Monday, April 04, 2011

Eavesdropping With Matt (Episode Fifty: You and Your Racist Friend)

This special 50th episode of Eavesdropping with Matt is dedicated to the fragile old man at the workout facility, who I probably could have (should have?) snapped in half with one mighty arm, to Popular Mechanics magazine, which stood on the magazine rack and to (gulp) ME!

Our scene opens with ME, Matt Mikalatos, standing beside the magazine rack at the workout facility, reading a copy of the New Yorker (Why am I "working out" by reading the New Yorker? Because that's how I work out, that's why! Reading the New Yorker is hard.). 


Enter an old man, who motions to me to take out my ear buds so he can talk to me. I take them out and lean down to him so I can hear him clearly.

OLD MAN: We don't have to worry about 'China's secret war plan.' We're not going to fight them. We just need to worry about whether or not the Jews are going to get us into more wars.

ME: Uhhhhh.

Exit Old Man.


Now I am doomed to think of retorts to the old man forever. Something better than "Uhhhhhh." Like, "I'm Jewish" or "You're crazy" or "You better watch your back old man because we're watching you." Sigh.

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