Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Survey Results

Well, the results are in. Actually, they've been in for a while. I asked for your input and advice about why you come to BHR. I hate it when people manipulate surveys, and I want you to know that we will use the scientific results of this survey in the most logical and linear manner possible.

Let's take a look at the results, shall we?

A full 69% of you said you read BHR because "This one time I was reading it and I laughed so hard that milk came out my nose and sprayed all over my computer." This means that the vast majority of you read this because either you love laughing, or love giving your computer an occasional nostil milk bath. We are looking into some marketing possibilities with this in mind, like handkerchiefs with the BHR logo on them.

Coming in at 23% is a population of people who are apparently being held captive by monkeys and--rather than answering the survey--selfishly decided to call attention to their plight. This is just what we would expect from people ignorant enough to be captured by monkeys. I am sorry the monkeys are forcing you to read this. BAD MONKEYS! STOP THAT!

6% of you are coming for the deep ministry insights. Um. Sorry about that. We'll try to have more of that. 9% are coming because there aren't deep ministry insights. We'll do our best to keep that up.

2% of you read BHR because it's slightly less boring than standing in line at the DMV. I would just add, it's also slightly less productive.

Thank you to all of you who participated in the survey. I'll do my best to continue to bring you precisely what you, the adoring public, demand.