Thursday, April 22, 2010

Taking Malaise Out of My Diet

Mmmm. malaise.

I went and worked out the other day after not working out for, oh, I don't know, a million years.  Yes, that's right.  A million years.  I realized during the workout that I had been experiencing a general feeling of malaise and I needed to kick myself into gear.  Yes, that's right, kick myself.  It's not as hard as you would think.  Man, you're really picking my every word apart, aren't you? 

ANYWAY, if you're all done criticizing every single thing I say.  Sigh.  What I was trying to say was that I was experiencing some malaise.  And while it sounds like something that might be tasty on a sandwich, it's not something you want to be feeling in life.  It's unpleasant.

And as I worked out I felt better.  I decided that I needed a goal to break out of this malaise.

Now, according to the height/weight charts I've seen, my "target weight" should be 167 pounds.  This is shocking.  The last time I weighed 167 pounds was the day I was born.  My skull alone weighs about forty pounds because the Good Lord wanted to make sure that my monstrous brain was well protected.  I weigh 208 pounds right now.  But it's strawberry milkshake season, so that could be about to go up.

I decided, as I was saying, that I needed a goal.  And so I've chosen to lose some weight over the next couple of months. I'm not going to lose 41 pounds because I don't want anyone to call me Skeletor.  Also, it is unreasonable to suppose that I am willing to live without my skull.  No way!  That would be uncomfortable.

I'm targeting 190 by August 22. 

But I am not going to start trying until May first because right now there is a large amount of white chocolate chip cookies in my house that require eating and I don't want my family to suffer through that alone.

Also on the to-do list: My next book, Night of the Living Dead Christians, is due by August 1st.  I will write it instead of eating.  That is the plan.

And now we return you to the regularly scheduled blog posts.  Thank you for your kind attention.