Station One (the East Asia airport): Do you have any food items in your bag, sir?
Station Two (upon entry to Japan): Do you have any food items that you need to declare, sir?
Me: No, I do not.
Station three (at the US entry): Do you have any food items to declare, sir?
Station three: Step aside to the agriculture and food declaration line.
Station Four (the Agricultre import lane)
Aggie: Do you have any plants, fruit, vegetables, meat products or food?
Aggie: Are you sure?
Aggie: You don't have any plants?
Aggie: You don't have any food?
Aggie: Are you sure you don't have any food at all?
Me: I guess I have one granola bar.
Aggie: Granola bars are fine. Put your bag through the X-ray machine.
Station Five (unpacking)
Me: Hey! Look, a big pack of walnuts! I forgot about these.