Monday, January 02, 2006

Top ten signs I'm a closet intellectual

In honor of Carolyn Culbertson (a huge Jurgen Moltmann fan), I've compiled this list of facts that show that I am, indeed, a closet intellectual:

1) My favorite authors include Chesterton, Percival Everett, Steinbeck. I can come up with some arcane, impressive sounding people, too.

2) In support of the "closet" side of things, here's the book I read today for my day off.

3) My wife, who is a genius (in the most technical sense of the word... she even qualifies for MENSA) still finds my company intellectually stimulating (even though I score lower than her).

4) Me am still in school!

5) I can honestly say that I don't know why either "Friends" or "Seinfeld" lasted more than one season.

6) I like Shakespeare. No, really!

7) I wore glasses as a child, but using my super-brain I constructed a rigorous eye excercise curriculum which eventually allowed me to repair my astigmatism naturally. I now have better than 20/20 vision. This is true.

8) I read Latin. Not extremely well, but well enough to survive a few days in ancient Rome when I finish construction of my time machine.

9) I also play chess. I could not beat a Cray super computer. Or Bobby Fisher. Or this guy from my high school, Aaron Tribble. There are probably plenty of fifth graders out there who could beat me. Or, well, to be honest I am an expert at the forced stalemate.

10) For all you kids out there, remember... it's cool to be an intellectual. Or, as I would often tell my students when I was a high school literature teacher: Aut disce aut discede! Ha ha ha ha! Get it, it's sort of a pun because disce and discede sound so similar. Haa ha ha ha! Good one!

Oh, forget it. My students didn't laugh, either.