Monday, February 25, 2008

Some airport ideals that we should adopt into the rest of the world

First and foremost, let us remind ourselves that the Portland airport (PDX!) is a forward thinking insitution, and that whatever backwards airport you are accustomed to may not have embraced all the things I shall list below. But behold, they are readily embraced here in the City of Roses.

1) Free Internet. I don't know why this is so difficult to understand. We do not want to pay more than a month's access fees to get on the internet at Starbucks for twenty minutes. The only conceivable reason to charge people for this is that some people actually pay. Stop that right now! Let's demand free internet for all.

2) Bookstores open at 6 a.m. PDX requires that all their stores open when the customers arrive. I like that I can buy a book earlier than I would usually wake up. Not that I think all stores should open at 6 a.m., but let's be honest... bookstores should open before ten in the morning. When a man has stayed up all night reading, he wants a new book.

3) "Rest Legalities." My flight today is delayed due to a "flight crew rest legality." In other words, the government has stepped in and said that the flight crew has worked hard enough and they need a break. I would gladly adopt this into some portions of my life. "Daddy, wake up and get me some breakfast!" "Sorry, darling, but there is a 'parental rest legality' preventing me from getting your breakfast. It will be delayed by fifteen minutes." "But I'm hungry!" "Sorry, kid, that's the law."

4) Someone to carry your junk. I like how they'll take my bag and lug it around for me. When I arrive at the correct location, HUZZAH! It magically appears. This is often true.

5) Paranoid security workers to look at me askance when they read my foreign last name. Oh wait, we already have that.

6) Moving walkways. 'Nuff said.

7) Live accordian players who will play any song you like for one thin nickel! Like I said, the Portland airport is ahead of its time. Okay, I made that up. But there is a live piano player.