone who has spent time with him. This post relates to his newest book, Every Body Matters: Strengthening Your Body to Strengthen Your Soul. Enjoy!

The 300 Pound Pastor

When Mark Bejsovec, a youth pastor, saw the scale creep over 300 pounds, he gulped.  During his high school football playing days, he carried just 186 pounds on his six-foot-two frame.  In his early thirties, however, Mark started gaining weight steadily. At first, he rationalized it and even began using it like a tool. It made him seem funnier. He could push out his stomach until he looked like he was pregnant, and the kids in his ministry would laugh: “You look like you got twins!”

When he hit 300 pounds, though, Mark began to sense God speaking to him about his physical condition.

“I looked into Scripture, specifically at the men in the Bible who assumed leadership roles, and wondered how they must have looked. I couldn’t find anyone in leadership who was overweight.”

This wasn’t about vanity, but rather about being a better steward of his body and his calling: “If I was addressing only spiritual issues but not the physical ones, I considered I would be less useful to the Lord in my ministry. If I was going to remain in ministry, I needed to honor God with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and also all my body.”

By definition, we can’t be a leader in secret.  Somebody is following us.  And the bodies we are leading with aren’t hidden.

A friend of mine, who works as a senior director for a major Christian development organization, recently shared with me the battle he faces with eating and exercise.  On a recent business trip, he ate twenty-four restaurant meals in a row. He’s concerned about his health habits, and like many, he lives with a constant sense of failure that he could be doing more about his weight. What he doesn’t see are spiritual leaders taking this struggle as seriously as he does.  “We’ve been taught in the evangelical tradition about adultery and lying and stealing and coveting,” he says, “and about lust and alcoholism and smoking and drug abuse. But many evangelical pastors who preach against these things are visibly overweight or obese. I don’t say this to judge them—I struggle with the same thing. But sometimes I wonder. Sure, they may have conquered the online porn, but it seems like they’re ‘medicating’ with food; I get that, because I do the same thing.”

For his part, Mark decided to quit his former eating habits cold turkey. When his weight started coming off, Mark experienced a rush of positive energy. “I started feeling more affirmed, my self-esteem went up, and my relationship with God grew. It’s not that my previous life didn’t honor God, but now it felt like I was living like God designed me to live.”

When I asked Mark what changed most about his life since he lost seventy pounds, he responded, “Let’s be honest: there were times I was discredited because of the way I looked. When I talked to kids about self-control in other areas, they could look at me and understandably ask why I wasn’t addressing my issues with food. But now, when I share my story, there’s an added inspirational element. If I can do it, anyone can do it, and my weight loss has become an effective tool in my ministry.”

As a writer whose most prominent books relate to marriage, I take it as a personal challenge to maintain the integrity of my own marriage.  I can’t write and teach on marriage if my own is falling apart.  As a pastor, however, when I talk to the church about self-control; when I preach on the necessity of personal discipline, good stewardship in all areas of life, and, above all, when I teach out of 1 Corinthians 6:20: “You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body” I am going to completely undercut my message if I’m preaching out of a body that denies this.

It would be convenient if being a leader didn’t require also being an example, but that’s not the case.  Paul writes, “Follow me as I follow Christ.” (1 Cor. 11:1)

Leaders, let’s ask ourselves, “Is my body serving or thwarting my message?”  If you’re a pastor, you may well have accepted financial sacrifice for the privilege of being in the ministry; if you’re a leader of any type, you have readily accepted the sacrifice of your time, tranquility, and even reputation, as leadership assaults all of these.  But will you also accept bodily sacrifice—watching what you eat, and putting in the effort to get appropriate exercise? Will you recognize that the body out of which you lead can either support or undercut the message that you carry?

I am not suggesting that we pick leaders by how thin they are, or that we make a direct connection between a person’s BMI and his holiness. That would be ridiculous, ignorant, and unfair—some bodies aren’t designed to be thin, other bodies seem to naturally stay thin regardless of how they are cared for or fed, but leaders, we know our own journey, we know whether this area of stewardship is feeding or hindering our maturity and ministry. Don’t all of us feel better, stronger, more energetic, when we’re being faithful in this area?  And don’t we all know that there are negative consequences when we get careless?

So, in a spirit of encouragement and grace, let’s admit that this is something we need to start talking about. Just as we seemed eager to denounce the opulent affluence and money-raising scandals of the 1980s televangelists, let’s not be blind to our own contemporary challenges at the dawn of the 21^st century.

For more on this topic, check out Gary’s book Every Body Matters: Strengthening Your Body to Strengthen Your Soul.

Guest Post from blogger The Notorious MLE: the Chinese superheroes in my neighborhood

I first met Emily when she was in high school. She's not in high school anymore, of course, but at the time she was in the youth group at my church, and I was one of the youth workers. She's always been an exceptionally interesting person, and her blog is great. When I asked Krista for some people she thought should be guest posting here, she specifically mentioned Emily. So, first there's a short intro from Emily, and her post follows! Enjoy!

Hi everybody. My name is Emily and I blog over at www.notoriousmle.com. My blog is a narrative blog detailing whatever is on my mind: usually a combination of tacos, book reviews and stories about life. It's an honor to be guest posting in the company of so many talented writers. Thanks for having me!

Elderly Chinese superheroes are the rulers of my neighborhood. Everyday at 10 am they emerge from their houses to engage in their daily powerwalk/do-gooding.  Most days I’m at work so I don’t see them but I come home to the legacy of their daily kindnesses: the garbage cans put away neatly up and down the street, the stray trash coralled in the compost bins and the mysterious dissapearance of any weed that dares show it’s face. They are a true blessing. When I come home from work I want to weep with joy when I see that I don’t have to drag in the garbage cans.

Some of the superheroes go above and beyond. My favorite neighbor is Mrs. Kwong. Mrs. Kwong does not limit her heroism to physical tasks, no, no no! She is aggressively kind. On Sundays I sometimes see Ms. Kwong on her way to church. As she passes by my house she always stops to say hi. Her English is not good but that does not stop her from spreading joy. Last time I saw her she stopped in front of me grabbed my shoulders and shouted “You VERY PRETTY! You baby a good boy!” She shouted these words at me in the way that old Chinese ladies do while presenting me with the biggest purest smile I’ve ever seen.

Her compliment made my day but that’s not why she is a superhero.

She’s a superhero because she is bigger than the anxieties, fears and self-pity that plague so many. Ms. Kwong doesn’t sit around saying “Oh, I can’t say hi, I don’t speak good english” or “Nobody cares about me because I’m old and have a limp” or “I’m embarrassed to open my mouth cause my teeth are a little funky.” No, Ms. Kwong doesn’t deal with that crap. She barrels around our neighborhood assaulting passerbys with a kindness that comes from a selfless simplicity of heart.  I pray that we can each be a little more like her: less absorbed with our own “shortcomings” and more delighted by what we can give to others.  Take it from a very PRETTY GIRL; it’s a beautiful way to be.

Guest Post by Author and Seminary Professor Todd Miles: What about those who haven't heard the good news of the Kingdom?

Dr. Todd Miles was one of my professors at Western Seminary, and I enjoyed his classes a great deal. I took two theology classes and an ethics class from Todd, and all three classes taught me things I'm using in ministry and in life today. The ethics class was both terrifying and insightful. Todd is also the author of  A God of Many Understandings?: The Gospel and Theology of Religions, a book about the way in which Christians should interact with people of different faith systems within our culture. This is, in fact, one of the things that Todd addresses in this blog post, talking about the Great Commission and how it relates to pluralism. I found this post refreshing and challenging and I trust you will as well. Enjoy.

Each day on my way to work I drive by a billboard advertisement for a local university celebrating its commitment to inclusivity. Though it could be construed as a statement regarding its admissions requirements (Send us an application! Everybody gets in! Nothing exclusive about us!), it is more likely that the university is attempting, in a vague way, to tap into postmodernity’s commitment to tolerance and its rejection of exclusivity.

We live in a pluralistic world, full of different kinds of people, different kinds of philosophies, and different kinds of religions. Of course, ever since shortly after Adam’s fall, pluralism of this sort has been the way things are, so nothing much has changed in a descriptive sense. What has changed is that pluralism in our day does not just describe the way things are; pluralism describes the way things ought to be. When pluralism is cherished and prescribed, then tolerance necessarily rises to the top of the virtue list. Christianity’s claim that Jesus Christ is the exclusive way to right reconciliation with God does not sit well with the prevailing cultural sensibilities.

In today’s world, to be exclusive, particularly about religion, is to be rude, narrow, and close-minded, and most likely (in a guilty-until-proven-innocent fashion) judgmental and bigoted.

Therefore, we are told that truth claims, especially religious truth claims, ought to be humble. Better yet, people ought to have choices and our pluralistic world delivers. We are presented with a seemingly endless array of options, an ideological smorgasbord, where we can sample and select religious entrees according to taste and preference, without fear of cultural reprisal. To be told that your religious conviction is wrong is largely equivalent to being told that your dessert choice is wrong. Claiming that Jesus is the only way to salvation (however salvation might be construed) is like arguing that Derby Pie (chocolate-saturated pecan pie - need I say more?) is the only legitimate way to after-dinner paradise.

Such thinking comprises the ambient cultural atmosphere. It is the very air that we breathe. It creeps easily into the church’s thinking. Then, when we are confronted with the enormous numbers of people who die without believing or even hearing the gospel, our minds begin to race: Doesn’t God desire that all be saved (1 Tim 2:4)? Isn’t it true that the Lord does not wish that any should perish (2 Pet 3:9)? And then we consider the trumping question of anti-exclusivity: What about those who, through no fault of their own, have never heard the gospel? The response in some Christian circles is to speculate on the possibility of salvation apart from hearing and believing the gospel or the possibility of salvation being mediated through other religions.

Christians must recognize that such questions, while being difficult, are not off-limits. We need solid, biblically-faithful responses to those questions. But we also have to recognize the force of the climate in which we do our thinking. Our postmodern context demands that we answer questions such as these in an “exclusively inclusivistic” fashion. It is our duty to think through those questions, but it is equally our duty to think through them faithfully. Jesus Christ demands that we take every thought captive in obedience to him (2 Cor 10:4-5) and warns us about being conformed to the pattern or mold of this world (Rom 12:2). Our thinking is to be guided by his Word and here are four reasons to think that pluralism (all roads lead to God) and its sensibilities lack biblical warrant. Or to say it a different way, here are four broad reasons to think twice about jettisoning Jesus’ exclusive claims.

Explicit Biblical Teaching

When we read the gospels, we are confronted with the reality that Jesus was not at all concerned with being tolerant of false ideas about God and if he were speaking in our context he would not bow to the idol of political correctness. Living and teaching in a day and age that valued religious pluralism (the Greco-Roman world) as much as ours, Jesus taught that “repentance and forgiveness of sins was to be proclaimed in his name to all the nations (Luke 24:47), that unless one honored the Son it was impossible to honor God (John 5:23-26), and that he was the way, the truth and the life and that no one could come to the Father apart from him (John 14:6).  Jesus’ first disciples understood that teaching and were bold in propagating the message that “there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved" (Acts 4:12). These explicit teachings (and that was just a representative sampling) must be considered in any Christian’s zeal to construct the possibility of salvation outside of belief in Jesus Christ.

Jesus was Not Hopeful That Most Would Be Saved

On a couple occasions, Jesus spoke to the destiny of the majority and he was not optimistic. In the Sermon on the Mount he concluded, “Enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few” (Matt 7:13-14). In a parallel passage in Luke, Jesus was asked, “Lord, will those who are saved be few?” Jesus replied, “Strive to enter through the narrow door. For many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able” (Luke 13:23-24). If Jesus was not hopeful, I see little purpose in dreaming up scenarios by which the unevangelized are saved.

The Story of Scripture

The Scriptures present a God who brooks no rivals and who is not impressed with human machinations to either approach him or approximate him. It is God who, following the sin of Adam and Eve, promises that a child would one day be born who would crush the deceiver and rescue his people (Gen 3:15). It is God who, of his own choosing, selects an unworthy man through whom to display grace to the nations and initiate his plan for redemption (Abraham in Genesis 12). It is God who, time and again judges his own people and the nations for failing to honor him (e.g., Deut 28: 15-68; Isa 40-48; Acts 5:1-11). It is God who,  “in the fullness of time, . . . sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law,  to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons” (Gal 4:4). And it is God who calls all nations everywhere to repent, “because he has fixed a day on which he will judge the world in righteousness by a man whom he has appointed; and of this he has given assurance to all by raising him from the dead” (Acts 17:30-31). Contemplation of the possibilities of salvation apart from faith in Christ must be consistent with the biblical storyline.

Unfaithful Implications of Speculation

Christ gave a clear mandate to preach the good news of the Kingdom (e.g., Matt 28:18-20; Acts 1:8). The apostles were faithful to that commission and made it their goal to take the gospel to the whole world (Acts 10:42). Paul’s life ambition was to preach the gospel wherever Christ had not already been named (Rom 15:21). What happens to missionary zeal when Christians labor to gather support for a shared optimism concerning the fate of the unevangelized? Admittedly, negative implications of a position are not defeaters of that position. But when those implications repudiate the logic of mission and the explicit commands to evangelize the nations, then one has to wonder about the legitimacy of that position. Rather than philosophizing and theologizing about the possibilities of salvation apart from faith in Christ, we would do better to recognize that the biblical response to the question of “What about those who have never heard?” is a forceful call: “Go tell them!”

Guest Post by Author Brock Eastman

Today's guest post comes from author Brock Eastman, who is an author and also product marketer at Focus on the Family. Some mutual friends introduced me and Brock and I asked him to do a post here at BHR. I was pretty astounded by his story!


Here's his introduction:


My name is Brock Eastman, and I have a beautiful supportive wife and two cute little girls. I’m committed to family first and books second, so some times I find myself writing in the wee hours of the night. But God gives us strength and creativity.

Please find my author page on facebook, Brock D. Eastman and give me a Like if you will. You can find all my books on Amazon, the Focus online store, or to get signed copies visit my website BrockEastman.com. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy my work. The best part of writing is putting smiles on kids faces.

Writing to change lives, that’s what I want to do. I’m a marketer at heart; in fact that’s my day job at Focus on the Family. Product Marketing where I get to work on cool projects like Adventures in Odyssey, the Screwtape Letters, or TrueU: Does God Exist?

I’m not a writer; at least I didn’t set out to be. I’m not even a fast reader; ask my wife how long it takes me to get through a book. I read all of about; oh three books when I was in middle school and high school. I didn’t read anything for entertainment purposes until I was in college. It was sort of a competition between my future wife and me; too be the first to complete a particular book series. I did win, just for the record. I didn’t enjoy reading, so you can see why I never had any plans to write a book.

A discussion with a friend about the serious lack of family friendly and safe entertainment in the secular market spurred me on. Not safe like, ‘hey this story is boring,’ no safe as in you’re not going to find curse words and unnecessarily graphic depictions of death and romance. I wanted to write something Christian and non-Christian kids could enjoy.

I was learning to be open to God and trust whatever it was He had planned for my life. I knew when I started writing The Quest for Truth in 2005 that it was about one in a million chance I’d ever be looked at by a publisher, more or less get a book onto store shelves. I’m not that great with grammar and I don’t really have the patience for writing thousands of words, but this wasn’t about me. So five years later, with a completed 100k word manuscript in hand and some encouragement from my wonderful editor (wife.) I signed a contract for 5 books with P&R Publishing. The Quest for Truth would start with Taken (which released in July 2011) and was to be pulled from the first half of the original manuscript, Evad. The second half, became Risk, and will release February 2012. The two manuscripts now total more than 160k words. Whoa! So with a publishing commitment for 5 books, I was going to be plenty busy. Right?

About a month later I was driving down the road, and God laid another story on my heart. With the excitement over the Twilight series, I knew that dark tales of werewolves and vampires (positioned often as heroes) were beginning to dominate the young adult marketplace. It was time to write a story that put them in their proper place, as nothing short of demons. So I pitched the Sages of Darkness trilogy to Destiny Image and they loved it. HowlSage (about a werewolf demon) just released September 2011. I’m currently working on book 2, BlizzardSage.

Finally with 8 books now due to publishers over the next two and a half years, I had one last contract to sign. At Focus on the Family we’d just launched our new Imagination Station series, and I really wanted to be a part of it. I’d grown up on Adventures in Odyssey and had even come to work at Focus with hopes to someday be involved with the brand. I am now the quasi brand manager for AIO (Thanks God.) So I signed a contract to write Showdown with the Shepherd, the David and Goliath story, told as an Imagination Station adventure. So that made 9 books contracted yikes.

Remember I said I’m not a writer, nor that good at grammar (Just read this blog post.) The point of all this is, God is sovereign and He provides. He has plans for our life and sometimes they aren’t exactly what we might expect. I want to encourage you to be open to whatever might be laid on your heart. If we make ourselves available God will do some really cool things through us.

Guest post by author C.J. Darlington: How do you know you're called?

You may recall that this month I've invited a lot of different people to send in guest posts to celebrate the release of Night of the Living Dead Christian. I've tried to get a diverse set of people with interesting points of view on a wide variety of topics. Our guest today, C.J. Darlington, is one of those ubiquitous internet personalities who seems to be everywhere! C.J. and I have never really interacted, but I thought I'd drop her a note anyway, and I'm glad I did. She's as pleasant and enjoyable as you would expect from reading her writings. In addition to being an author (more on her books in the post below), she's also the co-founder of TitleTrakk.com, a Christian book, movie and music review site. I think you'll enjoy her insights into the concept of following our callings in life.

When I was a teen I remember worrying long and hard about what I was supposed to do with my life. I desperately wanted to be in God’s will, but I wasn’t sure how I would know. All of us can attest to the fact that you certainly don’t have to be a teen to wonder if you’re on the right path for your life!

Now that I’m an adult, I still have questions, but that’s when I need to remind myself of a few ways you can seek out the Lord’s will.

What did you love to do for fun as a kid? Often God will give us natural inclinations as children that coincide with our calling as adults. Have you always had a fascination with stories, books or writing? Chances are God’s put that in your heart. It’s not about skill. You can develop skills, but you can’t fabricate a calling.

If I had looked closely as a teen, I would’ve seen He was already leading and guiding me through my childhood dreams. I loved to read. One of my favorite activities was visiting the library, and I’d come home with bags full of books. I loved writing little stories about animals. My sister and I started a newspaper/magazine we peddled around the neighborhood for fifty cents.



When I was fifteen I started writing a story about two sisters. I had no idea that story would eventually become my first published novel, Thicker than Blood. Those first pages were horrible, but I kept at it because it was something I couldn’t not do. That’s another way to recognize a God-given dream. Does it burn within you? I asked Jerry B. Jenkins once how beginning writers could know they were called to write, and he said if you can’t not write you may be called to write.



It’s the same with whatever interests you. God often puts desires and dreams in our hearts at an early age to guide us into our calling. And why wouldn’t He? Doesn’t it make sense He’d plant ideas in our hearts as children? As Psalms 139 says, “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” It’s only as we get older that those dreams begin to fade due to the distractions and pressures of life. Take time and look back. Remember what you dreamed about as a kid. Maybe you’ll discover God’s been calling you for longer than you think.


But what if you didn’t follow the desires you had as a child. What if you really didn’t have any dreams at all? It’s never too late. And even if you were supposed to start something sooner, don’t despair. I like to think of life’s journey as walking down a road. The easiest way would be to stay on the straight path. But many of us veer off course. We might take a turn that wasn’t God’s direction for us. Note to self---don’t sweat it. God’s a God of love, forgiveness and grace. All we have to do is ask Him to get us back on track. And you know what? He will. No matter how many wrong turns you take, God can reprogram your life’s GPS and still get you to that final destination… the fulfillment of your dreams and His plans.



Here’s something I’m learning---nothing is ever wasted by God. Did you dream of being a writer but for whatever reason became a lawyer instead? Great! Maybe you can write a legal thriller. Your life experiences can help you create a character you might not have written otherwise. Did you become a nurse instead of writing the next Great American novel? Maybe you’ll share your knowledge and experience writing nonfiction articles about health. Or maybe you’ll write a historical novel, featuring a struggling doctor serving in the Vietnam War.



Even though I wrote stories when I was young and dreamed of someday publishing a book, writing wasn’t exactly paying the bills. So I followed another interest of mine---rare books. I became a book scout and sold used and rare books to local bookstores before eventually co-founding my own online bookstore with my sister, Tracy.



 I was able to incorporate a lot of what I learned about rare books and the book business into my novel Thicker than Blood as well as my second book Bound by Guilt. It might not have looked like I was on track for reaching my dreams during those grueling book scouting years, but God knew all along the experiences I’d need to write the novels I’m writing today. It was all part of God’s plan for my life after all.



Don’t give up on the discouraging days, because they will come. Proverbs 16:3 says, “Commit your work to the Lord and your plans will succeed.” If you do, then you can’t fail. He’ll make sure you get where you need to be at just the right time.

Guest Post by author Jamie Carie: The Making of a Book Cover

For today's guest post, my friend Jamie Carie, romance author, has interviewed the art director at her publishing house to talk about how book covers are designed. I think you'll find it interesting... I certainly did. Jamie's new book, The Guardian Duke, releases in February, but in the meantime you can check out her most recent book here. And of course Jamie is on Twitter!

Have you ever wondered how publishing houses come up with their book covers? I know I have, and since I’ve become a published author, I get this question a lot. To find out just what goes into the process I was blessed to get the chance to interview Diana Lawrence, an Art Director at B&H Publishing. Thanks so much, Diana, for giving us a peek into the process!

Jamie:  How did you get started in this business? Have you always wanted to design book covers?

Diana: As a kid I would write and illustrate little stories and bind them into books, so I guess I always knew I wanted to be a book designer. I went to art school and worked for years in many areas of graphic design before coming to B&H to illustrate gift products, which led to gift books, which led to all types of books.

Jamie: Can you give us a brief overview of the steps you take to create a book cover? 

Diana: First I read as much as I can about the author and the book (if it’s a novel, I usually read the whole story because I get caught up in it). I collect images that have some connection to the writing: photographs, illustrations, and textures.

Jamie: The Guardian Duke, set in Ireland and the first book in my Forgotten Castles series, Diana used some of these images):

  

Diana: Sometimes the cover design has an image of a person placed for approval, and then later we do a photo shoot to capture the exact look we want.

Jamie: Here are some images Diana used for possible cover models:

    

Diana: With "The Guardian Duke", we decided to connect the cover image to the book trailer in a more dramatic way than we have in the past. We chose a model who not only fit the description in the story, but who also had acting experience so we could have live action video in the trailer instead of still images.

Jamie: Here are some photos of the chosen model from faceoutstudio:

  

\And here's a short video about the making of the cover.


Diana: I build layers of art and type, moving pieces around, adding and subtracting until the design begins to tell the story. The first design leads to a few more. Then the designs go through an approval process to decide which one works best for the book.

Jamie: Here is the mock up and a draft cover:

 

And after the approval process, here is the final cover!:

Jamie: What is your favorite part of the process?

Diana: I love to discover the heart of a book. I want to know the story behind the story: what inspired the author to write, how the power of the message might change the way I think. I want to experience the passion behind the written words, and then begin to think about translating that into a cover image.

Jamie: Most challenging part?

Diana: Definitely coming up with a design that resonates with everyone! Art is so subjective; what attracts some people just doesn’t work for others.

Jamie: If someone wanted to become a book designer what would you recommend they do?

Diana: Spend time at bookstores and online to see what design trends are showing up on covers and anywhere else.

Jamie: Anything else you would like to add?

Diana: What I love best about working on books is being able to catch the vision and go along for the ride. To be caught up in a book that takes you to another place in your mind is so powerful… the books we publish inspire us to live fuller lives, because we read about how someone else has.   

Jamie: Thank you so much for sharing your experiences creating book covers. I know I have been so pleased and thrilled with every cover that Diana has designed. And whenever I’m at a book signing, I always hear how beautiful my covers are. I’m blessed to have such a talented and insightful person working on these stories with me!