Saturday, May 27, 2006

Example 1: Torturing the emotionally distant bad guy


Our hero, Big Chin, tries to get some information out of Evil Bad Guy, who of course has an english accent.

Chin: Tell me where the atom bomb is hidden or I swear I will drop you into this vat of vicious killer alligators.

Bad Guy: Do as you will, old chap, I shall never reveal the location of the atom bomb. I also have three hydrogen bombs hidden somewhere. Hee hee hee!

Chin (losing it): If you don't tell me there are innocent orphans who will be turned to ash! And my love interest works at the orphanage! Tell me now! NOW!

(He drops the Bad Guy most of the way into the pit. An alligator leaps up and bites BG in the thigh.)

BG: Oh ow ow I am in severe pain!

Chin (Gritting his teeth): Tell me where it is!

BG: Very well old chap. But I must warn you that because of this inconvenience I will hunt down your loved ones and make them suffer. I will find your pet chicken and deep fry it, then feed it to you when you are not expecting it.

Chin: Ha! My pet chicken, Plucky, is much smarter than you are! Now tell me the location.

BG: I have hidden my bombs... at the ORPHANAGE!

Chin: Noooooooooooooo!

(Bad Guy escapes while Chin runs off to the orphanage. Bad Guy is not emotionally disturbed by the alligator nearly severing his leg. He won't ever need counseling or go to a psychiatrist. He won't even be afraid of alligators. He's fine, okay? BACK OFF HIM! He has work to do. Like finding out where Plucky the Chicken lives.)